Chapter 3:

The Talian government had agreed to Myran's proposal and had given the proximity warning system to Enterprise. They had started their search and had encountered the wave three times since its first appearance. They had been able to launch bojes into it and gather information, but they hadn't even found one hint that would've helped them to find Trip.

All of the bridge's crew had been absolutely enthusiastic when they had started their journey through the solar system, following the phenomenon. But as time proceeded, this enthusiasm and with it hope seemed to diminuish itself. It were almost two months right now and Jonathan had finally made a very hard decision...

He had taken days of thinking about it, sleepless nights of trying to figure out what was the right thing to do. He had taken every last aspect into consideration and he had wrestled with himself to find the right way of dealing with it. It had been a hard time and it hadn't been an easy thing to decide about, but finally he had made his decision.

Now that he was on bridge, the one thing he still had to do was anounce his decision to his crew – make clear to them that he would no longer allow them to continue their search. There had to be a point of finally seeing the truth and reacting to it...

"Set a course for the Talian homeworld."

"Sir?"

"Do it, Travis – just do it."

Without another word of explanation, the Captain rose from his seat and turned from the bridge, leaving for his ready room. He could feel the looks of every last person on bridge staring at his back. He didn't even need to turn again and look at them to see the feelings shining on their faces – confusion, disbelieve and anger... the same feelings he was having right now. It would take some time until grieve would start to mix with the other three feelings – some time of realisation...

He needed the silence of his ready room, needed to be alone for just a few minutes. He could feel the emotions swirling inside his head – taking him to the edge of losing his composure... He wouldn't allow himself to let this happen in front of the whole bridge crew. He was supposed to be a role model to his people and he wouldn't let them see him break down.

The one thing he had to cope with – apart from all the other feelings and as the one person being responsible – was guilt. In a final analysis this was all his fault – he had given the order for exploring this system, which had caused his chief engineer's disappearance and now he was the one to decide, that they would give up their search, to finally admit that there was no more chance to find Trip... alive.

The door's buzzer ripped him out of his miserable thoughts. He had expected this to happen – he knew, although they would never mißachten a direct order, they weren't willing to give up. He knew they would try to talk him out of it, try to convince him to go on – just a few more days, just a few more chances. But it was of no use – it had been hard for him to admit it and even harder to accept that fact, but that's the way it was.

Keeping up hope any longer was just hurting all of them more and more every day they went on searching. They needed to start the process of accepting, of grieving and of finally letting go. They couldn't do this as long as they were still out here chasing this phenomenon in a desperate and senseless search. It wasn't healthy to do so and he had decided – for the sake of his whole crew – that it was time to start to let go...

Whoever was standing behind this door wasn't sharing his opinion. At least his crew was still controlled enough to not discuss the matter openly on bridge. They wouldn't insist against him, against his decision as commanding officer aboard this vessel, but still they didn't like what he had decided.

"Come in."

It was Malcolm to give that information to him. Jonathan could literally see how uneasy the Lieutenant felt to discuss the matter with him, but apart from that... A grim determination lay on his face, which told Jonathan that he absolutely wasn't willing to give up on this matter – no matter what decision had been made and who had made it.

"Sir..."

"I know what you want to tell me – we shouldn't stop our search, there's still a chance, we should keep up hope and we can't leave a crewmen behind. I do know all this Lieutenant – I took it into consideration."

"With all due respect, Sir – but it's not just a crewmen we're talking about. This is about a friend, a good friend and I'm not willing to give up on him!"

This conversation was about to get to a turning point – Jonathan had two possibilities right now. He could rather react as Captain or as a friend – telling Malcolm to not exceed his competences or to to tell him that he didn't feel much different, but that he had a responsibility for the rest of the crew too. And actually – he hadn't much power to fight about his decision with anybody.

"I will admit something to you, Malcolm. I was always eager to do the job I'm doing right now. It has always been a wish of mine... It's more than a profession to me – I live for what I'm doing and I love to do it. It's the most interesting, encouraging and lovable profession I can think of, but it's a lot of responsibility and it's not always easy. I have to make decisions and I have to make them without any personal interference. And here's another thing I admit to you – there are days I do hate what I'm doing, days when I curse my profession and today is such a day..."

Malcolm didn't seem to know how to react to the Captain's confession. He probably had expected some kind of heated discussion, but he hadn't expected that the Captain would actually listen to what he had to say, would try to convince him of his decision. But in the end he was just a person, a person with a lot of responsibility though. And Trip was his friend even more than he was Malcolm's. The Captain probably didn't even wish to convince only him of this very hard decision, but himself too.

"It's just that extremely senseless. There's no use in all this happenings, no purpose. He just – died for nothing."

"We don't know..."

"Don't even start this, Malcolm. It's been almost two months now and we have encountered no signs – neither of him nor of this phenomenon that struck us. Don't make that harder on me as it already is, but there is no more chance... We have to stay realistic on this one."

"I didn't mean to offend you, Sir..."

"I know that Malcolm. Believe me I decided on this very carefully and I really would like to take more time on this, as much time as I can give to it, but we don't have the time for this, we just don't have."

"I know, Sir... It's just – that way there's never gonna be any kind of... certainty about this."

"No there won't. I know it sounds macabre, but I really would appreciate if... we had..."

"Found a body?"

"...Yes – it would just make things much easier that way. It's just kinda tragic – it's the second child his family loses, which they cannot burry...This is the hardest part of it and it's even harder considering the fact that I know his parents so very well... They already lost one child, they don't deserve to lose even another."

"No they don't and neither did he deserve whatever happened to him, when this phenomenon impacted with the ship."

"Well – we can't change that anymore, can we?"

"No, Sir – we can't..."

Silence fell between the two of them and Jonathan was pretty sure they were thinking exactly the same thing – What are we going to do next? He for his part lacked of any ideas. He knew what he had to do and he also knew he didn't want to do it. But he couldn't do what he wanted to – keeping on searching was – as he just had told Malcolm – not an option.

"Do you wish to give some sort of memorial service for him, Sir?"

"I was thinking about doing so... The crew needs to understand that we stop our search, they need to understand, that... he's gone."

TBC

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