Chapter 10:

Jonathan had returned to sickbay several hours later once again. He had stuck to the advice Phlox had given to him and had given Trip a chance to relax and sleep a little. The doctor had been right – after what he'd been through he had been in desperate need of some time for himself, some time to relax.

But Jon needed to talk to him. He needed to know if he was remembering anything, if there was any sign of recognition... He had actually been afraid to come back here – he was afraid of what these two years had done to his friend, he was afraid of his reactions. He had constantly been blaming himself for giving up on Trip in the past two years and he knew he couldn't stand hearing the very same blamings and curses from his very on mouth...

He entered sickbay hesitatingly and received an inviting handwave from Phlox. The doctor wouldn't be a help to him on this particular matter. He needed to talk to Trip alone, needed to sort things out and he would do that...

At least the young Talian woman wasn't present at the moment. He had the slight impression that this would make things much easier on him. He wouldn't have to talk against both of them then. He had wished to talk to Trip all alone and in private – he still hoped he could achieve some improvement simply by talking to him, remind him of the past...

He crossed the room, heading to the biobed his former friend... his friend was sitting on, occupying himself with a pad – probably something interesting Phlox had given to him. Jonathan wasn't sure he had actually detected his presence and he didn't want to disturb him. Therefore he almost winced as he was addressed by Trip.

"I finally got a name – a name I do not recall though, but a name. Charles Tucker – sounds strange to me..."

He wasn't looking up as he spoke, his eyes still fixed on the pad. Jonathan was pretty sure what Trip had been reading, what Phlox had given to him. It was his personal file. But the lack of any recognition, although he had been given all this information bothered him. He was supposed to remember at least soemthing! His attention was turned back to Trip as he finally looked at him.

"And I am supposed to know you, am I?"

"Actually yes – we knew... know each other pretty well."

"Well, I don't."

"I know, the doctor told me about it. But he's positive that your memories will come back – it just needs a lot of time and patience and a lot of relaxation..."

"I've never been the patient type – you can ask Thydia about that. I'm driving her nuts with my ways from time to time..."

Jon had almost smiled by the sudden enthusiasm Trip was developing as he was talking about the young alien woman. He just sounded like he had always done, like in the times he had still been here, aboard this ship – well – except for the language barrier. But as he suddenly stopped dead in tracks Jonathan was thrown back to reality all of a sudden. He looked at him in confusion.

"Why the hell am I telling you this stuff? You're not supposed to know this, you have no right to. I don't even know you..."

"Maybe it's some kind of subconscience reaction. Somewhere deep down inside you do know that I'm your friend."

"You were."

He corrected in a cool, reserved tone looking at him with no visible emotion on his face. This was heading the wrong way, it definitely was. Jonathan started to feel uncomfortable around his friend... Well, actually he had already done as he had entered this room, but the feeling got even worse now.

"Look – I don't mean to drive you into remembering anything. I just wish to help you."

"You did help me, so now you can sent us both back. We're absolutely fine. And the rest of what you were just saying... It's just nonesense – of course you wanted to drive me, of course you want me to remember, want me to be your friend again – like nothing ever happened. Well it did – none of us can change that any more."

This was getting harder with each word – taking a direction Jonathan would've liked to avoid. This just wasn't right – they weren't supposed to treat each other like that – like some strangers. He himself was having that many memories that were involving Trip and he just totally lacked of them... it was frustrating. Still he tried to keep his composure.

"No, we can't, but I would like to make the best out of the situation that we are in right now. And although you may not believe me, I really just want to help you. I was of the opinion getting your memory back was a part of that..."

"What makes you so sure I actually want this goddamn memory back? What makes you so sure I want that life back that was taken from me?"

"Well,... I thought..."

"Exactly! You thought! Nobody asked for your opinion – I couldn't hear myself asking for it! Let me tell you this one thing – I don't need your help and I don't want it. I'm thankful for what you did for us, but I want you to stay out of our business."

Where had his friend gone to and who was the person sitting on the biobed? It was stupid, but it was the one thought, which crossed Jonathan's mind right now. The person he was looking at and talking to had no similarities with the friend he had lost and announced dead two years ago. He knew it was Trip he was talking to, but he had turned into a completely different person...

"I cannot "stay out of your business", because it isn't all yours! You may not want it to be this way, but you're a member of this crew, your a member of Starfleet and you are a son to your parents on Earth. You already have a life!"

"Yeah, you're right – I do have a life. I'm living with a beautiful woman, who would never let come any harm to me and neither would I allow to let any harm happen to her. I don't know you, I don't know these people you talked about and I don't want to get to know them. Is it that hard to understand?"

"It is! You have a life on Earth!"

Deadly silence fell between them and Jonathan was almost afraid as he detected the same glare in Trip's eyes he had seen in Thydia's earlier that day – the same threatening look. He lowered his voice down to a whisper in complete difference to the screaming they had just performed and moved his head closer to Jonathan.

"No – I don't. I had a life, but it was taken from me. You yourself announced me to be dead..."