Chapter 18:

The one thing both of them were mainly lacking off was trust. They didn't have faith in anyone of the crew – no matter how hard they tried. They had taken them aboard, had offered them their help and had given them a chance to leave this deserted place they had been forced to live at – but still it hadn't changed anything...

They weren't spending time with the rest of the crew, they weren't reacting to their offers and questions – they weren't even talking to them. There seemed to be no chance to reach them and obviously they had no wish to change that. It was simply frustrating – they had Trip back, but still he wasn't there – not really. It definitely wasn't an easy situation to cope with.

What actually bothered Jonathan the most, was the fact that the two of them wouldn't stop speaking the girl's language... They were aboard an Earth vessel on their way back to Earth and it was just extremely ignorant to not speak the planet's language.

At least he had given them something productive to do as long as they were on their way back. But even this proposal had caused a heated argument with the young woman. She had accused him of still trying to take advantage on Trip, trying to force him to remember and stay aboard. She had no right to offend him that way, but he – at least – had to admit that asking him to take a position in Engineering made the girl's suspicion reasonable – it had been a kind of unfortunate decision.

The girl herself had offered to assist Lt. Reed in training the crew in self-defense. But as it had to be expected, her proposal had nothing to do with trying to fit in and do something useful. She had just wished to state her position. It had caused quiet an emberassing scene for the Lieutenant as she cockily told him to attack her.

Malcolm actually wasn't to blame – the girl had no educative military background and apart from that she had a slim almost bony outer appearance. She looked fragile and weak taking a first look at her and the Lieutenant had obviously been concerned he would hurt her...

Well – he actually never got a chance to even launch at her. She was having a physical control on her body's reaction that was simply adorable and she was quick, extremely quick. The whole incident ended with Malcolm finding himself back on the ground with the young woman standing above him offering him a hand, asking him with a cynical smile on her face if he wished to try again.

But he didn't seem to wish for that, he was even to stunned to detect the cynism in her eyes and voice. Probably due to the fact that he had no idea what had actually just happened to him. But he wished to know though.

"How did you do it – how did you become that skilled?"

She took a hard look at him – giving it a few moments of silence and thinking before she took a step closer to him, nearing her face to his and whispering at him in a low voice.

"Have you ever been forced to kill someone, Lieutenant?"

"Of course – I did..."

"I meant really killed someone – face to face, being that close you could smell the other's sweat and hear his breath? Have you ever been attacked, fighting for your life? Have you ever killed anyone with your bare hands, having his blood on them when he was finally dead?"

He was – almost immediately – taking a step backwards and she could see him swallow hard. Now he was finally able to look behind her outward appearance, seeing what kind of a person was inside of her... And he obviously didn't like what he saw. He couldn't believe, couldn't even imagine that she had ever done anything like this – but her words, the tone of her voice told him he was wrong. He had no idea how to respond to her question...

"I have, Lieutenant. I did. It was the only way to survive the hell I was born into and I'm good at it, really good... The one thing that makes me a better fighter than you are is the fact that I had the best teachers. The people on my homeplanet have no scruples, no honor – they don't know how to fight a fair fight... and neither do I."

"I'm sorry..."

It was the most lamest and inappropriate reaction he probably had ever given to anyone. And he knew it – it was visible on her face. The cynical smile reappeared on it, as she shrugged with her shoulders and gave him another look.

"There's nothing to be sorry about... It cannot be changed – I have grown up at a place where people were killing each other for no reason, for the pure sardistic fun of it. I believe you have never seen a vissirated body or had been forced to burry a loved one yourself. Well, I did – that makes one able to harden to the unfairnesses of the world."

"One? You are not only talking of yourself, are you?"

"No, I'm not."

"So what do you mean? That Trip would be able to do this, too?"

"Kyran would be able to do it, too – yes. But that wasn't what I meant. It goes much further than this..."

He wasn't sure he understood what she was talking about. But if he was he didn't want to even think about it...She had been talking about being forced to... kill someone else – he could hardly even think the words and he didn't want them to be true. It was pretty much unimaginable to him. But against better knowledge and reason he asked her none the less.

"You mean he could kill someone?"

"He could do so – even you, if necessary. It's a simple fact of the life we lived – it's rather the others or you. There aren't any more options."