Eliwood picked up the warp staff, discombobulated all over again, "It's been HERE this whole time!" He walked down the other aisles and found more and more merchandise all about them.

He stopped, "No, way, Jaffar posters?" He picked up a certain one and unrolled it. "Sweet Sacaen, he has no pants!"

He looked up and down at the Jaffar 'nearly nude' poster and said, "That's hot."

He shuffled through the posters, apparently ignoring the warp staff that could help everyone's lives. "What the, where's my poster?" He shuffled through once more, "There's Erk, Cormag, Seth, Raven, Canas, Knoll, RICK, and even Wallace! Where's mine?"

He snapped his fingers, "The must be all out of mine!" He looked over to more Jaffar toys and games.

"No way! A Jaffar talking plushie!" He pushed the 'try me' button on the box.

"…"

Eliwood picked up the box like a happy little child, "Woo-hoo, I'm getting it!"

------

Jaffar crept around with a bazooka in his hands. How he got the bazooka, he doesn't know. Maybe through all his anger he just 'grew' it like Eliwood's horse.

"I know where you are…" he chanted slowly.

He swallowed and continued chanting, except every time he chanted again, what he'd say would be much higher than the last chant. In other words, he continued chanting like a deranged psycho.

"I know where you ARE!"

Knoll's head popped out from a nearby log, "Stop lying! Oh, geez…" A large missile flew directly above Knoll's head, he squealed.

"You can't try to kill me forever!" Knoll yelled.

Jaffar smirked, "You're right, I'll kill you soon enough!"

He coughed,

"Unless of course, Eliwood shows up in a few minutes with a warp staff and handfuls of Fire emblem related merchandise and is about to take us all home, but that would be a large and nearly impossible coincidence!"

Knoll gulped.

------

Eliwood flipped through a book that caught his attention. It was titled, "Erk's deepest darkest secrets. By Serra."

He read, "-Erk talks in his sleep almost everyone night, exposing most of his secrets while he's doing this.

-Erk will indulge himself with any kind of pancake.

-Erk wishes he was a chipmunk however, the reasons are still unknown to us.

-Erk takes pleasure in shaving his legs. I have taken the pleasure of actually accidentally poking these incredibly smooth and sexy legs one time by…

Eliwood stuck his tongue out, disgusted. He flipped a few pages but found that about another half of the large book was mainly about how lucky she was for having touched his "incredible sexy legs" in her life.

"I'll take it!" He was about to walk back to Garcia and tell him that he found the warp staff and yaddie-yadda when another thing caught his eye, Cormag's Diary.

…Poor Knoll.

Eliwood picked it up and read the book's rating at the front, "M for mature readers (If there are still any of you left in the world.)"

"Why would his diary be rated M? Oh, well." He started reading.

When he was finished he slammed it and said, "Well I'm officially scarred for life. Apparently, Cormag 'accidentally' pushed his brother's wyvern in the meat grinder 5,728 times! And there were pictures!"

He stuffed it into his pocket anyway. "Oh, well, maybe I can use it to interrogate Ninian into telling me where she hid the rest of the brownies she made!"

He grinned triumphantly. "Erk was constipated for weeeeekkkss!" He squealed.

"Oh, what's this?" He picked up a Knoll punching bag, very realistic looking actually. He grinned and squealed once more.

"Hoy yee! I'll take it!"

------

RICK tapped the chalkboard he most recently made out of bark, a few times. "Hola classe. Hoy le enseñaré español."

Erk asked quizzically, "What the heck was that?"

RICK gave his normal 'you've got to be kidding me' look, "I said I'm going to teach you Spanish today."

Raven raised his hand, pulling Erk's up with it, "Is that a disease?"

RICK shook his head and was about to yell at him when something stopped him. Fudemonkey and Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli were sitting cross legged on a log behind Erk, Raven, and the other 'students'.

"What the crap are yall doing here?" RICK asked. He laughed, "I thought Jaffar's fans got rid of you."

Fudemonkey's smile remained, "We have to go, but we thought we might have enough time for just one more trivia game."

Erk waved his arms in front of him, "No way! Unh-uh! We aren't going to play another one of you guy's sick and retarded games!"

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli smiled an eerie, deranged smile, "Did I mention there was a prize involved?" he held up a silvery key, "This very key."

Erk frowned, "So? It's just a dumb key!"

Raven smacked him, "No stupid, it's the key to our handcuffs!"

Erk's eyes glittered, "Okay, I'll play, we'll play!"

(In the background it shows Jaffar shooting at Knoll with a gatling gun)

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli snapped his fingers. Everyone gathered forward, except for Jaffar and the screaming Knoll.

Fudemonkey cleared his throat and asked, "Okay, Erk, first question: Where was Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli born and what was his mother's maiden name?"

Erk yelled, "I don't know, it's not like I know him!"

Fudgemonkey screamed, "WRONG ANSWER!" and in a second Erk was electrocuted.

(In the background shows Jaffar setting off land mines and Knoll just barely missing being massacred.)

Fudemonkey straightened his tie, "Now Tana, who is the coolest one here?

A. Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli

Or

D. RICK"

Tana thought about it for a while. RICK was waving and mouthing, 'Pick me!' Erk punched him and then mouthed, 'No, I'm cooler!' Cormag said nothing.

Tana finally cheered, "E, elephants!"

Fudgemonkey sighed, "I'm afraid that's incorrect. The correct answer was C, Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli."

RICK had a WTF face on.

(In the background it shows Jaffar tying Knoll to a railroad track, and the sound of a train horn in the distance.)

Erk pulled out some of his hair, "I'll never be free!"

Fudgemonkey continued, "Now this is a question for all of you. What is RICK's most embarrassing underwear?"

RICK was wide-eyed, "That's bull! I have no embarrassing underwear!

Fudgemonkey ignored him and went on, "A, heart boxers, B, pink care bears, C, green care bears, or D, red elephants."

RICK twiddled his fingers, "Well, you see—"

Fudemonkey stopped him, "You can't answer it. Let the others have their turn."

The others huddled together and made a decision, "Umm.. C! Green care bears!"

Fudgemonkey finally clapped, "Yes, Correct! One more right and you win the prize!"

RICK stammered, "I-It was a freakin' Christmas present! I never wear them!"

Fudgemonkey nodded sarcastically, "Yeah, and Eliwood will win Miss America."

He leaned forward and whispered to everyone else, "He wears them, because it makes him feel lucky."

"Anyway next question: What is the seventh song on Jaffar's CD 'Dead silence'? …and Jaffar can't answer it."

Raven answered it this time, "It's 'Death's Song'!"

Fudgemonkey applauded and handed Erk the key, "Congratulations!"

Tears filled Erk's eyes as he put the key into the lock of the handcuffs. He sniffed, "I waited for this for so loooonngg…" He decided to turn it in slow motion and enjoy the moment.

He turned the key in the handcuffed and pulled, nothing. He turned and pulled again, nothing.

"WHAT THE!" he yelled.

Fudgemonkey was laughing and Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli was rolling on the floor.

Erk was nearly screaming, "Why are you guys laughing! Is this really the key or not!"

Fudgemonkey straightened himself up, "Not."

Erk was puzzled, "Then you guys lied! I can't believe you!"

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli smirked, "Actually Erky-boy, we never actually said it was the key. We just showed you a key and you let your imagination run wild."

Erk babbled like an idiot, "B-ut, du-du, that-s n-n-not cool!"

Fudgemonkey started laughing again.

Erk's face suddenly became serious. He asked RICK, "Hey RICK, do you have one of those chainsaw things from the earlier chapters?"

RICK nodded, "Yeah, why?"

Erk said, "I'm going to reenact the Texas Chainsaw massacre."

------

Eliwood put all his stuff into shopping bags and walked over to Garcia and Hector. "Look what IIIII found!" he held up the warp staff.

Hector's bruised and lipstick smeared mouth made into a smile, "Then let's go find everyone and tell them the good news."

END OF CHAPTER 23

RICK bowed, "Well, basically Eliwood found everyone and saved Knoll in the nick of time right before he was about to get his ass cheese-graded. We never told Jaffar the truth about how Knoll was innocent and all, for, er… very… good reasons."

Erk laughed, "Oh, yeah right!"

RICK frowned, "Well, would you go tell a maniac that it was you who called his girlfriend a sexy bitch!"

Erk didn't answer.

RICK smirked, "That's what I thought. Anyhoo, now here's a clip of what the sequel will be like."

-----

RICK tapped the projection screen. "Ehem. Now, let's discuss how you all are going to pay me back for everyone million you spent!"

Erk raised his eyebrows, "Why can't you just stay here, and never go back to your place? Or at least wait until they forget about it?"

RICK smirked, "Because, I, have a life. And also, you guys' life's will be horrible too if we don't pay this off."

Ross raised his hand, "Like what?"

RICK smirked, "Allow me to demonstrate." He flicked off the lights and a movie started.

It first showed Erk and Raven, about 80 years older, at a nursing home, still attached by handcuffs.

"Erk, you're a good friend, but I still wish these blasted handcuffs would come off." Raven said.

Erk nodded, "Yes indeed. Do you want to try to break them one more time?"

Raven smiled, "Yes."

The lifted up their handcuffs and twisted their wrists. The handcuffs finally snapped out of rust and old age.

Erk yelled, "I'm finally free!" he then died and fell out of his wheel chair.

Raven called, "Erk? Erk?" he shrugged and walked away on his cane, "I'm going to use the bathroom all by myself for the first time in 80 years!"

The real Erk shivered. Raven was dumbfounded.

The next scene showed Nino with her two sons in a cardboard box asking, "Alms? Alms for the poor?"

The real Nino ignored the fact that she was in a cardboard box and asked, "Who did I have sons with?"

RICK smiled, "Jaffar."

Nino blushed. Jaffar ignored the fact that he had sons and asked, "Then where am I?"

RICK sighed, "Apparently, you died. You were attacked by paparazzi, fan girls, and bounty hunters at the same time." He sighed again, "You never had a chance."

The others nodded uncontrollably, "We'll help! We'll help!"