Title: Hope and Faith.
Summary: Sorry, another hospital fic, I know, but with the events of H & F, it's hardly an unlikely scenario. Mac goes into hospital for surgery and Harm is right by her side.
Rating: PG-13. Some emotive issues involved in this fic.
Spoilers: Anything up to 'Hail and Farewell.' Set after the season finale episode.
Disclaimer; don't own them (But oh! how I wish I did! Wouldn't that be a trip?) JAG and its characters belong to that genius known as DPB and the folks at CBS. 'nuff said, enjoy!
Author's note: This was written on the spur of the moment. I went into hospital last Christmas for a very routine operation, but still found the whole thing to be one of the most scary events of my life (even more so than having my tonsils out, at age seven! I guess you're just more aware of everything when you're 21 years old than when you're seven!) Everything went just fine, but found myself really empathising with Mac's predicament when she went through surgery, all on her own, in 'Hail & Farewell.' I guess that, when you really think about it, there's always someone in a worse situation than you. God Bless them all…
Author: Jules; heart is in my mouth, but I swallow it down so that Mac can't see my discomfort. I have to be strong for her, right now, she's the one who's about to be wheeled into the operating theatre.
"Alright, Ms. Mackenzie," her doctor speaks up, giving us both a reassuring smile, "This will go just like clockwork…I don't want you to worry about anything, this is a fairly new, but none-the-less routine operation."
I find I really like the Asian-American doctor reassuring us, not only is she well respected in the field of gynaecology, but has a manner that is quick to put anyone at ease. Right now, she speaks slowly and clearly, leaning down to Mac's eye level. Mac's already feeling the effects of the drugs, though they won't give her the one that will knock her out until she's down in the operating room.
Once she has reassured us, Mac's doctor sets about making sure everything is ready to wheel Mac downstairs to surgery. She checks the IV drip at Mac's side, which is connected to Mac's hand. As we make our way out of the door and through the hallway I stroke the hair back from Mac's face, revelling in the feeling of her softness. I don't know how I ever managed through life without her, how I'd ever manage without her…
I quickly sweep that idea away before it has chance to take root. The doctor must have seen the nervous look on my face, or is it in my mannerisms, as I search for any way in which I can increase my contact with Mac, My Sarah, before she is taken away from me and through those double doors into surgery.
"Mr. Rabb, may I talk to you for just a second?"
After I give my assurances to Mac that I'll be back in just a minute, I follow her over to a set of chairs.
"I just want to make sure you understand just how routine this operation is," she begins, as I take a seat, "This method has the very real potential to help Ms. Mackenzie without resorting to more…drastic surgery…"
I think back to what Mac told me about the actual procedure.
"Think of it as a wand…It emits radio waves that break up the lining of the womb. My doctor explained it as sort of like a way of curing the problems that I've been having, without having to have the hysterectomy that has been the common treatment for problems like mine, in the past."
"And that's good," Harm spoke up, "because it means that you'll still have your reproductive organs, right?"
"Exactly," Mac nodded.
"Does that mean that we…that you'll still be able to go on and have kids, in a few years time?" Harm stumbled then recovered.
"Yes," Mac nodded, again, "You don't think that I'm going to let you off the hook that easily about our promise, do you?"
Harm just smiled with relief, then the two of them laughed.
So there is nothing for you to be worried about, Mr. Rabb," the doctor was finishing up,
"We have had fabulous results with the clinical trials of this procedure. Sarah's very lucky that it's been recently approved for general use. Many other women had no option in the past but to be robbed of their motherhood."
"Yes, thank you, doctor," I thank the woman, taking her hand to show her just how genuine I am, "We appreciate all that you're doing for Sarah, so much."
The doctor just smiles, taking my hand and leads me back to the elevators, the doors of which are open now and the orderlies are wheeling Mac inside. We join them and I take my place beside Mac again, stroking her hair. She looks very sleepy now and I find myself wondering whether they'll need to anaesthetize her at all. I hold in a little chuckle. But it doesn't matter what the doctor has just told me, my heart starts up again once the elevator doors are shut and it starts moving. God, how am I going to be able to let them wheel her away from me, when we get to the surgery doors?
Before I'm able to give it any more thought, the elevator stops and the doors are opening.
'Surely we can't be there already!' I think as my heart jumps back into my throat. But there are people waiting at the open doors, one of them a doctor in surgical scrubs.
"Is there any room for a few more?" he asks.
"Sure, Arthur, come on in," Mac's doctor speaks up, from the back of the elevator, at the foot of Mac's bed.
The doctor stands to the side, to let his patient, or rather the anxious parents in first, before stepping into the elevator himself.
His patient is a tiny little girl, who's being held by her mother. She's only wearing a diaper, but her Mother has her bundled into a blanket, a quilted, soft-pink one. Despite the blanket, I can see peculiar lines, pen-marks I realise, down and across the baby's tiny chest. It only takes me a second to realise that this tiny little thing, probably between 18-24 months, is most likely about to go down to the operating theatre for heart-surgery.
Her parents look even more panicked than I have been. Her Father's trying to be strong for his family, but I can tell that he is sick to his stomach with worry. I can see that his wife isn't faring any better, she looks like she's been crying recently, but is now holding it all in, so as not to show it to their drowsy little girl.
With a 'ding' the elevator stops at the correct floor and everybody alights. The crowd settles into two separate groups and I'm so busy, I don't notice anything going on in the other little group, all of my attention focussed on Mac. All too soon, Mac's doctor is telling us that it is time and I have to give a spontaneous, unprepared farewell to My Sarah, the love of my life.
"I'll be right here, waiting for you to come out, Ninja-Girl," I tell her, "I'll see you soon."
"Only one hour, 29 minutes and 34 seconds to go," she replies, still accurate down to the second, even in her drug-induced state.
I chuckle as I take her hand, walking with the group until the doors, where I can go no further. I let her hand slowly slide from mine, after giving it a last, encouraging squeeze.
"I love you, Ninja-Girl," I tell her softly and the bed bumps the swinging doors open.
"I love you, too," she tells me, drowsily, before she disappears.
With that, I move off to sit on one of the benches at the entrance to the OR. The other little group is still there, talking quietly, so I bow my head and sit quietly, so as not to intrude on this important time for them.
As it is, I still can't help catching their conversation, although I try not to.
"Now, don't worry, Carla, James," the doctor is saying, "Everything's going to be fine. Open-heart surgery is a serious undertaking, but Emma's strong and she's a fighter. She wouldn't have gotten this far if she wasn't…I want you to both go down to the canteen to get something to eat while the surgery is going on. You need to prepare yourself for the time ahead. The surgery will last a good three hours, then we'll need to keep Emma in recovery for a while, to make sure she's absolutely stable before we move her to the ICU…"
"Good grief," Harm thought to himself, "What those poor people must be going through."
"I promise" the doctor was finishing up, "I'll take the greatest of care of your daughter."
"Please do, doctor," the man, James, spoke up, his voice weak and shaky, "She's our whole life."
After that the doctor moved aside to let the family say their goodbyes.
"See you soon, Sweetheart," the man told his child, kissing her gently on the forehead, "Daddy loves you so much."
The doctor now came back to escort the woman and the child into the OR. Giving his wife a last, encouraging kiss, the man watched as his wife and child disappeared through the same double doors that Mac had, minutes before.
Once they were gone, he just paced about, aimlessly then, looking over to Harm's still form, took a seat himself. Harm looked up and, catching the man's eye, gave him a small smile. The man returned it with a grateful, though-half-hearted smile of his own, then the two of them sat in silence.