The New Exiles
By The Uncanny R-Man And Agent-G
Shout Outs-
Ruby631: Glad you liked it; just remember to hide April from this chapter to prevent future mental scarring.
X-Over: Thanks, and remember any ideas or suggestions are appreciated
Chapter 12: Haven
Haven City-
The Exiles were sitting in the futuristic limo enjoying the view that passed them. August and Vincent were particularly impressed as back in their realities, they didn't get many chances to see the countryside, what with being locked up in Limbo for so long and him having to flee from giant killer robots every moment of his life.
"Man, I can't remember the last time I saw scenery this beautiful." Vince said taking in the scenery.
"I thought you said you had a photographic memory." Morph replied.
"I do." Vince told the shape shifter. "It's just that there wasn't much scenery to look at in a reality ruled by Sentinels, plus I lived in cities for most of my life."
"Does any body have any idea where we're going?" Heather asked everyone.
"Why don't we ask the driver?" Clarice replied shrugging.
"You got any strip clubs around here?" Morph asked the robot.
"MORPH!" The girls yelled.
"Indeed we do." The robot driver replied, turning his head in a 180 turn yet still managed to drive flawlessly, which was a little creepy. "There are a few such establishments located in the centre of Haven City. One of the best ones is called The Tender Loins."
"Well bugger me." Jono chuckled to himself remembering the name. "It looks like we might run into Stripperella."
"Stripper-who?" August asked crossing her arms, not sure if he was joking with a name like that or not.
"It's this TV show about a bird that's an exotic dancer-slash-secret agent-slash super hero." Jono replied. "I'll ask Guardian if he's got any episodes on data crystals."
"What about bars?" August asked. "Where's the best place to drink?"
"You may wish to try Harry's Hideaway." The robot driver replied. "That is located on the West side of the city. Another recommended drinking establishment is Caritas. That is a demon-run karaoke bar, friendly demons only I assure you and various other entities."
"Ucch, demons." August shivered. "I think I'll give that one a miss."
"The proprietor of Caritas is not an evil demon, as I have stated." The robot driver replied. "He is quite a kind gentleman. He reads your aura when you sing and predicts your destiny."
"How about shopping?" Heather asked. "Have you got any decent shopping malls?"
"Several." The driver replied. "They are all dotted about the city."
"Well I know where I'm going tomorrow." Heather grinned.
"I think I might join you." August replied. "All this black leather is getting kind of boring, don't you think?" She glanced down at her clothing.
"I think it's kinda hot." Morph replied as he put his arm around August's shoulder and gave her a lecherous wink.
"Take your hand off before I burn it off." August growled menacingly. Morph did as he was told and spent the rest of the journey sitting in silence.
Later-The car containing our heroes stopped outside Harry's Hideaway, a two story building with a neon sign. Everybody got out and took a look at their surroundings.
"This is surreal." August said. "It's almost like a piece of Salem Centre's been transplanted right on this spot, not to mention all the other stuff." She gestured around her to other various parts of the city. It was a mixture of old, recent and things that normally you would see in science fiction films, such as floating structures, architecture that wasn't as rigid and in right angles that they normally had seen in their lives.
"Who says that it hasn't?" Vincent replied. "You know how powerful Guardian is and the resources that guy has."
"All this talking' giving me a thirst." Morph said rubbing his hands together. "I dunno about you guys but I'm gonna get me a drink."
"I think I might join you." Jono replied. "Ladies? Vince?"
"I wanna see what the Bloody Mary's are like here." August replied. "Harry always did make them the best."
"Just beer for me." Heather added. "Good old-fashioned Canadian beer, right Vince?"
"You read my mind." The Canadian samurai grinned. "What about you Clarice, what's your poison of choice?"
"Margaritas." Blink replied. "Blame Heather for that, she got me fixed on them."
"That just begs to ask one question." Jono said. "How are we gonna pay for these?"
"Guardian gave me these credit slips." Clarice replied. "They're kind alike credit cards. You just give them to the barman, he swipes it through a machine and you get your drink."
"Another important question." August said. "What's the limit?"
"There isn't one." Clarice replied with a grin. "You can just keep on spending and not run out. Apparently he's stashed a lot of cash over the years and he said and I quote 'Even if all of you spent your lives on shopping sprees you might only put a slight dent in my cash reserves' end quote."
"I think I'm going to like it here." August nodded.
Inside-Much to the Exiles' surprise, the interior of the bar was very much like the Harry's Hideaway of their reality, not Clarice, Vince and Heather's of course, for obvious reasons such as none of them lived in New York and this was their first time in any version of the bar.
"The first rounds on me." Clarice said as they got in. "Seeing that I'm team leader. You guys grab a seat and I'll be with you in a sec." The other Exiles did as they were told while Clarice went to get the drinks. They decided upon a corner booth with a large round table.
"Oh my God!" August gasped and pointed. "Look over there, it's the Scarlet Witch!" Only not in her costume but in plain clothing talking to a group at her table, and not far off was her were other familiar faces.
'There's Pete Wisdom!" Jono replied seeing the British man who was unshaven, smoking and apparently swearing at someone...in other words a typical Pete Wisdom.
"That looks like Wolfsbane and Cypher." Morph added seeing the redheaded Scottish werewolf and blond mutant. They looked like they were on a date since they were sitting alone and kind of close. They looked around and saw many people, some weren't even human.
There were a group of people that look human, only perfect looking and with these bladed bone things coming out of their forearms. "What are those guys?" Morph asked seeing the group.
"Nietzscheans." (1) Vincent said, looking at what Morph meant. "They're an offshoot of humans called, Homo sapiens invictus. Basically a group of human through genetic and nanotechnology to alter themselves and make themselves better then before." Everyone looked at him and he looked at the others. "I read a file about some of the people that live on this world and some of the species here."
"So...they're kind of like us?" Jono asked. "Human but...not exactly human?"
Vincent nodded. "Kind of...but they hate being referred to as human, they think any unmodified human is lower with them because of inferior genes."
"Charming people." August muttered to herself.
Heather looked over at another corner. "Hey...are those Klingons?" Everyone turned to see three Klingon males in their usual black battle suits drinking and shouting and looking like they were having a drunken good time.
"Damn...you never know who, or what you're going to see in this world." Morph said to everyone.
"Here are your drinks guys." Clarice said as he walked up with a tray. "Bud for Morph, Carling for Jono, Molson for Vince and Heather, Margarita for me and a Bloody Mary for August. Man you wouldn't believe who is running the bar."
"Want a bet?" Morph said taking his drink with a smile. He looked over at the bar and saw an African-American man that looked like Will Smith. "Hey isn't that..."
"No it isn't." Blink told her passing out the drinks. "His name is Jay, get this...he used to be an MIB agent."
"You mean that character Will Smith played?" Jono asked. "Damn...you'd think I would stop being surprised but there we go again." He took his drink and raised it to the others. "Cheers!" Jono said.
"Cheers!" the others replied as they clinked their glasses together.
"Mmm, damn that's good." Morph said. "Just the right temperature. Unlike British beer."
"Oh yeah, thanks Morph." Jono groaned. "Let's start with the bloody stereotypes, British beer is warm, all Brits talk like Mary Poppins rejects..."
"Let's not start arguing." Clarice said putting a few finger to her temple. These two had had this argument more times then she cared to remember. "We're here for a night out, okay?"
"Whose round is it next?" August asked as she polished off her Bloody Mary.
"MORPH!" The others replied in unison.
"Traitors." Morph muttered as he got up from his seat and walked towards the bar.
"Same again for me." August called after him.
"Us too!" The other added. Morph took a seta by the bar and waited for the barman to take his order. He then noticed a familiar figure sitting next to him, the bikini-clad Avenger, Tigra.
"Give me a White Russian." The weretiger told Jay the barman. "Hold the ice, the vodka and the Kahlua." (2)
"You just want cream, on it's own?' Jay asked her not sure if he had heard that right.
"D'oy!" Tigra replied rolling her eyes. "I am a cat!"
Later-After several rounds at Harry's the Exiles decided to split up. The girls decided to check out the karaoke bar while the guys, after much prodding from Morph, decided to check out the strip club. The girls took the limo as the guys caught a cab.
"I'm not so sure about this." Vincent said. "I'm not really the sort for strip clubs, Hell I was raise by a priest, if he ever seen me go into one of those I would get a lecture form here till doomsday."
"C'mon buddy." Morph replied putting an arm over his shoulder. "It's time to take part in the ultimate male chauvinistic past time, strip clubs!"
"Just don't expect me to stuff dollar bills, or whatever they use since apparently they don't use that kind of money here, down some woman's g-string, okay?" Vince sighed.
"I just wanna see if this Tender Loins is like the TV show." Jono added. "It'll be weird if the have Pamela Anderson there."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Morph said stopping and grabbing Jono by his shoulders. "They have Pamela Anderson in this show? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Heck, even I've heard of Pamela Anderson." Vince added. "I used to watch Baywatch too."
Caritas-The girls had just walked into the karaoke bar and were looking over the clientele. Surprising for a demon bar, there weren't many demons about. There was one guy whose face looked like a purple hedgehog and another demon whose skin hung down in flaps. (3)
"Well this doesn't look to bad." August said looking and seeing that these demons weren't as bad or as threatening as the ones she had known. "I may even consider having fun.'"
"I might even sing something." Heather added. "I don't know what though."
"As long as it isn't Celine Dion, we'll be alright." August replied.
"She makes me feel ashamed to be Canadian.' Heather groaned. "What about you Clarice, you going to sing?"
"I'm not too sure." Clarice replied thoughtfully. "I'm not much of a singing person, y'know?"
"Well I'm gonna go up and see what they've got to sing." Heather said smiling and headed for the stage.
"I'm starting to dread coming here now." August winced. "I just know that she's going to book us to sing as a trio."
"Heather wouldn't do that." Clarice replied but then she thought about it. "Would she?"
"Hey you've known her longer then me." August replied to her friend.
Tender Loins-The guys had grabbed a seat and waited for the show to begin. Morph already had a handful of dollar bills ready and was waiting eagerly. Apparently there was a machine where you put the credit chips into and they put out 'dollar' bills that the girls would exchange after the show for credit chips.
Vincent however was a little nervous. It's not that he didn't like the female form; it's just that he was brought up to respect women and not to think of them as sexual objects to be drooled over.
"Try not to worry so much." Jono told him. "You never know, you might have fun." He said while looking at some of the girls walking around. Then their attention was brought to the stage where a pig-tailed redhead was wearing a schoolgirls' uniform.
"Look familiar to you, Jono?" Morph asked.
"Yeah." Jono replied smiling seeing someone he knew of as a fictional character but now in the flesh. "That's Giselle, she's from Camel Toe, Missouri." Morph let out a snort of laughter.
"Oh grow up." Vincent groaned.
Caritas-August was mentally kicking herself for agreeing to go check out the karaoke bar with the others. Heather and Clarice had forced her to sing 'Get This Party Started' with them. No matter how she tried, she couldn't get out of singing the song. After the song had finished August slunk off to the bar, not interested in hearing her destiny.
"Give me a Bloody Mary." She told the bartender.
"You want real blood with that?"
"Do I even look like a vampire?" August glared.
"Well you've got the whole Goth chick going on." The bartender replied who was anything but human considering he had four arms, deep blue skin and four yellow eyes. "You never know, we get all kinds in here. Take a look at that guy." He points to a scruffy looking guy with shades, five o'clock shadow, slim build, talking to someone with a Irish accent in a white t-shirt with a jacket with the sleeves torn off over it. He was swearing up a storm while downing a pitcher of beer and with a smoke too. (4)
"That there is Cassidy, and if you can believe it he's a vampire. Although he doesn't look or act like it."
"Just get me the damn drink." August groaned as she held her head in her hands in embarrassment. She took the risk of looking back at the stage and saw Heather and Clarice preparing to sing another song. "Oh God..." She groaned.
"Something the matter?" A voice asked from beside her.
"It depends if you define two friends obsessed about karaoke music something the matter." August replied, not even looking at the guy talking to her.
"I'm Kurt Wagner by the way." Said the man.
August's head swung around as soon as she heard the familiar name.
"Kurt?" She gasped and she froze at the sight of him.
He blinked a few times himself before he found his voice "You're August, right?" Kurt asked.
"H-how did you know?"
"Well, you looked so much like somebody that I used to know." Kurt replied.
"Let me guess." August continued. "She was took away from you before her time."
"Yes." Kurt replied slightly sad from the memory. "Legacy Virus."
"I'm sorry." August sighed. "I used to know a Kurt. He was killed by my mother though."
"Selene." Kurt replied. "She never did agree with our relationship."
"Can I buy you a drink?" August replied. "I'm here with some friends."
"The ones singing on stage?" He said jerking a hand over his shoulder to the two women on the stage.
"Yup." August replied. "It doesn't look like I'm going anywhere fast."
"In that case, I'd love to have a drink." Kurt said.
After their set Heather and Blink saw a demon with green skin, red eyes two little horns on his head and wearing a lout yellow jacket perfect for going up on stage on. "Well you girls are in a singing mood I must say." His voice was kind and not what you would expect from a demon.
"We're not that bad are we?" Blink asked him.
The demon smiled. "Of course not my little purplish princess, I'm Lorne by the way the owner and operator of this establishment and believe you me, I've heard much worse. So...do any one of you care to know your destiny?"
Both girls looked and each other and shrugged so he took that as a sign and went up to Heather. "Don't worry sweetheart, you'll see your husband again, I'm not sure when but keep the faith."
"Really?" Heather asked hopefully. Lorne nodded and Heather felt better about not being able to get home. Then he turned to Blink.
"I know you're still hurting after your last love left...but you'll get over it and trust old Lorne on this. Keep your heart open and you'll find someone else that will make your soul sore in the sky again."
Blink was surprised by that, she knew that she might get over Mimic eventually but she never thought of anyone after him.
Tender Loins-Giselle had finished her set and it was then time for the main act, Erotica Jones! As soon as her name was announced, a huge whoop rose up from the audience, even Morph, who didn't even know who the woman was. Erotica strutted onto stage clad head-to-toe in black leather. She stopped at the bottom of the stage where a dancing pole stood. She wrapped her legs around it and began to spin around.
She was a dead ringer for Pamela Anderson, right down the tattoos.
"Man, this place rocks!" Morph grinned. "Right guys?"
"It's alright I suppose." Vince shrugged. "I'm still not big on stuffing dollar bills in g-strings, even if this woman is the spitting image of Pamela Anderson." Then he tilted his head. "Although I'm not sure if the real Pamela Anderson can bend like that." That sight was enough to even tempt him to put a few dollars in her g-string; he had to use some will power not to try it.
"What do you think, Jono?" Morph asked. "Jono?" He looked at his friend when he didn't answer him. Jono wasn't interested in what Morph had to say, he was hypnotised by the vision of beauty dancing on stage.
After Erotica's dance and that of a few other girls, some that were even mutants and aliens, like one of those green skinned Orion women from Star Trek and one of those Twi'lek women with the two head tails from Star Wars too.
Erotica had finished her set and was sitting at the bar having a drink. She saw somebody approach from out of the corner of her eye.
"Go on Jono, ask her out. Seriously man, she's got the hots for you!"
"Don't be so stupid, Morph. She most probably gets this every night."
Erotica smiled to herself. The guy talking was somebody that she saw in the audience. She guessed from his accent that he was British. As soon as she saw him sitting in the audience she was struck by how handsome he was, in a dark brooding kind of way.
"Can I help you?" She asked turning around to them.
Jono shot a glare at Morph before replying. "Uh... you most probably get this a lot but... can I buy you a drink?"
"Well I do get asked that a lot." Erotica replied. "But not from somebody as good-looking as you." She said with a smile and Jono just blinked a few times in confusion.
"Y-you think I'm good-looking?" He wasn't used to having women think that of him after most of his face had been gone for so long, usually they went out with him because they had a thing for the strange or weird like that singer that Paige had seen him with. Even though he had his face back for a few months, he was still unaccustomed to this.
"Sure. Why don't you sit with me for a while?" She said patting the seat next to her.
"Kay..."
Later still-Jono was still talking to Erotica when the club was closing up. Morph was trying to follow his example by hitting on Giselle, but to no avail, she was more interested in Vincent.
"Say where are y'all from anyway?" The southern stripper asked him as Vincent was in one of the seats drinking a beer.
"Originally? Canada."
"Oh I just love foreign men, do y'all know any other language then English?"
Vince smiled a little. "Several." He spoke in a few mainly French, Japanese and a little German.
"Oh that was so nice." She said and surprised him by sitting down on his lap. He was trying to also not stare at her impressive cleavage witch was close to his face and the fact she was wearing a tight yellow shirt that had the top buttons undone and blue jean shorts on. "Say...are ya single?"
"Uh... yes." He was a little nervous mainly because he was a little old fashioned and like to get to know a girl a bit before they got this close, not that he didn't mind it was just a little sudden and caught him off guard.
She smiled sweetly at him. "Ya know ah got the next few days off if ya want to meet up later."
Vincent's face fell a little. "I'm sorry, you're really nice and I would like to...but...I lost a few people including a few that were...close to me. Let's just say I'm not ready to go dating just yet."
She seemed to understand. "Oh ah'm sorry ta hear that. Well...maybe another time then."
Back with Erotica and Jono, she was telling him about her life. "Well as I said I used to be an exotic dancer-slash-secret agent but when you work in a place such as New Haven, there isn't much need for a secret agent, so I became an exotic dancer full time."
"Well that's better than the life I used to have I suppose." Jono said. "I was almost killed when the guy I was snooping on found out about it but the Exiles rescued me just in time and now I work for them."
"So you're the guys that moved into that big place up on the mountain." Erotica said interesting in that. "What's it like there?"
"It's bloody huge." Jono replied. "You've got everything you want there, a kickass library, garage full of cars and stuff, you name it, we've got it, well technically he's got it but we get to use it."
"That sounds so cool." Erotica nodded. "You'll have to show me sometime."
"Does that mean that you..."
"Like you?" Erotica finished off. "Of course, you're cute and I'd like to get to know you better. Here, let me give you my number..."
A huge grin spread on Jono's face as Erotica took out a pen and paper form her purse and wrote down her number.
'Who needs Paige Guthrie when you have Erotica Jones.' Jono thought to himself.
After an hour Jono got a call from some a type of cell phone that he had picked up from the limo before they had split up, Clarice called to tell them they were on their way. Jono said goodbye to Erotica and found Vincent by the bar and then they had to get Morph. They found him talking to two of the strippers one was the same green skinned Orion woman from earlier and another green skinned Twi'lek."Come on Morph we're leaving." Vincent told him.
Morph; who had both arms around both girls who seemed interested in him, he wasn't ready to go. "Come one guys, just a little longer." He whined. "I'm about to get digits from green skinned babes! Green skinned babes!" (5)
Jono and Vincent shared a look and just grabbed Morph and dragged him out literally kicking and screaming. "Bye, bye Morphy." One of the girls said. "Come back anytime."
Jono and the other guys were now outside waiting for the girls. "I can't believe you didn't ask for her number." Morph said shaking his head. "Man, Vince, that Giselle chick so had the hots for you."
"I'm sure she did, Morph." Vince replied. "But I'm just not ready for dating yet...although it was tempting."
"What about you Jono, you seemed pretty chummy with Erotica." Morph said elbowing him in the ribs slightly.
"Nothin' too major." Jono replied nonchalantly. "I'm only going on a date with her next week."
"Lucky stiff." Morph muttered.
TBC...NEXT UP CHAPTER 13: THE PRODIGY CHILD
Notes-(1)- Nietzscheans are form Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda.
(2)- From the Catwoman movie.
(3)- It's Doyle and Clem form Angel and Buffy respectively.
(4)- The Vampire Cassidy is from the comic book Preacher
(5)- Green skin babes line from Megas cartoon