Disclaimer: No… I don't own Saiyuki or its characters… I only own the four reporters…
Author's Note: Errr…. Sorry it took so long for me to update, minna! It's school! It's crazy out there that you could already find me torturing innocent Lima Beans… Anyway… This is the fourth interview with… (drum rolls please) The OH-SO chewable and disposable, Corrupt Monk! (For the Sanzo fans… Don't worry! It all ended well!) Sorry for the errors! Grrr! Sadistic Computer!
Genjo Sanzo
Greetings to all! My name is Kiya Mikamura and I'm going to interview GENSOMADEN SAIYUKI's favorite CORRUPT MONK, the one…the only…
Genjo Sanzo!
K.M.: Good morning to you, Sanzo-sama…!
Sanzo: Sanzo…sama? Do I look like an old hag with wrinkles around my eyes!
K.M.: …Umm…Why do You get angry so EASILY, just like old kappas do..?
Sanzo: …..What do you want little girl?
K.M.: I want to interview the famous Sanzo, of course! What's it to 'ya!
Sanzo: How rude…Didn't your parents teach you any manners!
K.M.: Umm…NO. But they DID teach me the art of hypnosis and witchery…
Sanzo: …What? distracted what'd you say earlier?
K.M.: starts loosing her temper I said, look into my eyes!
Sanzo: Yes… Master…currently hypnotized…dragged into a world filled with
Bumblebees, mutated mice, Cans of Lima beans and chew toys..
K.M.: You will let us interview you… For now on… You shall obey everything I tell you…
Sanzo: Yes, master….
K.M.: Now… I order you to go back to your normal state…
Sanzo: What state master?
K.M.: …I don't know! That's for you to find out!
Sanzo: Yes master.
K.M.: …Stop calling me that..! angry…
Sanzo: Yes master.
K.M.: Nerve coming out So… Shall we begin?
Sanzo: Yes… Kiya-sama…
K.M.: Sanzo… That doesn't make any difference… Now… Go back to your normal grouchy persona and let's get this over with! So many ravenous fans already want to know more about you! Plus… I still have seven samurais to attend to…
Sanzo: Yes…
K.M.: Sigh of relief…
Sanzo: … Osho-sama…
K.M.: thousands of nerves forming that you can already make out the lines of her artery… (Sanzo… You're a very funny monk…) Okay Sanzo… Are you back now?
Sanzo: …
K.M.: Ummm… Sanzo?
Sanzo: …
K.M.: Ummm… Hi? Hello? Sanzo-sama?
Sanzo: … Where am I?
K.M.: You're being interviewed of course!
Sanzo: Interviewed… For what?
K.M.: So that your fans can recognize you a little better…
Sanzo: What about my fans?
K.M.: They'd like to praise you a lot more…
Sanzo: … Go ahead…
K.M.: Okay Sanzo! To start off, tell us about your past! What were you like when you were a kid?
Sanzo: … I was a kid… Normal… Found in a basket floating in the river…. And… That's the reason why I was named Koryu…
K.M.: … Ummm… The question was: What were you like?
Sanzo: Well… I was silent, the disciple of the last Sanzo and I was more Disciplined unlike the older monks around me…
K.M.: So, you were different?
Sanzo: Yes I was different from the other monks…
K.M.: That's a nice background of who you were when you were a kid!
Sanzo: Can I ask?
K.M.: Yes?
Sanzo: Why am I telling you all of this against my own free will?
K.M.: Oh! That's because I hypnotized you! But after you awaken from the hypnotism spell, you will forget that I ever did hypnotize you!
Sanzo: … Whatever…
K.M.: (Music to my ears…) Okay, tell us… Why do you get easily angry with Goku and Gojyo?
Sanzo: Hmph! Those two bakas are not worth anything! (A/N: Ehem.. I'm just following what Sanzo would say, no doubt! puppy-dog eyes) That monkey complains too much about his bottomless stomach and that water imp snores so loudly! Even on the day time you can here him snore…. Like a hungry… fish….
Gojyo: I HEARD THAT, MONK!
Sanzo: Points his gun 'YA GONNA DO SOMETHIN' ABOUT IT, HORNY WATER IMP?
K.M.: Errr…. Sanzo…. Breath in…. Breath out….
Sanzo: Did what Kiya said
K.M.: Now… For the love of the public… And for the love that this is a rated K+ interview…. Put down the gun, Sanzo-sama…
Sanzo: Hesitantly puts down the gun
K.M.: Okay… Now-
Gojyo: BLEH! CORRUPT MONK!
Sanzo: nerve forming That's it! Takes out his OH-SO disposable gun and shoots Gojyo.
Gojyo: Whahahah! You missed me!
Sanzo: Who said I was aiming for you?
K.M.: Eh? Looks behind Gojyo… Sanzo just shot… The cameraman…
Sanzo: Hmph!
K.M.: Oh well! Fuzzy Lumpkins can always replace the cameraman!
Fuzzy: Ei! Get off of my property!
K.M.: Fuzzy… Please be a dear or else I'll tell them what your greatest fear is!
Fuzzy: whimpering Not that! Anything but… Squi- Squir… ell….
K.M.: Okay! Please operate the camera!
Fuzzy: Yes ma'm!
K.M.: That's a good boy! turns to Sanzo Now Sanzo-sama. Let's just skip the part about Hakkai, shall we?
Sanzo: Whatever… puts down the gun
K.M.: How many times have you been smoking?
Sanzo: … Forty times a day… Since I was thirteen…
K.M.: (oo) Forty times…. A day?
Sanzo: Yeah… What's it to you?
K.M.: Nothing special… It's just… You don't get lung cancer?
Sanzo: What's that suppose to be? People with blonde hair have stuntmen… Remember Kyuzo in Samurai 7?
K.M.: How could I forget? His unfortunate stuntman died…
Chiharu: Let's not forget about the clones!
K.M.: Let's get back!
Sanzo: Whatever…
K.M.: So Sanzo… When do you think you guys will be getting to Tenjiku?
Sanzo: … Who knows… Will it be the next day… The next month… The next year…
K.M.: (that is so long! At that rate, I can always say that: Sanzo+Goku+Gojyo+Hakkai BIG TROUBLE and some contusions…) Okay… What about Goku?
Sanzo: What about the monkey?
K.M.: Do you still feel like punching him?
Sanzo: Everyday…. Is already like…. Certain… Abuse… For him… Possibilities for him to get more abused is… 100...
K.M.: Sweat drop okay, Sanzo! This is the last question! What do you think about the fake Sanzo-ikkou… The Sanzo there was… Ehem Bald?
Sanzo: I think… That no one can compete with my natural appearance…
K.M.: Meaning…?
Sanzo: I'm not bald… Nor am I an old hag…
K.M.: Thank you Sanzo! I was going to ask you more questions but… I see that this other questions are very… Shall I say… Disturbing?
Sanzo: Whatever it might be… I don't care….
K.M.: Sweat drop
Goku: Hello, Kiya-chan!
K.M.: Goku!
Goku: Kiya-chan… Can I ask… What are these? Takes out two dolls that looks a lot like Sanzo and Gojyo…
K.M.: Those… Are my voodoo dolls…
Goku: Wow! Smirks. Get's a needle and pricks the Gojyo voodoo doll
Gojyo: OUCH! Why you! Get's a bucket of boiling water and dips a Goku voodoo doll in
K.M.: shouts because Goku and Gojyo were yelling at each other NOW! SANZO! I COMMAND YOU TO…
Gojyo: Hakkai! Get this monkey that ACTS LIKE A STUPID MONKEY away from me!
K.M.: …. ACT LIKE A STUPID MONKEY… covers her mouth Oops!
Sanzo: Oooh Ahhh Ahhh! acting like a monkey
K.M.: Oh no…
Goku: stops toturing the Gojyo voodoo doll Sanzo?
Sanzo: Ooooh Ohhhh!
Gojyo: Ummm… Did I just make you say something that you shouldn't have said?
K.M.: Yep…
Gojyo: Oh well! Hakkai! Let's get outta here!
Hakkai: No can do, Gojyo!
Gojyo: Why not?
Hakkai: Because… The credit card is with Sanzo!
Gojyo: So?
Hakkai: No credit card… NO cigarettes! And edible food… We don't want to eat poisonous sea urchins now, do we?
Gojyo: NO! THE HORROR! Kid! Get Sanzo back!
Goku: AAAAHHH! NO MORE SEA URCHINS! GET SANZO BACK, PLEASE!
K.M.: Sorry, Gojyo! Sad to say that the hypnotism spell is only to make other people do what you want against their free will!
Gojyo: So… What happens if you made him an animal?
K.M.: It'll take 24 hours to revise it!
Gojyo: WHAT? TWO STUPID MONKEIES!
Goku: HEY!
Sanzo: OOOOHHH! AAAAHH! AAAHH! translation: SHUT UP, HORNY WATE IMP! Attempted to shoot Gojyo
Gojyo: YIKES!
K.M.: Be careful, Gojyo! Sanzo still has his conscious mind, you know!
Gojyo: All right… But it was your fault!
K.M.: No… It wasn't MY fault. Because you distracted me, I ended saying the wrong words! It was actually… Your fault
Gojyo and Goku: YIKES!
Hakkai: Oh… He'll be mad, ne?
K.M.: Yeah... Anyway, I wish you luck! I've gotta go! Bye Hakkai! Bye Gojyo! Bye Goku! Bye Sanzo! Thanks for the interview!
Hakkai: Bye, Kiya-chan!
Goku: Bye, Kiya! Thanks for letting me have these nifty voodoo dolls!
Gojyo: Great! Thanks for adding a monkey!
A gunshot is heard
Gojyo: I was just kidding Sanzo!
Sanzo: oooooohhh! Oooohhh! You just wait 'til I turn back, you ERRO KAPPA! This is all your fault!
And so… We all see the four men… A mother hen, a stupid monkey, a horny water imp, and a corrupt monk… currently acting like a monkey, continue with there journey to the west.
Author's Note: Well? What did you think? I slaved all night to finish it! Don't worry! I'm still gonna include what happened 24 hours later! I'm still deciding if I should still interview the Kougaiji-ikkou! What do you think? Reviews please!
Oh yeah! I would like to thank my beloved cousin, Rueniss for helping me with the fic! And a very indispensable friend of mine, Deathcard! She was the one who thought of Zakuro… (Who really is a real character in Saiyuki Reload Gunlock… I didn't know.. really…)
Azren Out! 'Til Chew Toys Fly! Ja Ne!