Illogical, Irrational, Insane

Draco Malfoy

Damn her.

Goddamn Hermione Granger for being so bloody wonderful. What was it about her that made me different? What did she do to me whenever I was near her? I never acted like that around another girl before, so why did I change around her? It was illogical, irrational, it was insane!

For some stupid reason, Granger was the one thing I couldn't stop thinking about. I had much more important things to be considering, but the one thing I kept thinking about was how can I get her to kiss me again? I should've been thinking about how miserable the rest of my pathetic life would be. I should've been worrying about someone finding us. I should've been sleeping.

But I was awake; staring at the wood ceiling, listening to Weasley's bloody annoying snoring. I finally reached the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I threw back the clean white sheet, slid my shoes on, and quietly walked out the cabin.

The cool air hit me all over the place and I started to regret not wearing my robe. Everyone did laundry that morning, so all of our robes were hanging on a line. I wrapped my arms around myself tighter and wondered where I should go. I decided to walk around the back of the cabins and find somewhere quiet to sit. Quiet. Ha. The whole place was eerily silent. The clothes were back behind an empty cabin, flapping freely in the breeze. The fire was long extinguished—that comforting crackle was long gone. Everyone except me was asleep, dreaming of something pleasant.

I suddenly heard a loud crunch behind me and I spun around. I heard a sigh of relief from behind, and I managed to let my breath out, too. "Can't sleep?" I asked Granger.

She shook her head.

We both looked away. I looked at her briefly and noticed her shivering. I wished I had my robe to give her.

I shook the thought from my mind. I shouldn't like her. I should hate her. But I like her.

"Do you like it here?" I asked suddenly. I silently cursed at myself for asking a lame question.

"So far, yeah," she paused. "I just… miss people. I miss my family, some of my friends… I'm not sure if this was so smart."

"If you went back, you'd be killed," I reminded her. "This was your best option."

"I feel like a coward," she confessed quietly. "I feel like I should've stayed around to help Harry." I noticed her tears for the first time. "I'm a terrible friend."

"Hey, no you're not," I consoled her. "I would've done what you did, too."

"See!" she exclaimed. "I did what you would've done! That's awful!" She started to cry more openly. "And it's all you're fault, you know!"

"Me?" I asked incredulously. "What in the bloody hell did I do?"

"You carried me with you away from Hogwarts!" she said as if she couldn't believe I dared to ask. "You should've left me there! I shouldn't be here! I should be with Harry!"

She wiped her tears hastily and turned around.

"Where're you going?" I called after her.

"I don't know," she admitted. "But I can't stay here. I think I'll apparate back…"

"No!" I said quickly. "You can't! You'd give us all away!"

She nodded. "Then I'm reversing the trip. I'm getting out of here."

"You can't!" I repeated.

"Watch me!"

I grabbed her by the waist.

"Let me go!" she ordered.

"Granger, you're not thinking rationally," I told her. Inside, though, I wasn't thinking rationally. My heart was beating faster and faster. I kept thinking about how much I wanted to kiss her. It was bloody insane.

She struggled to break free from my grip. She wasn't strong enough. "Why are you doing this?" she asked me slowly. "Why do you keep rescuing me?"

I looked into her eyes. "I don't know," I muttered. It was a blatant lie… one I knew she'd fall for.

"That's not good enough," I noticed she wasn't trying to get away from me anymore.

"You can't handle the truth, Granger!" I burst finally. "The truth is a stupid, illogical, irrational, insane thing! You want the lies! You don't want to hear that I don't want you to leave because I'd miss you too much."

She dropped her arms to her sides and stared at me.

"You're right," she said finally. "I would rather hear the lies. I can't handle the truth."

I let her go and she went back into her cabin. I knew she wasn't going anywhere. I returned to my bed and fell asleep immediately.

----

There should be a law that I can't open my mouth late at night or early in the morning. I say the stupidest things when I'm sleep deprived.

The next morning, Granger looked at me curiously. I hated being constantly under her stare. She was trying to get a reaction out of me… trying to see what I was thinking. For breakfast, Ben had some fresh fruit set out for us. I ate an apple and quickly rose from the table.

Claire, an annoying Ravenclaw, asked me, "Where're you going?"

"For a swim," I said out of lack of a better answer.

"Cool! I want to come!" she stood up.

"I'd like to be alone, actually," I said stiffly.

I saw her face fall. "Oh. Okay."

I strode out the door and went down to the lake. Granger and Claire were leaving the building behind me. I silently cursed. I didn't want to talk to either of them.

"What part of 'I'd like to be alone' didn't you understand?" I asked Claire.

"She can go for a swim if she wants to, Malfoy," Granger said.

"Fine. Go on. I'll go back and eat," I offered.

"Okay," Claire smiled. "Me too!"

I groaned. "What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you see that I'm trying to avoid you? Are you really that dense?"

Claire bit her bottom lip and trembled. She turned and ran into her cabin, crying.

"Now look what you've done," Granger said.

"Me?"

"Yes, you!" she exclaimed. "That girl really likes you and you just told her off!"

"Serves her right," I said. "She's obnoxious."

"Well, it doesn't matter. You should've at least been decent to her! Whatever happened to that whole 'taking-that-second-chance' idea?"

I thought about it. "I don't know."

She shook her head dismissively. "That's your answer for everything lately, isn't it?"

I smirked. "You wanted the lies, Granger."

Author's Notes: Thanks for all the reviews! This chapter wasn't the best, but it WAS important. NEXT CHAPTER SPOILER: Hermione reflects on her feelings for Draco. What exactly have they got going on? Well, she can't let it rest, so she asks him. And she gets the truth. But again, the lies are better. And what happens when Ron finds out something he shouldn't?