A/N: Ok...first of all I wanna say sorry for the delay of chapter 4 but I've been busy and sadly been neglecting my fics. Bad me I know, but now I'm trying to redeem myself! This is chapter 4 of over. BTW...I'm not 100 sure what color Ashley's eyes are, but in this fic they are hazel. Some pple told me blue, others told me green so I'm just like screw this. If you know what color they really are then let me kno! I'd appreciate it! Also there might be some SLIGHT Crash fluff, not by choice, but it just fits with the chapter, this is however a Cranny fic, but if you like the fluffy then I'll add more maybe. Anywho, on with the fic!

Disclaimer: And on to the very depressing disclaimer...No I don't own degrassi and no I don't own Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson. (By the way, Breakaway is an AWESOME cd)

Ashley's POV:

I walked through the doors of degrassi with a smug look on my face. Lately I've been pretty happy knowing that Manny and Craig aren't together. I wasn't surprised at all when I saw him alone at his locker. My smile grew wide as I stood next to him waiting for him to notice my presence. He flipped his chestnut locks out of his eyes and smiled at me.

"Hey Ash, what's up?" He flashed his brilliant smile.

Seems like just yesterday

You were a part of me

"Nothing much Craig. What's been going on with you? Did you think about what I told you? About getting back together?"

He began to fidget, "Well...umm...I did think about it Ash, but...I have a girlfriend now so..."

I used to stand so tall

I used to be so strong

I was taken aback at his response as I felt my throat clench, "A...girlfriend?" I tried to regain my composure, "I mean that's interesting...did you and Manny get back together or something?"

"No, she's this girl named Sarah from a few towns over, I was helping Joey out at the dealership when I met her. She came with her mother ,but didn't look like she was enjoying it so I took her out to coffee and that was it."

"Oh I see. Well if you ever wanna you know hang out or something," my voice became hoarse, "you...know where...to find me."

He smiled before embracing me.

Your arms around me tight

Everything felt so right

Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong

I melted at the warmth of his embrace. It always calmed me down, but this time I felt as if I couldn't breathe. When we parted he walked away from his locker and I slid down to the floor as my chest pounded, I couldn't believe it. Tears began to well in my eyes and I fought them back. 'Be strong Ashley, you've done this before. It's only another girl to get rid of.' No matter how hard I tried to fight it, this feeling of hurt and emptiness began to grow.

Now I can't breathe

No I can't sleep


I'm barely hanging on

I walked to class and collapsed in my chair, I slammed my head down on the desk and sighed heavily.

"Hey Ash are you okay?" Ellie asked. I knew she meant well, but I didn't really want to hear how I should get over Craig.

"Fine El, just problems you know." I guess me not lifting my head meant for her to back off because I heard her step away. I heard Ms. Kwan come in the room and she was followed by Manny who for some reason was coming by me.

"Ashley, hi." She smiled at me, but I cringed.

"What do you want Manny?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to know if...if you heard the news about Craig and Sarah."

'What did she think I wanted? Sympathy?'

"Yes Manny I've heard, news travels fast around Degrassi remember?"

"I miss him too Ash, you weren't the only one left heart-broken; even if you tried to ruin everything between us I still forgive you. Now we're both in the same position, both alone and both without Craig." She had a point...a very good point.

"So what does this mean? Like a truce or something?"

She smiled slightly, "Yea, like a truce." I shook her hand as she sat back in her seat across the room. Suddenly Craig stepped into the room and my heart pounded madly.

Here I am

Once again

He sat in his seat without even looking my way, my heart continued to shatter. I didn't want to give him up, I won't let her win; I can't.

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it

Can't pretend

As Ms. Kwan began teaching the class I couldn't help it; all I did was try to catch small glimpses of him. A few times our eyes met and I pretended to be talking to someone across the room as my face turned crimson. No matter how hard I tried I knew the truth, I couldn't pretend that I didn't want him...because the truth is...I wanted him more than anything.

Just thought you were the one

I passed him a note, just simple talk such as 'Hi' and 'How are you?' Nothing really serious, but when he wrote back I wasn't expecting what was inside.


Broken up deep inside

I opened up the folded paper and read, ' I can't pass notes with you anymore. I have a girlfriend, I'm sorry.' I didn't understand, how could he stop something like a harmless note, it's not like I was trying to get back with him; it was just childs play. My heart began to ache as I closed my eyes, Ms. Kwan turned my way.

"Ashley please read page 423...Ashley...Ms. Kerwin answer me." she demanded.

"I...I need to go to the bathroom," I barely squeezed out. She motioned for me to go as I got up and closed the door. I ran to the bathroom, locked the stall, and broke down.


But you won't get to see the tears I cry

The tears continued to come, I knew they were coming. I couldn't let him see me cry, let him see me so vulnerable. That was the weak and simple minded Ashley, not anymore; I'm much stronger now.When the tears stopped falling I wiped away the tears and unlocked the stall. Walking up to the mirror I gasped at the sight, I was a wreck. My make-up was smeared all over my face and my mascara was running down my cheeks, how could I let this happen? How could I lose it all...just from one note.

Behind these hazel eyes

As I finished washing off my make-up the bell rang, I didn't realize I had been in the bathroom for so long, I quickly reapplied a light amount of make-up and stepped out before being approached by Ellie.

"Ashley are you alright? I got your books from Kwan's class, you seemed a little upset back there."

I stared at Ellie before gently taking my books from her, "Everything is ruined El, I tried to be friendly with him and he told me to leave him alone. I couldn't take it; not this soon. I'm inlove with him and I don't know how I can get him back."

Ellie was shocked, she never heard me talk like this...actually being IN-LOVE with Craig was something new...she never expected those words to leave my mouth.

"You mean you're in love with him Ash? Like seriously?" Ellie looked confused.

I felt tears welling up behind my eyes, "Yes El that's what I mean, god!" The tears softly fell down my face, "I just want to be with him El, it was hard enough when he was with Manny, but now he's with someone I don't even know. It's the worst it's ever been."

Ellie looked at me before sighing, "Well did you try telling him? Like really telling him how you feel? Because for all you know that could do it. It could change his thinking entirely."

"I tried to talk to him about it El, I've tried over and over again. He just doesn't want to listen."

"Did you tell him you were in love with him? Like wanting to spend the rest of your lives together love? Or did you just say you loved him?"

I eyed her strange, "Well, all I said was that I loved him, but that's not the same thing is it."

She smiled, "Nope, now go tell him how you feel." She pushed me forward as I walked up to Craig's locker and scribbled down a note on a piece of paper before rushing off to my next class; hopefully Craig would get it.

!#$&!#$&!#$&!#$&

As I walked through the hall at the end of the day I noticed the note was gone, but there was one on my locker. I knew who it was from, but I debated whether to open it or not, I knew I would regret it but I unfolded the note. It read:

Ashley, look I realize everything has been crazy with us and things still need to be worked out on where we stand. Meet me in my garage around 4.

-Craig.

I smiled, 'At least this is going somewhere.'

! Craig's Garage !

I sat on the couch fidgeting, anxiously awaiting Craig's arrival. I twirled my hair and shook my leg, my least favorite nervous habits were taking over, finally Craig walked in.

"Sorry I took so long. I was busy doing something upstairs." he flashed a brilliant smiled as his brown locks fell covering his chestnut eyes.

"It's alright. Can we talk now?"

"Sure, go ahead."

I told you everything


Opened up and let you in

"Craig I need to tell you so many things. So many different emotions are running through my mind right now. In a way I'm afraid to tell you, but I know it has to be done. "

"Ashley I want you to know a few things. Back around the holidays when I sort of cheated on you with Manny I never really meant for all that to happen. As much as I said I was sorry I'll never be able to fix that damage. I didn't want to do it, but she somehow mesmerized me. No where inside did I want to hurt you. I wanted to be with you, but everything got messed up. I wish I could fix things, but I can't and that's sort of why I wanted to have this talk."

"That's sort of why I wanted to talk to you too. About everything that's happened with us. I need to tell you so many things right now. I guess I should start off slow." I took in a deep breath before continuing, " Craig, when I found out you cheated on me I was heart broken, I felt there was nothing left inside me and I was alone...alone all along and you were never there. When we got back together I felt it was the greatest and that things were going to last...then you found out your were bipolar and everything changed. I felt I had to be careful around you, but I still wanted things to be the same. Slowly I felt you fade away from me, like as if your condition was getting in the way of our relationship. When everything finally ended and you got back with Manny I saw you as the real Craig. The one I fell head over heels in love with. The one I wanted to marry, to spend the rest of my life with; Craig Manning. That's why I tried to ruin your relationship with Mannypart of me thought that we could be together again and have our happiness." Tears started to stream down my face as I felt his fingertips brush them away.

"Ashley, believe it or not, but I understand. I've changed so much over the past year that I don't even know who I am anymore. Please don't cry Ash, you've cried too many times over me and I won't be responsible for your tears anymore. It's hard for me; after everything we went through, to just sit there and throw it away, to pretend that we weren't engaged, to pretend I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with you, and worst of all, to pretend I didn't love you."


You made me feel alright


For once in my life

I stared into his chestnut eyes as he smiled at me. He loved me too, so I wasn't alone.

"Craig, I...I love you so much. Not just love, I'm IN LOVE with you and I don't know what to do about it. I can't seem to make this feeling go away. You're always there and I can't get you out of my head. I truly love you with every bit of my body. I can't love another because my heart lies with you." I placed his hands over my chest so he could feel the beat, "Do you feel that?" He nodded, "That belongs to you."

Tears brimmed his eyes, "A-Ashley, I...why? I love you, but I can't be with you. It's a complicated nature, but you can't give me this...your heart...it's such a sacred thing, I don't deserve it; I've treated you horrible, I...thank you."

I felt him grasp my hand and look toward me, it was the greatest connection I've ever felt with him, I watched him move closer to me as I waited, I knew it was coming. He was going to kiss me and everything was going to be ok. We were finally going to be together again. I closed my eyes as I felt his lips touch my cheek.

"I truly wish things were different Ashley, because I do love you."


Now all that's left of me


Is what I pretend to be

As tears formed in my eyes I managed a smile, I was wrong. He didn't want me back, he just wanted my friendship. I was a fool thinking I could fix things. I'm so inane, I was stupid to think he could love me again.I was living an inauspicious dream. I abided to the fact that I had lost him. There was nothing more I could do, but try to move on and act like I'm okay.


So together but so broken up inside

I turned to him before getting up.

"Ashley, I hope everything can be okay between us now."

I ostensibly shook my head as he smiled. I opened the door and gently closed it behind me.My heart began to palpitate as I felt my whole body go numb.

Cause I can't breathe


No I can't sleep


I'm barely hanging on

I had to get home, I needed to talk to Ellie, talk to someone; anyone that could understand. Then I thought to myself, 'No...Ellie wouldn't understand. There's only one person who does.' I tried to pull myself together as I walked to Manny's house.

Here I am


Once again

I reluctantly knockedon her door, after standing outside for about half a minute I turned around and started to walk away when I heard someone call my name.

"Ashley? Is that you?"

For some reason the sound of her voice made me feel even worse, I felt the tears brim on my eyelids as I turned around to face the young girl.

"M-Manny, I don't know what to do." I ran up to the girl as she embraced me, tears freely falling down my face.


I'm torn into pieces

After sitting outside for about five minutes she invited me into the house. She offered me a glass of water and told me to explain.

"Manny, it's happened; Craig has finally moved on and me? I'm just not ready for this. Sure I could get by, but I love him. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. I've tried pretending not to care, I've tried to forget him, but as usual I just can't. He's stuck in my mind...possibly forever."

Can't deny it


Can't pretend

Manny looked at me with sympathetic eyes, " I know exactly how you feel. When everything ending with me and Craig I thought the world had ended. My life shattered and I was left with nothing and no one to pick up the broken pieces of my soul. I honestly thought you just interfered because you didn't want me and Craig together, but now I understand. You and I are both in a similar situation. We both love someone who doesn't love us back in the way we want." She placed her hand on mine and I finally felt that someone could understand my problems. Someone would be there to get through this Craig situation with.

"Manny, I...I really thought he was going to be the one. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, but I was wrong." I ran my fingers through my auburn hair and sighed deeply.

Just thought you were the one

"Hey don't beat yourself up, " she beamed, " I thought he was the one too."

For hours me and Manny just sat there talking about everything that happened between our relationships with Craig.

"Remember when he sang that song? Shine I think it was called? I was so in love with him at that point, then everything was destroyed." My eyes filled up with tears again.

Broken up deep inside

"Hey, but don't forget it was the Christmas show and you slapped him in the face!" Manny exclaimed. She was trying so hard to cheer me up...she was doing a good job.

I smiled at her as I wiped away my tears, "Yea, I did didn't I?"


But you won't get to see the tears I cry


Behind these hazel eyes

I went home that night feeling a bit better about myself, knowing that I actually had a somewhat sort of friend there to talk to when I was feeling down; someone who could understand exactly where I was coming from. I knew I had to put the past behind me and try to get over it; try to move on.

Swallow me then spit me out

The next day came and it was my chance to show him I changed, show him I was different and not sappy little pathetic Ashley who needed Craig more than life itself. No, I was a new person now and I was independent.


For hating you I blame myself

Craig turned to me and smiled in the hall, my heart started to melt as I sent a nasty glare at him. He turned and stopped walking.

"What's wrong Ash? I thought we were okay?"

I evilly glared at him, "You thought wrong."

He threw a sneer on his face, "You bitch." With that he left me there, totally speechless and unable to comprehend what had just happened.

The rest of the day was a total blur, that one remark changed my whole perspective and I lost my composure. I couldn't try to be strong invincible Ash, because the truth was on the inside I was small and powerless.


Seeing you it kills me now

I saw him a few more times in the hall and just turned away, that remark changed everything between us. I don't think I can forgive him for this one.

No I don't cry on the outside


ANYMORE!

I walked home that day, opened the door, climbed the stairs; collapsed on my bed and sighed.


Here I am


Once again


I'm torn into pieces

My eyes began to tear, but I pushed them back. I could get through this, I was strong, I was invincible. The more I told myself the less convinced I was. There was no way I could keep up this wall.


Can't deny it


Can't pretend


Just thought you were the one

Although talking to Manny daily was helping me cope, still...it wasn't enough to keep me strong. I looked at my wall, it was filled with pictures, some old , some new, but most with Craig. My eyes scanned over the pictures; me with Craig, just Craig, me and Craig kissing, us holding hands, me laying in his arms. What happened to the most likely to last couple? Everything was gone and I couldn't get it back.


Broken up deep inside

The tears started to come and I didn't stop them, it was my way of venting. At least I could cry in my room alone, no one to see or hear me; just me alone in my own world. No worries and no Craig.


But you won't get to see the tears I cry


Behind these hazel eyes

A/N: Yay! Another chapter of Is it Over complete! Yesss so happy! (dances like a psycho) oh yea! well I'm so sorry for the delay...hopefully the next chapter will be soon. Also this chappy was long...I hope you enjoyed it...hey...do you think you could do me a huge favor? Leave me a pretty review. I'd like to thank the following pple for reviewing my story. Without you I'd have no motivation to continue! TY!

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