Point of View - Grissom

I got in my car again to go home.

I don't think I have ever left on time this many days in a row before...

I didn't like leaving Sara alone, because I worried.

She had an appointment today, not me. It was her first chemo treatment this afternoon at 12:00, and I was going with her, of course. I had to drive her, because she would be weak and nauseous. I got home right at 11:45 and it took fifteen minutes to get to Desert Palms Hospital.

She knew I would be cutting it close time-wise, so we arranged for her to wait for me at the curb.

We didn't talk on the way, because we both didn't know what to say.

She and I found the receptionist as soon as we got into the building and told her why we were here. Sara had already filled out the many insurance forms for herself weeks ago, so we just went right up to the room the nurse told us to go in and the doctor was already there waiting for her. I held her shaky, thin hand as they laid her down and sterilized her forearm as they put the IV tube in.

She was obviously in pain as the toxic chemicals were poured rapidly into her already weak and frail frame.

They said her hair would be intact for the first five or six treatments, but after that she would probably lose most -if not all- of it.

She laid there being treated for one and a half hours of chemotherapy before they said she could go as they removed the IV. She had me pull over a few times for her to be sick on the way to my house.

When we got to the parking area of my neighborhood, I carried her into my townhouse and laid her down carefully on the bed I had set up for her. I tucked her in and she had already fallen asleep.

I prepared a fruit salad for her, along with some ice cold milk. I brought her some painkillers, and kept them by the bedside. I had brought her medicine for nausea and left it on the tray I had put the fruit salad, the milk, and the TV remote on.

I put the tray on her bedside table with a note so she would see it when she woke up.

Point of View -Sara

I woke up slowly.

I had no idea why I was still sore from chemotherapy, but I didn't care. I saw a short letter on the bedside table along with a meal and some medicine. The letter read:

Sara,

I wanted to tell you that, I am no longer afraid to tell you that I am attracted to you now. I saw you so weak, so hurt, and it hurt me to see you in that kind of pain. I had to leave to get some air, but I will be back before you know it. I wanted to take you out for dinner tonight, but you aren't well enough, so we are going to have dinner in bed. I am going to pick up a good movie while I am out also.

-Gil-

I was in tears. I cried even more when I looked up to see Grissom standing in my doorway. He sat down next to me and hugged me until I stopped crying. He smelled so enchanting that I couldn't stand to let him go. The smell wasn't cologne, laundry detergent, or anything like that, it was just 'Grissom'.

I looked up into his deep, hypnotic eyes that I have grown to know and love so strongly and he kissed my forehead so lightly, it was almost a flutter.

He is here, and I'm safe.

And yet I never imagined that I would be here, frail from deadly cancer, being comforted by Grissom in his own home.

I sat quietly and he let me go, but he still stayed next to me and he turned on the news while I ate my fruit salad. I wanted to kiss him for being so sweet, but I resisted the urge.

My heart skipped a beat when he reached over and wiped away my remaining tears with his thumb. I reached for is hand and kissed his fingers comfortingly.

We sat there, still, just looking into each other's eyes, sure that the other one could read their every thought. And I couldn't fight the growing urge burning a hole inside of me any longer.

I closed my eyes and moved forward until our lips brushed together in an act not of lust, but of pure friendship. I savored the soft smell of his breath, the taste of his lips, the feel of my skin against his. He wrapped his hands around me, and stopped kissing me.

He put two fingers up to my lips and got up, as I expected him to walk out. But he turned towards me and reached out. His strong arms lifted me off my bed effortlessly, and he moved me onto the couch. He turned on the TV for me to watch, and he went in the kitchen to fix dinner for us.

Point of View: Grissom

Sara and I just kissed. The thought of what just happened reoccurred in my head so many times, and it still didn't feel real.

Even though it wasn't a romantic act, the thought of us being close friends was enough to make me happy.

I fixed up some spaghetti and garlic bread, but I couldn't focus on that any more than necessary. I looked at her. Her deep brown eyes looked away from the TV for a moment to direct their gaze at me, with a gleam of fear in them. I couldn't stand it.

I went back into the part of the kitchen where she couldn't see me, and I let out all my feelings I tried to ignore, hoping that my intolerance for emotion would make them disappear, but it couldn't. I cried for her life. I couldn't deny the facts that she had informed me of just days ago. Sara had cancer. Kidney cancer. She might need a transplant. She might die...

I had to shake my head to get rid of that horrible thought. She came into the kitchen to see where I had gone, and she saw me.

Red-eyes and wet cheeks. She came up to me and wiped my cheeks dry with her soft, thin fingers.

"Oh god, Gil, what happened?", she said softly, almost too soft to hear.

"I just can't stand to see you so weak and frail. It shook me to see you like this. I , I-", I said as I sighed and bowed my head down, angry that I let anyone see me that emotionally distraught.

I hated myself for letting it get to that point that I needed to cry.

I am supposed to be the person who never let emotions get in the way, even though that hurt the people around me. I never let people see how I felt, afraid that it would make them think I couldn't handle things.

She hugged me and she whispered in my ear that it was all going to be okay. I didn't believe her.

Point of View - Sara

"Gil? Why me?", I asked him as we sat on his couch after I finished taking a nap. I was full from dinner, and I was tired, so I slept as he sat on the chair, thinking.

He took a deep breath, turned to me and said, "I don't know Sara. We are scientists, but even a scientist can't prove why bad things happen to good people. I just know that I am not leaving you during this whole process. I will never let anything bad happen to you anymore, Sara. You don't deserve this."

He seemed to have aged so much in the past few weeks. He looked to old to be 34.

However, I had become thinner and more frail. My skin has become ghostly haggard, and my ribs are protruding out no matter how much food I eat. I was waning away.

We decided that every day we would do something special , because as horrible a thought it was, I might not be here tomorrow. He wanted to make all my moments count.

I could tell he was having a hard time not telling people about my cancer as it progressed, though. So, we made a deal. If any emergency happened, he could tell the other CSI's. I knew that made him feel a tiny bit better, which made me feel a tiny bit better.

The sun had started to set, and Gil decided to take me for a walk.

I marveled at the beauty of him and I walking, holding hands in the sunset.

I started to well up and tears came to my eyes.

We paused to sit on a bench nearby to the path we were on, and he sat me down next to him. I looked at his eyes, seeing the reflection of the setting sun in the distance. We kissed again, only this time it wasn't a friendly kiss, it was a romantic kiss.

He kissed me in a way I had only dreamed about.

But I couldn't relish in that moment quite yet.