To Love Again

Page 3

Sam got Justin in the door and closed it behind her and threw the newspaper on the table along with her keys and backpack, he was right, she was scared to death to open up and possibly care for another, he was simply gorgeous and she couldn't and wouldn't be able to control herself if she was around him simply as friends. But she needed someone, even if for a friend right now, if they could just be that for a while, if she could, it wasn't him it was her, she was messed up trying to hang on to a memory of a loved one, that she loved deeply and missed horribly, who every time that baby looked into her eyes she saw him, he was so much like him. And it was a constant reminder of a man she couldn't stop thinking about. Walking over to the kitchen window she looked outside and saw Jason and his son grabbing her phone off the table she grabbed the number out of her pocket and dialed it.

"Hold on Michael." He said as his phone began to ring he picked it up.

"Hello."

"What part of I don't want to be your friend don't you understand?" She said with her eye on him she walked out the door and glared at him from this side of the gate to her place.

"Oooh you are so busted dad."

"Shut up Michael." He said as he pulled the phone away from his mouth and just looked at her standing there, her hair blowing in the wind from the breeze coming off the ocean.

"Dad I have to go to the bathroom."

"Now?"

"Yeah." He said as he looked at him. "Now dad." Michael continued tugging on his jacket sleeve as he looked down at him and turning he walked away taking Michael under his arm as he rounded the corner he looked back and she was standing there watching him as Michael ran off toward the park to use the restroom he stood and watched her watching him.

"I can't handle you right now, just go away and leave me alone." She said out loud then walking over to the television she turned it on and got the baby to lie down in front of it while she stood at the window and looked out over the bay.

Jason got home and tossed the keys on the desk and put his jacket away and walked into the kitchen and he couldn't stop thinking of her as he opened the refrigerator he stood staring into it with every thought being of her.

"What are you doing dad?" Michael said to him as he walked into the kitchen a few minutes later.

"Getting a beer, why?"

"Well, you have been standing there for five minutes staring at it." He said as he looked at Michael, then he shut the door and walked away from him and went and sat down on the couch. He couldn't concentrate on anything.

"Are you going to be a zombie until she calls you?"

"She won't Michael."

"You're right dad, she probably wont you pissed her off."

"Hey watch your language mister."

"I guess being a "spy" didn't get you the results you wanted."

"Will you just….." He said as his phone started to ring, he looked at it then answered it.

"Hello?"

"I just wanted to say that I was sorry, that's all. You are probably sitting there wondering what you did, which in fact was nothing at all. I am just so messed up." She said starting to cry. "I was wondering if you knew of anyone in the area that could baby-sit Justin for me?"

"Why?"

"Because I have to go to work or I am going to lose the roof over my head Jason." She said and he heard her say his name and he shut his eyes and wanted to hear it more often come from her mouth.

"He needs you to be at home with him Sam."

"Don't you think I know that?"

"Let me help you Sam."

"No. Can you do me a favor Jason?" She said as he acknowledged her saying his name again, he shut his eyes and just stood there for a moment, she obviously didn't know what she was doing to him.

"What?"

"Can you come over here?" she said wondering why she felt compelled to ask him that, I don't want to discuss this with you on the phone."

"I'll be right over." He said as he hung up and in the same breath "Come on Michael, let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"To Sam's."

"Oh no, let's let the games begin." Michael rolled his eyes.

"Well, you can stay with Sonny if you don't want to come with me."

"With that idiot? Forget it."

"That's what I thought you would say." He said walking behind him out the door.

A few minutes later they stood on the other side of Sam's door and knocked.

"Mommy someone's at the door."

"Okay babe, let's see who it is." She said as Jason listened to her, he had the biggest smile on his face.

"You should see you face right now dad." Michael said just as she opened the door and looked into Jason's eyes.

"Come on in." She said as they walked in.

"Michael!" Justin said latching onto his leg.

"Hey buddy."

"Michael he is watching TV, I think Sesame Street is on, or there are toys in his room to play with."

"Okay." He said.

"Would you like something to drink? I have soda and juice?"

"No thank you."

"How about you Jason?"

"Uh no, I am okay, thanks." He said smiling at her.

"I like that."

"What?"

"You're smile, it's nice." She said as he looked at her the music played softly in the background of the room, "Would you like to sit out on the patio?" She gestured to him.

"Yeah, that would be nice." He said as he watched her he couldn't help it, she was so soft and beautiful, and gd he wanted to be more than friends with her, but she wasn't in place where she could give him all of her right now and she needed to be, not only for her but for him also. Walking out with her he sat down on the opposite side of the table as she looked at him and he looked back at her, then she looked away and wiped the tears. Why did she invite him here, why?

"I'm sorry Sam, for all that has happened to you, I can't even begin to understand how hard it has been on you."

"Are you married or were you?"

"No."

"Then where is his mom?"

"She died in a car accident."

"Then you understand perfectly Jason."

"No, Not really, I wasn't IN love with Carly, she was my friend, and Michael was a little one when it happened, so I took him in to be my own. I have never fallen in love Sam."

"Jason, I find that a little hard to believe, you could have any woman you wanted."

"Yeah, but I don't want any woman." He said looking at her.

"Don't Jason."

"Don't what?"

"Don't start wanting more than I can give you right now." She said looking into his eyes.

"God you are so beautiful." He said not being able to stop from saying that to her.

"Thanks he used to tell me that all the time." She said as her voice trailed off she looked back at him, making everything in him go weak. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that to you, that was unfair and totally uncalled for, you want to be my friend and the truth is Jason I need you to be my friend."