AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, you have my sincerest apologies for the shortness of this one. I tried to get five pages out of it, but it wound being seriously tedious and just sounded bad. So I ended up cutting most of it out. It sounds a lot better this way, though.

All right, look. All I've ever wanted was to be an ordinary boy and work at the town hall like my dad. I was going to find a nice girl to marry, like Julia. I mean, we've been friends since we were kids. I was going to have my own family and kids, and live in Tenel for the rest of my life. It was going to be very nice and predictable. Maybe that all sounds a little boring to you, but it's what I've always wanted.

No, that's not right. It's what I expected. But that's just the way life goes, right? You grow up, get married, and have kids. That's just how it works. Then you showed up and ruined everything.

I mean, you helped Annie, and I'm grateful for that. But you turned her shadow pink! Although, that did turn out okay, after all. But then, you started drawing attention to me, and it really freaked me out. I'm not used to that; I'm used to everyone overlooking me. I was comfortable being ignored like that. Then you decided we were going to go on an adventure.

I'm not cut out for a life of adventure. I never wanted a life of adventure. I wanted to stay in Tenel and go to school. I wanted to come home and get teased by Annie. Well, maybe I didn't really want that part. And I guess I didn't really like school that much, either. But that's beside the point.

I've always been quiet and shy. I know that. And I never wanted to change. I mean, maybe I did, a little. But not really. Do you know what I mean? I've known what to expect from life, and I've always known exactly where I stood in the grand scheme of things: behind it, and slightly to the left. Which, coincidentally enough, is usually where I end up standing behind Annie or my dad.

I love stories about adventure, and I guess I did kind of want to go on one. I come from a long line of adventurers after all, and mom and grandpa make it sound really exciting. But those were just stories to me. Real adventures are scary and dangerous. I've always known that. They're filled with monsters that try to kill you and dank dungeons with fatal traps. I mean, hearing some of my mom's stories, I'm surprised she didn't get herself killed!

You know, before you showed up, I was pretty happy with life. I had everything I needed going for me. I could have been someone! Well, maybe not. Eh, probably not.

Oh, who am I kidding? I would never have been anyone important. But my life would have been pleasantly monotonous. That's all I ever wanted out of life. Just a quiet existence with a nice girl who won't treat me like a common servant. Everything would be nice and predictable and comfortable.

Then you came along and forced me out of my comfortable existence into this role of slave. You made me fight monsters and then stand idly by while you took the credit. You made people notice me, and you made Julia hate me. Then you made me wander all over the world fighting off demons in a war I didn't know anything about and didn't want anything to do with.

What am I even doing here? I'm no hero, and I'm certainly not evil like you. I'm not even on the Classification List. I shouldn't even be here. I should be home doing chores. I should be listening to the Bakery Woman lecture me about standing out more. Instead, I'm here, being followed around by the motliest crew ever to go adventuring. I'm trying to protect a snotty, bratty Princess who treats me like dirt with the help of a Hero, a scientist, and a bunch of ex-Evil Kings. And the worst part of it is, they all seem to have accepted me as the leader of this debacle, despite you and Princess Marlene always trying to give orders.

In all my wildest dreams, I never expected anything like this. If someone had told me, before this all began, that this was going to happen, I would have laughed at them. I mean, this really is crazy if you stop to think about it. My shadow has been possessed by an Evil King, who has sworn to fight evil. Evil fighting evil. That doesn't even make sense. And I'm in the middle of it all. Me! The quiet bookworm from Tenel. The kid whose name and existence are barely remembered by most people. I've always been a nobody; I was used to being a nobody. If you hadn't come along, I'd still be a nobody.

But you did come along, and now people know who I am in towns I had never even been to. I've met the Princess. I'm leading a band of travelers on an adventure to fight evil. I've changed so much; I'm stronger, more outspoken. And it's all because of you. You ruined my old life and forced me into this strange new one. My life now is filled with danger and uncertainty, because of you.

So I guess what I'm saying is, thanks, Stan.

Yeah, right. Who am I kidding? I'm never going to say that aloud.