Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait. I've been working on all of my other fanfics and have kinda been ignoring this one. XP Bad Koichi. Bad. ((smacks herself)) Yay for sexy SeishirouxSubaru scenes in Laundry and Lemons. I am so good. X3
Warning: Um…Seishirou being a bastard, Subaru being a posterboy for angst, and um…Liz. Being herself. As you can probably tell, this chapter serves absolutely no true purpose.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to CLAMP, but Liz belongs to me. Sorta. Because she acts as my uke when we go to parties. Also, Tsukasa is mine, damn it. ((glomps Tsukasa))
Part Seven: Kanashimi
I hate myself, Subaru thought as he wallowed in self-loathing.
He had become what he hated. The former Head of the Sumeragi Clan was no longer who he once was. The young man had started as an innocent young boy, later corrupted by the darkness that was the Sakurazukamori. Even when he was but a teenager, he stood no chance at a normal life. Sumeragi Subaru was the prey to the Sakurazukamori since the beginning. And now, he was the Sakurazukamori, using his onmyoujitsu to do just the opposite of what he had been raised to do: to kill.
Yet, even though he killed, it kept the magical balance of the country in check. So, he still protected the country; just no longer the people. He killed the people for the sake of the country. Even still, it felt wrong and he hated doing the job.
Subaru watched as his latest target prepared for bed: Kuzuki Takeshi, a corrupt governmental official. The Sakurazukamori's employers had requested the man's death on account of numerous embezzlements and lies. Subaru had looked into Takeshi-san's background and found that the man had used his own son in order to profit. Upon finding out about this, Subaru had contacted Kuzuki Kakyou.
"I've been assigned to…kill your father, Kakyou-san."
The yumemi looked at Subaru, his eyes filled with the same quiet sadness as usual. Subaru waited for Kakyou to say something.
"My father is a horrible man, Subaru-san," the golden haired man replied. "I know it is a harsh thing for me to say, but if my father is to die, it will happen. I've foreseen his death several times, but I've never seen who it was who killed him in my dreams."
"I apologize, Kakyou-san."
"No need to apologize," Kakyou told him. "I admit I never liked my father. He used me, locked me up, and forbade visitors other than those who paid. I have long ago stopped caring for my father."
Subaru set up his still-feeble illusion and silently entered the Kuzuki household. He made sure that only Takeshi and himself were inside the illusion, then allowed Takeshi to see him. With a feeble apology, he killed the man and sent his soul to the Tree to feed upon. Then, he left the house, keeping the illusion up until he was safely out of sight.
Minutes later, he stood on the balcony outside his apartment. His arm was still coated in blood, but the sight and the smell no longer bothered him as much as it had the first few times Subaru had killed. He took out a cigarette and lit it, taking a long drag on it.
I hate what I've become, he thought as he blew out smoke. I'm a murderer. It doesn't matter if it's still to protect Japan. I've killed so many.
Subaru knew he couldn't just give up being the Sakurazukamori. The only way to get out of the job was to be killed and pass the position on to the one who killed him. He didn't think about what would happen if he were to commit suicide. Besides, at the rate he was going, he would die of malnutrition before he committed suicide.
.:That's right, Subaru. Go eat something.:. the Tree said. .:You haven't eaten for days.:.
"I'm not hungry," Subaru muttered in response.
.:You're worse than Seishirou. He ate. Never slept properly, but at least he would eat.:.
Subaru stared out over the city of Tokyo. He sighed and put out his cigarette. Then he went inside and headed into the bathroom. Peeling off his blood-soaked clothes, he got in the shower and turned the water on as hot as he could stand. For a while, he merely let the rushing water pummel his body, washing away the blood from his arm. He let his thoughts wander as the rhythms of the water hitting his body and the shower stall intertwined, creating an effect like that of a rhapsodic waterfall.
Subaru slipped into the warm water. He closed his eyes and let his body relax. It felt good, to be able to stay home and loosen up for a while. It wasn't often that he got to relax, with his work schedule and all. It was a privilege that was to be savored.
The young Sumeragi didn't even notice when another person entered the bathroom. The black-clad figure entered in silence, making sure that none of his movements were audible. A predatory smirk crossed his lips at the sight of the Sumeragi. He undressed and slipped into the bath with Subaru, surprising the younger man as he wrapped his arms around the Sumeragi's thin waist.
Subaru's eyes snapped open. "SEISHIROU-SAN!"
Sakurazuka Seishirou's mismatched eyes met Subaru's as the younger man turned to look at him. Subaru struggled against him, but when the older man's grip didn't loosen, he gave up. He half-way expected the Sakurazukamori to do unmentionable things to him, but was surprised when the only thing that happened was Seishirou taking the soap scrub and coat Subaru's body in suds.
Subaru put one hand against the wall to steady himself. The memory burned itself on the back of his eyelids, so that when he closed his eyes, he would see it. That simple act that Seishirou had made, getting into the bath with him, was one of the few gentle things that the older man had done. It had also been the last time the two of them had been together. Subaru had killed Seishirou the next day.
(("Boku wa…kimi to…" Seishirou whispered with much effort.))
Subaru shook his head. Though it had been a few months since Seishirou's death, the memory was still clear. It still pained him, though he knew that it was what Seishirou had wanted.
The young man finished washing and got out of the shower, pulling a towel around his waist. He went into his room and pulled out some clothes. Drying off and getting dressed, Subaru decided to go out. He always did find comfort in walking around at night.
Kakyou looked up at Seishirou. The man was standing in front of him, his eyes angry. The yumemi should have known. There was no way to prevent this.
"I suppose you want to speak with Fuuma?" Kakyou asked, monotonously.
"Yes," Seishirou said. "I need to have a few words with him."
Kakyou nodded and brought Seishirou and himself into Fuuma's desolate dreamscape. Seishirou looked around. The place was all but empty. It felt as though everything from the dreamscape of Fuuma's previous persona had been sucked into a black hole and utterly destroyed.
"Well, you're a sight for sore eyes," a voice behind him said.
Seishirou spun around to face the Dark Kamui. The teenager stood about a foot away with a smirk on his face. Seishirou pulled his arm back and punched the younger man square in the jaw.
"What makes you think you're allowed to touch Subaru!" the former Sakurazukamori demanded.
Fuuma rubbed his jaw. "I didn't think that I wasn't," he said, re-adjusting his jaw. For a dead man, Seishirou could hit pretty damn hard. He caught the glare that his former Angel was giving him and decided to say something else. "For Christ's sake, Seishirou. Subaru is just full of frustration and it drives me crazy. Unless you haven't noticed, tension is not the easiest thing to deal with."
"That's unacceptable," Seishirou spat. "You and I talked about this. You are not to touch Subaru-kun. You've already left too many scars on him."
"And how many have you left on him?"
Seishirou didn't reply to that question. "Keep your hands off Subaru-kun. The next time you touch him, I won't hesitate to kill you."
Fuuma rolled his eyes. He wasn't worried about Seishirou killing him. After all, there was no way that the former Sakurazukamori could truly harm him. He was the Dark Kamui, and much stronger than Seishirou, despite his young age. Plus, Seishirou was dead; that was a plus of sorts.
"I've given you my warning," Seishirou said. With that, he signaled to Kakyou that he was going to leave.
Kakyou nodded and ended the dream.
Subaru woke up the next morning underneath the Tree. He reflected on last night. He remembered coming to the Tree around in the morning and sitting beneath it. Sleep must have finally gotten to him shortly after.
The Sakurazukamori stretched and sat up. And found himself face-to-face with young Hashimoto Tsukasa. He blinked, and then saw Kuniko standing nearby. Subaru gave his old friend a soft smile. Kuniko gave him a kind wave then came over to him.
"How long have you been here, Subaru-san?" the young woman asked.
Subaru shrugged apathetically. "Since around three."
"Three this morning?"
Another shrug. "I guess."
"That's so dangerous! How can you be so careless!"
Subaru blinked. Kuniko looked at him with worried eyes. She kneeled down next to him and put her arms around his shoulders.
"You have to be careful, Subaru-san," Kuniko told the former Sumeragi. "It's too dangerous for people to be out alone anymore."
Subaru nodded, though he knew that he had no reason to worry about being attacked around the Tree. It would protect him, as he protected it. If anything harmful approached Subaru here, the Tree would take care of it. Subaru had its word.
"Promise me you won't do that again?"
Subaru nodded. Kuniko let out a small sigh of relief. She stood and offered Subaru a hand. Subaru blinked at her, and then took her hand.
"Come on," she said. "I'll buy some tea for you. There's a great place not far from here."
"Sure."
"Come on, Tsukasa," Kuniko told her son.
The boy smiled and came running over. He took his mother's hand as the three of them headed out of Ueno Park. Kuniko led the way to a tea house not far from the park, as she said. The three of them got a table and sat down, looking at the choices for the teas the teahouse served. After a few minutes, a young woman, obviously American, came up.
"Hello! I'm Liz, I'll be your waiter!" she smiled. (1) "Wonderful day for a family outing, isn't it?"
"We…actually aren't a family," Kuniko said, a bit embarrassed. "Su-Sumeragi-san and I are just old friends."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Liz said. "My bad. I'm always jumping to conclusions about these things. You just seemed to look so right together and…hey! Cool! You're eyes are two different colors!"
Subaru shrunk beneath the girl's happy attitude. "Aa…yes…they are…"
"That's so cool!" Liz beamed. Then she frowned. "Oh, sorry! I'm supposed to be taking your orders!"
"Oh, it's okay," Kuniko said. "Uh…I'll have the Imperial White (2) and some sliced mangos, please. Tsukasa, what do you want?"
"Almond cookies!" Tsukasa smiled.
((Author's Note: Oh, gods, he's adorable. Pity he winds up as such a bastard. Everyone huggle him. You know you want to.))
"I'll just have the Green Kukicha," Subaru said. (3)
The girl smiled and took their menus, heading to the back of the teahouse. Subaru cast his glance downwards. He felt uncomfortable at the present moment. The last time he had been at a teahouse was with Seishirou. It brought back too many memories for the former Sumeragi.
(("May I join you for a cup of tea, Subaru-kun?"))
Subaru shook his head to try to block out the memories. Liz came back with their orders and set them down in front of them. She then bounded over to another table to take orders. Subaru picked up his tea and took a sip of it. The hot liquid slid down his throat, warming his body.
"Subaru-san, would you like one?" Tsukasa asked, holding up one of the almond cookies he had ordered.
Subaru blinked at the cookie. He shook his head. "No, that's okay."
Tsukasa shrugged and popped the cookie into his mouth. He munched happily on the cookie, and then stole a sip of his mother's tea to wash it down.
((Author's Note: That's it! He's just too cute!))
"S-Subaru-san!" a young voice called.
Subaru whipped his head around to see Nekoi Yuzuriha come into the teahouse, accompanied by a heavy-built older man, whom he recognized as Shiyuu Kusanagi, one of his fellow Angels. Fuuma had pointed the man out once, saying that Kusanagi was "a worthless man" for not doing his duty as one of the Chi no Ryu. Yuzuriha came running over to the table Subaru, Kuniko, and Tsukasa sat at.
"Subaru-san!" Yuzuriha cried. "We've all been looking for you!"
"What makes you think I want you to find me?" Subaru asked, monotonously. "I'm no longer one of the Seven Seals. Therefore, I don't need to have anything to do with any of you."
Yuzuriha's eyes widened in a mix of pain and surprise. "But, Subaru-san! We need you!"
"No one needs me," the Sakurazukamori said. He stood up and turned to Kuniko. "I'm sorry, Hashimoto-san. But I need to leave." He pulled out some cash and handed it to Kuniko. "This should be enough to pay for everything."
Before Kuniko could protest, or before Yuzuriha could try to stop him, Subaru left the teahouse and headed home. He was not in the mood to talk to any of the Seals. Then again, it was rare he was in the mood to talk to anyone. Really, it seemed to him that people no longer mattered.
Then why did he talk to Kuniko?
He paused. It was a good question. And one that he didn't have an answer to. Was the reason he talked to her because she was a link to his past? Well, yes. In a way, she was. Kuniko had been his friend, over nine years ago. Before he had lost everything. And it appeared now that she still meant to be his friend.
But why? he asked himself. I'm not worth the time.
Subaru shook his head and continued home. When he got to his apartment, he went into the kitchen, fed Sei, and then took the kitten into the bedroom. He was tired and Sei was good company.
Subaru lay down on the bed. Sei purred and curled up next to her master. Subaru smiled softly and ran a hand over the kitten's back.
It was a while before Subaru got to sleep. He slept the rest of the day, into the night, and well into the morning. He deserved it.
Author's Note: Ah, yes. The wonders of senior year. ((pause)) I hate it. Thank gods, it's almost over.
(1): Yes, Lizzie is a happy person. Except when I give her angst fics such as this one. Then she cries and decides she hates me for a few minutes.
(2) and (3): Both taken from the Tao of Tea website ((www(dot)taooftea(dot)com))
Thanks to:
Sapadu: You're proud of me? Thanks!
Chris Pwure: Oh, trust me. Seishirou is not just jealous. He's pissed off at Fuuma and that was revealed, now wasn't it?
Haunted Quill: Oh, Kuniko-chan's a very important piece of this fic, isn't she? I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing with her at the moment, but she's fun. And yes, the kitten, Sei, is just adorable!
SuperSeme Fuuma: I'm glad you liked it, despite having read it for me before I posted. Thanks again!
Calasstria-Star: Wow. I'm glad you like this fic so much! I'm actually surprised that so many people like it. I never expected it to be so loved.
Lady-Willowish: Huzzah for angst-queens! ((high-fives you)) Thanks for the review and there's still more to come! X3
Eerie: I got you hooked after only the fourth chapter? Yay! I have succeeded! ((does a happy dance))