Chapter 1

Author's Note: Thanks to lost dreamer for this idea…also, this is set a couple of months after the conclusion of Gone too Far Away

After it was all over, he would never be able to pinpoint its beginning. All he could see were the events leading up to it, the events following it, and the events occurring directly because of it. Indeed, it truly is difficult to decide the starting point in any event in any life. There are so many factors, so many what ifs that one could spend an entire lifetime unraveling such a starting point. But this morning seemed as good as any to label as a beginning.

Erestor woke up just before sunrise, as always. Glorfindel was draped over him, pinning him down in a surprisingly uncomfortable position, as always. Glorfindel had stolen all the blankets, leaving Erestor shivering slightly, as always. But something was different today, and it took Erestor a little while to decide what it actually was. Yanking the blankets back from Glorfindel and wrapping them securely around himself, he kissed Glorfindel on the shoulder (realistically the only part of Glorfindel he could reach without waking him up), he remembered. Today was the two-month anniversary of the funeral. He wondered if Glorfindel would remember, and if so, how badly he would take it.

Thinking about Elrond put Erestor in a bad mood. It always did these days. Having had to deal with Glorfindel directly after Elrond's death, he had never really been able to mourn. There just hadn't been any time. It was starting, slowly, to get to him, in small, subtle,ways. For no reason at all, he would cry sometimes. That was the worst, because he wasn't the kind of elf that cried much. Then there would be days on end where he could think of nothing but his own mortality. The stress of all the work certainly wasn't helping at all. Even with Glorfindel's help, the amount of work that needed doing was beyond anything that either of them could ever accomplish. They had enlisted the help of several more elves, but it didn't seem to be helping all that much. So when Erestor's mind wasn't thinking about how easy it would be for him to be killed, it was worrying about the reports that weren't being read and the work that should be done. It had led to him become a surreptitious drinker, perhaps more so than was strictly good for him.

It had to be surreptitious, because he was the only one holding Imladris together. If he fell apart, so would everything else. Glorfindel was getting better, but he was nowhere near fixed. It would be a long time before Glorfindel could haul his own emotional weight. So Erestor had to bear that burden as well. He was just one elf. All of this was slowly getting to be too much for him. Hence the drinking. It had started one lonely night, faced with the prospect of nothing but work all night. Drinking a little brandy had done wonders for his peace of mind. But he had to be careful. No one could find out. So far, no one had.

In summation, life itself was simply becoming too much of a burden on Erestor. The elves of Imladris now saw him as nothing short of their savior. He had already gained a significant amount of respect from Lorien and Mirkwood. Even the dwarves seemed more cordial than was their wont. None of them saw below his flawless exterior to the cracked, tortured fëa that was hiding within. Not even his lover. Glorfindel had his own considerable number of problems to deal with. Or rather, Erestor had Glorfindel's problems to deal with.

Glorfindel now mumbled incoherently and awoke. He saw that, as always, Erestor was awake, ready to be freed from the bed. Depending on Glorfindel's mood, this took anywhere from a couple of minutes to upwards of an hour. He kissed Erestor on the cheek and rolled off of him. Erestor began to stretch cramped limbs, trying to massage some feeling into them. As usual, it was a futile task. Having slept in that position most of the night, Erestor knew that his arms would not return to full working ability for at least another hour, no matter what he did to try to speed the process up. "What do we have to do today?" he asked, sitting up and running a hand through his disheveled blonde hair. He looked at Erestor fondly, smiling when he saw the bite marks high enough up that nothing would cover them. He wondered if Erestor remembered about them.

"Work, as always," said Erestor shortly. This morning's pensiveness had put him in a bad mood. While he didn't like to take his bad moods out on Glorfindel, it happened sometimes. "More work than yesterday, just as there will be more work tomorrow than there is today." Added to the fact that Glorfindel didn't appear to be in the mood for any before-breakfast sex, today looked like it was going to be a very bad day.

Glorfindel had seen Erestor in these moods before. And he only knew of one way to get rid of them. He leaned over and pulled Erestor back into bed. "I'm sure it can wait at least a little while." He ran his hand down Erestor's smooth chest, stopping just above the groin. Marks of last night's lovemaking were still clearly evident on Erestor's body (in fact, considered Glorfindel, Erestor's body had been so marked every night for about two months), and Glorfindel was proud that he was responsible for them. He kissed Erestor passionately, hoping to ease some of Erestor's stress away.

For some reason, though, now Erestor was not in the mood for sex. He pushed Glorfindel away. "No, the work can't wait. We say that nearly every morning, and it just builds up and up…"

"Erestor, darling, calm down." He tried one last time for a kiss, but Erestor got out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom. Normally, Glorfindel would have followed him. But this morning, he heard the distinctive click of the bathroom door being locked. Glorfindel flopped down on the bed, frowning. He hated it when Erestor got moody like this. And it was starting to happen with more and more regularity.

Glorfindel was honestly trying to make this relationship work, but it seemed to be failing a little more every day. It had started out great. Glorfindel had moved into Erestor's room by the end of the first week. Everyone had seemed more productive, and Glorfindel had thought that they had both managed to get over Elrond. He had thought that they could finally start to move on with their lives.

That was about when the first dreams had started. Glorfindel had been woken up in the middle of the night to find Erestor thrashing about wildly, mumbling incoherently most of the time. The few times that Glorfindel could make out words, they appeared to pertain to Elrond. What worried Glorfindel more, though, was that through these dreams, Erestor cried. Not sob-crying, just tears streaming endlessly down his cheeks crying. The first time this had happened, Glorfindel woke Erestor up. Erestor had seemed a little ashamed, they had had sex, and then gone back to sleep. The dreams went away for about a week, and then returned. Glorfindel was now used to them occurring about three or four times a week. He never mentioned them to Erestor. There was no point in upsetting him any more.

Then there was the drinking. Glorfindel knew that Erestor had gone to some lengths to conceal that from him, but Glorfindel wasn't stupid. The stress was getting to Erestor. Only Erestor wasn't letting him help at all. Erestor seemed to still think that he needed to be sheltered and protected. In reality, though, he really was getting better. And he wanted to help Erestor. Erestor had done so much for him that Glorfindel wanted to give a little back.

Acknowledging the fact that this morning, like every morning this week, they were going to leave separately without even really a kiss, Glorfindel pulled some clothes on. Part of him wanted to wait until Erestor came out of the bathroom. A larger part of him knew that that would probably only lead to a fight. Glorfindel had not thought that a relationship with such reasonably good foundations could go downhill so stunningly fast.

Just as he was opening the door to leave, Erestor emerged from the bathroom. He looked stunning, as always. Dressed in formal clothes, which he seemed to prefer, he had a stately elegance matched only by Elrond. However, he did not look a thing like the elf that Glorfindel really loved. Erestor smiled, though, and said, "If you'll give me a couple of minutes, we can go together."

Glorfindel smiled and nodded, then retreated to a chair. He watched Erestor finish fixing his hair and wanted nothing more than to go over there, slam that perfect body onto the bed, rip those robes off that covered all of Erestor's body, and fuck him like he deserved to be fucked. He did make it as far as getting up and walking over, but only managed a small kiss before Erestor said, once again, "We have to get to work."

Glorfindel shook his head this time. "No, you're already not having a good day. I want to start it off on a pleasant note." Glorfindel's practiced hands easily found their way through Erestor's robes and to the thin silk shirt underneath. It only took a few more moments before his hands passed that barrier, as well. He leaned in and captured another kiss, this time with a wonderfully compliant Erestor. It did not go much further than this kiss, though, for a knock on the door forced them to separate. "Come in," said Glorfindel, decidedly grouchy about having his good fortunes spoiled.

It was a servant. They were always the ones to interrupt his and Erestor's more enjoyable parts of the day. "Lord Erestor, Lord Celeborn has just arrived and is asking to see you."

Erestor visibly paled. This was something he had been trying to avoid ever since he had taken over. Evidently, Celeborn had gotten tired of Erestor's excuses and decided to just come to Imladris. "Tell him that I will be right there." The servant nodded and then disappeared. Erestor turned and fell heavily into Glorfindel's arms. He allowed himself only an instant of weakness, though, as he quickly pulled himself together. "Looks like today will be even worse than usual."

Glorfindel smiled. "I'm sure I can make it better for you." He whispered tantalizingly into Erestor's ear, "I'm going to come into your office sometime today and I'm gonna fuck you right there. And I hope that someone comes in and sees us." Frankly, that was something he had wanted to do ever since he had started sleeping with Erestor.

"You need to get control over yourself," said Erestor, but he allowed himself to be laid down on the bed and thoroughly ravished before being set free to go see Celeborn. Lying flat on his back, with Glorfindel's head resting lightly on his stomach, curled up beside him, Erestor could remember the good parts of life.

"You can tell me what's bothering you," said Glorfindel, uncurling himself and moving up the bed to lie beside his lover. "This is a mutual relationship. You help me, I help you. You don't have to take all the burdens on yourself. That's what I'm here for."

Erestor pulled Glorfindel on top of him and kissed him hard, passionately, almost violently. Glorfindel knew that he would never get tired of just lying in bed, kissing Erestor. The kiss, as both of them had known it would, led to both of them growing hard. And neither really wanted to face a day of work with a dilemma like that. So it had necessitated their staying in bed even longer. Not that either of them were complaining.

Finally, though, Erestor pushed Glorfindel off of him, slipped back into his robes, went into the bathroom for about thirty seconds to check his appearance (and scowling at the bite-marks on his neck), collected Glorfindel, and set off through the halls. As usual, they parted at Glorfindel's office with a kiss. Glorfindel was sure that today's kiss was definitely longer and more passionate than those he had received recently. Perhaps, after all his worries, Erestor had just been having a bad week.

Erestor left Glorfindel, confident that he had reassured the other that he was completely fine. It was so easy to get Glorfindel to believe it. He didn't want to be a burden on Glorfindel, and so he would just let Glorfindel go on, thinking that everything was fine. Erestor knew that he could handle it. He was strong enough. He had to be strong enough.

Author's Note: So who's in favor of a complete breakdown?