Author's Note: Yes, yes, yes. I realize that I'm a cruel, cruel person for what I did to Subaru last chapter. You are all free to come kill me if you wish. I'll even give you my address. 613 Mt Shasta Dri—OMFG! I SMELL CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!
Warnings: A bit of angst, the Tree, and a touch of Bitter!Subaru. Voila, we have part nine of Ces Larmes Je Pleure. Huzzah.
Disclaimer: -Author is too busy listening to her new Rasmus CD to give a damn about writing a bloody disclaimer- Oh…wow. Lauri has incredibly sexy eyes.

Part Nine: Yakusoku

Kuniko waited outside the hospital room. Her hands were shaking. She could still see Subaru's blood-covered arm and his pale white face on the back of her eyelids. Her mind was filled with Subaru's heavy breath and she couldn't get the fear of losing her friend to go away. The words of the medical assistants in the ambulance ran through her head.

(("He's lost a lot of blood," one of the assistants said. "I don't know if he'll make it."))

Holding her hands together, Kuniko prayed that Subaru did make it through. She didn't want to lose her friend. They hadn't seen each other in several years, but Kuniko felt that their friendship had remained over the years. She had grown stronger because of him; because of the help he had given her in her time of need. Now she felt that she had to be there for Subaru in his time of need.

Kuniko raised her head as the door to Subaru's room opened. One of the doctors came out. Kuniko stood to meet him. The doctor put one hand on her shoulder.

"We've stitched up the wound and wrapped it," he told her. "There's an IV replacing the blood he's lost. There's a good chance that he'll make it. It's a good thing we got to him in time."

"May I please go in and see him?" Kuniko asked.

"Well…visiting hours are over, but I suppose I could let you."

"Thank you!"

"One thing, though," the doctor said. "His wrists were cut up pretty badly as well and there're signs that he may have been raped. Do you know anything about what might have happened?"

"No," Kuniko replied, shaking her head. "He called me at my home, saying he didn't want to die. And he kept apologizing."

"For what?"

"I don't know. The ones he was apologizing to have died."

"Hmm…" the doctor mused. "Well. We'll be checking on him every now and then."

"Thank you, sensei," Kuniko said. She bowed to the doctor, then turned and opened the door to Subaru's room.

It was very late. The sky outside was dark and the only light in the room was a small dim lamp on a table in the corner of the room. The room was very blank, with only a single painting of a hydrangea plant on one wall. Kuniko approached Subaru's bed and sat down in the chair next to the bed. She looked at her friend. He looked even paler than he had in the ambulance. His eyes were closed and his breath was steady.

They must have sedated him quite heavily, Kuniko thought. He was so panicked when he called.

She wondered what would have pushed Subaru so far as to make him attempt suicide. She knew so little about this Subaru. Things had changed so much since they met over nine years ago. She had grown strong, married, and gave birth to her son. Subaru, on the other hand…she had no clue what he might have gone through. Yes, he had told her that his sister had died and that the person special to him had also died, just recently at that.

"Oh, Subaru-san," Kuniko sighed. "I wish I could help you. But you need to let me know what you're going through."

Hokuto and Seishirou were watching over Subaru in the small pond that allowed them to see into the living world. Hokuto had sensed when Subaru had cut his arm open. She had run directly to the pond, with Seishirou right behind her. As they watched him, Subaru pressed a towel to his heavily bleeding arm, called someone, and muttered a few almost incoherent sentences before he collapsed. Seishirou looked shocked and worried. Hokuto was absolutely appalled and furious.

"What was he thinking!" she shrieked. "Trying to commit suicide! Why I oughta--!"

"Calm down, Hokuto-chan," Seishirou told her.

"Calm down! CALM DOWN!" Hokuto shouted. "MY LITTLE BROTHER JUST TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN!"

"He must have had a reason to do this," Seishirou said.

"Oh, when I get my hands on him!" Hokuto threatened.

Seishirou thought for a moment. Then, he stood up and headed off. Hokuto watched him, confused for a moment.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To see Kakyou."

Hokuto blinked. She slammed her fist into her hand. "Of course! He can get us into Subaru's dreams. He is asleep right now. We can ask him what happened, if he's okay, and—"

"Hokuto, please, be quiet."

Hokuto blinked at Seishirou and closed her mouth. It was obvious that Seishirou was quite worried about Subaru and didn't need her running her mouth at the moment. The two of them entered Kakyou's Dreamscape and began to search for the yumemi.

Subaru sat in his desolate Dream. He was dressed in a long robe and his left arm was covered by a bandage. He looked as he did in the real world; pale, malnourished, and downright depressed. He was huddled in the corner of his Dreamscape, knees drawn up to his chest, with his arms resting on them. His head was down, but one could still see the bloody tears that ran down his face.

"Subaru-kun?"

Subaru twitched, but refused to look up. Footsteps sounded as Seishirou approached the younger man. The former Sakurazukamori kneeled next to his successor and put a hand on his shoulder. Subaru flinched away from Seishirou's touch. Confused, Seishirou moved his hand away.

"Subaru-kun?" he asked. "Look at me."

"No…" Subaru said. "I can't…I can't…"

"Is it because you tried to kill yourself?"

Subaru shook his head. "No…

"Something happened to you," Seishirou said. "Something made you try to kill yourself."

Subaru remained silent. Seishirou put his arms around Subaru's shoulders and pulled him close. The younger man shivered, as if he was afraid of Seishirou's touch.

"What happened, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou asked, refusing to let go of the younger man. "Don't be afraid to tell me."

"I…can't…"

"It was Fuuma again, wasn't it?"

Subaru was silent, but slowly nodded his head. His right hand reached up and held onto Seishirou's jacket. Seishirou noticed the dark ring around Subaru's wrist and held onto Subaru's hand.

"What did he do to you?" he asked, his voice completely calm.

Subaru, still not raising his head, muttered something under his breath. Seishirou slipped one hand under Subaru's chin and forced him to look up. Seishirou saw the blood that ran down from the younger man's eyes like crimson tears.

"Subaru-kun, tell me what he did to you."

Hesitantly, Subaru told Seishirou what happened. The older man listened, nodding solemnly. Subaru lowered his head when he finished talking, afraid to look into Seishirou's eyes.

"Are…are you mad, Seishirou-san?" he asked. "What I didn't do as you said?"

"No, Subaru-kun," Seishirou told him. "It wasn't your fault." He kissed the top of Subaru's head. "You fought. That's all you needed to do."

Subaru held onto the older man. Seishirou lifted his lover's head once again and wiped the bloody tears from Subaru's face. Subaru sniffled.

"I'm sorry, Seishirou-san," he said.

"Don't. You weren't at fault," Seishirou told him.

Subaru shook his head. "Not about that." He lifted his bandaged left arm. "For this. I…I just…"

"Wanted to be with me."

"You heard?" Subaru blinked.

Seishirou nodded. "Hokuto-chan and I watched from the time you cut your arm."

"Hokuto…is she mad?"

"She's livid. That's why I didn't let her come."

Subaru let out a choked half-laugh. He leaned into Seishirou's arms, resting his head on the older man's chest. He felt Seishirou's hold on him tighten slightly, protectively.

"Seishirou-san?" Subaru whispered.

"Yes, Subaru-kun?"

"Will you stay with me for a while? Like you used to?"

Seishirou gave the younger man a soft smile. "If it's what you want."

Imonoyama Nokoru had been searching the records of the remaining hospitals in Tokyo for the last week. One of the Seven Seals had recently disappeared in one of the earthquakes. Nokoru had been looking for any signs that Kishuu Arashi had been admitted into one of the hospitals that still stood.

Today, as he searched, he found something in one of the records that caught him by surprise:

Room: 416
Patient: Sumeragi Subaru
Slashed tendon in left arm; malnourishment; sights of possible rape.

Immediately, Nokoru called for Kamui and the other Seals to come into his office. Even though Kamui, Yuzuriha, and Sorata were supposed to be in class at the moment, it didn't take long for them to come. When Nokoru called you, you didn't dally.

"Did you find Arashi?" Sorata asked as soon as he came in.

"No," Nokoru told him. "But, I did find Subaru-san."

"Wha--!" Kamui burst. "You found Subaru!"

"Yes, but it seems our friend has been having a rough time."

Kamui, Yuzuriha, and Sorata gathered around Nokoru's findings.

"He's been raped!" Yuzuriha gasped.

"Well, the records are still rather new," Nokoru told them. He pointed to the bottom of the record, where it showed the admittance date. "You see? He was admitted just last night."

"Which hospital is this?" Kamui asked. "I'm going to go see him."

"Oh, Kamui," Yuzuriha said. "When I saw him last week, he said he didn't want to see any of us, remember?"

"I don't care. I have to go see him."

Nokoru showed Kamui where to go, giving him permission to leave campus. Kamui headed out, with Yuzuriha and Sorata right behind him

"We'll go with you," Sorata said.

The three of them headed off CLAMP campus. Once safely out of view of any person who might be around, they jumped into the air and leapt across building tops until they reached the hospital near Ueno Park, where Subaru had been admitted. They landed in an alley near the hospital and walked out of it, up the stairs of the hospital and right to the information desk.

"Excuse me," Kamui said to the woman behind the counter. "We're looking for Sumeragi Subaru."

"Are you family?" the woman asked. "We've been trying to contact his family, but they won't talk to us."

"Uh…yes, we're family," Kamui lied.

"Oh, good. I'll have the doctor talk to you three. Sumeragi-san in on the fourth floor. Take the elevator and take an immediate right. It should be the fourth door on the left."

"Thank you," Kamui said. He headed towards the elevator. Yuzuriha and Sorata followed.

"Why did you tell her that we were his family?" Sorata asked. "That's a lie!"

"Well, if his family isn't talking about him," Kamui told him, "they've probably found out about his new position and disowned him."

"The Twelfth Head is a bit of a strict woman," Sorata said. "I heard a lot about her from the Stargazer. He knew a lot about the Sumeragi Clan. They've been practically at war with the Sakurazukamori for years. The Twelfth Head's son was killed by the Sakurazukamori, as well as her grand-daughter. And look what the previous Sakurazukamori did to Subaru."

"Poor Subaru-san…" Yuzuriha sighed.

The three of them arrived on the fourth floor and headed to room 416, where Subaru was. They had just reached it when a woman with long hair tied back in a braid came out. Her eyes were sad and her face had a faint scar down from her left eye. She looked up at them and recognized Yuzuriha.

"Oh, you're some of Subaru-san's friends, aren't you?" she asked.

"Yes," Yuzuriha said. "We came to see him."

"Oh. Well, he just told me that he wanted to left alone for a while," the woman said. "Why don't we go down to the cafeteria and visit him afterwards? My treat."

Kamui nodded. The woman gave him a soft smile. She led the three of them back downstairs to the cafeteria on the first floor.

"My name is Hashimoto Kuniko," she told them as they walked through the halls.

"It's nice to meet you, Kuniko-san," Yuzuriha said. "I'm Nekoi Yuzuriha, an eighth-grader at CLAMP Academy!"

Sorata introduced himself next. "My name is Arisugawa Sorata. I'm a junior at the CLAMP High School."

Kamui looked at Kuniko. "I'm Shirou Kamui."

"I have to guess that you attend CLAMP as well, then?' Kuniko asked.

Kamui blinked. "I'm a sophomore in the high school."

"How do the three of you know Subaru-san?"

"He attended the college at CLAMP before he disappeared from campus," Sorata explained, not about to confuse Kuniko with the whole End-of-the-World business. "We'd always see him on campus and he lived in the dorm next to us."

"Oh," Kuniko said. "That's something we have in common, then. Subaru-san and I used to have classes together at the MS Research Institute."

"MS Research Institute?" Yuzuriha asked.

"It's since shut down. The lead teacher there died suddenly. I remember it so well. It was on the same day I received this." Kuniko indicated the scar on her face. "Subaru-san was always so nice to me. A change from the girls I used to go to school with. I was always bullied and when I came to MS, I thought it would be best for me to avoid everyone. But Subaru-san…he was different. Kind and smiling…"

She let out a soft sigh. "He's since changed, though…"

"Kuniko-san?" Yuzuriha asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I just…I wish I knew what happened to hurt Subaru-san so badly. I haven't seen him smile at all. Not once since I ran into him that day."

"Things have been hard for him," Kamui said, his eyes sad. "He's been through so much."

Kuniko looked at Kamui. "You're a lot like him, you know."

Kamui blinked up at her. "Huh?"

"You have the same eyes; ones that have seen pain that nobody else can even begin to imagine."

Kamui remembered the scenes he had seen in the last several months. The deaths that plagued his pasts were inscribed in his mind for the rest of his life. There was no way he would ever forget watching his aunt give birth to the second Shinken, the death of Kotori by her brother's hands, Daisuke's death at Fuuma's hands, or even the death of the Sakurazukamori. The pain that he had felt and seen at these deaths was immense and would stay with him.

"Yes," he said softly. "The both of us have seen so much pain."

It was true. Subaru had seen the death of his twin sister in dreams for several years and the death of the man he had loved had hurt him deeply as well. Kamui suspected what hurt Subaru the most was that Seishirou's death had been by his hand. When Kamui and Arashi had arrived at the bridge, it had been too late. The pain of Seishirou's death would haunt Subaru forever.

Subaru lay awake in the hospital bed. He had awoken to Kuniko's face a little more than an hour ago, after being comforted in his dreams by Seishirou and then chewed out by Hokuto in another dream. Carefully, he propped himself on the pillows and stared out the window of his room. Kuniko had opened it for him earlier and now a soft breeze came in through it. Subaru sighed. He could hardly remember what had happened after he sliced his arm open with the hobby knife. He could remember pain, blood, and panic. Kuniko had told him that he had called her at her home and she had run straight to his apartment to find him collapsed on the kitchen floor.

"I'm sorry," Subaru had told her. "I…was too upset…I couldn't stand it anymore…"

"It's okay, Subaru-san," Kuniko had said. She had taken his hand and given him a soft smile. "Just do me a favor…promise me that I won't have to lose my friend."

Subaru looked down at his bandaged arm. He had promised Kuniko that he wouldn't do something as stupid as slicing his arm again. Placing his good hand over the bandage, Subaru closed his eyes. When he opened them again, the Tree sat on the chair next to him. He started at the sudden appearance.

"Would you please warn me when you do that!" Subaru said, trying to calm his speeding heart.

The Tree looked at him seriously. "Would you please warn me when you decide to attempt to kill yourself?"

Subaru blinked at the Tree. "Oh. I'm sorry. I…"

"Wasn't thinking," the Tree asked. "Were you?"

"I…um…no, not really. It was…kind of on impulse."

"You're reckless, Subaru. Just like he was. I don't know how the two of you managed to keep from accidentally getting yourselves killed in your childhoods."

"I…"

"At least he knew what would happen after his death; you don't," the Tree told Subaru sternly. "You almost upset the balance of Japan."

"I'm sorry," Subaru said. "It was a stupid thing to try."

"I know you're going through a rough time, but that doesn't mean you have to be an idiot."

Subaru looked down at his lap. The Tree watched him for a while. Then it spoke up.

"Do me a favor," it told him. "Promise me you won't do something that stupid again. And if you do, be sure to know what you'll be doing by killing yourself."

"I promise," Subaru said, quietly.

"Good. Now, I'm going to leave you for a while, because Kamui and a couple of the other Seals are here to see you."

Subaru groaned.

"Oh, grow up," the Tree said. "They care about you, so get used to them. And by the way, I expect a good meal when they release you. Seeing as I'll be starving for a while."

With that, the Tree stood and headed out of the room. Kamui, Yuzuriha, and Sorata looked at it as it stepped out the door. The Tree bowed to the three of them.

"If he ignores you, I'll smack him for it later," it told them.

Kamui and Sorata blinked. Yuzuriha tilted her head in confusion. The Tree smiled and walked away, down the corridor and out of sight. The three Seals exchanged glances and then entered the hospital room. Subaru was looking out the window, refusing to meet eyes with any of them.

"Subaru, are you okay?" Kamui asked, immediately.

"Do I look okay?" Subaru snapped, gesturing to the bandage and IV.

"S-sorry," Kamui whimpered.

"Why did you guys come here?"

"We've been worried about you, Subaru-san!" Yuzuriha said. "When Nokoru-sama told us that he'd found you and why you were in here…"

"You guys are wasting your time with me," Subaru said. "I can't help you anymore."

"That doesn't mean we don't want you around!" Kamui told him. "You're still our friend, Subaru!"

Subaru glared at the boy. "What if I don't want to associate with anyone anymore?"

"You associate with Kuniko-san!" Kamui said, nearly yelling. "Why her and not us!"

"Kamui, calm down," Sorata said. "We're in a hospital. Subaru, why wouldn't you want to stay friends with us? What would make you think that we're wasting our time on you?"

"I'm not who I was, Arisugawa-kun," Subaru told him bitterly.

"Bullshit," Kamui spat. "You haven't changed, except that your bastard-ness level has shot through the roof."

"If you can't handle it, then get out," Subaru retorted.

"Subaru-san, please," Yuzuriha said, timidly. "We just want to help."

"I don't need help."

"Yeah, right," Kamui muttered cynically. "That's why you let yourself get raped and slashed your arm open. That's a cry for help if I ever saw one."

"What happened to me is none of your business," Subaru said.

"Oh, re—"

Sorata cut Kamui off, putting his arm in front of the younger teen. "If that's what you think, then we'll be going."

"But Sorata…!" Yuzuriha began.

"The invitation is open, Subaru," Sorata continued. "If you ever decide to try to be civil and come back to us, you'll be welcomed. Good day."

With that said, Sorata grabbed Kamui's arm and began to drag him out the room. Yuzuriha stayed back for a moment to apologize to Subaru before running to catch up with her fellow Seals, shutting the door behind her.

Subaru stared at the door for a moment. Then, decided that he had done the right thing by driving the Seals away, he lay back on the pillows. The Seals didn't need him. He would only be dragging them down if he ever went back to them. Sighing, he turned to look out the window. He blinked.

Kishuu Arashi was standing on the branch of the tree that stood right outside his window. The priestess of the Ise shrine jumped over and came in through the window. Her stormy grey eyes looked as sad as Subaru felt. She stepped over to Subaru's side, but did not sit down.

"/Kamui/ sent me," Arashi said quietly.

"I've already told him—"

"No, not that Kamui. The Kamui of the Dragons of Earth."

Subaru blinked. Why was Arashi correlating with Fuuma? The last time Subaru had checked, she was still one of the Dragons of Heaven. From the way the girl was speaking, it sounded as if she, like himself, had switched sides.

"He said we could probably relate," Arashi said, her voice still cold and quiet. "He also told me where you were."

Subaru looked at her, not saying anything.

"Subaru-san…"

"So, you're also a Dragon of Earth now?" Subaru asked.

Arashi blinked at him, then lowered her head. "Yes. I came to /Kamui/ a little over a week ago. I could no longer help the Seals, so he allowed me to come over to help his side."

Subaru gave her an acknowledging nod. Arashi looked at him. She sat down in the chair and looked at her friend.

"Subaru-san," she said. "The two of us should stick together. As former Seals, we have more in common with each other than with any of the Angels."

"Mm," was Subaru's reply. "What about your living arrangements? You can't be staying at CLAMP Academy still."

"No…I…" Arashi said. "I've been staying with Kigai-san for the last couple of days."

"Well, there's an extra bedroom in my apartment, if you want," Subaru said. "You're welcome to go stay there. I can't go home yet and I need someone to take care of Sei."

"Sei?" the Ise maiden asked.

"My cat," Subaru said. "She's probably panicked, herself."

"Oh, is that what you named your cat? Kamui mentioned that he had run into you when you bought a cat."

"Yes."

The door to the room opened and Kuniko came in. She saw Arashi and Subaru talking and waited by the door.

"Oh, Kuniko-san," Subaru said. "By any chance, do you have the key to my apartment?"

Kuniko blinked. "Yes, I do. I grabbed it as they getting you on the stretcher."

Subaru nodded towards Arashi. "Give it to her. She's going to be moving in with me and taking care of my cat while I'm stuck here."

Kuniko gave a soft nod and pulled a set of keys out of her purse. She handed them to Arashi, who took them with a quiet 'thank you.' The teenager stood up and bowed to Subaru.

"I'll be going then," she said. "/Kamui/ has already told me where your apartment is, so don't worry. Have a good day."

On her way past, Arashi gave a slight bow to Kuniko as well. The former Seal headed out of the room and left the hospital.

Author's Note: And I'm ending it here. This shouldn't have taken as long as it did to write. I had the entire chapter plotted out a long time ago, but the music video for "In the Shadows" is such a distraction! –sweatdrops- I kept pausing while I was typing to drool over Lauri and Aki. I mean, damn! If I could figure out which one is Pauli and which one was Eero, I'd be drooling over those guys too! Come on, I love the Rasmus! I can't help being distracted!