A/N: Raph's up next, his song is Pieces, by Hoobastank. I just couldn't make Evanescence songs fit him very well. Only one left after this.

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! The turtles and associated characters belong to people who are not me, and I don't get paid for this, other than the (hopefully) kind words of reviewers so please, please, please don't sue.

Pieces

Raphael knew that he had been in a downward spiral for three weeks now. Every night that he went out and searched for his brothers, only to come home empty handed, he could feel another piece of himself die.

If you had told him that he could hurt like this a month ago, he wouldn't have believed you. There was nothing he could do to change the circumstances, and nothing he tried had helped improve them. Every night he went out in search of his lost bothers, and each morning he came home beaten, bruised and covered in dirt and grime.

He fought.

He fought everything he came across that was worth fighting. It gave him a brief respite from the pain of losing Mikey and Donnie. Without them he felt like he was drowning.
Drowning in Leo's lectures.
Drowning Splinter's disappointment at his nightly brawling.
Drowning in spilled blood: his own and that of his opponents.
Drowning in loss.

Nothing he tried seemed to help. Nothing he did could change the past, and it sometimes seemed that nothing could bring his brothers back to him. He needed Mikey, and he needed Donnie. Raphael had once believed that he didn't need anyone. While he could never bring himself to leave his family of his own volition, he hadn't really believed that he needed them. Boy, had he been wrong.

Out on the streets again, like every night for the past three weeks, Raphael revved the engine of the Shell Cycle. Part of him knew that even if they were to find his brothers that Mikey and Donnie probably wouldn't be the same turtles who had disappeared. Time changes people, and torture can change them even more. There was no doubt in Raph's mind that his brothers were being tortured.

When he was home during the day he could almost feel Donnie and Mikey in the lair. He could almost convince himself that they were there with him. Unfortunately, their presence remained just out of reach. The day passed without a single prank or joke from Michelangelo. Raph could spend hours on end in the warehouse working on the Shell Cycle without Donatello coming up to work on another of the vehicles, look for a tool or even chat auto shop.

Raphael pushed the engine a little harder in his search. Someday soon, they would find Mikey and Donnie. They would find them and rebuild their little family. There simply wasn't another option. Maybe it wouldn't be like it was, but Raphael would have his family back. He made that promise to himself and to his missing brothers.

It hadn't been that long ago that Raphael had been unsure of what he wanted. Not much time had passed since he had considered leaving his family for a time to search for himself. None of his brothers had liked the idea and Splinter hadn't been particularly fond of it either, but part of Raphael had once felt it necessary. He no longer felt that way. Now he knew what he wanted. He wanted Mikey to put orange Kool-aid powder in the shower head and obsess about pizza. He wanted Donnie to pull some bizarre thing, like one of his inventions or maybe that pigeon puppet, where did he get that thing anyway?, out of his magic bag of tricks to get them out of a tight spot, and he wanted Mikey to make fun of the sillier things that managed to get into that bag.

No matter how much he wanted them back the way they had been, it may never again be in the cards, but it was something that he could strive for. It also wasn't something that he was willing to give up on just yet. Losing Mikey and Donnie had really knocked some sense into him. Raph just wished that the sense had come under different circumstances. It didn't matter how often or how viciously he argued with Leonardo, and they did argue. What mattered was that they were family and that they were together, but he still couldn't tell Leo that. Some part of him was sure that Leo already knew. Raph decided that maybe he would give his brother a break today, try to keep his cool and help rather than fighting everything.

He raced through the city streets. Everything seemed deserted in this part of town at this hour, but Raph knew that when the day started and people came to work that the streets would be packed with cars, motorcycles and pedestrians.

An individual dressed in black slipped out of a window on the third story of a nearby office building. Raph spotted the individual easily and pulled into an alley where he shut down his bike and went to work. He returned to the alley after gift wrapping the young man for the police.

Raphael didn't feel any better. He knew that no one in his family approved of his little fights. In his mind, he could see Leo standing at the door to their home waiting for him with his arms crossed. Donnie's quiet sigh, knowing that a fight would be starting momentarily, echoed through his brain, and he heard Mikey turn up the volume on the TV in preparation. It was like they were all right there waiting for him, even though his mind knew otherwise. He felt like he was letting his brothers down by taking time out from his search, but he couldn't help himself. With a low growl of frustration, he started his bike again and raced off into the night. They had to be somewhere, and between himself, Leo, Splinter, Casey and April most of the city had been thoroughly scoured.

Mikey and Donnie had to be in the city, Raphael was sure of that from what Splinter said, it was just a matter of finding them. Leo and Raph had to be close to finding their brothers. There just weren't that many places left for them to be. The possibility of them being moved around crossed Raph's mind and he tried to push it away. They were close, they had to be, if for no other reason than that Raph needed his family back.

Finding them might be just the start of the battle. There was no telling what kind of shape they'd find the missing turtles in. With each passing day, Raph had less hope of finding them physically and mentally healthy. He could feel himself drowning in that knowledge, and it took him a moment to pull himself together. Raphael decided that he didn't care how he found his brothers; as long as he found them alive he would never give up on getting them back. Giving up simply was not an option. Donnie and Mikey needed him and he would be there for them, no matter what.

Raph's thoughts drifted to how much his life had changed in the past few weeks. He felt much more alone and angrier than ever. It was hard to control that anger, and he fought daily with Leo now. Sure, he'd fought with his brother before, but not with this frequency. The anger with his brother was displaced and he knew it, but that didn't help him get rid of it. No, he'd have to figure out that one by himself, it was just another piece. Pieces were lying everywhere.

Himself.
Mikey.
Donnie.
Leo.
Master Splinter.

Five separate pieces of his life that had once been a single unit. He wanted them to be whole again, to be a family again.

His fighting had gotten out of control. Leo didn't deserve the constant bickering, and he knew he had been overly vicious out on the streets lately. These pieces of his life had blown out of proportion with the breaking of his family, and he didn't like where these pieces were taking him. It was a dark road that he traveled, just as dark as the New York street that stretched before him. His family was a burnt out streetlight, and he needed that light. In order to get the light back he would have to turn around, head back the way he had come and start picking up the pieces; starting with Leo who was, at least, still physically present in his life. The sun was just beginning to lighten the night sky, it was early yet, but Raph wanted to talk to his brother. He performed a U-turn in the darkened street and headed for home.