George. Chapter J

"I am the world's fattest man!" proclaimed Scott, running around before he fell on the ground in a mud puddle. Jean ran up and started licking his chin.

"Hey honey honey." She said, wiping her mouth of the saliva that had been collected there from various mutants. Skank-ho.

Magneto, who was having identity problems, ran about the fields, believing himself to be Mariah Carey. "I am Mariah Carey." he sang beautifully.

"I am cold, and I don't know what time it is." Said Pietro to Wanda, as they sat on the park bench. It was a starry evening, prefect for a romantic date, sadly, Wanda was with her brother at the time. Pietro was lost and confused about his feelings for Toad. He didn't know weither to run from his love, to leave behind all chances of happiness or to love Todd and grow old together. He was afraid of rejection. Afraid of what would happen if Todd loved someone else, afraid of being alone without Todd on cold Windy evenings, but he was afraid most of all, of his father. What would his father have to say about this? What could he possibly do to get his father's affection? Who would he turn to if his father choose Wanda to be the head cheer-leader and not he?

He didn't think he could take that kind of rejection.

"Baby, Baby..." he stated sadly, and then sobbed into Wanda's jacket pocket.

Wanda sat there, and then started to pet her brother. "There there..."

"Don't blow bubbles in your coke my friend." Said Gambit to Pitor. Pitor was not wearing his costume. He was sitting on the floor in his under-roos eating oreos. They were lovely underoos, that made many people jealous. For only the Russian farmers were able to own such fine quality underoos.

"Freakish." Said Pyro, as he died.

"Looks good onya mate." Evan said. Stupid Evan. No one likes you and your kind. The Hood of Mutants.

Amanda's father walked up to Kurt, his wife close behind, carrying a large tuna. "Hello Kurt, nice to meet you." They shook hands. "We're black, by the way."

"But..." Said Kurt, as he was hastily smacked upside the head by a large and rather dissheviled Wolverine.

"Hey Bub, thats my love elf."

And then, by some strange decision of the fates, they went to a Chinese book store.

Professor X examined a book. "Well, If you write it like that, we can't erase it."

A small Chinese man walked out of the back room. He was old and feeble. His grey hair protruded from his scalp at odd angles. "Herooo. We have a many fine book to purchase here."

Kitty raised her eyebrow and sniffed. The old man was carrying a fish. She became frightened, and curled atop Warren's head. Warren noticed nothing, and just stood there like a retard.

Suddenly, lightning flashed, thunder rumbled, the dead were raised from their graves. Cats all over the neighborhood screeched, and jumped into trash cans. Women held their infant babes close to their bosoms. Another Chinese man ran into the book store, clutching an old, and foul smelling article of stone.

The old Chinese man started to screech. An unworldly noise that no mortal ears were meant to be objected to. "Jackiiiiiiieeeeeeee!" He screamed, beating the younger man with the fish.

"I am sorry Uncle." Said Jackie, as he was so called. He ran out the back door just as yet another Chinese man lumbered through the door. This one was large, fat, and angry. He was wearing suspenders.

"Gr." He said, chasing after 'Jackie.'

Pietro waltzed up to the fat man. "Blob, why are you wearing a wig?" He began to poke him in the ears.

The larger fellow's eyes fell to the floor in shame, as his large hand oozed up to his head and came crashing back to the ground, clutching the black wig. "I am sorry."

"What? Oooh! Naked Men!" Squealed Kitty. She and Rogue where standing outside of a bathroom. Rogue scratched her head.

"Kitty, if you mail someone poop will you get arrested?"

"Like, I don't think so."

Three days later Jean got a large smelling package in the mail.

"It looks like a shoe lace..." Said Scott. He then started to scratch himself. Oh what a scratch he enjoyed. It was full of fun, and the kind of love of a man and a good cuban cigar. Scott was so emerged in his scratching that he didn't notice Kurt. Kurt was busy sitting on the copy machine making copies of his Heinekien.

"Ask me how far the tail goes will they?" He asked himself as he pressed the copy machine button time and time again.

Soon the machine had run out of paper, and Kurt had wandered off, taping pictures of his Heinekien up all over the school.

Gambit wasn't wearing his pantyhose. This was the first thing that Scott noticed was wrong in his puzzle. How he loved the 'What's wrong here?' puzzles that came every sunday afternoon in the newspaper. It was the school newspaper. Scott had drawn the picture himself. That wasn't the point. The point was, he noticed, was that no one else was even reading their newspapers.

This made him sad.

He had to go into the sad zone for a nice sit.

Kurt was sitting at his computer. Actually...he was kind of slumped over the keyboard. He had been asleep for half an hour now, and was in dire need of a wake up phone call from Room service, or else he would be late for his meeting.

"Wake up Kurt..." The computer screen read.

"Follow the White Rabbit..." The computer screen read.

Kurt Slept on.

Then Kitty came in and pulled his tail.

"You pulled my tail." He said, and then went back to sleep.

Magneto, as he was known to as by his friends. What a fine day for growling it was. Magneto's eyelids slowly drooped. Down, down, they drooped. Down into the firey depths of the underworld. Bobby Drake, in one final act of heroicism, ran down and pushed globs of icecream into Magneto's mouth. He sputtered.

"What you doin, bitch, yo?" Magneto, since he was grumpy, was no longer down with the bitches and hos.

"But, my bling bling has been calling for you. It said 'faszher?'" Bobby slumped to the ground in a frosty mess. He looked like when ice cream gets that gross ice crystal stuff on it.

"Ah, but you have forgotten," Magneto raised a raised finger to his eyebrow "I am an equal opportunity employer." From the depths of underneath his crimson cloak sat Dobby, the house elf. Dobby nodded. This was indeed a true statement.

"Ditto!" Screamed Evan, as he and his Aunty Ororo walked though the discount mall. She was searching for the perfect present for Jean's Bar-Mitzva. It had to be a good present, it had to show Jean how she really felt, it had to be a simple yet elegant message of her love for her, it had to convince her to dump professor X, and worship her instead, and it had to convince her to walk though the valley of darkness and demons next sunday. Soon Jean would be a man, and thus the present had to be good...it had to be a belt made of fine quality Leather.

"Come Evan, let us go into Charlotte Rouge..." she said, gesturing a gesture.

"Alright Aunti O. That store is wack."

"Just shut up Evan."

Evan immediately walked over to the underwear bin. The large bin of underwear where flinging of the thongs is most illegal to the mall cop law. "Auntie O. Would these look good on me? I need some fine quality underoos for amateur night."

But Ororo was not listening. She was busy downling liquor in the shoe section of the store. Liquor and lemonade.

"Are you ready to keyboard?" Asked the Juggernaut. Nothing could stop him. Not even his non existant computer skills.

"You want existance cherie?" asked Gambit. He was practicing for his hot date that night. It was a hot date.

Bobby Drake slid into the room silently. "Do these pants make me look fat?" Silly Bobby. Bobby must not have noticed that he had on a poofy pink poodle skirt.

Sunday Bloody Sunday.

Scott walked down the streets, playing with his yo-yo. "Yo, yo." He smiled sheepishly to himself. For who could ever learn to love a beast?
Hank hit Scott. Hard. With a baseball bat. "The key is to hit really hard. with the bat." He later told Magneto that night over a dinner of macaroni and cheese. Magneto nodded, moved by Hank's profound words.

(&(&&)

"Little town, its a quiet village. Everyday like the one before. Little town, full of little people, waking up to say..." Jean Grey started.

"Jean Grey, Jean Grey, Is a skanky ho." The rest of the mutants chimed in.

Professor X wheeled himself out to the middle of the Junior High School stage. "Welcome, Professor." Said the audience in a soothing female voice. It soothed much like aloe vera.

The Professor nodded. "Welcome, all of you to X-Men: The Musical."

Scott's eyes exploded in his head and made a bloody mess.

Bobby Drake proceeded to walk out on the stage, to the spot Professor Xavier had recently occupied. A Blue light shone from unknown places above. Mainly, the lights above the stage. He put a hand to his heart. "Daisy Doo. A daisy doobie doo." He sang forelorenly.

At this point, Evan walked out on the stage. "A Yo, man homes...that is wack. Where is my el bogligerophone? I am the skateboarding foo, I skateboard around to make me look cool, I skate though the world like there is no tomorrow, I say Moo jucie, it brings me sorrow, no body else likes to use my slang, Evan sure is not lame..." Evan then perioetted. He and Bobby then joined hands, and trotted off the stage together.

It was then, when Kitty emerged from the floor boards, she had not been invited to participate in the musical, mostly because no one else liked how she danced, but she was determined to show them. She would show them all.

She had made a quick trip back to the mansion when she had heard of the musical. She spend many a hour in Logan's room looking though his toybox for his script. She had at last found it behind his play skool Spiderman.

"Lovely..." She purred to herself, and then quickly trotted back to the Junior high school, like some sort of trotting beast.

"At last...I will have my cake and eat it too." said Pietro, as he eyed the Beast's heiniken. This was a glorious day for the fiesty fellow. Beast had already won the secondary round of the plate building competition and had moved into the finals. All he needed was a good day or two to relax, and enjoy the musical.

"Hello...I am Hank. I have brought for you a fine food snack."

And thus, the musical continued. Magneto hovered down to the center of the stage. He would not settle for left or right stage. No, the Master of Magnetism deserved nothing less than center stage. He began, in his deepest and slowest voice which rumbled the floor boards and shook the rafters. "I have a lovely bunch of coconuts deedily deedily. There they are a-standing in a row. Big ones. Small ones. Some as big as your head."

Scott walked up and slapped Magneto. "Sing something with a little bounce in it."

Magneto nodded, but hung his head in shame for singing the wrong song yet again. He took a deep breath. "I'm going to watch you shine. I'm going to watch you grow. I'm going to paint the sky so you will always know. As long as one and one is two. OO-OOO. There will never be a father who loves his daughter more than I love you."

"Not that song either!" Yelled Scott as he slapped the Magnetic one yet again.

Magneto was starting to become embarrassed. If that ever present shadow that is always there to hide Magnetos face when he wears his helmet, wasn't there, one could see him blushing. He tried one last time. "Be. Our. Guest. Be our guest put our service to the test."

The rest of the mutants walked behind this powerfull singer, wearing costumes taht made them look like eating utensiles. Pietro was the lone fork. Magneto continued while they danced behind him. "Tie a napkin round your neck.."

Gambit popped up. "Cherie!"

"And we'll provide the rest."

"Like pleasure!" Professor Xavier exclaimed, one finger raised high in the air.

"Soup du jour. Hot ourdeurves, why we only live to serve. Try the grey stuff, its delicious, dont believe me? Ask the dishes. They can sing. They can dance. La la la la I hate France!"

Everyone in the audience nodded sympathetically.

"And the service here is never second best. Go on, unfold your menu. Take a glass, and then you'll be our guest. be our guest. sit on your ass."

"My name is Ginny Weasely." Said Scott.

"Ah, but I am the King of this City." Pitor exclaimed, then spread his arms and broke into song. "Out here in the fields! Above the fields!"

And that, was the end. of the musical. The Legacy of the X-men continues. Long into the night. When vampires roam the streets looking for unsuspecting prostitutes. Mainly. Jean Grey.