What's that on the computer screen? It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's everyone's favorite obsessive-compulsive FanFic writer, Pi90katana!

I have returned with gifts! That's right, a long waited for (in my opinion) update to Suicide!

When I wrote this, I had no idea how much attention it would get! (gasps) I'm averaging fifteen reviews a chapter! Holy crap. Have you guys been deprived of all the other wonderful works out there? I can't be this popular. It's just not possible. I know I keep getting told that my classmates are stupid, but you must comprehend that I'm just a newby. Right? Am I really that good? (smiles) I gotta leave you guys something in my will.

Okay, so you know, in this chapter I'll be going through each of the guys' thoughts on Leo's actions. First I'll do Mikey, than Don, Raph, and I'll finish with Leo. Shall we get started?

Italics are dream sequences and thoughts

Disclaimer: You know the idea people have about believing you have something and you'll get it? It don't work. I tried and I still don't own the TMNT.

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"So," Mikey scratched his head, "you're saying Leo tried to kill himself?"

Raphael was leaning against the wall. "Well, he said he wasn't. And the more I think about it, the more I believe him. Leo ain't the type of guy who would just abandon us. He's too selfless for that."

Donny pointed out, "Yeah, but I also never thought he'd be the type to cut a seven-inche long gash in his arm, either. And he did it because why, again?"

"Well, he said he did it 'cause he wanted to…" Raph shook his head, "mourn… he wanted to feel pain."

"And he didn't try anything else?" Don asked in disbelief.

"Ya know," Mikey looked into Leo's room, making sure he was still asleep, "I don't think Leo's ever even had a good cry over Master Splinter."

Raph looked to the floor. "But that don't give 'im the right to go and cut himself to the ribbons!"

He watched in guilt as his brothers winced at the statement.

Don got over it the quickest. "But it is a sign. We need to look out for them if we're going to help him."

His brothers just nodded.

"Well," Raph took off in the direction of his room, "I'm gonna turn in. Hey Don, would ya mind checkin' Leo's cut? I don't know if I fixed it up right."

"Sure, I'll just go and get my things." With that, Donatello walked off in the direction of his own room.

With Don and Raph gone, Mikey stood in the hallway. He looked in Leo's room one last time. He still lay in the same place he had since Raph had told them the story.

Then, Mikey walked away.

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In his room, Michaelangelo sat on his bed. Of all his brothers, Leo was the last one he would suspect of cutting himself. He'd always thought that if any of 'em were to break, it'd be Raph.

But Leo? Leo was the strong one. Spiritually anyways. Leo had always seemed content in his environment. In fact, Mikey couldn't remember ever seeing him depressed.

With a smile, the orange-clad turtle remembered how nice of a brother Leo had always been. Sure, Don had always been really cool, but he'd always been so busy with building or fixing things. And of course, Mikey often broken most of Donny's inventions. People really shouldn't make things so shiny. They call to me. He blinked. And they shouldn't make big, red buttons that you're not supposed to touch.

But whenever Mike had been lonely, Leo had always taken the time to play with him. Unless, of course, Master Splinter had told him to do something else. And when they played, they always did what Mikey wanted to do.

Mike frowned as some other memories surfaced. He grabbed his pillow, hugging it tightly.

"Hurry up, Mikey!" A nine-year-old Raphael had cried. "If ya wanna play tag, you're gonna have to pick up the pace!"

"I'm going, I'm going!"

He noticed Leo not to far from where he was. "Hey, what're you guys doing?"

Raph had rolled his eyes at his older brother. "Were playin' tag! Is that a bad thing?" He had asked sarcastically.

Leo shrugged. "No. But take it easy on Mikey, okay?"

Raph didn't say anything, he just gritted his teeth.

Mikey watched his big brother look at him with concerned eyes. "Mikey, you sure you don't want me to play with you guys?"

At that point, the orange-clad turtle had gotten upset. He wasn't a little baby! He could take care of himself! "Nuh-uh! How come you have to be such a nosy big brother, Leo?"

As it turned out, Raph had played a little too rough that day, as usual. Mike suffered a sprained ankle for it, too. One would think that he would've learned to listen to Leonardo, but he didn't.

As he thought about it some more, Mikey realized that he hadn't even considered doing anything with Leo as a child. Not unless there was no one else to play with. He'd even get mad sometimes when Leo made sure to accompany his brothers when they'd go out into certain areas of the sewers without Splinter.

Mikey started to cry. Had he really been that bad of a little brother? Sure, he sometimes did things intentionally to annoy his brothers, especially Raph, but he'd never thought that he'd been so cruel as to reject companionship with any of his siblings when he was younger.

Leo couldn't have done what he did just because of him though, right? Mikey wiped away some tears. No, that wouldn't be like him. Leo wouldn't give into pain like that.

But, Master Splinter… Leo had always been closet to their Sensei. Maybe that was why.

But Raph's words rang through his head sound and true. That wasn't like Leo's character. His blue-clad brother wouldn't dare abandon his brothers like that, would he?

Again, something Raph had said about his conversation with Leo came back to him. Leo had said something about being a protector. Something like he had 'sacrificed' himself so he could take care of his brothers.

Mikey didn't quite understand that yet. But he decided that whatever it was that Leo had sacrificed, he would get back.

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Donatello sighed as he put together a few medical supplies. He'd taken care of his brothers' wounds, as well as his own, numerous times. But he had never treated a self-inflicted wound. That thought had never once crossed his mind until today.

Despite Raph's explanation, which, he guessed, was more like Leo's, he was still unclear on why Leo had done this to himself.

This was the brother that had taken care of everybody since youth on. This was the brother that did just about everything he was told. This was the brother that Don had been able to trust with some of his most heart-wrenching problems. Why hadn't Leo ever said anything?

Donny dropped a roll of bandages and bent down to get it. He kept on thinking that he should have seen the signs. After Splinter's death, Leo had been so subdued, it was frightening. He often went for days without food, maybe eating once every two days. Then, he trained so hard, literally pushing himself to the edge, that he'd be weaker then he'd ever been in a long fight with Raph.

He had never told anyone this, but several times after Leo had passed out on the couch, Don would check on him to find that his brother had a fever. But it had always gone down by the time he'd woken up. Donny had been meaning to talk to his brother about that, but he'd never gotten the chance.

Putting, the roll of bandages in a small kit, the purple-clad turtle made sure he had everything he needed. He was reminded of a time when he'd been doing such a thing, under different circumstances of course.

"Well," Donny had informed his seven-year-old brother as he wrapped his foot, "you really cut yourself up. Mike's lucky that you got him away from that broken glass, Leo. If you hadn't he'd probably be screaming like a baby right now!"

The two laughed at the thought. It had actually surprised Donatello that his brother had been so calm. That was a nasty cut. Even Raph probably would've been squirming at least.

"Hey, Leo?" Don was wondering if he'd done this right. After all, Master Splinter had just taught him how to do this. "You feeling okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, Don. You did a great job!"

"You sure?"

"Positive!"

"Well, okay. Now, you really shouldn't be walking on that for a while now, you understand?"

Of course, Leo had been up on that foot twenty minutes later. Helping Donny, in fact.

Why was Leo so selfless? Sure, each one of the brothers cared about each other, but they cared about themselves, too. Leo often risked his life as if he didn't even have one. Sometimes, it made Donny wonder if he even cared…

He found his eyes watering. He didn't think Leo would waste his life as if he didn't matter. His blue-clad brother may be selfless, but Don figured he at least cared about his life.

Don dried his eyes as he gathered his things. But if Leo truly didn't give a damn about his life, Donny did. And he was going to make sure Leo knew that.

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Lying on his shell, with a pillow supporting his neck, Raph gazed past the ceiling with one question on his mind. How the shell am I supposed to help Leo?

His brothers may not know it, but Raph really did care about them. Without Master Splinter, they were the only family he had now.

Raph really did believe Leo; at least, he did now. If what his brother had said was true, Leo couldn't have brought himself that close to death if he considered himself to be a guardian to his brothers. Knowing him, the unofficial leader of the group would've been too worried about what would happen to his brothers when he was gone.

That was why Leo hadn't cried when, and after, Splinter had died. He was too busy trying to help his siblings cope with the loss.

He frowned. Leo had time now, though. And he hadn't done anything. Why?

Raph searched through his memories, trying to find an answer to that question. Eventually, his mind drifted back to his youth.

"Ya know what, Leo? You're a stupid big brother!"

"Well, you're irresponsible! You almost crushed Mikey-"

"Shut up! You're just a jackass!" Raph and his brothers were ten, now. If Splinter had been there, he probably would've smacked him.

"Raph, will you listen to me! I'm just trying to make you understand that you need to be more careful with Don and Mikey. I don't care if you pummel me into an oblivion, just don't hurt them!"

"Leave me alone, Splinter Jr.! I don't need two people on my back!"

"Raph!" He had watched in anger as Leo grabbed him by the arm. "I'm asking you, please don't do anything stupid. I really care about you guys." He paused. "I don't like to see any of you hurt."

Raph had pushed Leo's hand off. "Whatever!" He clenched his fists as turned back around to face him. "Ya wanna know somethin', Leo? I hate you! Sometimes I just wish you would go away!"

As he finished his thoughts, Raphael found that he'd been a real asshole when he was younger. He never really meant that.

But now, he realized what Leo had meant that day. His brother had been worried that he was going to try and kill himself again.

Raph shook his head. He never wanted Leo to go away. He just often let out some words before he could think. Leo had always taken care of him and his brothers. With a grunt, Raph now understood it was their turn to take care of him.

If he'd let them.

All in all, that was going to be a difficult task. First, Raph wasn't gifted with such patience. He'd be frustrated quicker than anybody might think. Then, Leo was such a withdrawn person that Raph was now wondering if even he, he who knew his brothers so well, even knew what was going on inside of him.

Leo didn't have any hobbies, besides Ninjitsu, as far as he knew. He didn't do anything real fun on his own time. He barely even did anything when they were kids.

Raph vaguely recalled Leo's explanation of his 'sacrifice'. He'd said that he wouldn't be able to take Splinter's death so hard after he'd given up the foundations of his life. He'd given up the things a kid would normally learn about themselves in their youth. Leo really couldn't know all that much about himself, then.

And if he didn't, who did?

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It had been about an hour since Leo had woken up. He'd heard his brothers talking, but he hadn't said or done anything. They'd be too stunned to understand his explanations. So he laid in the same position, desperately wishing he hadn't told Raph anything last night.

Now his brothers would be overly concerned about him. With a grin, Leo thought that there was only enough room for one person to lose sleep over his brothers in this family.

But what was done, was done. And Leo knew exactly what his brothers were doing now.

Raph would be in his room, trying not to think of Leo, but wanting to and doing so anyways. Of all his brothers, Leo knew Raph understood him the most at this point.

Mikey was most likely in his room, crying. He was most likely the one most hurt by this. Then again, Mikey didn't understand Leo so much. But Leo had a feeling that his orange-clad brother was trying to this moment.

Don would be gathering his supplies to take another look at Leo's self-inflicted cut. The only reason why it was taking so long was because Don was distracted. He was probably the most confused. Sadly, Leo recalled how many times Don had confided him. His brother would feel like he'd done something wrong since Leo hadn't done the same.

But how was he supposed to? What was he supposed to feel? Grief. Regret. Anything but this numb feeling growing in his gut again.

How many times had that happened? Too many to count.

He remembered the first time.

Leo walked in to the living room to find his three brothers playing a board game. They were seven, as of a few days ago.

From the looks of it, they'd just started.

"Hey, guys!" Leo put on a smile. "Is it okay for me to play?"

Mikey looked at the other two. He rarely ever made his own decisions back then. Raph actually thought about it, but then he crossed his arms. "Nope."

Don looked at his elder brother, a slight glint of sympathy in his eyes. "We kinda just started, Leo. Maybe next time, okay?"

Leo had nodded. Then, he felt an imagined pain eat away at his stomach. Then it was gone, taking along the hurt he'd felt just moments ago. If his brothers wanted to play without him, that was fine. It'd be good bonding time for them, besides, they weren't fighting for once.

The young turtle sat on the couch, zoning out of the known universe and into nothingness. Before he knew it, his brothers were putting the game away.

Leo almost wished that things would go back to that time now. He was the one who was supposed to watch out for everyone. It didn't go the other way, at least, it never had before. With the exception of the times he'd been physically hurt and on the brink of death.

He was the guardian of his brothers. What else did they want him to be?

His mind drifted back to the idea of a diamond shield. It had always protected him from feeling lonely when his brothers left him out. It had protected him when Master Splinter died, too.

But there was something else it was protecting him from. Something Leo couldn't really remember.

And he was scared to death of it.

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Well, that was Chapter 3! Thank you, God! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

So, I told you it'd be more emotional!

(embarrassed) Now, if ya would like to give me any suggestion or ideas for Chapter 4, I wouldn't quite mind.

In addition to that, I have an idea for another story that I would really like help on! If any of ya would like part ownership to it, please say so in your review and I'll e-mail you!

Also, I'd like permission to start two other stories. Please! One's really short. Only four chapters!

Bye guys!