I can just hear you guys: What's this? Another chapter? But Pi90katana just updated not to long ago! How'd she come up with this so quickly?
Well I did update! A certain review made me think of how long I wanted this to be and then bam! it all came to me! Amazing, ain't it? I'm having more ideas coming to me than failing grades on my homework! (winces) Oh, that was a bad joke.
So I'm sitting in my room now, hoping it'll still be mine by the end of the school year (it may be taken away as punishment for failure) and typing this story up. When I find something I really enjoy, you'd be surprised at how devoted I am to it. Or addicted. Your choice.
(gasps) At the rate of reviews coming in, I wouldn't be surprised to see Suicide quickly overwhelm Dead of Night in number of reviews soon! Especially at how quickly I hope to be updating now! If all goes as planned, I shall be done by May!
On to the story!
Disclaimer: I have seen several counselors who have tried to explain to me that I can't own the TMNT. But all of the prescribed, ample amounts of medication that they give me can't stop me from imagining that I do!
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Leo sat in his chair, just waiting. He watched his brothers from across the table. They'd just finished giving a confusing explanation of how they wanted to help him. Leo had a feeling that it didn't even make sense to them.
Raph hadn't had much part in the conversation. Instead, he wore a hardened look on his face. Unable to sleep for more than an hour, the red-clad turtle had decided to join his brothers.
Mikey stood up. "Well," he started a little nervously, "how 'bout some breakfast?"
Also standing up, Don sighed. "Mikey, it's almost three in the afternoon. It's past breakfast time, and almost lunch now, too."
"Well, we could always push back lunch to six and have dinner at ten!" Mike said with a smile.
Donny shook his head. "I don't think so."
"Fine, Don. You do what ya want. But I feel like breakfast. What do you want, Leo?"
Leo traced a scratch in the table, never looking up. "I'm not really that hungry, but thanks."
Mikey frowned sadly. Leo felt Don's hand rest softly on his shoulder. "Leo, you really should eat something."
He sighed. Once again, he found himself believing that it was his job to worry about everyone, not theirs. His brothers should be doing their own things right now, instead of watching him.
Leo took in a breath. "Okay." He'd eat, but just because it'd make them feel better.
Immediately, the grin returned to Mikey's face. "Great! What would you like?"
"I don't really care. Whatever you feel like making, Mikey."
"Umm, okay." Mike turned to the fridge, trying to find something edible in it.
And there it was. The exact thing he'd been anticipating. Three pairs of eyes locking on to him, burning through him, making sure he didn't escape from their guard.
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You couldn't escape from them, no matter how hard you tried. Everywhere he turned, his brothers were there, watching him carefully. It was driving Leo insane.
It hadn't taken long for Leo to figure out how they were trying to 'help' him.
Don tried to talk to him every now and then. That would be his field. Donny would make a great counselor. At this point, it was going slowly, since the purple-clad turtle was nervous. That obstacle would be overcome in a matter of days. Probably only two, really. When he knew it would help someone, Donny could beat any anxiety he may have.
Mike had taken it upon himself to show Leo everything he considered fun, trying to encourage him to get a new hobby or something. Leo had watched patiently as his younger brother showed him every comic that he had in his possession. He'd tried to lend him most of them to read. Leo had excepted one or two just to satisfy him.
As for Raph, he'd chosen to just watch his older brother from a distance. Raph's position in this function would probably change. He was just tired today.
"Hey, Leo!" Mike's cheerful voice called to him from the back of the room. He jumped over the back of the couch, taking a seat beside him. A box of CD's were in his hands. "I thought that you might wanna listen to a few of these." He handed the box to Leo.
He sighed. "Thanks."
As he flipped through the many titles, he noticed Mikey bringing out something else.
"Hey, Leo, have you ever tried drawing before?"
Leo grinned. "I'm pretty sure I did that a while back, Mikey. Like when we were four."
He got a laugh out of him. "Sorry, what I meant was have you ever tried to draw for a hobby or something."
How many CD's did Mikey have? "No, not really. Never had the time."
"Well, now you do." Mike held out some paper and colored pencils.
Leo looked at the art supplies, then at his youngest brother's happy face. With another sigh, he put the box he was holding down and took the paper and pencils from his hands.
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Donny checked Leo's cut for the second time that day. Raphael had done a fairly decent job cleaning it, but he just wanted to be sure.
"Just go ahead and ask, Don."
"Huh?" Donatello had just been finishing re-wrapping the cut. Leo was sitting still, not even looking at him.
"I know you want to know more about why I cut myself, so you might as well ask."
Don shook his head slightly. Raph hadn't been kidding. Leo really did know them well. Of course, that had always been apparent, but when you actually looked for it, the trait appeared more often than you thought.
He didn't think he should be asking so quickly, but Leo seemed okay with it. And curiosity was getting the best of him. "Leo… it just doesn't make any sense. I mean, you don't seem like the kind of guy who would cut yourself just because you're feeling bad."
His blue-clad brother turned to him with a small smile. "Funny, I don't think I'm that type of guy either."
Donny raised an eye-ridge. "Then how do you explain this?" He asked, holding up Leo's cut arm.
"That was so I could feel bad." Before Don could speak again, Leo beat him to it. "And it's not what you think."
"Then what is it?"
Leo shifted his gaze to the floor. Don had the feeling that whatever it was, Leo didn't really want to tell.
To his surprise, Leo told him. In a quiet voice, he explained, "After Master Splinter died, I was busy making sure you guys were okay. I didn't mourn with the three of you; I didn't grieve at all. But," he took in a breath; "Sensei died because of me-"
Don interrupted. "Leo, it wasn't your fault. Everyone's been trying to tell you that-"
"C'mon, Donny. You really can't see that? I moved. Splinter got the blow that was meant for me. It's my fault."
"No, it's Shredder's fault." He told him sternly. "He's the one who dealt the blow."
The turtle sighed, apparently deciding not to argue. "Whoever's fault it is, the point is that Master Splinter died. And I haven't even mourned his passing. He was our father for over fifteen years, and I can't even shed one tear for him."
Don put a hand on his shoulder. Leo felt guilty. That had been obvious since Splinter's death. But he was still wondering what this had to do with the cut, though.
As if he'd read his mind, Leo continued. "I decided that I needed to do it, just for him. But the only way I could think of feeling pain was to make it physical."
This was a little different. Quickly, things started to click in the brainier turtle's mind. "That was why you trained until you were exhausted…"
Leo nodded.
"So, that's the reason for the cut, huh?"
He nodded again.
"There's other ways to feel pain, you know."
Leo snickered softly to himself. "So I've been told."
"Raph meant what he said."
"I know. But what you don't know is that it's not that easy for me."
Well duh. Healing takes time.
"Don, once again, it's not what you think." He rubbed a finger against the bandage. "I… I have a certain… obstacle that will make it harder, if not impossible, to get pass."
Donny cocked his head. "What do you mean?"
All of a sudden, Mikey burst in through the room. "Hey, Leo! Ya wanna watch a movie?"
Leo's attention stayed on Donny for another second before turning to Mikey. "Um… I guess." Then he got up, and they were gone.
Don stood, now alone in the room. He could've sworn that Leo had been trying to tell him something. And he didn't think that his brother had even known it.
He had the urge to go out there and finish their conversation, but now might not be the best time.
Because if Don knew one thing, it was that he'd seen a brief look of fear on Leo's face.
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"Okay," Mikey started, "which one do you want to watch?"
Unlike a normal person, who would've just picked two or three movies to choose from, Michaelangelo was holding out about ten DVD's and VHS tapes.
"Um… why don't you just pick it, okay, Mikey?"
"Uh, all right." He started to go through them.
Then, a rough voice in the back rang out. "No."
Raph walked into the living room. "You pick it, Leo."
He could see a slight determination in his brother's eyes. God, he'd just had enough problems with the conversation with Don, now Raph wanted to get under his skin, too.
"Raph," Leo began, "I don't really care what we watch-"
"Neither do I. I just wanna see you pick it." He stepped closer. "I want to see you make a decision for yourself."
"Dude," Mikey intervened with a confused look; "Leo makes decisions all the time-"
Raph didn't even bother to turn to his younger brother. "Not ones like this."
For a while, Mikey's face still showed confusion. Then, he saw it visibly dawn on him.
Leo had known what Raph was talking about. Normal everyday choices. Movies, food, simple hobbies. Leo didn't do any of that.
Raph kept his eyes on his elder brother, boring right through him. "Pick one, Leo."
God, Raph, don't make me do this. But he knew he would. Leo turned to Mikey, who was still holding the movies.
Leo didn't really care for any of them, not 'cause he didn't like them, though. He liked them, but he just didn't get attached to movies like Mikey did.
But then, as if someone was trying to help him, he saw Mike's gaze linger towards a particular one. It was cheating, which wasn't something Leo approved of, but it would do for now.
Leo lifted a green finger, pointing to one of the Star Wars movies. Mikey always was a sure mark for them.
Mike's face lit up the second he saw it. "Cool! That's what I wanted to watch, too!" Grinning, he put the video into the VCR. "I'll go get the popcorn. Be right back!"
And then he was alone with Raph.
The said brother was glaring at him. He may as well have had laser vision, Leo figured. His eyes were always burning through him.
"You picked a movie Mike wanted to watch."
"Who ever said I didn't want to watch it, too?"
"Don't gimme that crap, Leo! I watched you! Ya waited 'til ya saw him goin' for one in particular, then ya gave it to 'im!"
"I didn't really care-"
Raph shouted at him. "Then why didn't ya say that?"
Leo blinked. But before he could say anything, Raphael chose an answer for him. "It's because you want to do what we think you should do. But that ain't right, bro. We don't know what you want, and neither do you."
Words were powerful weapons. Whoever said words couldn't hurt you was on something.
Leo looked down at his hands and realized they were shaking. Raph had no idea what he'd just said…
"Raph," his voice came out in a tone just a little louder than a whisper, "I'm going to bed. Tell Mikey I'm sorry."
He started up towards his room. At the doorway, Leonardo stopped, listening to the conversation below him.
He could hear Mikey. "Where'd Leo go?"
Then Raph. "He changed his mind."
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Mikey was a little upset. He'd really been looking forward to watching that movie with Leo.
Donny had come out by now so he and Raph were talking.Mike just let them be.
He walked over to the couch. His box of CD's were still there. Picking them up, Mikey began to look through them.
He grinned. One was missing.
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It had to be at least two in the morning. Raph walked towards the bathroom. He hated waking up in the middle of the night.
As he neared the end of the hall, he heard the sound of guitars. They were so quiet, though…
Finding where it was coming from, Raph almost laughed. Almost.
In Leonardo's room, the light was lit dimly. The blue-clad turtle was in there, training silent and hard with his katanas.
Raph sighed. They had told him that he needed to cut back on that for a little while. But it made sense. Leo could be just as stubborn as Raph when he wanted to. Between the three of them, especially Mikey, he hadn't had the time all day to train, or even step foot in the dojo, for that matter.
He walked in. Leo looked tired. He'd been training for a while. I should have known. Leo wasn't one to give up so easy. Now he'd gone and made it difficult.
Raph shook his head. This wasn't going to be good, but it had to be done. Donny had said that all of Leo's recent habits were affecting him in more ways than one. Don wouldn't tell him what was the matter, but he believed him.
On Leo's bed, the case for a CD lay. Raph picked it up and couldn't help a slight chuckle. "Of all the CD's Mike's got, you picked this?"
The CD was alternative rock, completely instrumental though. Still, it was entirely different from what Raph could ever expect.
Leo continued his training, in the middle of a difficult kata. "What do you want, Raph?"
Fine. If he wanted to cut to the chase, that's what he'd get. "I was wonderin' the same thing about you."
Leo didn't answer.
"We told you that you needed to cut back on the trainin', Leo."
He stopped, throwing his arms down in frustration. "Raph, what do you guys want from me? I can't do things like you do! I'm not like you."
"We don't want you to be like us, bro!"
"Well, it sure seems like it!"
Raph moved towards him, like he always did when he wanted to make a point. "You listen and you listen good, Leo. We want you to be your own self-"
"I don't have a self, Raph-"
"Yeah, I know. You 'sacrificed' it. I don't believe that bullshit, though." Raph's voice grew softer. "It's still there, Leo. Ya didn't kill it, ya hid it."
Leo turned around, starting his katas again. This was a sensitive subject apparently.
"Leo…" Raph started. He wasn't about to let his brother start up again. He was going to have to stop him… and there was only one way he knew how to do that.
Raph bit his lip. Taking Leo's swords would be like taking away his soul. But it had to be done. "Leo, gimme the swords."
The ninja froze. "What?"
"I want your katanas. Ya ain't listenin' to us, so I'm gonna have to make you listen."
By now, Leo had turned to face him. "Raphael, you don't understand. This is all I have. I have to do this-"
"I know you have to, bro." He paused. "But we're gonna help ya learn a different way."
Leo had a strong grip on his katanas now. His knuckles were starting to turn white. "I-I can't, Raph. I need them…"
This was going to be hard. "Ya have to, bro. I know they're yours, but we can't have you trainin' so had ya can't move."
His elder brother started to shake his head slowly.
"Give me the swords."
Leo's hands were starting to shake.
"Leo." Raph put on a hard look. "Give me the damn swords. We're tryin' to help ya-"
The swords were put in his hand. The red-clad turtle was fairly surprised. He had thought that was going to be harder.
He watched as his brother walked over to his bed, sitting down on it. "You have them, Raph. Now can you go?"
Raph nodded. "Yeah, I'll go. Thanks."
As he walked out, he couldn't help but notice the look on Leo's face. He'd done that. In a small attempt at sympathy, he said, "They won't be gone long, bro. I promise."
Leo just nodded, but Raph didn't think he had even heard him.
Then, he walked downstairs, looking for a place to hide the katanas. Up in Leo's room, the sound of guitars grew slightly louder.
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Oh, I know, I'm evil! (cries) I can't help it! I'm so sorry!
Well, that was Chapter 4! (No, really?) Anyways, I can't believe it's been a week since I updated anything! As an apology, look out for the next installments to More and Dead of Night this week!
Please R&R!