The great Pi90katana has returned!
Okay, if all goes to plan, I've decided that this story will have about twelve chapters total. I don't know how any of you guys feel about that, but I promise to put my heart and soul and whatever I have left into each chapter. I really love this story.
Also, a new element will be appearing in this chapter. You guys are going to laugh at me when you see what it is, but it's more than you think. And if you don't get it in this chapter, my next one will bear its title.
You guys, by now, all know what the italics are, so I won't even go into it. Also, I put more stuff up on my bio, in case anyone's interested.
Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT. (rereading Rest in Peace) But maybe that's a good thing.
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The guitars on Mikey's CD went on. Leo felt an odd sense of comfort from them, but it didn't help much.
His blades were gone. He had given up; forfeited his most valuable, material possession, because he'd been told to.
Raph hadn't realized that he might have just done more damage then good. As Leonardo got older, he could feel his spirit separate itself farther and farther, making his protective walls all the more stronger. Ninjitsu was his only pastime. With it gone, his spirit had just made a long dash out of sight.
He'd given up his katanas because he'd felt that he needed to make his shield stronger. But he was missing them all the same.
Leo pulled out a small shuriken from under his bed, but it didn't give off that same feeling of secure energy like his katanas had. It wasn't the same.
The blue-banded turtle rolled over onto his side. Sleep never came to him easily. On his bed, Leo breathed out, letting himself move throughout the entire dwelling to feel his brothers, in an imaginary consciousness.
They were still there; they'd always been there. But where was he?
Raph had said that Leo had hid himself away. Leo shook his head. No, he had to be wrong. His spiritual self had to be dead. It didn't hurt anymore…
Leo blinked. Where had that come from? First it was with Donny, and then that same feeling of absence had been brought up again with Raph.
He'd forgotten something.
Out of sheer curiosity, Leo looked back, trying to find out what it was. He went back a while, remembering, remembering, remembering…
A hiccup popped out of Leo's mouth. With a start, he let out a breath he hadn't even known he was holding.
The ninja lay silently on his bed and closed his eyes, also turning up the music a little more. He decided that he didn't want to know what it was anymore.
After all, he hadn't hiccuped in years.
&&&&& (the next day)
Much to his displeasure, Michaelangelo was up early this morning. Yawning, he checked the time.
5:39 AM. "Aw, man!" The more youthful turtle, on a regular day, usually woke up no earlier than nine, though he'd prefer to stretch it to eleven. But he rarely ever got away with that.
Downstairs, he found a brooding Raphael and a worn out Donatello, who was making some coffee. Sitting down with a frown, Mikey threw the confiscated alarm clock onto the table. "There, Don. You happy now?"
Donny gave him a cup of coffee. "Yes, actually. Thanks, Mikey."
It was hard for the orange-clad turtle to stay upset for so long. Grabbing his mug, he immediately cheered up. He waited until he'd taken a big gulp of the drink before asking his brainier brother, "Why couldn't we have taken care of that last night, or maybe later? Ya know, when I'm actually awake?"
Don sat down. "First, it was important to get the alarm clock before it went off. Leo needs the sleep. But more importantly, I didn't think of it until this morning."
"But I need sleep too!"
He just rolled his eyes. "Mikey, you average about ten hours of sleep a night. I think you can go on seven for one day."
Mikey just frowned and took in another mouthful of coffee.
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Donny began to tell them all the things that they should keep Leo away from, and vice versa, for at least a little while. It wasn't too long of a list, but to Raph, it seemed like they were taking away every last one of Leo's habits and forms of 'mourning'.
He didn't think this was going to go over too good. Then again, he hadn't thought that Leo would be so willing to give up his katanas so easily either. His brother had always used them as if they were an extension of himself. When he'd been ambushed by the Shredder, he was more distressed over losing his swords than being injured.
Leo was weird like that. You could very seldom predict his next move.
From what Raph tuned into, the things on Don's list included, eating more, sleeping more, and avoiding the heavy training he'd been putting himself under recently.
Mikey brightened at that. Raph remembered yesterday, when Leo had been making a sandwich for lunch, naturally having to use a knife to slice the cheese. That had freaked Mikey out pretty badly. With that day's news still so fresh in his mind, every time Leo came within ten feet of a lethal object, he'd panic.
Raph shook his head. From what he'd learned about Leo in the past few days, he figured that his elder brother would comply just so Mikey could breathe easier. But what the younger turtle had forgotten was a lesson Splinter had taught them not to long ago.
Any object, in the right hands, can be used as a weapon.
Don's list stopped, though Raph hadn't heard much else of it. His attention had been directed to the sound that he'd just heard a few seconds ago, as had his two brothers. It has been a loud thud… from upstairs. His last thought echoed in his head.
Leo wouldn't… would he?
At once, all three of them were making there way upstairs. When they got to Leo's room, their brother was sitting on the floor, his head facing the other wall. But he turned his head to his brothers, showing no sign of surprise that they were there.
"Bad dream." That was all he said.
When they left the room, Raph could hear a sigh of relief emerge from Mike and could see the same expression on Donny.
Downstairs, the red-clad turtle checked the time. Six o'clock, on the dot. Alarm clock confiscation hadn't worked. Figures.
Raph shook his head. He'd just learned one more thing. He and his brothers were always thinking of Leo in two ways. They either underestimated him, or they blew his emotional responses out of proportion.
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Leo continued to sit on the floor, which was quickly starting to become uncomfortable.
Bad dream. That's all it was. Leonardo told himself that over and over again. He was relieved that his brothers had been a little late getting to his room. They would've caught his hiccups.
Now Leo was positive that he didn't want to get past the little obstacle in his path to recovery now. The first one would be easy, but the second… to get past the second barrier would mean he'd have to feel that… pain all over again.
That was something he didn't want to do.
What time was it? Leo looked around. His alarm clock was gone. He hadn't thought that his brothers would've taken that away from him. He hadn't even set it last night.
The blue-clad turtle pushed himself up and sat on his bed, beginning to rub his right foot, which had fallen asleep.
He loved his brothers. Leo almost laughed. Why else would he have sacrificed himself if he didn't? But who ever had a little brother that didn't get on his or her nerves?
This time Leo did laugh. Some people ended up with one annoying little brother. He'd gotten three.
Leo quickly sobered up. His brothers cared about him, and they were just trying to help. He'd try, for them.
Prickles of dull, pointed pain burst through his foot, tickling and stinging him at the same time. As a child, he'd found it to be one of the weirdest sensations. He ignored it as much as he could while he pondered on his last thought.
They were trying, that was sure. That meant they cared. Caring had gotten him into this position. That didn't mean he didn't want them to stop caring about him and each other. But caring lead to worrying and worrying lead to disaster.
Because everyone makes mistakes…&&&&&
It was almost half after eight now and Leo still hadn't come down from his room. Donny sighed as he made some breakfast. Amazingly, they still had some bacon left. That was just about one everybody's favorite breakfast items in this family.
He hoped Leo liked it too. His oldest brother had always eaten it without complaint, but like with some people, that didn't always mean that he liked the food.
Donny had sent Mike up to get Leo a few minutes ago. Besides the fact that he needed to eat, Don was pretty sure that seclusion wasn't good for Leo. He didn't know all that much about psychology; after all, he was more of an engineer, not a psychotherapist.
However, when he thought about it, Donny figured that if anyone would be counseling Leo, he'd make a better counselor than Raph, who lacked the patience, or Mikey, who, after hearing a few things, would probably need a psychiatrist himself.
Pulling his hand back after a pinch of hot, bacon grease had unexpectedly popped out of the frying pan and onto him, Donny turned his head to hear two pairs of feet coming down the metal stairs.
Putting on a smile, Don flipped some of the bacon onto a dish before turning to his brother. "Morning, Leo. Get any good sleep?"
Leo shrugged. "Good enough, I guess."
"Hungry?"
Leo started to shake his head, then, reluctantly, nodded. Donny watched Mike's expression. He was wearing that same goofy grin that normally graced his face. Raph hadn't told Mikey what he'd told Don.
Watching Leo eat, Don realized Raph was right. Leo was just trying to do what he was being told. And Donny couldn't decide if that was a good or a bad sign.
On one hand, that could be a sign of withdrawal. That could mean Leo was beginning to hide even further inside himself. Don was pretty sure that wasn't good.
But it could also be a sign of childlike obedience, which rarely showed up in most children, but had with Leo when he was young. At first, that almost sounded good, but it quickly turned into a bad sign as well. That was regression.
Loyal submission would be one of the hardest habits to break. Especially when a third possible suggestion made itself known in the next second.
What if it was both?
&&&&&
Sitting on the couch cross-legged position and the little sketchbook Mikey had given him, Leo drew in a few lines on the picture of the bear that he'd seen on TV when Raph had switched it on this morning.
He was alone. That wasn't going to last for long. Taking his attention off the drawing, Leo felt he could time it. He had five seconds, maybe.
One… two… three-A green head appeared behind him; a strip of orange identifying him as his new shadow, Michaelangelo. "Hi, Leo! Whatcha drawin'?"
Leo suppressed a sigh. Not even five seconds. Oh well. Leo lifted the picture to the eye level of his cheerful brother.
"Whoa. Leo that's awesome! It's-"
"Not that good." Leo interrupted. He brought it down and flipped the sketchbook shut.
"What're you talking about?" Mikey asked. "That's better then anything I've ever drawn! What else do you got?"
Before Leo could protest, Mike had snatched the drawing pad out of his hands, looking through it. There was only one other picture, but Mikey still thought it was amazing.
Leo didn't. Drawing was nice, and he had liked it a little when he was younger, but now it had lost its appeal. He honestly thought that if his brothers wanted him to find an interest in something besides Ninjitsu, they'd have to let him find it on his own.
But Mikey was going on and on about how good his two pictures were. Raising his head, Leo realized he'd even dragged Donny into it now. They're not gonna let me put it down.
Mike was talking, but Leo couldn't hear him. Automatically, he took back the sketchbook that was being handed to him and began to draw again.
He'd do what they wanted him to do. But maybe, just maybe, he'd find something else that was calling to him. And maybe that thing would take art's place.
Leo began to long for the sound of the electric guitars.
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From a corner, Raph watched Mike fuss over Leo's artwork. Nothing was on TV, the radio was broke, and his CD was out of batteries. He would train, but he didn't want to do that in front of Leo. That would be like drinking a beer two feet away from an alcoholic.
Was this what it was like to be Leo? Having nothing better to do than study your siblings? No. Leo chose to do that. This was just a taste of the life of Leonardo.
As Raph watched him, he saw a look on his elder brother's face that he'd seen enough times to recognize, but was so small that nobody else noticed at this time. Maybe it was easier to see when you yourself wore that same expression so often.
Anger. But it was mixed with something. Sorrow? Betrayal? Reluctance?
It didn't make sense. Something else was there, and it was driving Leo mad. Maybe he was still mad about his swords. Raph still felt guilty about taking them away.
But it was so hard to tell…
It was as if there was a shield around Leo. Something meant to block anyone trying to locate his weaknesses and understand him. And perhaps it was meant to keep his big brother from understanding himself as well.
&&&&&
If he took one more bite, Leo was sure he was going to explode. At this point, his stomach ached more than it ever had when he wouldn't eat, and now his throat felt like it was begging to close up. He could feel the bile working up in the back of it.
Please, please don't bring out another dish, Mikey. The orange-clad turtle had prepared just about every meal their fridge allowed, meaning someone would have to beg April to get food for them tomorrow.
He'd eaten as much as he could. Half of a cheese sandwich, reheated Chinese take-out, tacos, spaghetti, which he didn't really like, and walnut brownies.
Mikey sat down happily. He could eat all this stuff. "Ya full?"
Yeah, until my stomach decides that all this food will look better in liquid form and on the ground. "Yeah, Mike. I think I'm done."
At least lunch wasn't so bad. Leo still felt like puking.
"Hey!" Mike exclaimed with sudden excitement, "ya want to watch that movie?"
"Uh," he frowned. Raph was watching him. Again. He was never that bad, was he? "I'm actually pretty tired, Mikey. How 'bout tomorrow?"
Mikey showed no sign of sadness. "Okay! Night, bro!"
"Night."
Getting up meant going pass Raphael. Leo walked pass, hoping his brother wouldn't say anything.
Raph's rough voice called to him. "Was that your decision, or are ya just tryin' to escape from Mike?"
Leo turned to face his brother. Nothing went as he wished it would today. "Both."
Raph's face showed a small grin. "But mostly because you were tryin' to get away from Mike."
Leo gave a small chuckle, nodding. When Raph didn't say anything else, he began to walk away.
But Raph spoke again. "No trainin', got that, Leo?"
A sigh escaped from his mouth. He hadn't even been planning on doing that, at least, not tonight. Leo's hands started to clench. He hated being against something he hadn't even done. Once more, he wanted to hear the sounds of those guitars. It felt good.
"Leo?" Raph was talking to him again.
"Huh?"
His red-clad brother gave him a funny look. "I was askin' ya-"
Leo shook his head, remembering what his brother had said just a few minutes ago. "I'm not gonna train, Raph."
This time, Raph's face showed concern. "I was askin' ya if there was somethin' ya wanted to talk about. You look kinda tense, bro."
His hands relaxed. "No. I'm fine."
Raph put a hand on his brother's shoulder, looking him straight in the eye. "You sure? It's like ya just blanked out half of what I said."
He heard the words, but he wasn't listening to them. As of the past few days, his brothers were always watching him. Especially Raph. He hated that feeling…
Leo snapped back to the present matter at hand. He nodded. "I'm good."
Raph held on a little longer, then nodded and walked away.
When Leo had finally made his way upstairs, he sighed and lay back in his bed, rethinking over the idea he's had earlier this morning. Yes, they cared.
Caring had led him to worrying.
Worrying had led to trying to hard, which had also become a struggle.
Struggling had led him to his sacrifice.
His sacrifice had led him to failure.
And failure had led him to them.
&&&&&
There were plenty of leftovers. Leo had eaten more than usual, but there was still a lot left. Mikey had made too much, of course.
Sitting down in a chair, Raph helped himself to some of the Chinese food. Part of that conversation with Leo had been meant to see what that other emotion of his was lying beneath his skin.
With a sad laugh, Raphael was surprised that he hadn't thought of it before. He'd seen it clearly when he was talking to Leo a little while ago.
Leo didn't like all this attention; didn't like being watched. He wasn't used to it.
Exposure. His brother had been put out for everyone to see, so he had to hide himself some more.
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Okay, that's another chapter!
You guys better be happy! Even though it's slightly shorter than some of my other chapters, it took me forever to write!
Anyways, hope ya enjoyed! Please R&R!