It finally happened! Suicide has officially exceeded Dead of Night in number of reviews! Awesome! (goes over to Dead of Night) Oh, my poor story. No one ever really understands the eldest child, do they?
Eep. I haven't updated anything for a week! I'm in trouble. But not many of you are updating, either! Pick up the pace, people!
(crying) I can't believe the season finale is this Saturday! I have to wait about at least four, maybe five months, just to see a new episode again! Oh, the torture!
Oh dear, I think I lost a few reviewers. At least I got a few more in the process.
I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed, and may review, for Rest in Peace! I'll do this again in Dead of Night, in case you don't read this story. I thank Darktiger2, Spawn guy, pacphys, Mickis, spootycup, Chibi Rose Angel, Reluctant Dragon, kikiyophoenix19, Lunar-ninja, Dierdre, The REAL Cheese Monkey, BubblyShell22, The Fire-breathing-ferret, red turtle, Gemdrive, KT, BlueRaven, and sporksareweird. I also thank Sassyblondexoxo, since she read the story, but was unable to review it.
I made this chapter longer for you guys! I like long chapters, so I hope you feel the same way.
Have I typed enough?
Disclaimer: I did own the TMNT, once. But it turned out that I didn't, and still don't, because someone was playing a practical joke on me.
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"Okay," Mikey began, "we can watch…"
Leo zoned out the movie titles Mikey listed. How much longer is this gonna last? Leo had always thought that there were only two types of pain or death: physical, which he preferred, and mental, which could also be known as spiritual. But much to his surprise, he found that you could truly die of boredom. It was a cruel, slow disease that ate away at your senses. And here, in the lair, they were short on cures for it.
Randomly picking a movie, Leo didn't pay much attention to it, instead choosing to stare off into space, trying to figure out he could do what his brothers wanted and get back to a somewhat normal routine sooner.
Mike got up to go to the bathroom, saying he'd be back in a minute. Leo sat still, minding his own business. He decided that after they found a cure for cancer and AIDS, a cure for boredom should be put at the top of their list.
He heard someone behind him. When he turned, he saw Raph getting ready to leave.
Raph noticed him. "I gotta go to April's. Mikey's either burnt or wasted everything we had to eat." He grinned. "I'll be back in an hour. Knowin' Ape, she'll give us all the healthy crap, so I'll have to make a stop at Casey's to get the good stuff."
Leo just nodded.
"Somethin' wrong, bro? Ya look tired."
"No. I'm just bored out of my mind."
"Welcome to the real world, bro. When ya get bored, you do somethin'."
"There's nothing to do."
Raph shook his head. "You find something."
As he was walking out, Leo called to him. "Raph?"
Raph didn't turn, just spoke to him over his shoulder. "Yeah?"
Leo swallowed. "What's the weather like?"
This time, Raph turned. Leo had to ask, he really did. He hadn't asked, he just knew that he wasn't allowed out of the lair right now. He wondered if Raph would answer.
His red-clad brother gave him a funny look. "Cold. It rained yesterday, so it's wet, too."
Leo looked down. He liked the rain.
"Leo," Raph began with a bit of his temper seeping in, "if you even think of goin' out when no one's lookin', I'll-"
Turning around, Leo sat, trying to ignore his brother's freedom. "I'm not going anywhere, Raph."
He didn't even have to look to see that Raph hesitated before leaving.
By the time Mike came back, Leo was already feeling the urge for a little pain; something to take this pain's place.
Mikey yawned.
Leo smiled. He'd do it soon.
&&&&&
It had been about five days since Leo's cut, and he was just finally starting to make progress. At least, Don hoped he was.
Raph and Don had, whilst keeping an eye on him, been giving Leo a little space. Mikey, however, still insisted on spending just about every second with him. And Leo took it without any objections.
Donny smiled, thankful that his younger brother had at least been able to do one thing that he and Raph had yet to do. Two days ago, Mikey was telling a few jokes; one of them actually getting a laugh out of their older brother.
A real, true laugh. Not made up, not because his brothers wanted him to, but because he felt it.
Despite this, Donny was still wondering about the conversation he'd had with Leo that day. Whatever it was that had been bothering the blue-clad turtle, it was obviously still there, though he wondered if Raph or Mikey had sensed it.
But more importantly, he wondered what the obstacle was. With set determination, Don decided it was time he found out.
Something he had noticed not to long ago was that Leo didn't like to talk so openly. Donny had been talking to him at least once a day, with little or no progress, but had seen how uncomfortable Leo got in front of his brothers, including Don himself.
Leo had told his purple-clad brother a few things, but it wasn't enough to figure out what he was feeling. Leo had a variety of masks he could wear to disguise his inner self.
Don too agreed with Raph. Leo was hiding himself; he hadn't killed his spiritual self, just locked it away where no one, not even he, could see.
Walking around, Don looked for Leo. Coming into the living room, he found a surprise. Mikey, who was asleep on the couch with a movie still playing, was nowhere near their older brother. He knew Raph was on his way home from April's, since they needed a few groceries, so Leo definitely wasn't with him.
Where was he?
Suddenly, Don heard a rush of air. He cocked his head and held his breath. Upon hearing the sound again, he groaned and sighed at the same time before heading over to the dojo.
And there he was. Leo had been caught in here one other time. There had been a few swords and other metallic weapons in there at the time, but Leo hadn't been training with them, something Don silently commended him for. Nevertheless, they removed those weapons, leaving just the wooden ones for their own practice.
Obviously, that hadn't discouraged Leo. Although he was more talented with his katanas and wasn't as good as Don with a bo staff, he was well-trained in its use. That's what he was using now.
Don leaned against a wall with a small frown, waiting for Leo to become aware of his presence. It didn't take long.
Turning around, Leo looked at Don sadly, knowing he'd been caught again. After he put the bo staff back, he stood facing his younger brother, apparently waiting for the scolding.
Unlike Raph, who had a tendency to yell, or Mike, who would do worse showing his disappointment, Don always went a little easier on Leo, being able to understand him better. But that wouldn't save him from being reprimanded.
"Leo, is today practice-in-the-dojo-without-anyone's-knowledge day?" Don asked, with a slight smile and tone of sarcasm.
Leo shook his head. "Nope. That's tomorrow."
Donny rolled his eyes. "So that makes today…?"
"Practice-in-the-dojo-while-Mikey-is-asleep-and-can't-freak-out day."
Don chuckled a little before turning serious. "Leo, you're lucky it was me that caught you and not the others. You need to cut back on training for a while, we told you. It's affecting you in more ways than you think."
Leo nodded solemnly, coming out of the dojo. "So what are you here for?"
He was quick. "I wanted to talk to you. You know, about that conversation we had a few days ago."
Leo bit his lip, contemplating his answer when Raph came in, waking up Mikey in the process. The two started moving around, Mikey, for once, not looking for Leo, since he saw him with Don.
Reading the look on his face, Don could tell Leo was starting to back down from his request. Following his gaze, he could also see why.
Don put a firm but gentle hand on his brother's shoulder. He whispered so the other two couldn't hear. "They don't have to come. It'll just be me."
Directing his gaze to the floor, Leo slowly nodded.
By the time Don had gotten in to his lab, Leo was sitting on a counter top, the only one that had, oddly enough, ended up in the room. Smiling, Don sat beside him.
"So," the purple-banded turtle began, "you feeling okay?" Better not start off so quick. Usually, people felt more comfortable with simple conversations that escalated to the point.
Leo shrugged. "I'm fine."
"Raph and Mikey haven't been bothering you too much?"
"No. Not too badly."
Despite his answer, Donny could tell that his brothers, and he himself, were bothering him. Don looked to the floor, like Leo was doing. "They do bother you, Leo. And so do I."
He watched as Leo looked at him, the expression on his face briefly showing that he knew this too. But he also regretted it.
"Leo, do you think you can tell me why you sacrificed yourself again? I think we're both starting to figure out that there's more than one reason, so, I you can, try to tell me all of them."
Leo took a long time answering. "Do-" he swallowed, "do I have to?"
"It'd probably do some good, bro. Why don't you want to?"
His eldest brother's attention was towards the door. "Because you're always watching; they're always watching."
"They aren't in here, Leo. Raph and Mikey have nothing to do with this."
Leo laughed quietly to himself, as if he doubted it.
Donny sighed. "It might help you."
He turned his head sharply, though he wore a sad and small look of fear on his face. "What if I don't want help?"
Is this coming from Leo? As in my brother Leonardo? Don almost spoke his thoughts, but chose not to. "Leo, you need help." He paused. "Why don't you want help?"
The blue-clad turtle looked distracted. He asked the question again.
Leo stared off into space. "'Cause… it might hurt."
He was confused. "What might hurt?"
For a moment, Don was sure Leo wouldn't answer. But he did. "Remembering."
Don began to understand what was happening. He had tried to find out what Leo had meant by numb feelings a few days ago and now remembered a few things.
He'd scared Leo. His brother had just put himself on autopilot. According to what he'd read, when this happened, it was best to direct the person's focus to something else. But in this case, Don was finding it effective. Leo was talking truthfully, unveiling a few of the things he'd been hiding.
Eventually, Donny was able to guide the conversation to its original destination. "Does… remembering have something to do with the sacrifice?"
"…Yes."
Don turned to completely face Leo. "So, there's something besides Master Splinter's death that triggered this."
Leo nodded. "But I don't want to remember it." He closed his eyes tight. "Do I have to?"
Donny tilted his head a little before placing his hand on Leo's shoulder. This isn't fair to him… "No, Leo. You don't have to. But can you try?"
Leo lifted his head a little. "You want me to, don't you?"
With a sigh, Don realized that they'd created a new habit for them to break. Since Leo felt that he existed only to help his brothers, he'd willingly, but reluctantly, had done what they said. Now he expected it; depended on it. They'd told him that they wanted him to change, so he had tried to fit their job description.
With a start, Don understood that they were pushing Leo farther away. Don looked at his brother. This needed to be taken care of first. Despite how wrong it felt.
"Yes, Leo. I want you to. Can you try?"
Sadly, Leo nodded and closed his eyes. "…We-we were little. And…it hurt. Don, it hurt so bad…"
"What hurt?" When Leo didn't answer him, Donny decided to be more specific. "Was it physical? Mental?"
"It started out here," he pointed to his head, "but then it hurt here." He pointed to his stomach. "It-it was like acid," his voice became quieter, "eating away at everything inside."
"Do you know why?"
Leo started to shake his head, but stopped when he hiccuped. Immediately, he came back to his regular self, eyes wide. Another hiccup made him jump and he fell off the counter, moaning softly as he hit the hard floor.
In the next second, Don was on the floor beside him, helping him. But not before the door burst open, revealing two eavesdroppers.
Mikey smiled sheepishly, being the one to open the door. Raph was growling at his younger brother, for obvious reasons.
Donny shook his head before noticing that Leo had turned his attention from his other two brothers to him. He didn't look angry, not yet. He looked upset, though.
Then he spoke to him, even though Mikey and Raph could easily hear. "I told you they were always watching."
Two hiccups later, he was gone.
&&&&&
Mike tried to follow Leo, but Don stopped him. "Don't, Mikey. This is a situation when you need to leave him alone."
Raph stepped into the room. "Ya should've left him alone a while back. Your practically suffocatin' him, Mike!"
Donny stepped in between them. "You didn't do too hot yourself just now, Raph! But you do have a point. You, at least, probably have a few trust points left. I don't know about myself. But Mikey, I think you just used your last one."
The orange-clad turtle froze. That was not good. "What do you mean?"
His brother sighed before turning back to him. "Mikey, you've been doing a good job with Leo, but you're pushing it a little to far. To start, you just burnt one up when you came in here. After I promised him that wouldn't happen." Mikey saw that there Don was talking about himself. "But more importantly, you rarely leave him alone; that tells him that you don't trust him-"
"Well," Raph interrupted, "he has every reason not to."
"But if you don't give him another chance, he'll think he's messed up more than we think. He'll think that we can't trust him with anything. We have to cut him a little break."
"So," Mikey looked to Don, ignoring Raph, "I made things worse?"
"No, Mikey. I think we all did."
&&&&&
Leo sat in his room, trying to remember everything that had just happened. He knew what he'd told Donny, but he couldn't remember the words. The whole discussion had been a blur then and was a thick fog now.
He had a headache. Leo desperately wished his room had a door. His brothers might leave him alone for a few minutes, but they'd be back. And he didn't want to talk. He wanted to hide now.
He needed a room with a lock. A place where his brothers couldn't get to him for a long, long time, that way they couldn't ask him about his hiccups. At least, not for a while. There weren't very many places like that, not in the lair, anyways.
There was one room. It wasn't the best hiding place, but it would do fine. Hiding in the shadows, Leo made his way down the stairs, avoiding contact with his brothers.
Ninjitsu wasn't just about fighting. It was about stealth.
&&&&&
On the couch, Raph flipped through the TV channels.
He wasn't watching the screen, though.
At first, he didn't remember, but then he saw it. Leo hasn't done that for a long time… In fact, he'd only heard Leo hiccup once.
One time, when the three of them had snuck out, it had taken Leo a long time to come after them. They had actually had to find him after Splinter had located them.
When they did, they had found him sitting above the drainage junction, gripping the railing so hard that his knuckles had turned white, hiccups popping forth every five seconds.
Now, Raph remembered that Leo had been afraid of heights when he was little. It had also taken a few hours to find him. Leo was scared.
"Umm, Raph?" Mikey's voice called out to him, shaking a little.
"What?" Raph replied with a groan.
"Did-did you see Leo come down here?"
With that, Raphael threw the remote down. "First of all, no. Second, Don told you that Leo doesn't need you hanging around him every damn second!"
"Raph, I wasn't, I was just goin' to my room and I passed by his and he wasn't there and… I'm worried. Donny can't find him, either."
Raph had been watching Mike's anxiety with the slightest bit of sympathy before he himself became anxious. "Wait a minute, Don's lookin' for 'im, too?"
Mike nodded quickly. "Yeah, I asked him first. He's not in the dojo, his room, or anyplace he hangs around. And when we checked the tracking device in his shell-cell, we found out he left it in his room."
Before Mikey had finished his sentence, Raph was up looking for Leo, too.
One hour later, they hadn't found him. They'd searched the hardest places, ones they hadn't even discovered yet, but they still couldn't find him. Then, as Raph searched the kitchen, he came across the fridge, where numerous sayings were attached to the door with magnets. One caught his eye.
Keep it simple. Raph shook his head, growling at himself before adding another word to the quote. Stupid.
Raph walked into the living room, where Don and Mikey had ended up.
"You find him?" Mikey asked, worried. Don's eyes were asking the same thing.
Raph smirked. "Keep it simple, stupid."
The two exchanged glances, then followed him.
Raph checked the small places, places a six-year-old would deem worthy of hiding. He'd checked the closet, Don's lab, and several other places before he came to the bathroom.
He'd almost walked past it when he heard a small sound. Turning, he looked at the door.
"What is it?" Mikey asked behind him.
The red-clad turtle covered his brother's mouth, motioning for him to be quiet, before putting his head softly against the door. Running water. Reaching the door, he tried the door handle. Locked. Then, he looked down at the floor. Duct tape was covering the door crack, diminishing the sound.Raph smiled. This was it.
He turned back to his brothers, who obviously knew it too. Raph pulled out a sai. He was an expert at opening locked doors. "Guys, you stay out here. I'm gonna have a little talk with our 'fearless leader'."
They looked like they wanted to protest, but Raph didn't let them. He opened the door and pushed it closed silently before they could say anything. Then he locked it again.
In the bathroom, Raph looked towards the tub, where the showerhead was letting down cold water. Leo sat there, right under it, as if it were rain. He still had his bandanna and padding on.
The way he was positioned, with his shell against the longer side of the tub, there was enough room for another person. Raph took that seat, flinching slightly as the freezing water hit his skin.
Leo just stared straight ahead.
Raph watched him for about a minute before tapping him on the shoulder.
No response.
He sighed and tried again. "Leo."
Leo looked down at his feet before looking at his brother.
Raph glared at him. "What're ya doin' in here?"
Putting his chin on his knee, Leo watched the water that fell from the shower flow to the drain. "Hiding."
"I kinda figured that already. How am I supposed to yell at ya, though, if I can't find ya?"
Still not making eye contact, Leo at least answered. "Yell really loud."
"Leo, I ain't in the mood for your shit! You were doin' real good up until Don had that talk with ya. He's convinced it was important, but I don't think so. Now, you're even worse than before. So tell me, what the hell is wrong with ya!"
Leo slammed his head back into the wall, hard. But he obviously didn't care. Raph saw that he apparently still thought this physical pain thing was a good idea. Great.
He did it one more time, but stopped before Raph could tell him to. And his response was directed not just to Raph, but to himself.
"Everything. Leo looked at Raph sadly. "Everything that I was, and was before that. And that's what you think, too, isn't it?"
And he hiccuped.
&&&&&
Sorry guys! You're gonna have to wait for the rest of this conversation! I should work for the scriptwriters of the TMNT. I could make great cliffhangers for them.
You guys are probably starting to think Leo's a bit mental now, huh? Well, although he obviously has some problems, he ain't as bad as me. And, if you thought this chapter was interesting (although I'm not sure since I'm not the reader), you'll be pleased, I hope; to know that I have plans for the future chapters. Big plans.
Umm… you guys did like this, right? 'Cause I'm worried. I got an 'F' in English this quarter and two of my three short stories were just rejected from the creative writing book (the deadline's in a week) and I have writer's block for my non-FanFiction novel and- (gets smacked in the face by reviewers) Oops. Sorry. I'm thinking badly of myself again, aren't I? It's so hard not to!
But you liked? Yes? No? Uh! I better go before I start up again!
Stay tuned and please R&R!