Hello! (gasps) I've broken the one-hundred reviews barrier! Is 114 reviews possible? (looks at many great stories) Oh. It's very possible.
Honestly, I never thought I'd get this far. I was all 'Eh. What the hey. Let's see what happens'. I was hoping for maybe a review from a few people, perhaps one from an author/ess I admired. Then, I get all of these fantastic reviews and buddies! This is so cool!
Everyone ready? Then read!
Italics are flashbacks, thoughts, dreams, etc. Oh, and there's this voice in a flashback, and I just wanted to let you know it's male.
Disclaimer: It's okay for me to pretend I own the TMNT when I'm in my little corner of the institution.
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"They're just like mine. The only reason why they tolerate you is because you're family. But do you really think they'd care if you just mysteriously disappeared?"
He knew that voice. He'd heard it before, a long time ago. But his brothers weren't like what the voice had said. Leo knew his brothers, and he knew they weren't like that.
The thing that bothered him most was that he couldn't place a face to that voice. Not yet. But he knew he'd seen that person before. Just once. And it had made an impression.
Leo pulled a blanket up to his chin and tried to rest. He could get past these memories if he wanted to.
He'd forget about them. He had things to do tomorrow. Leo had promised to try. He was trying. But he'd have to try harder. For his brothers.
They're not like that. They're not.
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This was good. Leo hadn't been the first one to wake up this morning, but he hadn't been the last either.
Raph watched him drinking some tea at the table; reading a book. He turned his head back to the task before him. Finding the remote.
When Leo got up early, he usually pushed himself all day long in everything he did. He's push himself past exhaustion, even if it wasn't necessary. When he was the last to be up and around, like he had been doing these past several days, Leo always isolated himself from everybody else, brooding, making it harder to do anything with him.
It was funny how the time of day could effect people.
Finding the remote, on top of the TV, of all places, he sat down and turned it on.
&&&&&
Yawning, Mikey got out a plate from the cupboard, setting it down on the counter. He turned to the fridge, grabbing the bread that sat on top of it, to make his toast. When he turned back to his plate, he found a small, folded piece of paper on it.
He opened the note. There was only one word on it.
ThanksIt didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who it was from, but when Mikey turned around, Leo was sitting calmly at the table, reading.
The orange-clad turtle shook his head. Ninjitsu, when it wasn't a matter of life and death, was a wonderful game.
Sitting across the table from his elder brother, Mikey watched him, but not in the scrupulous way he had been recently.
For some reason, Leo was uncomfortable showing them all the things going on in his head. Mikey didn't really know why.
Raph got up to go to the bathroom, leaving them alone. Michaelangelo smiled. "Did you like the song?" He already knew the answer, but the younger turtle was a social being. He needed to start a conversation.
Leo looked up from his book. "Yeah. It was awesome."
Grinning, Mikey nodded. Then he looked a little closer at Leo's face. He was upset about something. "What's wrong?"
He hesitated before answering. Then he mumbled, "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
Tracing the handle of his cup, Leo sighed. "Everything I've done to protect you guys has made your lives even worse. I was supposed to be the only one who had to suffer. Now you all are. I failed… again."
Mikey shook his head sternly. "No way. You've never let any of us down." Leo opened his mouth, but Mikey intervened. "And don't even try to give me any examples. We all mess up, Leo. There's nothin' you can do about it, either. But you've never failed us."
The look Leo wore on his face was mixed; one of pure relief, yet doubt. Somewhere in his little speech, Mikey had gotten to him.
But then, he saw something else. Gratitude. Leo wasn't perfect; he'd never wanted to be. But they'd always treated him, resented him, as if he was. Splinter had always pushed him harder than the rest of them. Leo pushed himself even harder because his only desire was to live up to his expectations.
Expectations that had been set up far too high.
This is what he needs. Leo doesn't want to be singled out. He wants to be grouped with the rest of us. It all clicked. He's lonely. All he's ever wanted is to be accepted. But by whom?
By us.
There were so many hidden feelings behind the blue-banded brother before him; each one so desperate to stay in hiding so he wouldn't have to hurt again.
But this was just a little one. The big one was hidden so deep within, Leo couldn't even remember what it was, nor did he want to.
He had to come face-to-face with it someday, though. If he wanted to heal, he'd have to.
Leo was smiling. He hadn't been able to talk before, but he was forcing himself to now. "Thank you."
Mikey smiled back.
They ate breakfast in silence, which, to his shock, the younger turtle found comfortable. But that could only last so long.
"Okay!" he shouted. "You can put away the dishes."
Leo shot him a playful glare. "What? Says who?"
"I do. After all," Mikey grinned, "you're the big brother."
Having all ready been up and collecting the plates before Mikey had started his sentence, Leo suddenly froze.
"What's wrong?"
Leo snapped back to reality. "Nothing. I was just thinking."
He smiled and walked away.
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All in all, today had been a pretty good day; much better than the day before. Don didn't ask any questions, Raph hadn't fought his way into his head, and Mikey seemed to be even more understanding than he'd ever seen him. He hadn't watched him so carefully, but more importantly, he showed Leo that he understood; even if it was only in the tiniest bit.
Leo lay on the couch; trying to sort things out. There had been one bad thing that had happened today.
"… you're the big brother."
The second Mike had said that to him, the sentence was replayed by another voice. The same one from the dream this morning.
"It doesn't matter that you take care of them. You're the big brother. You have all the advantages that they want. But they don't see what you don't have. That's another thing that makes us so alike."
Now the voice from the past was saying that they were alike. First, it had just been their brothers, but now it had reached them.
With a flash, a picture of a swirling current of water appeared in his mind's eye. The middle churned down, down until the color was distorted to pure darkness. A darkness that seemed to reach deep into the bowels of hell.
Leo turned over on his stomach and forced himself to breathe again. These flashbacks were seriously messing with his mind. Why were they coming now? They had never appeared when he was younger.
He heard Donny call him from the lab and got up, pushing the memory into just a fragment he could draw up at anytime.
He had no desire to see them again.
&&&&& (next day)
Things had slowly gotten better. The improvement was minor; Leo still had a ways to go, but it was still much better than it had been.
But Leo still seemed a little withdrawn. Mikey had to admit, they hadn't given him much. Leo was working with what he had, and that was something he commended him for.
But now, it was his turn to make an effort at helping his elder brother along. Sitting on the couch, drawing, Leo would occasionally turn his head and look behind him.
Mikey smiled. Yes, he'd help. And he had the perfect idea as to how.
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He really couldn't help it. It was if the dojo was calling him, or perhaps it had a giant, lighted arrow pointing down at it; flashing with all the attraction of the outside of a Vegas casino.
Granted, he'd just practiced in there two days ago, but when you thought about it, that was a long time for the blue-banded turtle. He was used to training several times a day, especially in the past few months.
Bored of the artwork before him, Leo turned a weary gaze at the dojo, then switched his attention to the brother beside him.
Mikey was getting up; a mischievous grin on his face and an excited look in his eyes.
What is he planning?
Leo was half-tempted to ask the question on his mind but decided against it. He didn't think Mikey was going to do anything wrong.
Besides, it had been decreed, both wordlessly and vocally, that Leo should cut back on his more stressful habits.
Stressful? If anything, they were relaxing. And they took the pain away.
He shook himself out of that frame of mind, remembering how different other people's view of it was, and watched Mikey standing before him.
"I'm gonna go get something, 'kay Leo? Stay here. I'll be back in a minute."
When he was gone, Leo sat there for a few seconds before turning back again to look at the dojo. In seconds, he was up, standing nearby, but never entering. Torn between two pieces of himself.
One part wanted to just go in there in spite; train 'til he couldn't move. He had made a vow to protect his brothers. He was the elder and he was the one responsible for them. He had to be ready.
Leo frowned. Then again, it wasn't like he'd forgotten every move he'd ever learned. He was just as fast and just as strong, hopefully. Besides, his brothers weren't helpless. On their better days, they were even stronger than Leo, really.
But then there was the second part of him, the one that had only emerged recently. It insisted that he stay put. That part wanted him to get better, like his brothers did. Maybe if he listened to them, he could.
But he doubted it.
Footsteps sounded behind him so Leo turned. Mikey was standing behind him, a long bundle in his arms. Smiling, he walked into the dojo, motioning Leo to do the same.
Curious, he followed.
When they had reached the center of the room, Mikey held out the bundle. "Open it."
Leo gave him a questioning look before pulling back the cloth that hid the package's contents. When he did, he was utterly surprised.
There, in Mikey's arms, lay the weapons that had been removed from the dojo several days ago. They weren't his katanas, but they held the same gleam of capacity that had captivated his mind since youth on.
Mikey's grin grew broader. He placed them in Leo's arms.
Leo blinked. Why was he doing this for him? He was barely able to say something. "What-?"
His sentence was cut off as Mikey signaled to him to be quiet. Then he placed a small piece of paper, much like the one Leo had left for him, in his hands and walked away.
Putting the weapons down, Leo unfolded the paper. It was just like his, except the one word was different.
Trust
&&&&&
Raph had been walking past Don's lab when he heard his brainier brother call out to him. Curious and annoyed, he waited for Don to come out and join him. "What's up?"
From the look on his face, Raph could tell it was a serious matter. "Raph, I'm just going to get to the point, okay? Do you think you could tell me some of the things Leo told you the other day?"
He shook his head. "That's just between me and him. I'll tell ya if I think ya need to hear it."
He started walking off but Don place a hand on his shoulder, turning him around. "I need to hear it now, Raph."
Raph's temper flared a little, but went right back down. "Why?"
Donny paused, looking around for a second before coming back to his red-clad brother. "I've been thinking. Leo's flashbacks are coming quicker now. He either completely ignores them or he pretends they don't exist."
Or he tries to pound them out of his head. Literally.
He went on. "They mean something, as we already know, but I don't think we're getting at their true meaning."
Raph stared at his brother, intrigued. "What do ya mean?"
"I'm just thinking out loud, Raph. Now, we all know that Leo 'sacrificed' himself to protect us, or so he says, but I think there was more to it. I think this was also a defense-mechanism."
"How'd ya come to that conclusion?"
"It's hard to explain. I just think we need to figure out what Leo's seeing to understand why he did this to himself."
Raphael sighed. He agreed. But this was something Leo had trusted him with. "Don, it's like I said. I'll tell ya when I think you need to know."
Don's face showed no anger, but there was a hint to frustration. "All right. But think about this while your keeping this to yourself. Since you know more than the rest of us on this matter." Donny walked up to Raph a little closer. "What could a six-year-old possibly see that would make him think of life and death at such a young age?"
Then he walked off, leaving Raph was the most difficult question he'd come to in this whole incident.
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Wa-ha-ha-ha! I'm done with Chapter 8! Took me a bloody forever!
Told ya I'd leave ya some clues! What'd ya think? Please tell me!
Thank ya, dudes and dudettes!