Oh, the agony! I've been separated from my precious Internet for so long! I'm going crazy! I need it back! It's been so very long, and I don't think I can-
Ah. It's back. I'm good, y'all.
Hello, readers! I decided to update this first instead of Dead of Night, it's just so exciting!
Man, it's getting so hard to update soon. Ya know, I'm starting to see why it's so hard for people. But I must keep it up… as long as people keep reviewing.
Now, are you all ready for the biggest event in FanFiction history? Okay, that's probably a big exaggeration, but I feel better saying it! Anyways, here it is! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT, but if anybody reminds of this, they shall meet a horrible, fiery death.
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"How was I supposed to know he'd try to kill himself?" Raphael shouted to his purple-clad brother. They, along with Mikey, were running above ground now.
Donny, who was following the signal from their elder brother's Shell Cell, yelled back at him, obviously frustrated. "Because I told you he might take what you said literally! And he did, didn't he?"
"How'd he come to death, though? He knows I wouldn't want him dead-"
"No, he doesn't." Donny interrupted. "You said you wished he'd go away; what's the more permanent way?"
Raph was silent. He knew all this. He was just trying to find a different solution. It was all his fault, that much was certain.
But it still didn't make sense. What was it that could've gotten Leo to think like this? From the entire time he'd known his brother, that time being his whole life, Leo had never acted like he'd just done minutes ago.
Then again, he was beginning to find out that he didn't quite know everything about his brothers. What had happened in the past week was proof enough of that.
"Oh, crap." The voice of his brother brought him out of his thoughts. Donny was standing still now, a few feet in front of him.
"What?" Mikey asked, moving in closer.
Don shook his head before closing his eyes. "Leo's signal's been still for a few seconds. I thought that maybe he'd stopped…"
Raph didn't like where this was going. He moved forward as well. "What is it?" he asked, dread in his voice.
Donny just shook his head again before opening his eyes and pointing to the ground a few feet ahead of them.
It was the entrance of an alley; an old one that had been ill made. It was a little tight, depending on what speed you were going through it. If you were in a hurry, like they assumed Leo was, you'd probably come into a small scrape with the side.
And obviously, that's exactly what had happened to Leo, because his Shell Cell lay open and slightly damaged before them against the asphalt.
Raph growled under his breath, kicking the side of the building next to them while at it. Wordlessly, the three of them picked up their pace, moving through the alley and eventually many different streets until they came to the point where they'd have to split up to find their missing brother.
It was nighttime, but the red-clad turtle figured that that was the only thing going for them right now. It was important that they found Leo quick, but that just might not happen.
Because if he'd come this way, not all of the territory ahead of Raph was familiar.
&&&&&
As long as he could remember, he'd always been the fastest. As kids, they'd always competed, never being able to agree among themselves who was better at one particular thing.
But Leo knew that when push came to shove, all four of them knew where their strengths lied.
He was strong, but he certainly wasn't the strongest. That was Raph, in more cases than one.
He was talented, but he'd had to work for it. Mikey was always the natural.
He was smart, but he knew there were many who were smarter than him. Donny definitely had that title.
But he was the fastest, and that was all that mattered right now. He didn't know where he was going at this moment, nor did he care. He was running away from everything he knew right now, and no one could catch him.
And he wasn't just fast on his feet. Leo had been quick with learning a lot of things, too. Even as a child, he'd watched everything around him carefully until things made sense to him perfectly.
He'd been the first to understand why they were different from regular people and why they could never fit in with them. He'd been the first to figure out that if you wanted to make someone appreciate you, you had to do everything they said. And if you wanted to keep that appreciation, you had to grind your bones into dust working for that one goal.
He'd also been the first to figure out how death worked. On some shows on the TV, the dead came back as ghosts and would talk to their loved ones. But Leo knew that wasn't true. The dead stayed the way they were, leaving pain behind them for everyone else to gather.
Leo was taught that at a young age, six. And his teacher told him the only way you could get rid of that pain was to find another, more threatening pain to focus on. Leo found that he was right. But then he was taught something else.
At high speed, Leo made a sharp turn, trying to block out the memory that had finally come to the surface back at the lair. He didn't want to think of him. He didn't want to be like him.
But he was. He knew it.
"Man, do I feel sorry for you kid. You're gonna be just like me."
That person of the past had been right. Leo was just like him. But he hadn't been once. As a child, he'd been just like his brothers. And his brothers were nothing like that.
But that boy had been right about him, he'd been right all along. And he said that his brothers were just like Leo's brothers. Could he have been right? The thought made his heart ache inside.
Running was beginning to become painful, so the blue-banded turtle slowed down his pace a little.
Wherever he was, nobody was around. There were just a few buildings and houses, in the distance there was a small, empty playground, and trees engulfed the entire area. And there were lots of shadows. He was in complete shadows everywhere he turned. This area was practically deserted. Many of the buildings had broken windows, where cobwebs were forming.
Leo felt tired. Tired about everything. Death seemed like a good option, but now there was a problem in doing it. For one, he still couldn't answer Donny's question. He didn't know if he wanted to die or live anymore.
And that bothered him. How could he not know? Wouldn't it be obvious? He couldn't help but wonder why not, since no one wanted him alive anyways.
Or was that in his imagination? Why would someone say they didn't want you dead if they didn't?
His shoulders sagged. He was so confused. Leo knew the answers were in the past, but he couldn't bring himself to look there.
All of a sudden, there were footsteps behind him, just around the corner.
Leo didn't have a reason to live; he didn't have a reason to die. He didn't know much anymore. But he knew that there was definitely a reason to hide.
&&&&&
Raph looked around the corner, only to find a futuristic version of a ghost town in western movies. He'd had no idea there was a place in New York like this.
Mikey had called a little while ago with no luck of finding Leo. He was heading in Don's direction.
After running the entire way, this seemed like a good place to walk. He knew he had to find Leo quick, but the fact was he couldn't keep up.
Besides, maybe he'd missed something.
Walking in the shadows, Raph couldn't help but hope Leo was here. If he was anywhere, this was probably the best place to be. Didn't help much with the mood, but the fact that the place was practically abandoned meant no one would be around to see a giant turtle in their midst.
Every time he passed an alley, he checked to see if someone was hiding in it. He suddenly had a feeling that Leo was here.
When his foot came in contact with something gooey, he looked down, half-expecting it to be blood. Instead, he found regular old mud, not a surprise, considering all the rain they'd been having lately.
It was a major relief.
Checking his current surroundings, he found he was at a park. It wasn't very big; it just housed three swings, a small slide, a merry-go-round, and one of those concrete tunnels kids could crawl through like a hollowed log.
The park, especially, was swallowed by the large trees that loomed over this area like a rainforest, making it difficult to see the night sky. He could only guess that that was where the shadows were coming from.
Raph frowned. Enough lookin' around; it's time to move. He pulled his foot out from the mud and was about to run again when he noticed something.
There, in the mud, sat his own footprint. But right next to it, there was another that also had only two toes. And there were more of them.
He followed the footprints quietly to the swings, where they stopped.
The place was eerily quiet, making the swing before him creak so much more loudly as it made a short sweep through the air. Raph reached out a hand and stopped its path.
He smiled, determination set in him. Moving from the swings, he took the few steps needed to get to the tunnel. Coming to its entrance, he bent down to look inside.
Sure enough, even in the darkness, the form of his elder brother was clearly visible.
After a few seconds of silence, Raph chose to speak. "Mind if I join ya?"
Leo didn't say anything; he didn't even look at him. But Raph knew he'd been heard when Leo turned his head away from him.
Not caring at this point if his brother wanted to talk to him or not, Raph crawled right in, sitting next to Leo.
That lasted about fifteen seconds. The moment Raph had finally gotten himself in, Leo was quickly crawling out. Raph had to lunge forward to catch him, just barely getting a firm hold on his ankle, causing Leo to trip and land in the mud. When he landed, he kicked his foot out towards his brother's face, making him let go.
Recovering quickly, Raph got up and ran after him. Luckily, the mud had slowed him down and he was able to tackle him. Once he had him pinned, his only problem was keeping him that way.
"Leo!" Raph yelled at him through grit teeth. "Will ya calm down? I gotta talk to ya before ya go and do somethin' stupid!"
"There's nothing to talk about." Leo said, still trying to get out of his brother's grasp.
"Bullshit! You had to have run off for some reason, and even if ya didn't, I'm still gonna talk to ya!"
Leo stilled, remembering what he had done back at the lair.
"It's somethin' to do with the 'sacrifice', isn't it?"
Leo tried to get away again, but when he couldn't, he let out a sigh, and nodded.
Raph waited, but Leo never said anything. "Well? Ya gonna tell me?"
His brother was completely defiant. "No."
They sat there for a few minutes, Leo occasionally trying to wriggle away, but never saying anything. He'd taken back his nonchalant demeanor and obviously wasn't about to let Raph brake it.
Eventually, Raph sighed. "All right, here's the deal. I'll let ya up, but ya gotta promise you won't go anywhere. Got that?"
After a few seconds, Leo nodded and Raph let him up. Raph had a new tactic now. If he'd learned anything from their past week, it was that Leo hated people seeing right through him.
Staring him down, Raph waited until Leo turned to him, knowing that someone was watching him. "What?" he asked.
Raph didn't answer him, just kept up the death glare. Leo looked away a few times, but always came back. When his fingers started to dig into earth, Raph knew he had gotten to him. Now it was okay to talk.
"Do you really want to die?" he repeated Donny's question.
Leo's head snapped up and he hiccuped. "Don't ask me that question."
"Why not?" Raph kept his voice even, trying to convey the message that he had the upper hand.
"Because-" he looked down and hiccuped again, "because I don't want to think about him."
Him? "Who're ya talkin' about?"
Leo's eyes widened, realizing that he'd let out a valuable piece of information. "Nobody you know…"
"Then why not introduce me?"
He'd started to hiccup now. He's remembering something…
"I can't." Leo tried to turn away; leave it at that.
Raph was having to fight to keep his temper under control now. "Oh, yes you can. And you're gonna."
"No-"
"Too bad, Leo! Don't ya get it?" He got up on his knee and leaned closer to him. "You finally have it, and you're not even gonna look at it? This is the next step to getting better, and you're not going to take it? Do you want to live your life wanting to die?"
"No!" Leo shouted. "I mean… I don't know." He sniffed before hiccuping again. Raph was about to yell at him when Leo spoke again, very quietly. "I don't want to be like him."
"Who?"
The hiccups were coming faster now. "I don't know." Raph waited through the hiccups for Leo to speak again. "Raph, why do I have to remember it?"
"You already know that."
"No I don't. I shouldn't have to-"
Raph interrupted, "Why not?"
"I don't know-"
"Yes you do. Now tell me why you don't wanna remember."
"I don't-"
"Leo." Raph interrupted again. "Tell. Me. Now."
He watched as Leo leaned his back against a tree that was behind him. "I-I…"
Raph thrust his hand against his shoulder, perhaps a little to hard, forcing it back against the tree. "Why?"
"I'm afraid!" Leo shouted.
For some reason, that took him aback. Raph blinked. He had pretty much guessed that, by the way Leo had been acting, but it was the way he had said it. From the look on Leo's face, he was surprised too.
The thing about it was, it just wasn't Leo's voice. It was him who was speaking, his articulation, but it wasn't his words.
They were the words of a child.
Leo hiccuped, not concentrating on Raph anymore. "I'm afraid."
&&&&&
He could almost picture it now. There was his diamond-like shield before him; with each word Raph said to him, it was like someone was pounding on it, looking for its breaking point.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Over and over again.
And Raph kept pushing; kept looking for that spot. But Leo couldn't protect himself. He knew, deep down, that Raph was right. He just didn't want to believe him.
But then, Raph found it. Crash! Leo could almost hear it. His shield was broken and he had nowhere to hide.
The next thing he knew, Raph was forcing him to look at him. He had eased most of the weight up on Leo's shoulder by now, but was still holding on, as if it was the only way to keep Leo with him.
"What're you afraid of?"
Leo tried to find the words, but his throat had gone dry all of a sudden. That boy he had met as a six-year-old had ruined his life. And he was going to be just like him.
That's what he was afraid of.
"C'mon, Leo." Raph said as he released his grip on him, sitting next to him. "It's time to tell. You can do it."
The hiccups were finding their way through his throat again, but he let them pass. Raph was right. It was time to tell, and not just to his brother. Leo needed to hear it to.
"Raph," he hiccuped, "do you remember when you guys found me by the drainage junction" another hiccup; "when we were six?"
&&&&&
"Guys! Guys, where are you?" Leo had called through the sewers. His brothers had gone off on another little adventure today. Raph had even been able to talk Donny in to it this time, an event that had only happened three times in their lives.
Leo sighed, looking down at his small feet as he walked. He wondered where his brothers could be. He'd spent the last hour and a half looking for them.
Hearing the thunderous sound of water, he followed it until he was back at the drainage junction, the first place he had looked. Leonardo raised his eyes up to the catwalk.
"Maybe they're up there…" he muttered to himself.
Upon reaching his destination, his hopes were quickly dashed. No brothers. Disappointed, but not yet deterred, he walked to the other end of the catwalk, hoping to maybe catch sight of them.
To his surprise they were there, talking as they walked around.
"Do ya think he's gone?" he heard Mikey ask quietly.
Raph stood on his tippy-toes to look around. "Yeah, I think he's gone. Why does Leo always have to come after us?"
"Raph, he's just worried." Donny told him.
"Well he can stop bein' worried!" Raph yelled, working himself into a temper. "We ain't babies, we can take care of ourselves!"
Mikey nodded. "Yeah! Leo always treats me like I'm a little kid!"
"We arelittle kids." The purple-clad turtle had pointed out.
"And you actually are a baby." Raph pitched in.
"I am not!"
Raph ignored him, turning his attention back to the young Donatello. "But, c'mon. Ya have to admit, he gets annoyin'."
Above them, Leo waited for his answer. Was this what his brothers thought of him?
"Well," Don started out slowly, "I guess. Sometimes."
Leo's heart sank. He watched Raph grin. "See? I knew it." They started walking around the drainage junction. "Ya know what else I don't like about Leo? He's always actin' like he's better than us. He does everything perfect." Raph kicked a small rock into the water. "And then he goes around and acts like he's our mother! He's only six, like us!"
Mikey agreed, with less enthusiasm then his brother. Don nodded half-heartedly.
Raph did an about-face, causing little Michaelangelo to run into him. "What don't you like about him, Mike?"
"Me?" Mikey asked. He thought about it for a minute. "He's always bossing me around and treating me like a baby! It's like he thinks I'm a little baby he has to watch and take care of all the time!"
Raph rolled his eyes. "You already said that, lamebrain!"
Mikey just shrugged his shoulders.
Raph sighed and turned to Don. "How 'bout you?"
"What do you mean?"
"What don't ya like about Leo?" Raph asked, like it was an obvious question, which it pretty much had been.
Donny shrugged. "I don't know."
"Aw, c'mon!" Raph said, throwing his arms down.
"Yeah," Mikey went along with his older brother, "there gots to be something!"
The three walked around a little bit more before Don answered. "Well… he trains too hard. It kinda makes us look bad."
"Yeah!" Raphael shouted. "And then he gets all the special attention! It's not fair!"
Leo looked down at his feet. So that was what his brothers really thought of him. Was he really that bad?
Their voices were beginning to fade as they left the drainage junction. The last thing he heard was Raph shouting again.
"Ya know, sometimes I really hate Leo."
Now, that was the thing that hurt the most. It was like someone had stabbed him in the back, but then changed their mind and went for the chest too. Raph hated him? Why? What had he done?
Leo sniffed, but refused to cry. He was about to go back home when he heard a voice behind him.
"Jeez, are they always like that?" Leo turned to see a boy, about fourteen years old, with dark brown hair and eyes. He had on a black t-shirt and blue jeans. In his hand, he was holding a cup. The boy took a small sip.
"Uh," Leo didn't know what to say. He'd never met a human before. But he figured that when he did, the human would've run away, not talk to him. "I don't know." He finally said.
The boy took a few steps forward and for a moment, Leo saw his face twist in pain. Then he relaxed. "It seems like every time I come down here, they're talkin' about how much they hate you or how mad they are at you. Especially that one kid- his name's Raph, isn't it?"
Leo nodded slowly. He didn't know if it was a good thing that this boy knew all of these things.
As if he had read his mind, he reassured him. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone about the giant turtle children I found in the sewer. You have my word. " He took another sip from his cup, then mumbled to himself.
The only word Leo heard was 'time'.
"So," the boy looked back at him, "I guess you're Leo, huh?"
The blue-clad turtle nodded. The teenager looked at him for along time. "What do you do for a hobby, Leo?"
"Huh?" That didn't seem like a normal question. "Uh, my brothers and I practice Ninjitsu."
"Yeah, your brothers were talkin' about that. But don't you do anything by yourself?"
"No, not really."
His new companion watched him again; he was reading him like a book. "What do you usually do? Besides train?"
"Um," Leo looked around, "I usually watch out for my brothers; you know, when Master Splinter is gone."
"How long is he gone usually?"
Leo hesitated, not sure if he should tell. "A lot. It's hard to find food and supplies down here."
The boy bit his lip before turning his gaze to the floor. He took another small drink from his cup, clutching his stomach slightly. He turned his back against the railing, gasping slightly. "Man, do I feel sorry for you kid. You're gonna be just like me."
What was he talking about? "I don't understand."
As if he was in pain, the young man leaned his head back, breathing hard. When he was done, he turned back to Leo. "You're going to be just like me, and I'm not a person you should be like. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone." He laughed. "What life am I talkin' about?"
Leo took a few steps forward. This kid was acting weird. "Are you okay?" As he got closer, he caught whiff of a strange smell. It was like some of the things he smelt when Don was mixing things, as he was growing attracted to science. Some sort of chemicals.
"Yeah, I'm fine." The kid smiled at him. "I'm fine… today."
He took a look at his cup before tipping it back drinking the last drop. When he brought it down, Leo realized that's where the smell was strongest. "What was in there?" he asked worriedly.
The boy froze, his smile broke. "Yeah," he whispered, "you'll be like me. You're sure quick, aren't you?" He watched Leo, then closed his eyes. "It's rat poison."
Leo's eyes widened. "Rat poison? Why'd you drink rat poison? Don't you know that'll kill you?"
"Yes."
"But," the young turtle couldn't understand, "why?"
The boy through his cup into the drainage junction, then kneeled down beside him. "Listen to me, Leo. There's things that you just don't understand yet-"
"But killing yourself is wrong!"
"Wait, wait, calm down. Listen, you don't quite know what it's like. Do you understand what death means?"
"It's when someone goes away."
"That's right. They go away. But they don't come back, Leo. Not in this world. Have you seen those cute little shows with ghosts, or angels?"
Leo nodded.
"Those are all lies. When someone dies, you won't see them again. They're gone. And… it hurts when they're gone. My mom died a few months ago. She was just starting to hang around the house some more, too.
"Her and my dad weren't around so much back when we were kids. I have two little brothers, you know. They're twins. Ya know, your brothers remind me of them. Like you, I'm the oldest. I've been taking care of them since they were little, but they never really cared. I'm too bossy, too nosy, too perfect." He looked at Leo as he said those last words. "You're brothers treat you like that too, don't they?"
This was starting to get to Leo. What did his brothers have to do with this kid killing himself? "I-I don't think they are. We're brothers-"
"'Brother' is just a word; a term. In fact, it's probably the only thing that's holding you together now, isn't it? I bet you guys used to be friends. Then, I don't know, you took different interests. Separated. Then you just watched out for each other, 'cause you're kin. But now they're looking at you, and they see someone different. And they wonder why they even devote all this time to helping you in the first place. And then… they'll just abandon you."
"No, they wouldn't do that… would they?"
It took the suicidal boy a few minutes to answer him. Leo hadn't taken too much notice of it before, but now he seemed to be in great pain.
And that just fed his smile.
"They say they wouldn't. And they probably would help you if you were in a physical, life-threatening situation. But they don't care what you think. Sure, they'll help you if you go and do something stupid, but then they'll slack off." His brown eyes burrowed through Leo's. "They'll just sit back and let you die."
Leo shook his head. "They can't… they wouldn't." he sniffed, "They're my brothers."
"Yes," the teen started, "yes they are. They're just like mine. The only reason why they tolerate you is because you're family. But do you really think they'd care if you just mysteriously disappeared?"
Bending his head forward, Leo recalled the conversation he'd heard a few minutes ago. "Well, maybe not. They do hate me, don't they?"
"No, they don't hate you. They just don't care about you like they used to. Remember?" he said with a sarcastic smile, "You're so much better than them. They think you can take care of yourself. And if you can, so can they."
"But that's not completely true! Mikey's always getting hurt, and Raph gets into trouble all the time- I have to take care of them! I don't want them to get hurt, and if they get in trouble… they'll blame me."
"It doesn't matter that you take care of them. You're the big brother. You have all the advantages that they want. But they don't see what you don't have. That's another thing that makes us so alike."
Those words finally set in on him. "I'm gonna be just like you?"
As his skin paled, the boy nodded. "Sorry to say so."
"But, I don't want to be like that! I don't want my brothers to hate me!" He could feel a small ache inside. He'd been feeling that a lot recently. "And I don't want to die."
Looking at him sternly, the boy chose another question. "But do you want to feel the pain?"
Leo realized the teenager in front of him was fighting to maintain his voice. "What pain?"
"The one on the inside, of course. I know you feel it. It's eating away at you, and it hurts, doesn't it?" He didn't give him the chance to answer. "You can get rid of it you know."
That simple thought snapped Leo's head up. "How?"
"See? I knew you did." He took in a deep breath, pacing himself. "If you wanna get rid of the pain on the outside, you have to trick yourself. Make your body focus on something more immediate, something that hurts more. Push yourself physically; hurt yourself over and over again. Protect your brothers, even if they can't stand it. The pain will go away, mostly."
"I don't understand." Leo shook his head. "Master Splinter says that's wrong."
"In a way," he sighed, then gasped, "I guess it is. But it's better than killing yourself."
"Then why are you doing that?" Leo snapped.
"My brothers want me dead." He said, not missing a beat. "You see, this isn't the first time I tried this. They've been 'helping' me for about a year now. At first, it was kinda nice. It was like they actually cared about me. But then they stopped me from my way of getting rid of the pain." He pointed to his heart, looking away. "And then it hurt again; here, ya know?"
Leo nodded. "I know."
The boy clutched his stomach. "I heard them talking last week. They're getting tired of me. One of 'em wants to turn me in; he's so fed up. So, I figured I'd just do them a favor. They won't have to worry anymore."
"But," Leo tried to think of better words, but could come with a few; "do you really want to die?"
That made the kid stop in his tracks. He looked at Leo, not knowing what to answer, when all of a sudden, he leaned back. Leo watched, wide-eyed, as two rivers of blood made their way from his nose.
When he brought his face back down to the horrified little six-year-old before him, he made no move to wipe the blood away. "Internal damage." He said calmly. "It's time for me to go."
Leo jumped up as the kid made his way up against the railing, slowly. "Maybe you don't have to die! You could go to a doctor! And then you could come back down here. Life wouldn't be so bad!"
"Life anywhere would be bad. People like us- we're born to live, and we live to die."
"Un-uh." The blue-clad turtle tried to convince him, as well as himself. "We don't have to be like that."
He just looked at Leo, no emotion on his face. "You'd be surprised how things can change."
Noticing how the boy could barely hold himself up without support, much less stand, Leo began to wonder why he was getting up. "What're you doing?"
"Jumping."
"But, you can barely-" his voice cut off as he realized what he'd meant. "You're jumping into the water, aren't you?"
A nod was his only answer.
"Why?"
"Someone might find me down here. Who knows, they may even be able to save me. I'm just buying my time. I'm dying today."
"But you can't!"
"Why not?"
"Because…" Leo began, trying to think of anything he could say. He didn't even know this guy, so he couldn't use himself as an excuse.
"What'd I tell ya? No one can see a reason for me to live."
Leo snapped. "But what am I supposed to do? I don't want to end up like this; all alone and full of spite! How can I not be like you?"
"I told you." The boy snapped right back. "There is no way. You're looking at your future right here, Leo. It's imbedded right into your soul." Seeing the way the little turtle's hope shattered upon his words, he thought of a small something to reassure him with. "But hey, maybe you'll be a little different. You're learning that ninja stuff; maybe you can save the world, or something. Find anything you can to do with your life. While you're sacrificing yourself for your family, try to do something for yourself, okay?"
Before Leo could say anything else, the teenager pushed himself, with great pain, across the railing. He sat there for a minute, breathing heavily. "This all begins in the darkness of your mind." He paused, smiling. "See ya on the dark side, kid."
And then he fell.
Leo immediately leapt the few inches over to where he'd been, only to see him hit his head on the side of a wall and then slip into the water. His body floated for a few seconds, then spiraled down into a dark, watery abyss.
That place haunted him for weeks. It seemed that every time he fell asleep, it was there.
Hiccups began to explode in his mouth and he felt tears stream slowly down his face. For the first time in his life, Leo felt afraid. Not only because of the death he'd just witnessed, but mainly because of the fact that deep in his heart, he knew those words were truthful. He would be like him.
He had no idea how much time had passed when he felt a paw gently land on his shoulder. Turning sharply, he came face-to-face with Master Splinter.
"My son," the old rat said worriedly, "what is the matter?"
Leo shook his head. He couldn't tell. But when his father figure outstretched his arms to hold him, back in the days when he could, Leo quickly went into them.
Splinter stood there for a few seconds while Leo continued to cry, his hiccups refusing to cease. Leo raised his head a little bit and saw his three brothers behind Master Splinter. While all three of them looked a little worried, and much more confused, he didn't miss the annoyance that also shone on Raphael's face.
It seemed that this was his fault again.
&&&&&
The hiccups had never stopped throughout the entire time Leo was telling the tale of his past, but Raph quickly got used to it. Somewhere towards the end, Leo started sobbing, a new thing to him. In his whole life, Raph had rarely seen his brother cry. But he had never heard him.
The story finished, Leo lowered himself to the earth, and continued to cry, just like he had when he was a child. "It was all my fault…" He repeated softly to himself over and over again.
Sighing, Raph began to wonder how many times he had screwed up as a child, how many times he had said the wrong thing.
Looking back at his brother, Raph tried to tell him how sorry he was. He has no idea that the memory had been this bad. To see someone commit suicide; being told that he would end up just like that, the idea seemed to horrible to imagine a six-year-old going through.
After trying to talk to Leo several times, Raph quickly saw that his words were falling on deaf ears. Leo had gone deep within himself, and was refusing to come out.
Raph found himself more anguished than he thought he would've been after hearing this tale. Watching his brother curl himself into the fetal position on the mud, he crawled over to him. He couldn't just let Leo lay alone like that, in so much pain.
That kid had told him that was how he'd end up. Raph was determined to prove him wrong.
Lifting his body, Raph let Leo's head rest on his knee, pressing a hand against his shoulder to calm him down. It seemed to help a little bit.
With a start, Raph realized that the boy had been wrong about Leo. Even though his elder brother couldn't hear him, Raph felt the need to tell him anyway. "Leo, you're not like him. He wasn't right about you. If you were, you'd be dead now. Sure, ya have a lot in common, but here's the difference: he did kill himself. You're still here."
Raph bit his lip. "You're gonna stay here, aren't ya? You gotta a lot of people who love you, bro. And you were right; we're not like that guy's brothers. We care about you."
Raph didn't know what else to say, but he kept on talking. Somehow, he found he had other things to tell him. And as he did so, eventually Leo's hiccups ceased and he cried himself to sleep.
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Okay, that is the longest chapter I've written in the history of my life! Hope ya all read it!
So, (pacing holes in the floor) how was it? It took me so long to get this right, so I hope it was good enough for you guys!
Oh, and I'm sorry if I got anything wrong about the rat poison thing. When you don't have Internet while you're writing, it means asking parents. And you can only get so long with questions like 'How much will kill you?' and 'How long will it take?' before they start thinking you're suicidal!
In short, I really hope you liked this! Hope everybody reviews!
Oh yeah, please stick around! There's only two chapters left!