Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, don't sue me.
A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. It really means a lot. Hope this one is all right . . .
Phoebe closed the Manor door softly behind her, pulling off her shoes in the darkness. She squinted in the direction of the lounge room, slowly heading towards the entrance. Her feet barely making a sound, she struggled to get used to the darkness as she entered the room.
"I thought you were staying out tonight."
Phoebe jumped, spinning around to face Cole. "You have got to stop doing that." She muttered, taking in a weary breath.
"Sorry." Cole said with a familiar wry smile.
As Phoebe's eyes adjusted, she made out that Cole was shirtless, wearing track pants. She looked away after slight hesitation. "Jason had some work to do." She lied, avoiding his eyes.
"Right." Cole said with a nod.
"What are you still doing awake anyway?" Phoebe questioned.
"Too much to think about." Cole repeated the words he had spoken nights ago. Phoebe wondered if there was any point in time when he didn't have too much to think about.
"When was the last time you got a good night's sleep?" She questioned with a slight frown.
"A while ago." Cole said, sitting himself down on the couch. Phoebe followed suit and lowered herself into the armchair a couple of metres away.
"You're still worried about Ronan?" She asked.
"That's not the only thing I'm worried about." He said, glancing at her. He knew that his feelings for Phoebe had escalated again. That is, of course, assuming that they ever diminished. But he couldn't tell her that. Not after everything that had happened last time. He had to prove to her that he had changed. . .and let her be happy.
"Then what are you worried about?" Phoebe questioned, oblivious to his thoughts.
He glanced at her through the corner of his eye. "It's nothing." He said decisively.
"Well, if you ever want to talk about it. . ." Phoebe said, seeing straight through his lie, "I'm here."
Cole could imagine what an interesting conversation that would be. He smiled slightly. "So tell me more about Jason." He changed the subject abruptly.
"You've asked me that before." Phoebe said.
"I asked you if he was a good guy. I lied when I said that was all I wanted to know." Cole replied.
Phoebe hesitated. "Why are you so interested?" She questioned, her heart rate increasing slightly.
"Phoebe. . ." Cole contemplated what he was going to say. "I'm just worried about you, that's all." He finally let out.
"Worried?" Phoebe questioned incredulously. "Cole, I've known Jason for a long time now. I trust him completely."
"That's not what I'm worried about." Cole said hastily. "It's just. . .I'm afraid that you're willing to settle down with someone that you don't. . ." He broke off. He was wading too far into the deep waters he had been trying so hard to avoid.
"Someone that I don't what?" Phoebe questioned. It wasn't hard to realise what he had been trying to say. But Phoebe wasn't about to jump to any conclusions.
"Nothing." Cole said, shaking his head slightly.
"I wish you would talk to me. We used to be able to talk about everything." Phoebe said, glancing at her hands.
"That was a long time ago. A whole lifetime ago." Cole said softly.
"It wasn't that long ago. Not to me, anyway." Phoebe stood up and sat beside him on the couch. "Tell me what you're thinking about."
"What do you mean?" Cole questioned. "What do you want me to say?"
"Anything that you wouldn't normally say. What were you going to say before?"
"Believe me, you don't want to know." Cole replied. Then, before she could argue, he continued, "Why don't you give me an example of what you want me to say. Tell me something, Phoebe."
Phoebe hesitated for a moment, contemplating his words slightly. "I want to let go." She said decisively.
Cole frowned slightly. "I don't understand."
"I can't remember the last time I let go of my inhibitions and did something completely spontaneous. Something out of the blue." Phoebe said, smiling at the thought.
"Like what?" Cole asked, smiling slightly at her own excitement.
"Like. . ." She paused, "Climbing onto a bus. . .without a clue as to its destination. Running out onto the street during a storm. . .in my best clothes. . .and not even caring that they're being drenched. I just want to let go. . .to feel like my whole life isn't being planned before me." She glanced at him. "Too much?"
Cole gave her a half smile. "Phoebe, you're a witch. Your life is the least planned. . .the most spontaneous that I have ever come across."
She shook her head. "It doesn't feel that way to me. I feel like I'm in a rut. . .and it's only getting deeper." She breathed in deeply, before meeting his eyes again. "Now it's your turn. What were you going to say before?" She repeated.
"You're not going to let go of that?" Cole asked, glancing at the floor.
"Not a chance." Phoebe replied with a smirk.
"But you see. . .if I tell you what I was going to say. . .then any relationship that we may have salvaged in these last few days will be completely demolished." Cole let out.
Phoebe frowned. "That bad, huh?" Cole nodded, meeting her eyes. She inched closer to him. "Tell me." She said forcefully. Cole let out a small laugh, shaking his head. Maybe telling her wouldn't be so bad. It wasn't like he had any agenda – like he expected anything from her. She wouldn't punish him because of feelings that refused to be suppressed. She couldn't.
"I don't want you to settle down with someone because they're safe." He finally said.
"You're talking about Jason again." Phoebe stated.
"Jason." Cole said with a nod. "And any other guy you stay with just because you know they won't hurt you." He paused, watching as Phoebe turned away. "Phoebe, you're the one that said that you're stuck in this rut." He tried to catch her eye.
"That's not what I meant. I wasn't talking about--" Phoebe started.
"I think you were." Cole interrupted gently. "You want your life to be spontaneous, but you refuse to let go of the things that you know are holding you back. I watched you and Jason tonight. And I don't doubt that he cares for you. I don't doubt that you care for him. . .love him even. But it's not the kind of love that you deserve. He can't give that to you."
"And you can?" Phoebe burst out, standing up abruptly. "Is that what this is about?"
"No." Cole replied, standing to face her. "I'm trying to look out for you, Phoebe. I don't want you to be merely pleased with life, when you could have it all. I don't want to see you do that to yourself."
Silence overcame them for a moment, before Phoebe spoke. "Well, you know what Cole, that's none of your business." She said softly. "Not anymore."
Cole let out a small breath of frustration. "You're right." He agreed. "And the next time you ask me to tell you the truth. . .I'll just keep it to myself." He met her gaze, and they held eye contact for a moment, before she pulled back.
"I'm going to bed." She said, defeated. She turned her back on him and headed to the foot of the stairs.
"Phoebe." Cole said gently. She paused, but didn't turn around. "I'm just telling you exactly what you already know. Don't punish me for that." For a moment, Cole thought she was about to face him, but a second later she stepped onto the staircase and made her way to her bedroom.
Cole watched her retreat into the darkness above them, and he sighed slightly. Regret had filled him earlier for the way he had spoken to her nights ago. But not now. Phoebe deserved to know what he was thinking. He just hoped she would listen.
That's it. . .review and give me your thoughts. Flames are welcome.