The usage of a dream is double-edged; it can hurt, but it can also heal. Don't be afraid to dream.

:-:-:-:

I don't want to dream. I don't want to think of them. I don't want to remember...

I don't want to have to hurt myself again.

I should hurt myself, I know, for the things I did to them... No, must not think of that! Turn away, turn away!

No... no... no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do them! I didn't mean to! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! Please forgive me! I'm so sorry...

Please... forgive me. I can't do anything but ask you to forgive me. I can't move, I can't talk, I can't do anything but silently ask you to forgive me. Forgive this thirty-six-year-old man for his sins...

I've been here twelve years.

In all that time, I've never spoken a word. Not to another living being.

Why should I be allowed the liberty of speaking, when it was speaking that brought this upon me?

I should never have said those words. I should never have done those things. But I did.

And I'm sorry.

:-:-:-:

"How is he?"

"Not well."

"How so?"

"He seems to be torturing himself."

"What?"

"See for yourself."

(Pause)

"Oh my."

"My sentiments exactly. Do you need help?"

"I'd like to see him. May I?"

"Sure. I'm not sure what good it will do, though, not when he's in this state."

"I have to do something."

"I understand."

(Pause)

"In you go."

"Thank you."

:-:-:-:

They are here again.

Strange. It's not time for their prescriptions. Ugh.

"Gohan."

Ah. They've found my name. About time.

"Gohan, are you all right?"

What? Do I not look all right?

"You're pale. Paler than normal."

Is she reading my mind? Ah, no, she's just following up her question.

"Talk to me. Gohan, please."

How can I? If I do, then you will die.

"Gohan..."

No. Don't push me. I won't let you die like Videl did. Like Pan. Don't try and make me talk...

She's sighing. I feel somewhat guilty, but I still won't speak. I won't let myself do that. I won't be responsible for another death.

"All right, I won't ask anymore, for today. I'll come tomorrow."

Don't. You'll just die.

"Let me out, Head Doctor."

Yes, Head Doctor. Take her away from the murderer. The insane murderer. And don't let her back in again...

Ever.

:-:-:-:

"Told you."

"Yes, you did."

"Sorry, not being considerate."

"Oh, that's okay. After that performance, I don't think I could deal with considerate right now."

"Heh. He has that effect on people."

"I can imagine."

(Pause)

"It's frustrating, isn't it? He stares at you with those dead black eyes, and he seems almost resigned, doesn't he? You know there's someone beneath all the muck and the talking to walls, but you just can't reach him."

"Indeed."

(Pause)

"I just want to talk to him! I want him to open up to me, tell me his troubles, why he's like this, why he's been here for twelve years..."

"Oh, it's that long?"

"Yes."

"Wow. That is long."

(Pause)

"If I were able to take back those twelve years, I wouldn't do it."

"Oh?"

"It's just something about that guy. Something beneath the silent exterior cries out to me, and I can't resist it. You've felt it, too. Just now."

"Yes. Is that why Doctors Boronu-san and Takiyashi-kun stayed for so long with you?"

"I guess. I don't know. You'll have to ask them. Reno's still at the General hospital, if you're that interested."

"I think I will."

"Go for it."

:-:-:-:

I feel sleepy... I think I'll just go to sleep. Even then, I won't be able to escape the memories...

I'm so tired. I've been so tired for so long. I should be used to it.

I want my mind blanks back. I want to forget...

But that would be too easy. It's not appropriate for a sinful, dirty, evil, pestiferous murderer like me to have such a mercy.

It's only right that I suffer.

I wonder what Videl and Pan would be doing now if this hadn't happened? If I had not done what I had done? What would I be doing? What would the rest of my family be doing? What are the rest of my family doing? Do they hate me, my family? They should. They should hate me.

But what if they do hate me? I don't think I could bear that. Not on top of these white walls, though I deserve these. I deserve them.

Does my family even know what I have done?

All these questions, for which I have no answers.

...I think I'll go to sleep now. Yes, it's beckoning... I do not deserve the darkness.

:-:-:-:

"He's sleeping?"

"Finally."

"It was a day since we gave him the medicine."

"And since your visit."

"Yes."

"Did you tell him you were going to visit him today?"

"I did."

"Better get in there, then."

"But he's asleep!"

"So? You promised him you'd visit. He doesn't seem to like people who break their promises very much. I speak from personal experience."

"All right. I'll go in."

"Good. In you go."

:-:-:-:

A/n: Five pages! WOOT! Next chapter will be three pages, then. :P

Thy comments? Thanks to MarshmellowDragon, Shadow Dreamer 27, Salazarfalcon, SSJMajinVegetaSaiyanPrince, and The General of Darkness for all of my astounding reviews! Whoa! (Staggers)

Updated 08.29.05