Malik's Night In

A Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanfiction by SpookyChild

Author's Notes:

Yeah… it's not very good. I'm thinking the only way to get over writers' block is to… you know… write. So, I hope you enjoy it. If you have any ideas or anything, feel free to tell me. God knows I need some inspiration…

Disclaimer: So there I was, stranded on the deserted island in the middle of the Aegean Sea, when Zeus suddenly appeared before me. "Wow!" I said, "you're Zeus! What are you doing here?" And he's all like, "DO NOT QUESTION MY MOTIVES, MORTAL."

Greek gods can be such jackasses sometimes.

The Third Chapter in a Story of Many Chapters!

That means chapter three.

"I can't believe you let him watch 'Highlander'." Malik stated, watching while Yami Malik ran throughout the house, screaming like a banshee and swinging around a rather dangerous looking paper towel roll, in lieu of a sword. "Again." He added, as an after thought.

"Well, you were in the kitchen, and he really wanted to watch it." Ryou answered, standing besides the Egyptian boy and witnessing the house's demise first hand. "Besides, how could you deny a face like that?"

"Pretty easily, actually."

"I HAVE INSIDE ME BLOOD OF KINGS!" Y. Malik roared, diving into the living room and striking a number of poses. Malik frowned.

"Yami-,"

"I am immortal!"

"YAMI!" Malik screamed at the top of his lungs, causing the psychotic spirit to stop in his tracks. "Did you say 'hi' to Ryou, yet?"

"Yes. He told me he liked short-shorts." Y. Malik stated with confidence. Ryou sputtered.

"What- no I didn't!"

"NO MAN CAN BE MY EQUAL!" Y. Malik shouted, jumping out of the room. It was a silent for a few minutes.

"I don't, you know." Ryou said lamely. Malik raised an eyebrow.

"Err, yeah…sure. Hey, I think Yuugi's at the door." Malik quickly exited the living room and made his way towards the front door. Upon arriving, he was happy to notice that he had been right. He opened the door. "Hey, Yuugi!"

"What do you want, asshole?" Yuugi asked sharply, glaring up at Malik angrily. Malik winced.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked.

"Oh, I don't know, only that the last time you invited me over to your house I ended up thrown in prison for solicitation." He snapped, pushing Malik out of the way and stomping into the living room. Malik frowned and followed him.

"Well, I asked you over, hoping maybe we could have some fun. You know, eat junk food. Gossip." Malik exclaimed. Ryou and Yuugi stared at him, incredulously.

"…You seem to be under the impression that we're girls."

"I seem to be under the impression that you need to SHUT THE HELL UP. Now sit your asses down." He snapped. Ryou and Yuugi promptly dropped down onto the sofa as Malik glowered over them. "Now," he began icily, "we are going to have fun tonight if it kills us. Is that clear?"

"Y-yes sir." Ryou and Yuugi echoed shakily. Malik smirked.

"Good. Now-,"

"WE'RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE!"

"SHUT UP, YAMI!"

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"I'm going to kick Malik's ass."

"Why do you say that?" Yami asked nonchalantly, rubbing cortisone on the numerous hornet stings on his arms and face. "Damn Kaiba…

"I just ran home to see if we had a beekeeper suit or something, and when I got there, there was a note on the door saying that he went over to spend the night at Malik's house. His house!" Bakura cried dramatically, scratching at the red spots covering his skin. "Why didn't he invite me?"

"Maybe because every time you hang out with Malik you end up punching him in the face?" Yami suggested. "And don't worry, Yuugi went over there too and he didn't invite me."

"You know what they're probably doing over there, right?"

"I kind of don't care."

"They're probably having a pillow fight in their unmentionables."

"You're deductions never cease to astound me."

"Think about it, Pharaoh!" Bakura exclaimed, dragging Yami to his feet and leaning over in a suspicious way. "They're over there, all alone, the lights are off and Malik suddenly takes off his shirt and tries to seduce them with his sexy Egyptian ways!"

"Are we talking about the same Malik here?" Yami asked, unconvinced.

"He uses adjective clauses and reads T.V Guide! We can't take the chance." Bakura began to pull Yami out the door. "We're going to go spy on them."

"I think we just figured out another reason as to why Ryou doesn't invite you places."

" 'Cabin Fever' is truly a movie that speaks to our generation. Artistically delivering beyond anyone's imagination, masterfully entertaining, and an experience of epic scope and grandeur, amazing emotional power, and relentless momentum."

"Did that girl just get ripped apart by a dog?"

"Possibly."

"I can't watch this." Yuugi squeaked, covering his eyes and hunching down in his seat.

"Oh, come on!" Malik protested. "Don't wimp out like Ryou! He's been in the bathroom hiding since twenty minutes into the movie!" As if to prove a point, Malik threw the remote at the bathroom door. "Hey Ryou! You okay in there?"

"Leave me alone. I'm going to the bathroom."

"Really? I don't hear anything." There was a long pause before the sound of a faucet turning on met their ears. Malik rolled his eyes.

"What I want to know," Isis spoke up, shoveling popcorn into her mouth, "is why a nice boy like Rider Strong went from 'Boy Meets World' to 'Boy Meets Flesh-Eating Virus'."

"The chicks?"

"Highly unlikely."

"Is it over yet?" Ryou asked, sticking his head out of the bathroom. Malik nodded.

"Almost. Just come on out-,"

"OH MY GOD, THEY FREAKIN' SHOT HIM!"

The bathroom door slammed.

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(A/N)

There you go! Will Bakura and Yami get to their Aibou's in time before Malik seduces them? Was Ryou really going to the bathroom? Is Rider Strong really dead, or did that finger twitch at the last minute leave room for a sequel? Will SpookyChild actually write a decent chapter for any of the numerous stories she still has up? Maybe, maybe not. Oh well.

Thanks for doing that thing!