Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any rights, alas I am a mere fan who has a lot of spare time on their hands and who loves to write for Remus ('Cause he is super hot).
A/N: Wow, thanks everyone for reviewing! I'm glad that the last chapter didn't suck. I hope this one doesn't either. Sorry if the story seems to be moving somewhat slow but don't worry, after this, it'll pick up! Enjoy and thanks to all my reviewers, you guys rule!
Everyone's spirits were raised significantly when Harry had come back to Headquarters announcing that he was not expelled or in any trouble. The only one who still seemed a bit depressed was Sirius. He wore a happy expression but Remus knew his best friend was really a bit saddened. A small sliver of Sirius was probably hoping Harry would get expelled, so he and Harry could be outcasts together. Remus never felt more pity for anyone like he did for Sirius. On the last days of the children's holidays, Molly decided to throw a bit of a party for Ron and Hermione; they had both been made prefects.
Remus was there of course, as was the Weasley children, Harry, Hermione, Kingsley, Sirius, Tonks (she had waist length tomato-red hair), Mundungus and Moody. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, that is until Molly's voice could be heard screaming "Riddikulus" overhead upstairs. Remus, Sirius and Moody bounded upstairs towards the screams to find Molly, cowering in tears over Harry's dead body on the floor. The real Harry was there and he looked very uneasy.
Remus got rid of the boggart easily and comforted her. She voiced her worries and fears about having all her loved ones die. Remus calmed her down somewhat and she had stopped crying and shaking. About half an hour later, everyone left from the party, the only ones left in the kitchen were Remus and Sirius; they had volunteered to clean up.
"I can't believe how worried and worked up Molly is." Sirius commented while he cleared the table of food with a swish of his wand.
"I can. She has just about all her family in the Order after all and it's not very likely that everyone will survive." Remus said while he put a charm on the dishes to wash themselves in the sink.
Remus knew his comment had been a bit morbid, but it was the truth. Chances were, at least one or two of the Weasley's might, dare he think it, die. He didn't want to think it, but it was the hard reality. He wasn't even sure if himself or even Sirius were going to make it through the war that was ahead. Remus suddenly had a picture of Tonks lying, face up with wide eyes and bloody trickling from her mouth and himself crying over her limp, lifeless body. Remus shook his head violently, why had he conjured up such a violent and grotesque image?
"I know that I'll go down fighting." Sirius said with pride.
Remus came back to earth. "I know you will." He smiled.
Sirius had always been feisty and up for a fight. That was why being locked up in Grimmauld Place was so hard on him.
Sirius smiled back. "Hell yes! I'll be damned if I'll go down lying around here like a dog."
Remus chuckled. "But you are a dog." He reminded him.
"Quit being a smart ass." Sirius smirked and threw a dishtowel at Remus, which hit him in the head.
The two laughed the most they had in a while.
"Hey Remus?" Sirius said after the laughter had wound down.
"Yea?" Remus asked, still recovering from the wave of laughter.
"Just promise me one thing."
"What's that?" Remus still chuckled.
"Take care of Nymphadora."
Remus stopped very suddenly at this comment. "W-What? What are you-? I don't know what-" Remus babbled
Sirius laughed heartily again. "Oh please Moony, I see the way you look at her. Your eyes nearly pop out of their sockets every time you see her." Sirius continued to laugh.
Remus, who had gone a bright shade of red, turned from his friend and back towards the dishes. Why did Sirius have to embarrass him? At least no one else was in the room.
"Why are you so embarrassed old chum?" Sirius asked.
"I'm not embarrassed." Remus said stubbornly, knowing full well that he was.
Sirius laughed some more. "You're not? Then why does your face grow bright red whenever I mention Nymphadora?"
Remus turned around to face Sirius. "I don't get embarrassed." He repeated. Why was Sirius being such an ass?
Sirius broke into a wide grin. "You love her."
Remus dropped his mouth open. "I do not!" He said defensively, his temper starting to rise.
Sirius thought this was all tremendously funny. "Yes you do! You, Remus Lupin, are in love with Nymphadora Tonks!" Sirius said a little too loudly.
"Will you quiet down?" Remus hissed.
"What's the matter? Afraid someone will hear?" Sirius taunted.
Remus clenched his teeth. He was about ready to hit Sirius square in the mouth. Why was it that everyone suddenly cared about his personal life? Couldn't a man be lonely and miserable in peace?
"Face it Remus, you love her but you're just too stubborn and stupid to admit it."
"Just shut it Sirius, you don't know anything about how I feel." Remus said quietly turning his back on Sirius.
Sirius didn't understand, no one did. No one understood why Remus could never allow himself to love anyone. He was just too dangerous, even with the Wolfsbane Potion. Who would want to be with a werewolf anyway? Not to mention he was poor and way too old to fall in love.
"Remus Remus Remus." Sirius sighed, walking behind Remus and clapping a hand on his back. "When are you going to allow yourself to love and be happy?" He asked sadly.
"You know that even if I did have feelings for Tonks, which I don't, I could never act on them. I'm much to-"
"Too dangerous, too poor and too old." Sirius finished for him. He shook his head. "You need to stop hiding behind these reasons. You know Tonks doesn't care about any of that."
Remus tensed up. "I don't care even is she does! I don't love her and that's final!" Remus was fuming. "I'm going to bed." He said. He marched towards the door and pushed it open.
How could Sirius possibly know what it was like for Remus? Siruis, who was always the Casanova in school, who all the girls swooned over, who didn't have to worry about turning into a beast once a month. He didn't know what it was like for Remus and he never would. Remus went to bed in a pretty bad mood but felt slightly guilty for rounding on Sirius like he did. He was just trying to help after all. Before Remus drifted off to sleep, he thought he would apologize to Sirius first thing in the morning.
Remus awoke in a cold sweat several hours later. He had had the worst nightmare he had ever had. He rubbed his hands to his eyes, little spots appearing before him, trying to remember it. He and Tonks were having a candle-lit dinner. She was laughing at his jokes and she looked beautiful. He had leaned in to kiss her but she had a look of horror on her face. Remus looked down at his hands to find they were huge paws with razor sharp claws. He turned towards the sky and full moon reflected in his eyes. He howled at the moon and turned back towards Tonks, who was screaming loudly. She had tried to run but he had caught her and the last thing he remembered before he awoke was his claw slashing through the air towards her.
Remus realized he was gasping for breath. He kicked off his bed covers, which proved to be somewhat difficult, as they had somehow wound around his legs. He finally got them off and swung his legs over the bed. What a nightmare. He ran his fingers through his shaggy hair and glanced at the clock. It was nearly 5:30 in the morning. He might as well get dressed; there was no way he could go back to sleep. He got dressed and trudged quietly towards the kitchen, as he had done on many occasions. He pushed the door open to find Tonks, sitting at the table; she was asleep. She had used her arms for a pillow and had several scattered papers and folders about on the table. She had her trademark short bubblegum pink hair. She looked so peaceful. Remus hesitated before prodding her awake.
"Tonks?" He asked quietly, shaking her.
She muffled a little but did not wake.
"Tonks." He said a little more loudly.
Nothing, she still slept on.
"Nymphadora." Remus said even more loudly.
Her head shot up instantly, her eyes still closed. "My name is Tonks!" She said forcefully. Her short hair was a bit of a mess and her robes were wrinkled.
Remus chuckled at the sight. "Tonks, it's me, Remus."
"Hmm? What?" She slowly opened her eyes and rubbed them. "Remus? What? What are you doing in my room?"
Remus laughed. "We're not in your room, we're in the kitchen. You fell asleep at the table."
"What?" She rubbed her eyes more fiercely and looked around her surroundings. "Oh, I must've fallen asleep."
Remus smiled. "I can see that. What were you doing here anyway? I thought you left after the party?"
"Oh, I had loads of last minute reports to file and I didn't feel like going home so I came here instead." She started gathering up her many scattered papers.
Remus helped her and soon all the papers and folders were neatly piled.
"Thanks." She yawned. "What time is is?"
"Nearly 5:30." He replied.
"Oh." She stretched. "Well, I might as well go apparate home. I've got to take Harry to Kings Cross." She got up.
"Ok." Was all Remus said. He remembered his nightmare and suddenly wanted to be away from Tonks.
"I guess I'll see you later on in the morning then." She smiled as she gathered up her things and within seconds had apparated.
Remus sighed. He knew now that he would have to stay away from Tonks completely. Before he had fell asleep he had actually thought about telling her how he felt but after that nightmare, there was no way. He stood there, lost in thought, feeling very angry with himself and very ashamed.
That morning was very chaotic. Fred and George had tried to bewitch their trunks to float down the stairs so they wouldn't have to carry them but had resulted, instead, in knocking Ginny down two flights of stairs. Molly's voice rang through the house, as did Mrs. Black's. By the time Molly and Sirius, disguised as his animagus form, were gone, Arthur, along with Ron and Hermione, were still hurrying to leave.
"C'mon you two or we'll be late!" Arthur hurried the two teens and within ten minutes, the three had left.
All that was left now was Remus, Ginny and the twins.
"Ready?" He asked as Ginny ran down the stairs.
She nodded.
"Where are Fred and George?" He asked, looking past Ginny and up the stairs.
"They'll be along in a minute. They were wrestling with something in their pockets." She informed him.
Remus didn't want to know. Within a minute, the twins had bounded downstairs, both looking extremely agitated.
"All ready then?" Remus asked. They all nodded in reply. "Right then, let's go."
The four set off and by the time they had emerged through Platform Nine and Three Quarters, everyone else was already there. Sirius was jumping along and barking madly. It had been a while since he had been able to escape Grimmauld Place. Remus joined everyone in seeing everybody off.
"Well, look after yourselves." Remus said, shaking hands all around. When he reached Harry, he clapped him on the shoulder. "You too Harry. Be careful."
Harry nodded in response, clearly happy that he was about to go back to Hogwarts. After Moody had given everyone warnings about 'constant vigilance' and Molly had hurried everyone off onto the train, Sirius ran after it, much to everyone's amusement. After the Hogwarts Express had disappeared everyone slipped through the barrier to the Muggle world.
"Well, bye all. I've got to get to work." Tonks, disguised as an old woman, said.
Sirius the dog nudged Remus hard in the legs. "Ouch!"
"For goodness sake Sirius!" Molly hissed.
"Bye." Tonks laughed and she left.
"Bye dear." Arthur said. He kissed his wife good-bye and soon also departed.
"I best be off too. Dumbledore wants me to check out a suspected Death Eater." Moody growled and he too set off.
Now it was just Molly, Remus and Sirius left.
"Well, let's get going." Molly said.
Remus followed her while Sirius patted along next to them. Molly was very quiet until they were about a quarter of a mile away from Headquarters.
"You know Remus, Tonks mentioned she really liked working with you." She said casually.
Remus turned to her. "Please, just stop Molly." Remus requested kindly. He knew what she was up to.
"What? I didn't say anything." Molly said innocently.
Sirius barked at Remus.
"Oh shut up." Remus told him.
"Remus!" Molly said shocked.
"Look I know you all have my best interest's at heart, but I don't love Tonks. I like her as a friend, but that's it. Now, please can everyone just drop it?" He asked desperately.
Molly sighed. "Fine. If you want to be stubborn." She walked on silently although Remus heard her mutter something about men needing to grow up.
A/N: Well, there it is. I'll hopefully have a another update sometime tomorrow after I get off work, ugh! And I just wanted to say that David Thewlis rocked as Lupin and he did a wonderful job and he is super cute! lol. Please review and tell me what you all think. Thanks!