Disclaimer: I'm not J.K., I'm just a young punk who writes alot.
A/N: I would have had this chapter up last night but I had to tweak it a bit. Anyways, I don't have much time to chat, I'll be late for work. Hope you enjoy the chapter and a kiss is coming very very soon, wink wink.
After the holidays were over and Harry and the rest of the children were getting ready to leave for Hogwarts, Sirius got really depressed and sullen again. He had been in such a good mood before and during Christmas but now all he did was retreat up to the attic with Buckbeak. Remus had tried talking to his friend but Sirius wasn't listening.
"I'm really worried about him." Remus was telling Molly and Tonks one evening at Headquarters.
"Oh, he'll be fine. He's just got a fit of the sullens is all." Molly said.
Tonks shook her head. "I don't know Molly, Sirius has been awful depressed and quiet lately; not at all his usual self."
Remus agreed. "I suppose it's because Harry is going back to school."
"You know, I think sometimes Sirius forgets that Harry isn't his father." Molly commented.
Remus knew this was true. Sirius and James had been super close, heck, James had made Sirius Harry's Godfather for crying out loud. It had hurt Sirius the most when he found out that James and Lily were dead and he must have felt even worse when he was blamed for it. Remus sighed and wished the old Sirius he knew was here; the one that was sarcastic and witty, the one who was always talking and cracking jokes but that Sirius had died along with James.
"I hope he snaps out of it." Tonks said worriedly.
"I do too." Remus said quietly.
Molly yawned. "Well, I'm off to bed, good night you two." She had a mysterious glint in her eye.
"Good night Molly." Remus said, not noticing that he and Tonks would be left alone as soon as Molly was gone.
"Night Molly." Tonks said.
Molly bade them good night and left the kitchen and it was only then that Remus noticed that he and Tonks were the only ones left in the kitchen. He suddenly felt very uncomfortable, depressed, happy and scared all at once. Was this what love felt like?
He cleared his throat softly. "Well, I better be off to bed too. I've got to be to bed early so I can escort Harry and everyone to Hogwarts."
"Oh, me too." Tonks said brightly, her bright bubblegum pink hair bringing out her bright purple eyes.
Remus was surprised. He thought he was the only one who had to escort Harry to Hogwarts. He knew Dumbledore must have done this on purpose, to try and get Remus and Tonks alone together. Why couldn't everyone just butt out? No one understood the dangers Tonks would be in if Remus ever allowed them to be together.
"Remus?" Tonks asked cautiously.
Remus turned to look at her.
"Um, could we-could we talk for a moment?" She looked him in the eye.
Remus gulped, well, he knew this day would come. He would have to explain to Tonks that they could never be together.
"I need to know…why have you been avoiding me lately?" She asked.
Remus took a deep breath and forced himself to look into those purple eyes. "Tonks…I …the reason I've been avoiding you is…because…" He didn't know exactly how to say it.
Tonks seemed to know what he wanted to say, however. "Because you're afraid of your feelings for me? You're afraid that if we were to ever be together, that it'd be too dangerous for me. Right?"
Remus was slightly shocked, he had his mouth half-open. He nodded.
Tonks sighed and rolled her eyes. "Remus, you should know that I don't care about you being a werewolf and that I can take care of myself."
Remus shook his head. "It's not just the werewolf thing I worry about. It's so many other things."
"Like what?" She prodded.
"Well, for one I'm nearly twice your age, I'm way too old for you and secondly…I'm not exactly what you would call wealthy." He said this last part a little quietly and looked down at the table.
"Oh Remus." She sounded sympathetic. "Those are the most ridiculous reasons I've ever heard!" She now sounded a little irritated.
Remus looked back up to see Tonks shaking her head with a little smile. "They're not ridiculous Tonks, they're all true and all real reasons why I can never be with anyone, not ever."
He was a little hurt and frustrated that Tonks didn't take his reasons seriously. Didn't she take anything seriously? How could she possibly say that dating a werewolf who was dirt poor and nearly twice her age was not a big deal? Women were very odd indeed.
Tonks scoffed. "They're not real reasons Remus, you just don't want to be with anyone 'cause you think you'll ruin their life and you also like to shut people out."
Remus was at a loss of words. He did not shut people out, well, he did a little but that was for their own protection.
Tonks continued on. "You don't want to be vulnerable (emotionally). Just because you're a werewolf doesn't mean that you're not a human being who doesn't have the right to be happy with someone else. Why can't you see that?" She asked desperately.
Remus couldn't take any more of this conversation. He had to get out of here, the longer he stayed here with Tonks, the more he considered just revealing his feelings for her. He got up.
"Look Tonks, I'm flattered and happy that you have certain feelings for me other than friendship but it would just never work. We're two completely different people." He said kindly.
She smiled at him.
"I'm going to get off to bed then. I do hope we can still be friends." He said. He didn't want any awkwardness between them, he really did treasure and value the friendship that they had.
"Of course." She said.
Remus said good night to Tonks, wanting to tell her how much he cared for her and grab her in a passionate embrace.
After he had exited the kitchen, he could have sworn he heard Tonks say: "I'm not giving up on you yet Remus Lupin." Before she broke something (probably a plate).
Remus met up again with Tonks the following morning. He had gotten up early and decided to go down to the kitchen for some breakfast. He received a shock when he saw that Tonks was sitting there, pink hair and all, eating some porridge. She looked up when Remus entered.
"Wotcher Remus." She said cheerfully.
Remus was a bit relieved to see that she wasn't going to be awkward or different around him. He felt a bit better.
"Morning Tonks." He replied with a smile.
"Come, sit, have some porridge, I made it myself." She said happily, pointing towards the empty chair that was across from her.
"Thank you Tonks." He replied, sitting down while Tonks conjured up a bowl with some delicious looking porridge out of nowhere with her wand.
He tasted the concoction that was in his bowl and was surprised by how good it tasted. He had never had anything this good; not even from Molly; Tonks certainly knew her way around the kitchen.
"Good?" She asked.
"MmHmm." Remus nodded, swallowing his last spoonful before answering. "This is wonderful Tonks."
Tonks blushed lightly. "Oh stop." She said playfully, hitting his arm softly.
Remus and Tonks both chuckled.
"So…Remus have you thought about what we talked about last night?" She asked casually, stirring her spoon around in her bowl.
Remus nearly choked on his porridge. He thought that they had already discussed this? He thought that they had decided to just be friends?
"Well?" She asked when Remus had not answered.
Remus didn't know what to say, exactly. He had thought a great deal about what they had discussed and the more he thought about it, the more confused and depressed he became. Why did life have to be this complicated?
"Yes…I have." He said, looking down at his bowl and losing his appetite.
"And?" She coaxed him.
"And…I still stand by my decision and reasons, no matter how ridiculous they may be." He replied, a little coolly; he was still a bit irritated with her for not taking his reasons seriously.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Look Remus." She looked to the door, as if someone was going to barge through at any moment. She looked back at Remus when she was satisfied that no one was going to interrupt them and bent over the table and said very quietly, "I don't care about those idiotic reasons. I care about you. I don't care if you don't make much money or that you're a little older than I am. What does it even matter? And as for the werewolf thing, if you have your potion, then what danger would I ever be in?"
Remus bent closer to Tonks and whispered also (Kreacher or anyone else could be lurking about and this was a pretty personal conversation). "Look Tonks, you may not take my being a werewolf seriously, but I do. What if the potion didn't work for some reason or I wasn't able to get it? Then what? I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you…or anyone else for that matter." He said the last part hurriedly.
Tonks sighed once again and spoke in a hushed tone. "I don't care about any of that Remus! I care about you; I really do. And I don't care if it takes me a lifetime, I'm going to make you see that all your reasons don't matter."
"Well, you'd be wasting your life then." He said quietly and sighing.
Tonks was about to retort when Harry, Ron and Hermione walked in. The two adults stopped their conversation immediately and ate breakfast as if there was nothing wrong, although Tonks shot Remus stern looks from across the table. After everyone had finished breakfast and got all their things together, Remus and Tonks (who was disguised heavily as a tall, tweedy woman with iron-gray hair) set out into the chilly January weather along with Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George and Ginny. They reached the pavement; they were going to be taking the Knight Bus back to Hogwarts.
"Come on, the quicker we get on the bus the better." Tonks said, she looked very nervous and anxious; Remus knew it was because of Harry.
Remus flew out his right arm. BANG. A violently purple, triple-decker bus appeared out of thin air in front of them. It narrowly missed the nearest lamppost, which jumped backwards out of its way just in time. A thin, pimply, jug-eared youth in a purple uniform leapt down onto the pavement in front of them.
"Welcome to the-" He started to say.
"Yes, yes, we know, thank you." Tonks interrupted swiftly. "On, on, get on-"
She shoved Harry forward toward the steps, past the conductor who was goggling at Harry as he passed.
"'Ere – it's 'Arry - !"
"If you shout his name I will curse you into oblivion." Tonks muttered menacingly, now shunting Ginny and Hermione forward.
Remus thought Tonks seemed pretty irritated about something but maybe it was just because she was worried about Harry's well being…or it could possibly have been the conversation he and Tonks had had in the kitchen.
"I've always wanted to go on this thing." Ron said happily, joining Harry on board and looking around.
The bus was crammed with assortments of mismatched chairs grouped haphazardly around windows. Some of these appeared to have fallen over when the bus stopped abruptly in front of Grimmauld Place; a few witches and wizards were still getting to their feet, grumbling while a mixture of frog spawn, cockroaches, and custard creams littered the floor.
"Looks like we'll have to split up." Tonks said briskly. "Fred, George, and Ginny, if you just take those seats at the back…Remus can stay with you…"
Remus couldn't help but notice the tone of Tonks' voice when she had said his name. He gathered the three Weasleys and led them towards the back of the bus where they sat down on the mismatched chairs.
"What's her deal?" George asked quietly, leaning towards Remus and inclining his head towards Tonks, who was proceeding up to the top deck with Harry, Ron and Hermione.
"She's tired. Been up all night." Remus lied quietly.
He knew the reason Tonks was a little upset this morning but he dare not voice the reason out loud; he hoped the children would buy this answer. But no one had a chance to talk as the Knight Bus went on its way. BANG. Everyone was flung backwards; Remus nearly toppled out of his chair and managed to hold on to Ginny before she went flying while the twins went flying out of their seats.
"You alright?" Remus asked, feeling he might be sick.
The twins nodded and got up to their chairs again but before they had sat all the way down in their chairs, BANG, they were flung backwards once more. Remus had kept his arm on Ginny, to prevent her from falling and she clung to him for dear life; she looked awfully pale.
"What the bloody hell!" One of the twins said angrily as both of them managed to successfully sit in their seats before the bus did another horrible BANG.
Finally, they arrived at Hogwarts, everyone was glad to be getting off. Remus felt he left his stomach on the bus, it felt very weird to be walking; his legs felt like Jell-O. The twins were grumbling and Remus had to escort Ginny off; she still was pale and her eyes were wide.
"Ginny, are you all right?" Remus asked kindly once she was off.
She nodded.
Remus and Tonks helped the children with their luggage.
"You'll be safe once you're in the grounds." Tonks said, casting a careful eye around the deserted road. "Have a good term, okay?"
"Look after yourselves." Remus said, shaking hands all around and reaching Harry last. "And listen…" He lowered his voice while the others exchanged last minute good-byes with Tonks. "Harry, I know you don't like Snape, but he is a superb Occlumens and we all – Sirius included – want you to learn to protect yourself, so work hard, all right?" Remus had just learned of Snape's Occlumency lessons with Harry just the other day and Sirius was none too happy about it.
"Yeah, all right." Harry replied heavily. "See you then…"
Remus and Tonks watched for few seconds as the six children walked their way up to the school then turned around and got back on the Knight Bus. The two adults settled themselves in the back where Remus, along with the twins and Ginny, had sat earlier. Tonks looked out the window, looking very worried.
"He'll be all right." Remus tried reassuring her.
"Mmm." Was all she said, not tearing her eyes away from the window until the Knight Bus set off again with a BANG.
Remus nearly fell out of his chair but Tonks, knowing what was coming, had grabbed on to a railing by the window, still looking out it. Remus settled himself in the chair and, like Tonks, grabbed onto a railing to prevent himself from falling. He glanced at Tonks and saw that she looked sad.
"Are you okay?" He asked. He hoped that he hadn't made her feel this way.
She nodded, still looking out the window.
Remus sighed. "Listen…Tonks, I'm sorry if I upset you this morning with what I said, but you've got to understand-" He stopped short as Tonks head turned to look at him. She had a most unreadable look.
"What?" She asked puzzled. "Oh, oh that, no don't be silly, I'm not concerned with that just now." She half-laughed. Remus felt somewhat hurt and angered that she had completely forgotten their conversation this morning. "No, it's not that. I just…I worry about Harry is all." She looked down then out the window once more.
"Oh, well don't worry, he's in good hands. He hasDumbledore after all." Remus said, trying to cheer her up.
"I guess." She replied.
The Knight Bus did a couple more hideous BANGS before it reached Grimmauld Place, which was nowhere to be seen. Tonks and Remus got off and once the Knight Bus had disappeared, they concentrated and number 12 squeezed its way in between 11 and 13. Remus glanced at Tonks and noticed she had gone back to her trademark look of short, bubblegum pink hair and purple eyes. He wished he could make her feel more at ease about Harry.
A/N: Sorry the chapter ends so abruptly but I didn't really have time to write more, it would have been too long of a chapter. But please review and tell me what you thought of it.