Disclaimer: Believe me, if I owned ANY rights or anything like that to Harry Potter, I wouldn't be working.
A/N: Ok, here it is, Chapter 16. Sorry if it's a bit short but I've been finding it hard to write a really long chapter when I'm scheduled to work 9 days straight for 8 hours; especially yesterday (Labor Day) but anyways I'm off Thursday and Friday so hopefully I'll be writing some really long, good chapters. Until then, I hope this will do. And to padfoots-smile of course I'll R&R your story, I promise.
After Harry had been a school for a week or two, Sirius started coming down from his hiding place. He was still a bit sullen and sad but he was getting along a lot better. Remus was glad his friend got over this bought of depression; there was just too much of it already, much of it was shared by Remus. He hadn't spoken to Tonks alone since they had dropped off Harry and the others at Hogwarts. She still seemed her normal self but she always had a sad look in her eyes whenever she looked at Remus and it broke his heart every time he saw it.
"I don't know why you two just don't go wrap into one another's arms and snog already." Sirius said to Remus one afternoon in the parlor.
Remus blushed at this comment; Sirius was always a bit blunt and crude. "Look Sirius, I already told you, I can't be with anyone, no matter how much I want to be." He went back to flipping through the book he was reading.
The two Marauders were in the parlor, enjoying a rare quiet afternoon just chatting. It reminded Remus of his school days when Sirius, James, Peter and himself would walk out to the Great Lake and sit down by the huge tree where they would talk and laugh.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "You know Remus, you can be a bit stupid sometimes."
Remus looked up from his book. "You know, I'm getting a bit sick and tired of everyone butting into my personal life. I appreciate everybody's concern for my happiness and all but it's nobody's business." Remus replied firmly.
He was fed up with everybody telling him to forget that he was an old, poor werewolf and to just allow himself to be with Tonks. They just didn't get it and they never would. He was sorry if he had hurt Tonks' feelings a little bit but she'd get over it…wouldn't she? Remus suddenly thought of Tonks never falling in love with anyone else because she still loved Remus and dying alone and sad. No, she wouldn't be like that. She was young, beautiful, smart, funny, a wonderful person to be around, she was great with children and she didn't judge people based on stereotypes, she accepted people for who they were. Remus jerked himself out of his thoughts, realizing he was allowing himself to be carried away in thoughts of her once again.
Sirius had obviously noticed this too because he scoffed and said, "See? Just the mere mention of her and you go all glassy eyed and you get that ridiculous smile on your face and it makes you look really goofy." He said, smiling.
Remus blushed lightly. "What? I do not get a stupid smile on my face and I don't think of Tonks." Remus denied.
Sirius wasn't buying it. "Ha! That's a laugh! I've heard you in your room some nights, always calling out her name, 'Oh Tonks, I love you.'" Sirius laughed.
Remus blushed darker. He had been muttering in his sleep? This was awful! He had been dreaming about Tonks often, it always ended with the two of them hugging and kissing and being together. Had anyone else heard his mumblings? He hoped not, that would just be way too embarrassing. He hoped Sirius had the common decency not to go telling Tonks of Remus' dreams.
Sirius laughed more at Remus' blushing.
"Shut up." Remus said, but not really meaning it; he was still blushing crimson.
"Ah, Remus. It looks like you're in love mate." Sirius said after his laughter had subsided, but he was still smiling.
"I am not." Remus muttered, turning back to his book.
"Remus." Sirius sighed. "I really wish you'd stop all this nonsense and just go confess your love for Tonks. She loves you, you know and she doesn't care about your 'furry little problem' or that you don't have a steady job or that you're old. She cares about you, the real you."
Remus didn't know what to say. He knew all this was true of course but he just couldn't allow himself to fall in love, he had lost just about everyone he had ever loved and he just couldn't go through that pain again. He suddenly imagined cradling Tonks' lifeless limp form and sobbing. Stop it! He had to stop these morbid visions.
Sirius sighed and got up from his chair. "I'm going to go check on Buckbeak; Kreacher has been trying to hurt him for some reason. But just think about his Remus, you say you don't want to be with Tonks because you're afraid you'd hurt her, but you're hurting her now. She's really bummed that you don't want to give her a chance and I know you're hurting too so why put yourself and her through the pain? Just go tell her that you love her." And with that, he left the parlor.
Remus' head was swimming with thoughts. He suspected that Tonks was hurting a little but Sirius made it sound as if he, Remus, had actually broken the young woman's heart. He felt awful. But what nobody knew was that Remus' heart broke every time he saw Tonks. He wanted her so bad, wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how he would always love her no matter what and that he would never leave her. It was torture having something you want and need so badly just mere inches away from you yet being so far away that you couldn't reach it. He sighed, closed his book and exited the parlor room; his mind buzzing with thoughts of Tonks.
The next several days, Remus argued with himself. Part of him wanted to tell Tonks how he felt but the other part kept nagging at him that if he did, it would ruin Tonks' young life that she had ahead of her. He paced up and down his room, his mind felt like a battle zone with half of his mind telling him to go to Tonks while the other side told him not to. It was very confusing. If this didn't stop soon, he might go mad. He was so lost in thought that he hadn't noticed the door creak open.
"Remus?" A female voice said.
Remus stopped pacing immediately and looked toward the cracked open door. He knew that voice, it belonged to Tonks.
"Remus?" She repeated.
Remus went to the door and held it open all the way. There was Tonks, looking drop dead gorgeous (as usual) with her bubblegum pink hair and bright purple eyes. Why did she have to look at him like that? The look made Remus feel that if Tonks wanted all the money Gringotts he would go and get it for her in a heartbeat.
"What is it Tonks?" Remus asked kindly, gazing into her eyes.
"Um…" Was all she said. She looked extremely nervous; her eyes darted towards the floor.
"Yes?" Remus urged her.
She sighed and looked back up to Remus' eyes and before he knew what had happened, Tonks had grabbed him in a passionate lip-lock. Remus was very startled at first but after a second, he realized what was happening. He had to pull away, but his legs seemed to be cemented to the floor. He didn't know what to do; he hadn't had much experience in kissing, should he kiss her back? Should he pull away? He didn't want to pull away from her embrace so he did the one thing he had been dying to do for a long time, all the while the nagging voice in the back of his head kept telling him not to. He slid his arm around Tonks' waist and opened his mouth slightly against Tonks' lips. Tonks seem to be startled at this move by Remus for a split second before opening her lips and sliding her tongue in Remus' mouth, allowing Remus' tongue access to hers.
Remus felt as if he were floating on air, her kiss, the way she felt, the way she smelled; all of it was giving Remus a natural high. He put his other hand against Tonks' face and pushed it up into her hair. She put her hands on the back of Remus' head and stroked his hair gently, giving Remus' goose bumps. They stood there, in Remus' doorway, making out like there was no tomorrow. How had he lived without her? Where had she been all his life? He never wanted this moment to end; nothing could spoil it, nothing that is except for an interruption.
"Holy hell!" Sirius yelled.
Remus and Tonks immediately broke away, both of them very red in the face. Sirius had apparently come up the stairs and had walked right into Remus and Tonks making out in the doorway. Remus felt extremely embarrassed and stupid while Tonks' face took the shade of a tomato and her bubblegum pink hair turned to a shade of very hot pink. Sirius wore a very wide smile, his eyes darting back and forth between Remus and Tonks.
"I knew it! Way to go Moony!" Sirius yelled again. This time his yell had awoken the portrait of his mother.
"NASTY FILTH INVADING MY FAMILY'S PUREBLOODED HOME! SCUM AND HALF-BREEDS COMING AND GOING AS THEY PLEASE!" Mrs. Blacks' yells were earsplitting.
Sirius dashed back downstairs, still wearing the same wide grin to go and shut the curtains on his mother. Her yells were cut short instantly. Remus glanced at Tonks, noticing that he could no longer look her in the eye. She turned to look at him; she looked as if she were trying to hide a smile. Remus quickly looked at the floor when Tonks' eyes had met with his. A second later, Sirius emerged.
"Molly wants us for dinner now but I'll tell her you two already had a start on dessert." Sirius said, now laughing.
Remus wished his friend would shut up. It was quite embarrassing having your best friend walk in on you while you were making out with his cousin.
"T-Tell Molly we'll be right there." Tonks said breathlessly.
Sirius gave Remus a wink and a smile and went back downstairs, no doubt going to tell Molly and Arthur and anyone who would listen about Remus and Tonks' little make out session. Once he was gone, Remus forced himself to look Tonks in the eye.
"Tonks I-" He started; Tonks turned to look at him. It was now or never, he had to tell her how he felt. He had never had to gather up as much courage as he had to right now. "I-I love you." He finished. Was she going to laugh? Cry? Slap him? Remus didn't know what to expect. What if she told him that she didn't love him? That the kiss they had shared had been a mistake; a horrible mistake? What if she told him that she only wanted a little fling and that she could never love someone like him?
To Remus' relief, Tonks broke into a wide grin. "Oh Remus, I love you too!"
"Y-You do?" He asked. How could anyone ever love him? Was it even possible?
"Of course I do!" She laughed. "Who couldn't help but love you?"
Remus felt as if everything in the world had finally gone right. Nothing-mattered right now; not Voldemort, not the Order, not anything. The only thing that mattered was that he, Remus Lupin, had fallen in love. He wrapped Tonks in a tight hug, which she returned with as much as enthusiasm. "I love you Tonks." He repeated into her hair. She smelled so good and her skin was soft and smooth.
She giggled. "I love you too Remus."
Remus had never been happier. Why had he denied himself this simple pleasure of love for so long? He hated to admit it, but everyone else had been right. He had been so stupid. Tonks didn't care that he was old, poor and a werewolf so why should he? He hugged Tonks tighter, never wanting to let her go. He eventually let her go (they still had to go to dinner) and was shocked to see that she had turned into Sirius.
"Hey Remus, wake up! Molly wants us for dinner!" He said.
Remus felt someone shove him and opened his eyes very slowly.
"Oy! Get up! Dinner's ready!" Sirius said.
Remus blinked a couple of times, trying to remember where he was. He looked around and remembered that he was in his room at Grimmauld Place.
"Yea…ok I'm coming." Remus replied groggily.
He heard Sirius chuckle. "And if you want to tell Tonks you love her, she's downstairs."
Sirius exited the room and Remus sat fully up in his bed. Tonks was here? Right now? He rubbed his eyes hard, trying to remember the dream he had been having. He had been kissing Tonks and he had confessed his love for her; as did she. He rubbed his eyes hard and smiled into his hands, the kiss had felt so real, and Tonks had felt so real. He looked up from his hands and was suddenly very sad. It had only been a dream, he had never kissed Tonks; he had never told her how he felt and she had certainly not said that she loved him. The real Tonks was waiting downstairs. He suddenly felt very sick. Tonks was here, she was downstairs. How could he possibly face her after the dream he had been having? He blushed at the mere thought of her. How could he possibly face her now?
Maybe the dream was some sort of sign; maybe it was a sign that he should go and tell Tonks how he felt. But no, he could never, ever do that. He had his reasons as to why he couldn't be with her and he was sticking with him; even if everyone else didn't take them seriously. He sighed and rubbed his temples. This was just too much. Maybe if he told Tonks how he felt, this madness would stop? No, he couldn't. He didn't even know if Tonks really loved him or not. Everyone else had just told him that Tonks loved him. She had said that she had only cared for him and that was completely different…wasn't it? Remus had a huge migraine. He got out of bed and smoothed out the wrinkles in his shabby robes and headed downstairs to dinner; not having much of an appetite.
A/N: Please don't kill me for the dream sequence! I'm sorry but it was just too good of a tease to pass up. I promise though that the next kiss won't be a dream and it's coming up in a just a couple more chapters (I swear). And FYI the chat with Sirius in the parlor room was real. But please review (I'm sure I'm going to get tons of hate reviews for my tease; again I'm sorry).