Disclaimer: Oh how I wish I owned Harry Potter or any rights to it but I do not, sigh.
A/N: Hello my fellow fan fiction readers! Sorry it took me longer than usual to update, I was off on Thursday and today and I went and got a Green Day tattoo and it's really sore so I basically laid around a lot and didn't get out of bed but while I was laying there, I had lots of ideas for my story. And I just want to say a special thank you to reviewers: axel0308 for understanding why I didn't make Remus and Tonks kiss yet and for totally understanding how they fell in love and to CAP.L for complimenting my writing and for reading both my stories, thank you and also thanks to the rest of you who reviewed and again, I'm sorry I was evil and teased you. But I swear, I promise that when they kiss it will be soooo worh the wait. Until then, please enjoy this chapter.
The past several weeks, Remus was in a deep depression; although he hid it from the others. He didn't want them worrying (especially Molly) and he certainly didn't want anyone's pity. He spent most of his time in his room, though he came down every once in a while to talk with Sirius or Molly just so they wouldn't suspect anything. He seemed to have fooled them that is until he accidentally overheard a conversation Molly and Sirius were having in the kitchen.
"I'm awfully worried about him, Sirius." Molly said concernedly.
Sirius sighed. "Me too. All he does is sit up in his room and sulk."
"I'm telling you, it's because of Tonks." Molly said matter-of-factly.
"I'm not disagreeing with you Molly but you don't know Remus like I do, he's a stubborn git sometimes. And I know he has feelings for her, I've seen the way he looks at her and talks to her, he loves her but the idiot just won't let himself fall in love." Sirius said.
Remus, who was on the other side of the door listening felt a bit angry. Why did they feel the need to talk behind his back? And why couldn't everyone just but out of his love life? Yes, he did love Tonks, he had admitted it, but he had told them all time and time again that he could never be with her, even if she loved him back. He started to feel depressed again as Molly spoke.
"I just don't see why he feels the need to shut everyone out."
"Ah, that's just always been Remus. He's always pushed everyone out, even James and me. I don't know why he does it."
Remus had had enough. He quietly went back up the stairs and back to his room. He was feeling angrier at what he just heard. Why couldn't anyone understand? He was a werewolf! He couldn't just go and fall in love whenever he felt like. He was dangerous; unpredictable, it was just too risky for anyone to be around him and close to him. No one knew the pain it would cause him if he found out he had hurt someone. Remus suddenly remembered when he was teaching at Hogwarts and he had forgotten to take his potion. He had transformed right on the spot and had almost attacked Harry, Ron, Hermione and Sirius. What if he had hurt one of them?
Remus shook his head of these thoughts. Maybe if Sirius and Molly were werewolves they'd understand why Remus had shut everyone out. He couldn't allow himself to be close to anyone again. It had been a different story with James, Sirius and Peter, for one he was young and didn't really understand how dangerous he was. What had they all been thinking, turning into Animagi and running about the school grounds and Hogsmeade every full moon? Since James' death, Remus had learned to be a lot more cautious. He never underestimated the dangers of being a werewolf again and he certainly never allowed anyone to be close to him, emotionally, again. Not only was he afraid of how dangerous he was, but also he could not go through the pain of losing someone he loved again.
Remus felt small tears well up in his eyes. He brushed them away, frustrated with himself for crying. He took a deep breath, keeping his eyes closed. He waited a few minutes before emerging from his room and heading back down to the kitchen; he couldn't let Sirius and Molly know that he had heard their conversation.
The next morning Remus entered the kitchen to a loud noise.
"Did you see Remus? Did you see?" Sirius asked him excitedly.
"What are you talking about?" Remus asked. What was going on?
"Oh, just look Remus, it's wonderful!" Molly said through tears. She handed Remus a magazine which turned out to be The Quibbler and on the front page was Harry smiling sheepishly up at him with large, red letters across it reading: Harry Potter Speaks Out At Last: The Truth About He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named And The Night I Saw Him Return.
Remus was speechless. Harry had gone to the press about the night Voldemort returned? Remus flipped the pages and found the article. After he had finished reading it he looked up to see Sirius and Molly smiling at him broadly.
"Well?" Sirius said.
"This is…" Remus started to say. He didn't know exactly what to say. He was so happy for Harry. He had told his story, even though some of the wizarding world would think he was crazy, he still told it.
"It's great!" Sirius boasted. Remus had never seen him so happy.
"I can't believe the courage that boy has." Molly said tearfully. "I've never been so proud."
Remus smiled. "Nor could I." He agreed. Remus could just imagine James and Lilly smiling down on their son and being proud.
"Way to go Harry! You show the bloody Ministry!" Sirius said as he took the magazine from Remus and read the article, probably for the hundredth time.
Remus couldn't help but be slightly cheerful all day. He was so glad that Harry had shown the Ministry; shown Umbridge. He laughed to himself as he imagined the look on Fudge's and Umbridge's face when they saw The Quibbler. Remus' good mood was brought down only slightly by Tonks when she showed up the next day, with blonde hair and black hair underneath, when Remus, Sirius and Molly were in the living room.
"Wotcher everyone." She said brightly, Remus noticed that she didn't look straight at Remus.
"Hey Nymphadora! Did you see?" Sirius jumped up excitedly from his armchair.
"Yes, yes I have seen." She said with a small laugh. "In fact, that's sort of the reason I came over." She suddenly looked a bit sad. Sirius sat back down and Remus leaned forward. "Umbridge has just passed another one of her decrees that bans The Quibbler from Hogwarts."
"What!" Sirius jumped back up.
"Can they do that?" Molly asked.
Tonks nodded grimly. "Unfortunately they can."
Everyone in the room wore a grim expression but Remus, who was smiling.
"What are you smiling at?" Sirius asked accusingly. Everyone turned to stare at him, except Tonks who chose to stare at the lamp that was by him.
"Don't you see?" Remus said through a smile. "If the Ministry has banned the article from Hogwarts, every student in the school will be reading it."
They all gave him puzzled looks.
Remus elaborated. "C'mon, when something is banned at school, you know all the students are just dying to get their hands on it and bring it in. I think you know that most of all Sirius."
Sirius smiled. "That's right! Remus, you're a genius!" He sounded much happier.
Tonks and Molly smiled too. For once, it looked like things were going to be looking up for their side. Now that Harry had told his story, there was sure to be witches and wizards that changed their mind about Harry being a nutter.
"Well, I have to get back to work." Tonks said suddenly. "See you all later." She added as she walked through the door and out of Grimmauld Place.
Molly and Sirius stared at Remus who just concentrated on his book, pretending he didn't notice.
"Honestly Remus, sometimes." Molly said as she got up from her chair; from which she was crocheting and exiting the living room.
"What?" Remus asked as Sirius continued to stare at him.
Sirius shook his head sadly and also left, leaving Remus alone feeling very guilty, sad and angry.
The next day, everyone's good mood was brought to a screeching halt. The morning started well enough, Molly and Sirius seemed to have forgiven Remus for not going and confessing his love for Tonks. But it was towards the evening that things started to go downhill when Remus, Molly and Sirius found out that Fudge and Umbridge had found out about Dumbledore's Army; a secret defense group that Harry and a bunch of classmates had formed to teach themselves proper defense against the dark arts techniques. Molly had banned her children from joining (which could only mean that they had). Dumbledore had protected Harry from being expelled and possibly sent to Azkaban by taking the blame for the group. Fudge had tried to arrest Dumbledore, but he had of course slipped through Fudge's fingers.
"I can't believe this." Molly said breathlessly.
Remus, Molly, Sirius, Tonks, Moody and Arthur were all in the kitchen listening to Kingsley Shacklebolt informing them what had happened, as he had been there.
"So does anyone know where Dumbledore has gone?" Remus asked.
Kingsley shook his head. "The Ministry hasn't got the faintest idea."
Tonks scoffed (she was back to bubblegum pink). "Like the Ministry could ever catch Dumbledore. He's one of if not the greatest wizard of modern times."
"Why thank you Miss Tonks, I do say you made me blush." Came a soft, gentle voice. It was Dumbledore.
Everyone was in shock.
Dumbledore chuckled at everyone's shocked faces. "I take it you've heard the news."
"Yes, Kingsley's just been telling us. What happened?" Sirius asked.
Dumbledore smiled. "I think it's safe to say that I am now a wanted man."
Molly put her hand over her heart and Arthur comforted her, Moody's blue eye swirled madly, Tonks looked angry and Kingsley and Sirius looked stunned. Remus couldn't help but admire the man that was standing before them.
"I don't have much time so I'll make his quick." He said. "I have to lay low for a bit but don't worry, if any of you need to contact me, I'll know." He had that familiar twinkle in his eye.
Everyone was still silent.
"I just ask one favor of you all. Please watch out for Harry, he's in more danger than anyone can realize." And with that he disappeared, a smile on his face.
It felt like a while before anyone spoke again.
"Brilliant that man is. Just brilliant." Arthur said in awe.
Everyone nodded in agreement.
Many hours later, Remus was laying in bed, his mind swirling over the events that had just occurred in the past 48 hours. Harry had come out and told the world what he saw when Voldemort had returned, the Ministry had found out about the D.A. and Dumbledore was now wanted. The whole world seemed to be upside down. When was all this sadness and pain going to go away? Somehow, through everything else that was in his mind, Remus conjured up a picture of Tonks. He sighed. Though he could never be with her, he would make sure to protect her. Not only from himself, but also from everything. He wasn't about to let the woman he loved die, he would die himself before he would allow anything to happen to her.
"I'll protect her." He whispered to himself before turning around and falling asleep.
The next day Remus nearly had a heart attack as Harry's head appeared in the fireplace at Headquarters. He had been hunched over, writing a report for the Order when Harry's voice had rung out through the room.
"Sirius?"
Remus looked around and spotted Harry's head. "Harry! What are you – what's happened, is everything all right?" He said after he had recovered from his shock.
"Yeah," Harry replied. "I just wondered – I mean, I just fancied a – a chat with Sirius."
"I'll call him." Remus said relieved, getting to his feet and exiting the room, feeling very confused. "He went upstairs to look for Kreacher, he seems to be hiding in the attic again…"
Remus went up the stairs and bumped into Sirius.
"Oh Sirius, I'm glad I found you. Harry, he's – well he's in the fireplace. He fancies a chat with you." Remus said.
Sirius' eyes lit up. He looked excited and happy that his godson wanted a chat with him. Then his face went from excited and happy to worried. "Did he say what about?" Sirius asked as the two friends descended the stairs.
"No, he just said he fancied a chat with you." Remus replied.
A second later, Sirius and Remus were kneeling into the fireplace, talking to Harry.
"What is it?" Sirius asked urgently as he swept the dark hair out of his eyes. "Are you all right? Do you need help?"
"No," said Harry, "it's nothing like that…I just wanted to talk…about my Dad…"
Remus gave Sirius and surprised look, which he returned. Why did Harry want to talk about James all of a sudden? This was all very unusual. Harry then told them all about a scene he had seen in Snape's Pensieve where James had attacked Snape for no reason when he was 15. Neither Sirius nor Remus spoke for a moment.
"I wouldn't like you to judge your father on what you saw there, Harry. He was only fifteen-" Remus said.
"I'm fifteen!" Harry said heatedly.
"Look, Harry," Sirius said placatingly. "James and Snape hated each other from the moment they set eyes on each other, it was just one of those things, you can understand that, can't you? I think James was everything Snape wanted to be – he was popular, he was good at Quiddtich, good at pretty much everything. And Snape was just the little oddball who was up to his eyes in the Dark Arts and James – whatever else he may have appeared to you, Harry – always hated the Dark Arts."
Remus was suddenly flooded with memories of The Marauders playing pranks on Snape; well, mostly James and Sirius.
"Yeah," Harry said, "but he just attacked Snape for no good reason, just because – well, just because you said you were bored." He said, sounding slightly apologetic.
"I'm not proud of it." Sirius said quickly.
Remus looked sideways at his friend and found this whole topic somewhat betraying James' memory but he could understand where Harry was coming from. "Look, Harry, what you've got to understand is that your father and Sirius were the best in the school at whatever they did – everyone thought they were the height of cool – if they sometimes got a bit carried away – " Remus remembered a particular incident where James and Sirius had jinxed Snape into a woman.
"If we were sometimes arrogant little berks, you mean," Said Sirius. Remus smiled.
"He kept messing up his hair." Harry said in a kind of pained voice.
This caused Remus and Sirius to laugh.
"I'd forgotten he used to do that." Sirius said fondly.
"Was he playing with the Snitch?" Remus asked eagerly, remembering James had always stolen the Snitch after a victorious Quidditch match to show off his Seeker skills.
"Yeah." Harry said. "Well…I thought he was a bit of an idiot."
"Of course he was a bit of an idiot!" Sirius said bracingly. "We were all idiots! Well – not Moony so much," He said fairly, looking at Remus who shook his head.
"Did I ever tell you to lay off Sanpe?" He asked. "Did I ever have the guts to tell you I thought you were out of order?" He suddenly felt angry and ashamed.
"Yeah, well," Sirius, said, "you made us feels ashamed of ourselves sometimes…that was something…"
"And," Harry said doggedly. "He kept looking over at the girls by lake, hoping they were watching him!"
"Oh, well, he always made a fool of himself whenever Lily was around," Sirius said shrugging. "He couldn't stop himself showing off whenever he got near her."
Remus chuckled to himself as he thought of all the times James had tried to gain Lily's affection and failing miserably each time until he had cooled off.
"How come she married him?" Harry asked miserably. "She hated him!"
Remus felt extremely sorry for Harry; not being able to ask his own parents these questions.
"Nah, she didn't." Sirius said.
"She started going out with him in seventh year." Remus said.
"Once James had deflated his head a bit."
"And stopped hexing people for just for the fun of it." Remus added.
"Even Snape?" Harry asked.
"Well," Remus said slowly. "Snape was a special case, I mean, he never lost an opportunity to curse James, so you couldn't really expect James to take that lying down, could you?" He hoped Harry would understand that his father had been a great wizard and wonderful man and thought Harry of all people should know about people being mortal enemies seeing as he and Draco Malfoy weren't exactly best friends.
"And my mum was okay with that?"
"She didn't know too much about it, to tell you the truth." Sirius said. "I mean, James didn't take Snape on dates with her and jinx him in front of her, did he?" He frowned at Harry, who was still looking like he was unconvinced. "Look," he said, "your father was the best friend I ever had, and he was a good person. A lot of people are idiots at the age of fifteen. He grew out of it."
"Yeah, okay." Harry said heavily. "I just never thought I'd feel sorry for Snape."
"Now you mention it," Remus said, furrowing his eyebrows. "How did Snape react when he found you'd seen all this?" He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.
"He told me he'd never teach me Occlumency again." Harry replied. "Like that's a big disappoint-"
"He WHAT?" Sirius shouted, causing Harry to jump and inhale a mouthful of ashes and Remus to jump and almost lose his balance on his knees.
"Are you serious Harry?" Remus asked quickly after he had regained his balance. "He's stopped giving you lessons?" How could Snape stop giving Harry these lessons? He knew how important and vital it was that Harry learn to shut his mind.
"Yeah," Said Harry, sounding surprised. "But it's okay, I don't care, it's a bit of a relief to tell you the-"
"I'm coming there to have a word with Snape!" Sirius said forcefully and making to stand up.
"If anyone's going to tell Snape it will be me!" Remus said firmly, pulling Sirius back down. "But Harry, first of all, you're to go back to Snape and tell him that on no account is he to stop giving you lessons – when Dumbledore hears –"
"I can't tell him that, he'd kill me!" Harry said, clearly outraged at Remus' orders. "You didn't see him when we got out of the Pensieve-"
"Harry, there is nothing so important as you learning Occlumency!" Remus said surprising even himself at how stern he sounded. "Do you understand me? Nothing!"
"Okay, okay," Harry said. "I'll…I'll try and say something to him…But it won't be…" Harry didn't finish his sentence. His green eyes were a bit wide. "Is that Kreacher coming downstairs?" He asked.
"No," Said Sirius, glancing behind him. "It must be somebody on your end…"
Harry looked terrified. "I better go!" And with that his head disappeared quickly from the fire, leaving Remus and Sirius very concerned and worried.
A/N: Hope that wasn't too long for ya! You guys kept agreeing that my chapters were a wee bit too short so I hope this makes up for it and I hope I didn't bore you with the fireplace scene with Harry, but since this is from Remus' point of view, I had to put it in there. Please review and tell me what you thought! Please?