Disclaimer: Do I own Harry Potter? No. Do I own any rights to it? No. Do I look like J.K. Rowling, well, I did with my blonde hair but with my dark hair, no.
A/N: Here it is, Chapter 18! Yay! Sorry I haven't updated as often as I used to but it's kind of hard what with work and all so I hope you all won't kill me if I go a day or two without updating (don't worry the longest I would go without updating would be 2 days). And thanks again for all your reviews, I appreciate them all and to Loonie Potter:I didn't know James was a Chaser, I thought he was a Seeker, whoops! My bad. And my tattoo is of the Kerplunk! flower on my lower back. Thanx for asking! Now, on with the chapter!
Remus was lost in thought after the chat he and Sirius had had with Harry. He kept remembering his school days with the Marauders and how happy he had been; those had easily been the most happiest and carefree days of his life. Remus also was concerned about Harry's view on James. He hoped that Harry hadn't seen his father as a bully, 'cause he wasn't. James was a good man and though he did hex people and have a larger than normal sized ego, that didn't make him a bad person; he had been a teenager after all. Remus didn't know why Harry's negative view on his father bugged him, but it did and it wasn't until he voiced these concerns to Sirius that he learned that he was not the only one bothered.
"I know what you mean." Sirius was to be heard saying to Remus one stormy, afternoon.
"You do?" Remus asked, he thought he had been the only one who had been a little disturbed by Harry's questions.
"Of course I do! I can't believe Harry would even question his father's morals or personality." Sirius said worriedly.
Remus sighed. "He certainly did seem a little upset at what he saw in the Pensieve; speaking of which, I'm going to head to Hogwarts today and have a discussion with Snape."
"Good! I can't believe that ignorant, foul little prat! To stop giving Harry those lessons is more than just wrong…it's…. barbaric! Snevillus knows how important it is for Harry to learn to close his mind and you'd think that he would put a little childhood grudge aside for once." Sirius said bitterly.
Remus agreed. "I know but you have to see it from his side too, Sirius, I mean we were all a little mean to him."
"I can't believe you're standing up for him!" Sirius said, outraged.
"Calm down, I'm not standing up for him, I'm just saying, I can understand where he's coming from. But I do think it's wrong and childish to stop giving Harry those lessons." Remus said, hoping this would calm Sirius down. It seemed to work.
"Well, I don't care if James and I were a little mean to Snevillus. It gives him no right to treat Harry the way he does, especially since Harry hasn't done anything to him!"
"I agree Sirius but just let me talk to him. Maybe I can make him see reason." Remus said. "I best be off now." He said, checking his watch. "I'll tell you how it went."
And with that, Remus apparated out of Headquarters and right outside Hogwarts grounds. Remus was soaked within five seconds of appearing, it was raining so hard. He normally would have apparated to Hogsmeade and walked but not in this kind of weather. Remus suddenly realized he faced a small problem: Umbridge. She hated anyone or anything that wasn't human and she knew Remus was a registered werewolf. There was no way in Hades she was going to let him speak to Snape, least not without asking tons of questions. As he stood there, getting more soaking wet by the minute, his problem was solved. Hagrid just so happened to be passing the gates.
"'Ello Lupin, what are you doin' out here in the rain?" He asked. He had his heavy brown moleskin coat on and his enormous black beard and hair were wet and stuck to his face.
"Hagrid, I'm glad you're here, I need to have a chat with Snape. Is he here?" Remus asked, relieved at Hagrid's appearance.
"Course he is. 'Ere, I'll let you in." Hagrid replied as he thrust open the gates and allowed Remus entry.
"Thank you Hagrid." Remus replied.
"No problem. Snape should be in 'is office." He replied.
Remus thanked Hagrid and bade him good-bye as he set off for the castle. It was a bit odd to be setting foot in the castle again. The last time Remus had been here was about two years ago, when he had been a teacher. He entered the Oak front doors and made his way down to Snape's office. He didn't meet one person on the way either, as he took the secret passageways that only the Marauders would know. He reached Snape's door and knocked.
"Enter." Came a voice from the other side.
Remus entered. Snape's office wasn't really pleasant to be in. It was covered with shelves of objects suspended in liquid in jars; in fact, everything in his office reminded Remus of the Dark Arts. Snape's lip curled very unpleasantly as he laid eyes on Remus. Remus appeared cheerful, as he always did around Snape.
"What do you want?" He asked nastily. "The full moons not for several weeks." Snape looked Remus up and down at this last comment, as if mocking him for his condition and appearance.
"Oh, I'm not here about the potion." Remus replied cheerfully, pretending he hadn't noticed Snape's ugly gaze. He sat at a chair that was in front of Snape's desk. "I actually came here to talk about Harry."
Snape's eyes glittered dangerously but he said nothing and went back to the roll of parchment he had been writing on before Remus had come in; it looked like he was grading reports.
Remus went on when Snape said nothing. "I heard that you stopped giving him Occulmency lessons." Snape continued to write. "You and I both know that it is vital for Harry to learn to shut his mind." Snape still said nothing. "As you are a superb Occlumens, I know Harry could learn a great deal from you." Remus hoped that by flattering Snape, he could persuade him to reconsider his lessons with Harry.
Snape looked up from his grading and bore his cold, black eyes into Remus' warm, blue ones. "I doubt Potter could learn much from Merlin himself." He said icily.
"Now Severus, don't you think you're being a little unfair? I mean, Harry hasn't ever done anything to you. Don't you think you're being a little –"
"Unfair?" Snape repeated. "You think I'm being unfair to Potter, Lupin? He hasn't done anything to me, you say? How about stealing ingredients from my cabinets, twice. How about mouthing off to me in class? How about breaking every school rule and getting away with it…much like his father."
"That's enough Severus!" Remus said firmly, giving Snape the most hateful look he could muster.
"What's the matter, Lupin? Don't want to remember dear James as he was? An arrogant, egotistical prat? Well, let me tell you something, James wasn't the valiant hero as you all portray him to be, he's not the great man you all tell Potter he is. He was nothing more than a coward. A coward who only picked on persons weaker than him and only when he had 3 friends there to back him up."
Snape would have gone on, but Remus had heard enough. "I said that's enough Severus!" He got up from his chair, as did Snape, each one penetrating the other with a deathly stare. "Now I'm sorry for what we all did to you at school, I really am! But that was over twenty years ago and it's not right for you to treat Harry like dirt just because his father bullied you in school! And I think it's really selfish and immature of you to stop giving Harry Occlumency lessons just because he saw a harmless memory that happened a long time ago."
"Harmless?" Snape said quietly, too quietly. "I wouldn't call being strung upside down in mid-air in front of half the school with your knickers showing harmless."
"Oh, get over it Severus!" Remus said. He was sick and tired of Snape's whining over something that happened when they were teenagers. Remus had felt guilty and sorry at first but now he just didn't care. "I would think maybe you, of all people, could show a little bit of compassion. But I guess I was wrong." He gave Snape one last seething look before marching out of his office and back into the wind and rain.
Remus couldn't remember ever being so mad. He was so mad, he wasn't even paying attention to where his feet were taking him. He snapped back to reality when he nearly walked into a wall. He stopped and looked around and noticed he had taken himself to Hogsmeade and the wall he had nearly bumped into belonged to The Three Broomsticks. Why the bloody hell not? He could use a drink after what had just happened and after everything that had happened. He walked in and welcomed the warmth. There were lots of people in here today. Remus searched for an empty table and notice in the corner, a girl. She was very pretty and had chocolate brown hair that went down to her shoulders. Remus knew that girl, it had to be Tonks.
She looked sad, like she had been crying. Her usually bright, sparkling eyes were red and puffy and she was drinking from a glass that looked like it was filled with firewhiskey. Remus hesitated. Should he go over there? What if she was crying over him? But what if something bad had just happened to her? He couldn't just let her drink alone and cry. He knew all too well what it was like to be depressed, lonely and sad. He went over to her table, knowing he'd probably regret it later but just couldn't resist her sad, lonely look.
"Hey Tonks." He said softly.
She jumped a little. "Oh, W-Wotcher Remus." She sniffed.
"Mind if I sit down?" He asked her gently. She looked so sad, why couldn't he hold her in his arms and assure her everything would be all right?
"S-Sure." She said, looking back down at her glass.
He sat down and looked at her sympathetically. "Is anything wrong?" He asked unnecessarily.
"Oh Remus, I had the worst day imaginable!" She said, fresh tears starting to well up in her eyes.
"You want to tell me about it?" He asked, conjuring up a tissue from somewhere. He reached over and dabbed her eyes with it.
She revealed a little smile. After she had calmed down a bit and caught her breath, she vented to Remus. "It was so awful! First, I was 15 minutes late to work today because I woke up late, I had guard duty last night."
"I thought you were going to ask Dumbledore to take you off nights?" Remus asked.
"He was but Moody got sick all of a sudden and there was no one to take his shift." She replied.
"I would have taken it."
Tonks looked immensely uncomfortable. She looked down at her glass again and avoided Remus' eyes. "I-I didn't want to bug you." She said softly.
Remus was bewildered. "You've never bugged me." He said.
She looked up. "I don't?" She asked disbelievingly.
"No, of course not." He said lightly.
She suddenly smiled.
"So, tell me what happened at work?" He asked, smiling at her.
"Well, my boss got on my back and yelled at me…in front of the entire office! He said I was acting very immaturely and if I wanted to keep my job, I'd have to straighten up my act." She looked sad again, as if she was going to cry. "Then later that day, when I was walking back to my office, I tripped and fell head first into Amelia Bones. She was nice about it but my boss…." She trailed off and started tearing up again.
"I'm sorry about that Tonks." Remus said comfortingly.
"That's not the worst part." She said through flowing tears now. "I've been written up!" She sobbed uncontrollably now.
Remus had no clue what being written up actually meant, but he had a clue that it wasn't something good. He couldn't stand to see poor Tonks like this, he had to do something. She looked so sad. Before he could argue with himself, he got up from his seat and sat next to Tonks and held her in his arms. She cried into his shoulder and Remus just sat there and held her, he never wanted it to stop. He stroked her hair gently and whispered that everything was going to be okay. Remus wasn't too sure how long he had sat there, holding Tonks until she stopped crying and lifted her head.
"Thank you Remus." She choked. Her eyes were horribly red, her cheeks matched and her make-up was running slightly but Remus thought she still looked ever so beautiful.
"It's no problem." He said and smiled.
She smiled back and wiped her eyes. "You must think I'm acting like a child." She said.
"Of course I don't." He said. There was nothing childish about crying and letting it all out after a hard day, he knew that better than anyone.
She looked up and smiled. "How do you always know what to say to make me feel better?"
Remus didn't really know what to say to this, he wasn't even sure if it was an actual question or just a rhetorical one. "Call it a gift." He said jokingly.
She laughed and her hair slowly turned from chocolaty brown to bright, bubblegum pink and to her usual punky hairstyle.
"Now that suits you much better." Remus commented.
She smiled. "So, what are you doing here anyways Remus? I doubt you're on a mission for the Order." She said quietly.
"Oh, well I had some business up at the school."
"Really? What kind?" She asked interestingly, her usual personality starting to come out.
"Do you always ask this many questions?" He asked teasingly.
She blushed and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."
"I was only kidding, Tonks." He reassured her. "I actually had to go up and have a talk with Severus."
"Snape? Why on earth would you need to talk to that slimy git for?" She asked incredousley.
Remus chuckled at Tonks' obvious outrage. "I actually had to talk to him about Harry." So Remus told Tonks all about his argument with Snape while Tonks listened and interrupted only a few times.
"I can't believe him! Honestly!" She said shaking her head.
"I know." Remus said sighing. "But I don't know what else I can do. Snape's obviously made up his mind and he simply refuses to teach Harry Occlumency again." Remus took a gulp of his firewhiskey that Madam Rosmerta had brought him while he was telling Tonks his story.
"Maybe I can get Moody to transfigure Snape into a ferret, like he did with Lucius' boy." Tonks said.
Remus laughed. "Now I'd pay galleons to see that." He said, taking another sip of his drink.
Tonks laughed too. "So would I."
The two talked and laughed for hours. Neither had talked with one another like this for a while. Remus completely forgot about the war, his bad day, his undying love for Tonks and the pain he felt that he couldn't be with her. He forgot everything entirely and apparently, so had Tonks for she was laughing and joking along with him.
"Oh Remus, you've really cheered me up." She said cheerfully as she polished off her second glass of firewhiskey.
"I'm glad, you've cheered me up too." He replied, finishing his glass as well.
She smiled at him and her eyes had that familiar sparkle in them that always made Remus' heart skip a beat; which it did. He became a bit sad all of a sudden and wished more than anything that he could hold the young witch in front of him and tell her that he loved her and always would.
"Well," Tonks said, she sounded a bit uncomfortable, "I'd best be off. I still have work tomorrow after all." She got up from the table and avoided Remus' eyes.
"Tonks, wait." Remus said before she could walk away. She looked at him. "Uh…" He didn't know what he was going to say. He didn't even know why he had stopped her from leaving. "Can I…walk you home?" He suggested. He knew he shouldn't have made this suggestion. For one, it might give Tonks the wrong idea, that she might possibly have a chance at getting Remus to be with her.
"Okay." She said with a smile.
Remus wanted to kick himself. Why had he suggested that he walk her home? Why did he do this to her and to himself? He smiled back, not wanting Tonks to know that he regretted his decision. They walked out of the Three Broomsticks. The sky was still a dark, gray but Remus could tell that it was early evening. The rain had subsided but the streets were covered in small puddles and the dirt was muddy and gloopy and there was a slight chill in the air. Tonks led the way down the street; Remus tagging along beside her.
"Where do you live anyway?" He asked. He had only been to Tonks' house once before and that was months ago but he couldn't remember exactly where it had been. In fact, he had apparated directly inside so he didn't really have a clue as to where she lived.
"Oh, I live in London, in a Muggle flat." She informed him. "But you already know that." She added, smiling at him slyly.
Remus blushed a little and was slightly surprised that Tonks chose to live in Muggle housing. She seemed to have guess what he was thinking for she went on.
"I like Muggle housing. Magic folks don't give Muggles enough credit, they can design some pretty amazing flats." She said brightly.
Remus followed Tonks to the edge of Hogsmeade where she stopped them.
"I think we can apparate here." She said. "Do you need to hold on to my arm or can you remember my address?" She asked.
"Er-"
"I'll take that as a no." She laughed as she hooked her arm around Remus' and held on to it tight.
A second later, just when Remus thought he wouldn't be able to take a much needed breath, they appeared in Tonks' living room, where Remus had appeared himself months ago. It still looked the same.
"Well…thanks for escorting me home." She said, releasing Remus' arm. Remus was slightly reluctant to let her arm go but let it go nonetheless.
"No problem." Remus said. He felt kind of awkward. What was he supposed to do now? Apparate to Headquarters? Stay and talk with her some more? Remus had never been so confused in his life.
"Would you like some tea or some coffee or something?" She asked hopefully.
"Uh…" He knew he should go, just tell her that he was extremely tired and needed some rest but he wanted to stay. Why couldn't he stay? It was just tea…there was nothing wrong with friends chatting over a cup of tea, right? What the hell. He was going to stay. "Tea would be lovely." He said.
Tonks looked like she could burst with happiness as she smiled and bounded into the kitchen, running into the corner of a small table on the way. She was back in a few seconds.
"Here, have a seat while the water boils." She said, motioning towards the black couch.
Remus did as he was told and Tonks took a seat next to him. They sat in silence for a moment.
"This is really a nice place you got here." He commented, looking around.
"Oh, thanks. Yea, it's not much but it's home." She said, smiling at Remus.
Remus turned his head back towards Tonks to see that she was once again, mere inches away from him. He gulped.
"You know, I have a guest bedroom if you wanted to stay tonight so you wouldn't have to walk in the cold rain." She said, peering into his eyes.
Remus felt his stomach drop down to his knees and was sure his heart had stopped beating. He wanted nothing more than to take Tonks up on her offer, but he couldn't. "I can just apparate directly to Headquarters." He said, trying to sound casual and friendly.
Thankfully the whistling of the teakettle interrupted them and Tonks gave Remus one last look before retreating to the kitchen to take it off the burner. Remus took a very deep breath. He had to get out of here before he did something that he would regret. He got up and was planning on apparating out of Tonks' living room when she reappeared with two cups of tea.
"Where are you going?" She asked, sounding a little hurt.
"Uh, I'm sorry Tonks but I have to get going. I..uh" He didn't know what to say. He decided on the truth…well, a little bit of it. "Look Tonks, you're young and beautiful and you're really a great person, you really are. But…I can't, I mean you and me we just…can't."
Tonks stared at Remus with a blank expression on her face.
"I'm sorry Tonks but I…I really have to go." He said and with that he walked out her door, leaving Tonks standing there with the two cups of tea with a confused and hurt look on her face.
A/N: Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I ended it rather abruptly because I personally think Remus would have definately tried to get out of there asap, after Tonks' suggestion that he stay the night. But that's just me. Anyway, please review! I'm glad to know that you all think I'm staying true to the characters and their personalities, that was/is my main goal.