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Title: Unknown and Unknowable

Chapter One

Rating: It's only like PG now, but it will make its way to R as time goes on.

Author's Note: I apologize in advance for any slip-ups in my characters' personalities. I am currently writing this fic simultaneously with my other, Elven Hearts. Both have roughly the same characters, but they have radically different personalities. It's really tough to do both at the same time.

Another Note: I just came up with this idea when I was in class, and so I don't really have any definite idea where it's going. Suggestions would be more than welcome.

Glorfindel's mind

You close the door as you walk in. Those robes have always looked so good on you; the color really brings out your eyes. Casting that ever benevolent smile on me, I melt inside. But I can't let it show because you're in love. And not with me. I mean, I'm happy that you love your wife, and I adore your children. That doesn't change anything for me. Murmuring some unnecessary, instantly forgotten pleasantry, you sit down at you desk. I get up to give you the reports you had me read last night. Carelessly, your fingers brush mine as you take them. I nearly drop the papers and almost blush.

"Are you feeling yourself today?" you ask with that smile of yours, that charming smile that makes me weak that the knees. "You seem…distracted."

I want to be able to tell you. I want to be able to take you into my arms and cover you with kisses. "I slept poorly last night." Because all I could think of was you. "And I have a lot on my mind." All I can think about is you…

...by the Gods, this is driving me crazy. I can't hold myself back anymore. I half make up my mind to just blurt it out and hope that you won't hate me. Just as I start to reach out, I tell myself that I have everything to lose by telling you. There is nearly no chance that you will understand or reciprocate, so I see little point in trying.

"Glorfindel, are you sure you are well?"

I had to flee. I saw the concerned look you gave me right before I closed the door. At that moment, I was so glad that you could not see the contents of my mind and I could not see yours.

To do so might have killed me.

Elrond's Journal

Glorfindel acted so strangely this morning. I wish I knew what was on his mind. He seems so troubled and I would do anything to help him. Even Erestor noticed it; he mentioned it to me in the afternoon, and it surprised me. Erestor can be so oblivious to many things. It must stand out a lot for him to notice. What is on your mind, Glorfindel, and how bad you must think it to be if you don't want to let me help? We have known each other for millennia and I thought that he would trust me with his secrets.

Why is my mind so fixated on him? The question entered my mind shortly after he left this morning. Of course, Celebrìan and the twins are on my mind a lot, there's no denying it. Still, when my mind wanders during the long day, it is not usually to them that my thoughts stray.

It seems that he holds some strange power over me. If only I could decipher what it is.

I must stop this. If it continues, then only the gods know how bad things will get. I need to get a grip on myself. I must think and write on other things. There must be other things of importance in my life.

Erestor leaves for Lorien tomorrow. He seemed strangely adamant to go and there was no way I could deny him. He is to meet with Haldir and Celeborn to finally deal with all the dirty details of arranging a combined border patrol. It has been chaos up until now. Erestor will succeed, I know that, and because he is there, I can almost guarantee that Imladris will receive the better end of the deal.

Why couldn't it be Erestor that invaded my mind? I have known him since we were practically Elflings. I have always been able to discuss anything with him. He has always been there for me.

He's even beautiful, too, in his own way.

Where did that thought come from? I don't think that anything like that has ever crossed my mind before.

I must really need some sleep.

I fear that I am losing my mind.

Imladris

"Glorfindel, dear friend, you have slain a Balrog, you are famous, you are witty, and you are beautiful." Erestor smiled as Glorfindel looked up at him with surprise. "You are, you know." The smile broadened as Glorfindel lowered his head and continued to pace the room. "I cannot stand this any longer! I shall go to Elrond and tell him right now!"

Glorfindel knew how little gravity this threat held and merely remarked slyly, "Then perhaps I would slip why you're so eager to go to Lorien." He chuckled as a blush lightly colored Erestor's face. "Leave me to my misery."

"Elrond would be a fool to ignore you if you told him…"

"Maybe centuries ago, before he was married, but he has never expressed any interest in any male. I do not want to…"

"Glorfindel, this is destroying you." He walked over to his friend, a closer friend than Elrond knew. For a period of about six months, they had had a discreet affair, discreet enough so that even Elrond had not known about it. But it hadn't worked out, they had been too different, so they were just the best of friends. "I can't let this continue."

"You leave for Lorien tomorrow. There is nothing you can do."

"I have known Elrond longer than you have…"

"And has he once, just once, expressed any measure of sexual affection towards any male?"

Erestor thought hard. When he was younger, he had been interested in Elrond, too. But that had just been a brief obsession, more hero-worshipping than any real love. He knew, deep down, though he would not tell Glorfindel, that another large part of why he had stopped loving Elrond was that Elrond had never reciprocated any interest. "No, he hasn't. But that doesn't mean…"

"It tells me everything that I need to know. He's married."

"He wouldn't be the first to cheat, you know."

"Elrond doesn't strike me as the type. He loves his family too much. And now we will drop the issue." Glorfindel didn't like to discuss Elrond, especially with Erestor. He could have loved Erestor; he knew that, had it not been for Elrond. Erestor had every characteristic that Glorfindel looked for in his lovers; handsome, intelligent, funny, adventurous, brave, affectionate. He didn't know whether Erestor knew how much he had truly been in love. But that didn't matter. Erestor was not his, and he didn't think that he wanted Erestor anymore. All he wanted was Elrond.

Erestor's Journal

I'm so worried about Glorfindel. It's not that it's necessarily a bad idea for him to love Elrond (except for the fact that Elrond isn't interested). Glorfindel just gets very obsessive. He did the same for me, and it made me feel suffocated. He attaches himself very quickly and then he won't ever let go. He's letting his love for Elrond eat him alive. Ever since I found out about Glorfindel's love (he managed to hide the secret from me for a long time, until I stole his journal and read it. I wasn't a spy for nothing, you know), I have been trying to subtly hint as much to Elrond.

Not that Elrond isn't intelligent, of course. He's the smartest elf that I have ever had the privilege to meet. He has been called perfection by many, but they have obviously never seen Elrond throw a tantrum or the fear that showed so blatantly on his face or the way he cried the night before he got married. He never did tell me the reason and I never did ask. I'm not sure if he would have told me anyway. I just held him and told him that everything would be alright.

For instance, I told him just a week ago that I had heard a story from an elf in Mirkwood that was something to the effect of ninety percent of the elves in Mirkwood were indifferent to the gender of their sexual partners. I then asked him if he felt that way. He frowned at me, seeming not to understand. Then he said, "I love my wife."

I wanted to shake him. I wanted to hit him. I still do. Glorfindel is practically wasting away with grief. I can see concern in Elrond's face when I bring Glorfindel up, but I see no love or affection. It grieves me to think that Glorfindel will always have to love Elrond from afar.

I will be journeying to Lorien tomorrow. Glorfindel knows what Elrond does not, that I care next to nothing about a combined border patrol. I trust that Glorfindel will not betray my secret, just as I will not betray his. It is Haldir I go to visit. Unfortunately, there I am in much the same predicament as Glorfindel. The only advantage I have is that I know Haldir is at least mildly indifferent. I think I can seduce him. I just need some time.

If the Valar really are as omniscient as everyone says, then I will put a plea into writing. Please help Elrond to understand that love from a male elf is just as good as from a female. Please help Glorfindel to work up the courage to confess to Elrond. Please help both of them find happiness together. Both of them more than deserve it.

Imladris

Elrond saw his two best friends sneaking through the hallways well after the time they should be in bed. More than slightly curious, he began to follow them, wanting to know what reason they had to be up so late at night. All three were nearly silent except for the occasional muttered comment from one of the two elves in front of him, usually followed by a laugh from the other. Elrond wanted to get close enough to hear what they were talking about. Elrond had not thought the two as close as they apparently were. Glorfindel's arm was slung around Erestor's shoulders, and it appeared that Glorfindel was drunk, as he swayed from side to side at times, and Erestor seemed greatly amused at the task of keeping Glorfindel upright. What cause has Glorfindel to get drunk? He looks so miserable all the time. Maybe Erestor got him drunk to help him forget. Elrond would not put it past his advisor.

"You shouldn't have try to get drunk, mellon-nin. It won't solve the problem," said Erestor softly.

"It hurts too much."

Elrond was slightly upset. Erestor obviously knew what was troubling Glorfindel, and Elrond wanted to know so that he could help. Stealthily following along, he hoped to discover Glorfindel's secret.

"Maybe you should leave. I'm sure I can convince Elrond to let you come with me."

"And what would I do there? I don't run from my problems."

"Really? So what exactly were you attempting to do just now?"

Glorfindel chuckled sheepishly. "Maybe you're right. But I should stay here. Elrond might need me."

Elrond, to his surprise, heard Erestor groan. "That is the last thing you need right now. I'll tell you what. When I'm hashing out these agreements…"

"If and when you get around to business. I imagine that you've heard rumors about Celeborn…"

"Who hasn't?" Erestor laughed. "But when I get around to doing that, I will see that you are given a job to take you away from here for as long as possible…"

"Erestor, that is the last thing…"

Erestor stopped in the hallway and turned Glorfindel to face him. Elrond was forced to duck into a doorway to avoid being seen. He felt ridiculous, but obviously there was some major problem Glorfindel was trying to deal with and failing. As the Lord of Imladris, he had every right to know what it was.

"Glorfindel, you will listen to me," said Erestor in his command voice. It was the kind of voice that Elrond had heard quite infrequently, but when he did hear it, something about it demanded instant compliance. "Tomorrow morning, you will go to see Elrond and ask him if you can take some time off. I don't care what he says, make sure you get that time off. You can be most persuasive when you wish, mellon."

"What will I do with myself?"

"Get over it…"

"You say that as if it's so easy…" Glorfindel's voice was slowly getting louder and more agitated, and Elrond didn't have to strain to hear it.

"I have been through what you have. You have to accept the facts. It's never going to become reality, no matter what you try."

That sounded brutally harsh to Elrond's ears, but as he didn't know the circumstances, he really couldn't comment.

Glorfindel broke down at that point. Elrond had never seen Glorfindel cry. He also would never have expected the typically quite cold Erestor to comfort him. "Hush, mellon, I'll take you to your rooms and we can talk if you'd like. This is no place to break down."

"Just make it go away."

"I will do what I can. Now come on."

Elrond saw no reason to follow them further. Erestor obviously had a lot more of a relationship with Glorfindel than he had previously believed. Elrond realized that he was jealous of the thought that Erestor would be there to calm Glorfindel, comfort Glorfindel.

Where are these thoughts coming from? Am I going mad?

Elrond shook his head. It must just be tiredness. But he knew now that he would not give Glorfindel any time off. To do so would break off any chance to figure out what bothered Glorfindel. And Elrond now, more than ever, had to get to the bottom of it. For some reason, he believed that whatever this had to do was something that he could directly deal with.

Shaking his head, he walked back towards his rooms. Celebrìan was waiting for him, and there was somewhere he felt safe. And safe was good right now, when he was sure he was losing his mind.

Please review. I won't continue this, as I'm really busy, unless I get a few reviews. Don't care if they're good or bad, just want reviews.