Chapter 2

Author: Anonymous slashlover

Rating: PG to eventually R

Summary: Glorfindel has a secret and only Erestor knows what it is.

Author's Note: Nothing lets an author know that they are appreciated more than getting reviewed, whether the reviews be good or bad.

Elrond's Mind

For some reason, when you walk in, he is smiling. All the worry and tension that has built up over the past however long it has been is gone. I'm puzzled. Last night, you broke down. You shouldn't look so happy this morning. What did Erestor say to you after I left to remove whatever it was that troubled you so?

I was prepared to hear you ask for some time off, and had carefully calculated a half dozen good reasons why I needed you around. All you say, though, is, "What is there to do today?"

You surprise me so much I almost can't speak. For some reason, I can't take my gaze off of your eyes. They are sparkling with an intensity that I had almost forgotten they had. Once again, I find myself jealous of Erestor. Only I can't even take it out on him because he's gone.

"Well, there will be some visitors from Lorien arriving in two days. We could probably use some arranging there," I say. I had had to think of that on the spur of the moment. I hadn't been prepared to give you work. I had been ready to argue with you.

You nod. "I can get to work on that." Then you smile, and for some reason, that immediately brightens my day. I can't fathom what is running through my mind and stop whatever it is. Then your smile broadens. "What are you doing after dinner tonight, Elrond?"

I don't know why I'm not surprised by your question. Even though you and I rarely do anything outside of working together, I am not surprised that today of all days you ask me. But before I can answer, you shake your head and laugh a little. "What?" I ask.

"Forget it," you say. "Is there anything else you need me to do?"

I find some pointless work that could be done at any time and hand it to you. "This needs to be done right away," I lie. "Can you get it back to me by tonight?" Selfishly, I just want to see you again, though even now I'm not sure why.

"I can try," you say. Without another word, you turn and walk out of the room. When you are gone, the world seems a little less bright.

Glorfindel's Journal

He seemed so distant today. It was almost like he didn't care. But I don't want to think about him not caring. Still, he just handed me the things I needed and then he completely ignored me. It was better when I was miserable. At least then he seemed to care a little. Now he cares not at all.

Elrond, why do you torment me so? Why do you have to haunt me day and night?

Why? Why? Why?

I have to stop this. I have to get control over myself. I am losing my mind over you.

Erestor's right. That's not healthy for me. It's going to kill me unless I start making changes.

But how can I not love you? How can I go an entire day without your name entering my mind? How? Tell me, Erestor, now that you are gone, now that you are away from here, if you ever really loved Elrond, how did you forget that love?

I have to stop this. I will stop this.

Erestor was right. Last night, he told me that the only way to get over this was to find someone else. But who else is there? There's him, of course, but he's now headed to Lorien. So who? Who?

I did a good job today, though. When I went to see him, I forced myself to think of Erestor. It was surprisingly easy. I thought I saw some kind of regret maybe on Elrond's face, but I doubt it.

And today is the last day I will put his name to this journal. Today is the day that I start to try to forget him. I never thought that I would be willing to do this, but after last night, I realize that to want Elrond for my own is pointless when I know I have no chance.

Valar, if you truly exist, then I beg of you to help me to end this obsession. Please. There is no other way I will ever survive.

Who else is there to love?

Who?

I feel so alone now. Before, I could always be with Elrond in my thoughts.

Now I am empty. Now I am lost.

Imladris

Elrond looked up as Glorfindel entered the dining hall. It was packed and loud. Normally, he had noticed that Glorfindel avoided coming here when at all possible. Elrond found that he couldn't take his eyes off of Glorfindel. Biting his lip in uncharacteristic hesitation, he forced his gaze over to the twins, who were causing their usual havoc. I can't wait until they grow up.

Then Elrohir threw something (Elrond never did see quite what) at Elladan, and it hit him in the face. Elladan promptly threw his plate back at Elrohir. Elrond began to rise to his feet to control his sons before they created too much of a disaster. Then Elladan began to chase Elrohir around the room. Elrond would not chase after them. But the Valar only knew how much trouble they would cause before they tired themselves out.

Celebrian knew better. She got up and stalked after her children. Elrond smiled fondly at her. He truly loved her and nothing would change that. For the first time in the Valar knew how long, he was happy. Only now there seemed to be something else seeping into his thoughts.

It was just one single thought. But it persisted all day. Nothing he could do made it any different. He couldn't will himself to forget it, and it remained on the tip of his tongue all day, so he had to guard his every word to prevent it from slipping out.

Glorfindel is beautiful.

"You want these back?" asked an amused voice from somewhere near him. A very familiar voice.

Elrond looked over and saw Glorfindel, who had one child under each arm. A smile appeared on his face. "How did you catch them?"

Glorfindel returned them to their seats. "They ran into me."

"Are you eating? Or did you just come here for conversation?"

"Truth be told, I'm not very hungry."

Elrond rose to his feet. "Neither am I…I think we need to talk, Glorfindel."

"About what, Elrond?"

"Please, Glorfindel."

Glorfindel frowned. "Of course, Elrond. Whatever you'd like."

The two elves rose and left the hall. Elrond didn't know why he was doing this. He didn't know what he was going to say to Glorfindel when they were alone, and he was a little afraid of what might come out if he just let go.

Glorfindel was terrified that Elrond had somehow stumbled upon his secret. If he had, nothing but bad could come of this.

Erestor's Journal

So day one of my journey ended. I practically fell asleep in the saddle several times. I spent most of last night with Glorfindel in his room, talking to him and comforting him. In a way, I am glad that I will not be in Imladris to witness Glorfindel's going through what I know he's going to go through. To see him so helpless might destroy me. On the other hand, I know the pain he's going to go through because I've been there and done that.

Still, Imladris is behind me now. I must think not of what lies behind but of what it is to come. There is much I must do.

Despite this knowledge, however, I still find my thoughts wandering. Only they do not stray to Imladris. It is to Lorien and the one who is there. He doesn't know what I feel for him. We have only met twice, both in formal settings, but I fell in love with him the first time I set eyes on him.

Haldir is very seducible. I intend to stay in Lorien for some time. I am sure that there will be plenty of opportunities for us to be alone. For me to get him alone.

Elrond, if you could hear me, if you could only understand what torment you are putting Glorfindel through. Surely you would not let him live in his misery. Surely you would do something to alleviate the pain. You are a healer, after all.

Valar, please help them find themselves. Let them love each other. And let me find happiness in Lorien. After all I have been through, after all I have done, I feel like I deserve a little something in return.

Why must life be so complicated?

Why must there be such love as Glorfindel feels for Elrond?

Why must there be such pain?

Imladris

Elrond had never felt this flustered in his life. Even at his marriage he had been calmer than this. And he had never been more scared than at his marriage. Until now. He closed the door to his study, letting Glorfindel enter before him. Swallowing nervously, he mentally shook himself. Stop acting so strange. He's not stupid; he'll realize something's wrong.

"What's wrong, Elrond?" Glorfindel looked extremely concerned and Elrond felt guilty about doing that to him. "Has something happened?" He could see how flustered Elrond was. Looking back, he could not recall any occasion when Elrond has looked as out of control of his emotions as right now.

Elrond shook his head. "No, nothing has happened." Except for the fact that I somehow can't get you out of my head.

"Then what?" Glorfindel sensed that something was seriously bothering Elrond. That meant he might be here a while, drawing the whole story out of Elrond. This was exactly not what he needed to get over Elrond. It would only make things worse.

"I…I have a problem," began Elrond hesitantly. What do I tell him? How do I tell him what I feel when I'm not even sure what I feel? All I know is that he is always on my mind. I'm supposed to devote myself to my family, but I hardly even think of them anymore. He sat down at his desk to give himself some distance, both physical and emotional. "I don't think…I'm not sure that…that I love Celebrìan any more."

"What leads you to this conclusion?"

What are you supposed to tell him? taunted a little voice in the back of his head. Are you going to tell Glorfindel that he's the reason you don't love her? I'd like to see how well that goes down. He'll be disgusted with you. "I don't know."

"Is it because you love someone else?"

"No." That was a definite. Celebrìan was definitely the only one he loved.

Glorfindel nodded. "Was it something she did?"

"…no." He was sure of that, too.

"Did you do something wrong?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe? What do you mean?"

Elrond closed his eyes. He couldn't stand this conversation any more. He was used to being so casual and carefree. Now he was nothing short of an interrogator…Maybe if Glorfindel was gone, then he would be able to focus on his family. "Can you do a favor for me?"

"Of course, Elrond. Whatever."

"Can you go to Mirkwood for a while?"

Glorfindel frowned. "Excuse me, Elrond? For what?"

"Nothing. Just…could you?"

Glorfindel was extremely confused. Had he given something away to Elrond; had Elrond finally discovered his long-hidden secret? Still, Elrond was his Lord, and if Elrond asked him to leave, what could he say to object? "If that is what you wish, then I will go."

"When can you leave?"

"Tomorrow morning. How long will I stay?"

"Until I call you back."

This seemed more and more like a punishment to Glorfindel. "Very well, Elrond. I will leave tomorrow." As he walked out, he only made it about twenty feet before he broke down and began to cry.

Author's Note: I need some feedback. If you read this, please give me an opinion on the following: should Glorfindel fall for Legolas???? Would like to know what you think.