A/N: I'm back from my loverly trip to Californ-i-a! Two weeks in a blissfully perfect beach city who's temperature never went higher than a ver dry / non-humid 80 degrees! I am definitely moving out there after college.
As for the story: We left our favorite trouble makers in the face of danger! Who knows what life-threatening adventures could lie behind a fireplace! Well...I do, but that's beside the point.
Now, Enjoy the Show! (Er, story...)
Chapter II: What Happens When You Loiter In The Restricted Section
James peeked at the fireplace from around his arms, nothing was there. He breathed a sigh of relief and lowered his hands and stood up to check out what the button had changed. The wall that once was the back of the hearth had disappeared completely, leaving a very long, dark, and narrow stone corridor in front of them. He exchanged nervous glances with his friends. Although they were all probably the boldest students in the school it didn't mean they were the bravest.
Remus was the first to enter the corridor. He nearly growled in frustration over how stupid they were all being. It was only a damn hallway! He stooped low to clear the mantle and swatted away the thick cobwebs that were draped across the entrance and his shoulders. He shivered slightly from how cold the musty air was and despite his efforts, he broke out in gooseflesh.
"Lumos." He whispered and lifted his wand high to study the corridor. From where he stood, there were four doors. Two, one each directly to his left and right, and two more about 200 metres down just on the edge of his wand light. "Alright, four doors, one for each of us. Let's get this thing over with. He didn't want to show it but his headache was progressing and quickly becoming a migraine. The sooner they were done, the sooner he could go back to sleep.
"Are you dense Moony?" Sirius said as he moved into the corridor. He stood behind Remus because there wasn't enough room for them to fit comfortably right next to each other. Sure they could fit, but they would have to be half on top of each other and neither of them really wanted that. "After the bubble incident, that's not going to happen. And not only that, we don't want to run into anymore badgers, do we?" He said wide eyed and Remus shuddered.
"No. We definitely don't want anymore badgers..." James said, moving in behind them, sounding utterly terrified. He shrugged his shoulders to rid himself of the memories and reached his hand out for the silvery doorknob near his waist. "Then if we can't split up, let's hurry. I've got early classes tomorrow."
Sirius nodded and Remus opened the door on his left. He scooted himself through the doorframe and into the entrance way, which was narrower than the outer corridor. James came in behind the two and carried the light so that they wouldn't bump into each other. Peter was, as usual, the last one in the room, and made sure the door stayed open in case they needed to make a quick escape. They stared into the darkness and tried to make out what the vague shapes were.
"James, give me your light, I can't see a damn thing with you way back there." Remus said shakily, even though he was trying to sound brave (or in this case stupid). He snatched James' wand as soon as he could reach it and held it out to the main chamber of the room.
"What is that?" Sirius gawked at the object in front of them. It looked like something out of a horror story. The thing was human shaped, but had no face or arms and in place of its legs was a single wooded rod that ended into a flat disk. Frightening was the only word to describe it in the dim light.
"It's a mannequin." Peter said from near the door. "My mum uses them to make her dresses at home. It's a muggle thing."
The other boys nodded and moved deeper into the room. If they thought the first mannequin was creepy, the rest of the room was utterly disturbing. Pieces of other mannequins littered the tops of tables so that the place looked like some kind of cheap horror movie set. Pieces of cloth littered the floor and were strewn on top of multiple sitting pillows on the ground. The very centre of the room was clean and a big and really old phonograph sat on a stand and made the place look like a mix between a dress shop and a dance parlour.
"Right..." James said slowly, "This looks dull. Next room!"
"Knock it off Potter." Remus countered, "We've got to check some of it out." James grumbled and begrudgingly agreed to explore.
Not forty minutes later, they were already done with five rooms. The second room they encountered was a little more interesting and looked like it could have been a room for the aspiring young seers at the school. The third was a simple drawing room with stools and writing stands. That room had two others connected to it, one was completely empty and the other was filled with photographs and other junk.
"Remus! Look at this!" Sirius shouted around the corner.
"What's so important?"
"It's a...It's a..."
"Is that what I think it is?"
"I think so...But who would bring one to school? I mean, not even I'm that stupid."
"I am." Remus replied calmly and seriously. "I brought it to school in second year."
"You're kidding."
"Yeah, but my uncle gave me one just like it for my birthday, what's the big deal? It's just a really ugly cloak."
Sirius almost dropped the thing.
"Just a cloak? Just a cloak! Remus, this is an impression of the cloak from that flashy gay opera singer's first concert!"
Remus stared at him open mouthed. He looked like a big goldfish.
"No, my uncle would never give me one of those. He's a tight ass that always makes me eat my sprouts at dinner and stuff like that. He wouldn't give me something so...useful."
"Obviously he did!" Sirius shouted and shook the silvery cloak in Remus' face. "How come you never told us?"
"Because I thought it was just one of those ugly presents you hide in your trunk like that yellow badger sweater your grandmother made for you last Christmas!" Remus shouted back.
"Don't talk about badgers!" Sirius whispered angrily. "They can hear you!"
"BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER!"
They both jumped when they heard a scratching noise across the room.
"When I have nightmares tonight," Sirius whispered, holding Remus in a death-grip hug as if his life depended on it, "I'm sleeping in your bed."
"What the hell are you two doing?" James stood in the door frame and was staring at his two best friends like they had gone insane. Well, more insane than they already were. Remus and Sirius glanced at each other and jumped apart as if they had been electrocuted.
"Remus said the B-word." Sirius whispered as if it were some horrendous crime.
"What, badger?" Peter asked as he came around the corner.
"Shhhh!" James clapped a hand over Peter's mouth. "Don't say it."
"Will you two ever explain what your problem with badg-"
"SHH!"
"What your problem with those rodents are?"
"Yeah, sure Remus." Sirius said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. "Just as soon as some crazy lunatic bent on the purification of the wizarding race crawls out of a scum pit and convinces Peter to kill James and Lily before being destroyed by your one year old son."
Blank looks from the rest of the Marauders.
"We were talking about things that are never going to happen, right?" Sirius asked innocently. "Like James is ever going to get Lily to even say something civil to him, never mind get into her pants!"
"Shut up Sirius." James and Remus chorused.
"Wait a second," Peter looked almost dumbstruck when he spotted the garment on the floor. "Is that what I think it is?"
"What? Oh, you mean the cloak we've been trying to find for months so we could finally pull of Operation: Cross dresser on Snivellus? Yeah, that's the one." Sirius said nonchalantly as he continued to shuffle through the box in front of him. "Hey Moony, aren't these your parents?"
"Let me see." Remus took the photo, "Oh my god! My eyes! Sirius, how could you look at something like that!"
James picked the moving picture off the floor.
"Whoa! Are they doing what I think they're doing?"
"What do you think genius? It's scorched into my retinas forever! I'll never get it out of my head. Damn you Padfoot! If I turn into a serial killer because of this, I'll kill you first!"
"Calm down Moony. It's not that bad. Your mum's rather hot."
"And your dad's not so bad either."
More blank looks, this time directed at Peter.
"I told you we need to worry about him." James whispered and moved away again.
"Come on James, you know I'm not like that."
"And we share a dorm with him."
"God, James. I fancy girls just as much as any other guy."
"And we shower with him too." Sirius finally replied incredulously. "I think I've suddenly come down with a bout of homophobia."
"I'm NOT bent!"
"SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!" Remus roared suddenly. If there was a headache worse than a migraine...that's only half as bad as what was now tearing up the inside of his skull. Every noise uttered from the Three Stooges' mouths was like a jackhammer to his temples. "If you three keep bickering, I will not be held responsible for any violence that may ensue."
"I think it's time we listen boys." Sirius whispered seriously, "He does look maniacal if you ask me."
"Doesn't he always look like that?"
"That's beside the point. He looks especially malicious today."
"You know what, let's just get out of this bloody closet and away from the mildly pornographic pictures of my parents and finish the damn sketches." Remus muttered and wandered back into the corridor. Something like paying attention to where he was going didn't seem important at that moment, and therefore he was rewarded with an attack from a static wall. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Remus John Lupin, werewolf extraordinaire with massive headache, walked into a wall and smacked his head. Anyone else in his position would be writhing in pain, but the only thing on his mind was...well, alright, he just wasn't paying attention to anything. He had no excuse.
"Moony! Are you trying to kill yourself!"
"No, but the wall seems intent on it."
"Just...don't pass out on us, alright?" Sirius helped his friend up and made a mental note to take him to the Infirmary if he wasn't better in the morning. There was no way he would make it through classes at this rate. The kid was running into stone walls for god's sake.
The four trudged into the last room only to find the dullest room yet. Or so it seemed.
"Books? Why would they make a little library in the middle of a secret wing for?" James exclaimed, absolutely baffled.
"Maybe because of what's in them." Sirius murmured as his eyes grazed over the titles. "Look at this. World's 100 most painful curses and their history. Something tells me students aren't supposed to read these."
"No kidding." Remus added, "1,000 ways to torture your enemy: Muggle Fashion. Oh look,there're more.It's a series of instruction manuals for sociopaths."
"And the school didn't have a massive book burning bonfire for what reason?" James deadpanned...mostly. He couldn't understand why they would keep books like these in a school. Of course, since it was James, it never occurred to him to ponder the reason such books were put to print in the first place.
"Can you imagine the look on Madame Pince's face if they did!" Sirius asked excitedly, "I can practically see her jump in to save the things!"
Silence.
"That would be bloody hilarious Padfoot!" James shouted, then commenced into a fit of laughter.
Even laughter hurts...Remus winced while browsing the book spines, Must. Stop. The pain.
"BADGER ATTACK!" He shouted at the top of his lungs
"AAAAAAAAHHH! OH MY GOD!"
Faster than you could say Hufflepuff mascot, James and Sirius were in Peter's arms. Needless to say, Peter wasn't capable to hold them for very long and about two seconds later, a Marauder dog pile graced the dark library's floor.
"You guys are absolute bloody idiots." Remus teased and chucked All The Ways To Bring About Dark Days in the general direction of Sirius' head, as none of the others had enough brain cells to spare. He pulled another book off the shelf and flipped to the middle of it. Curiosity always got the better of our respectable Mr. Lupin.
Now that you've mastered the art of dark body language, it's time to move on to a more complicated portion of becoming evil. Your physical appearance is key in striking fear into the hearts of your victims, but not all of us a well endowed with horrifying disfigurement or a naturally sinister air. Luckily, all is not lost. It is not a difficult thing to falsify maliciousness. First thing that is needed is a commanding voice and maniacal laugh. Until you become a truly intimidating dark wizard, conducting your affairs from a shadowing corner should suit your purposes well. A simple voice disguising charm should make you sound bad enough, but that laughter is another story...
Remus chuckled to himself at the thought of some dark wizard starting as a lowly eleven year old stumbling upon a How To book on being evil and turning into someone like Grindewald. Something about a pre-pubescent child ordering the deaths of hundreds of innocent people from a shadowy room tickled him on the inside.
"Hey, look at this you guys. So you want to be a dark wizard? is absolutely crazy. Who would actually want to know how to beco-"
But he never got to finish his remark, as he was rudely interrupted by the door to his left being opened by none other than the foreboding Professor Minerva McGonagall.