Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit will be made from this story.
Author's Note: The prodigal author has returned! I apologize for my lack of updates lately. It has been a crazy couple of months for me. I will try to update more this week and finish this story. Please forgive any continuity errors with the storyline of GG, I am just writing for pure enjoyment and sometimes I tweak reality without realizing it. Particularly with this chapter, you will find things have turned out differently then what we probably expect, but I assure you—this is not in any way a spoilerish story. Enjoy!
I could see the smooth cedar bottom of the box. There were only a few more items left and suddenly I began to panic. These last few hours I had felt so connected to Mom and now, with only a few more things left to open, I felt like I was loosing her again. The next item I picked up was a black velvet box, with the letter attached to the top. I opened it and read.
Lorelai,
Remember the night when you told me of your broken engagement and I told you I already had a present for you? Well—this is it. I kept my word, I was saving it until you got married. There have been several times over the past two years that I brought it out—certain I'd hear any day that you had settled on a day to marry Luke.
I know I said I wouldn't meddle anymore, but it's just in my nature I guess. It's funny, if anyone would have told me two years ago that I'd be campaigning for you to marry Luke, I would have fallen over laughing. I know that you still blame me, and that if I hadn't done what I did at the wedding you would most likely have been married by now. Maybe I would have been able to see another grandchild before I passed on. Dear—you have no idea how many times I wished I could go back, laid awake at night begging God to turn back time so I could have stopped myself from going over to Christopher's that night. I know I said I did it for your own good, but that wasn't true. I did it for me. I was afraid—afraid of loosing you completely this time. I was afraid that with Luke you would be whole and there was a part of me that didn't want you to be whole—needed you not to be whole so I could feel like you needed me. I'm sorry. I was wrong.
However, I am not totally to blame for the fact that you are still not married. You asked him to marry you two years ago and when he said yes I think you got scared. You were afraid that it was for the wrong reasons and I think at first it was.
I stopped for a moment, reaching over on my nightstand for some more tissues and swore under my breath as tears stung at my eyes for the tenth time in the past hour. She was right—it was for the wrong reasons and I knew it and I was terrified to get married. All of my failed relationships—Jason, Max, Chris—they had all come back to haunt me. I remembered how close I had come to loosing Luke and it had scared me to think about marriage—because even though he said yes, we both knew it was because of a different reason that I had asked him to marry me—that awful, awful night, the night I lost her.
Dear, I know how hurt you were when Rory turned her back on you. Trust me, I know how hurt you were. This will sound terrible, but at first I was glad. I'm sorry, but I was. I was glad Rory was there, in my house, but even more than that—I was glad that you were finally knowing what it is to loose a child, to have them turn against you. I was glad that you were feeling the pain I had felt all those years. I think you asked Luke that night to marry you because you were afraid to be alone. When he said yes, I think you used that as a cover up for all of the pain you felt. I think in your heart of hearts, you knew that and you were afraid of making that commitment and that's why you haven't gotten married yet.
So—here is my last piece of meddling, I promise. My girl, follow your heart. Do what your heart has been telling you to do since the day you met this man. He's the one. He has waited for you all this time and you can't let him get away. Tell him you will marry him, set a date, and be happy. I can't tell you if this thing between you and Rory will ever go away, but you can't use that as an excuse anymore to stifle your own happiness. You deserve him, he is a good man, and you love him—which is good enough for me.
I was openly sobbing now, looking down at my little engagement ring—thinking of my ever patient Luke, who for two years now had put up with my heebeegeebees whenever the words "set a date" were used. Why did she have to die to come to that conclusion? Why couldn't she at the very beginning see him for the wonderful man he was? Why couldn't everything have been different? Slowly, I opened the box and held my breath as I saw the most beautiful diamond tiara. I put my hand to my mouth as her words resounded in my head,
You might consider a tiara—that's what I wore
It was absolutely beautiful—it was gold with diamonds that looked like the sparkles on Cinderella's shoes in the Disney movie. I pulled it out and place it on my head, looking at myself in the mirror. Did I look like her at all—all those years ago when she would look at herself in the mirror at night before she married Dad? It took a minute before I realized there was another note at the bottom of the box. I opened it and brushed my hand over the dried tear spots.
It breaks my heart to think that I won't be there, putting this on you, fluffing your dress, and thinking that I have the most beautiful daughter in the whole world. But I want you to know that the whole angel army can't keep me away. Someway, I will be there. Call him up. Let that be my dying wish—to make you happy.
I reached for my cell phone, ready to press 1 on my speed dial when I stopped. No—this would wait. Right now, I needed to finish going through my things. I needed to spend this time with Mom. I took of the tiara and lovingly placed it back in the box.