Chapter 7

Imladris

Elrond smiled when he saw Erestor's party arrive. Erestor saw him and dismounted, smiling. He was tired, but he sensed that Elrond would want to talk immediately. And he was right. No sooner had he reached Elrond than Elrond said, "Come with me. We need to talk."

Erestor smiled. He knew Elrond so well. Wordlessly, he followed Elrond to his study. Elrond closed the door and leaned against it. "What is it, Elrond?"

"You have to help me, Erestor."

"Is this about Glorfindel again? Did you do as I suggested?"

"No."

"Then you are a fool."

Elrond frowned at that. He had been called many things in his life before. Fool was not one of them. In fact, he couldn't recall any instance when he had been called a fool. Still, he was not one to lose his temper over nothing. "Why do you call me a fool?"

"You know that my advice is sound. Still you refuse to follow it. That seems reasonably foolish behavior to me." Erestor really, though, wasn't in the mood to deal with Elrond right now. He was tired, and he missed Haldir terribly. "Now, Elrond, I would like to go and lie down. It has been a long couple of days for me. But I will leave you with the same advice that I gave you earlier. Bring him back."

"He wrote a letter to me. It arrived at the same time yours did," commented Elrond off-handedly.

"Oh? What did it say?"

"I don't know. I burned it."

Erestor sighed. "Elrond, you are truly a great fool." Erestor shook his head and walked out before Elrond could say anything to him.

Elrond sat down heavily. Obviously, Erestor knew something that he didn't. Would it really be wise to bring back Glorfindel?

Haldir's Journal

I will be at Imladris tomorrow morning. Only now I am starting to have doubts. Surely if Erestor had wanted me to come back that badly with him, he would have tried harder. And I know that Elrond knows nothing about Erestor's preferences. It could get awkward if he demands to know why I'm here.

I can hardly turn around, though. I have never been one to back down from that which I am afraid of. I'm sure that Erestor and I can manage to work out something. I am a reasonably good liar and I will surely think of something before I reach Imladris. If not, I'm sure that Erestor can come up with a lie for me. At the very worst, I can pretend that I am carrying a message from Celeborn. That is not the kind of thing that Elrond would believe, but it will buy me at least a little time.

When Erestor first entered Lorien, I was certain that he was not the kind of elf that I could be happy with. But the few short days we had together changed that. I can not name one elf that I would rather spend my life with.

Well, perhaps I am looking too far ahead. A lifelong commitment is not something one makes idly. But I would like to get to know Erestor better. For an elf that many dismiss as cold and distant, he can be warm and caring once you break through the layers. Perhaps I stand a chance of catching his heart.

What if he doesn't, though?

I feel that he has taken my heart. If he rejects it, then I think I will die.

Perhaps I am being melodramatic, but it is the way I feel.

I have never been such a fool when it come so to love.

Erestor has changed me.

Valar, please hear me. I want everything to work out. I want Erestor to be glad that I came back and I want him to love me just the same as he did in Lorien. Help us evade Elrond's all-knowing eyes. I just want to be happy. I think now that Erestor is the only one that can make me truly happy.

More fool I.

Erestor's Mind

I am working hard when the door opens. I look up with a frown; I am too busy to deal with anyone right now.

You are standing there.

I feel my heart begin to race. Only it is not love that is causing it to do so. It is fear. Quickly, I rise to my feet, pull you into the room and close the door. "What are you doing here?" I demand. True, I did ask you to come back with me. But you said no. You must have left only just after me for you to have arrived less than a day after me.

"I…I thought you wanted me here." You look crushed.

Now I feel like a jerk. A smile appears on my face. "No, I want you here more than anything. It's just a…surprise." I shake my head. "And we're going to have to come up with a reasonably convincing excuse as to why you've suddenly shown up days after I left you behind in Lorien."

"Or you could tell him the truth," you say.

I shake my head again. "He'd force me to resign. I am sorry, Haldir, but I can't do that. Even for you."

"I missed you," you say. Then you kiss me.

I want to kiss you back, but this is a dangerous place to do so. Elrond could walk in at any moment. That would just make my life much more complicated than I would prefer for it to be. "We can't," I begin to say.

"You mean you've never fucked here before?" you ask teasingly, slipping a hand under my shirt.

It is getting harder and harder to say no. "It's different here in Imladris. I have to be careful."

"Fuck careful." You kiss me again and this time I kiss you back. My hands fall to rest on your hips, your arms are loosely around my neck.

"I'm glad you came here," I say.

"I realized what a mistake it was to let you go. I was hoping that you wouldn't hate me."

"Hate you? Why would I hate you?"

"Because I told you I wasn't coming back."

"I wasn't thinking at the time. It's wonderful to have you here…but it's going to make my life difficult at best. You won't be able to stay long because there's simply no plausible reason for you to be here."

You look crestfallen. "So you want me to leave?"

I grin. "Of course I don't want you to leave. It's not going to be easy, but I would like to keep you here for a while."

I don't even hear the doorknob turn.

Imladris

Elrond opened the door absent-mindedly, looking at the folder in his hands. It was stunning how much work had piled up. As he walked in and looked up, he saw something astonishing. The folder actually dropped from his hands to land unregarded on the ground.

Erestor was holding Haldir close, his hands on Haldir's hips. Haldir's arms were around Erestor's neck. A frown appeared on Elrond's face; were Erestor and Haldir lovers? The idea was difficult for his mind to wrap around.

Elrond saw the flash of horror on Erestor's face and the way Erestor quickly stepped away from Haldir. But the damage was already done. "Yes, Elrond?" Erestor asked.

It took a moment for Elrond to realize why he was here in the first place. Finally, he remembered and looked at the folder on the ground. "I…you…"

"This could be the first time I have ever seen you at a loss for words, Elrond," Erestor joked lightly. This was no laughing matter, though. Erestor knew that his job was on the line.

"Please look over these reports from our latest border patrol," Elrond said in a surprisingly steady voice. It was not how he felt at all. "And…I would like to see you in private."

"When? Right now?" Erestor knew that that would be most dangerous. If it happened right now, Elrond would make a rash decision. If it could be in anyway postponed until later, Erestor knew that Elrond would have a chance to calm down. And that was vitally important. It might mean the difference between Erestor retaining his job or returning to Lorien and throwing himself on Celeborn's mercy.

"After the evening meal." Elrond knew he needed some time to compose himself. Determined to remain dignified, he exited the room without another word.

After he left, Erestor slumped down at his desk. After all this time perfecting his illusion, it had been shattered by one careless action. "Go away, Haldir. I'll find you later. I need some time to think."

"I'm sorry," said Haldir softly.

Erestor forced a smile. "I know. I'll find you after I've talked to Elrond."

"I love you."

Erestor's smile became sad. "I love you, too."

Elrond's Journal

I cannot believe it. There are no words to express how I feel right now. I always knew that Erestor was secretive. I always wondered exactly what his secret was. Now that I know it, though, I wish that I did not. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this.

Part of me doesn't want to let Erestor remain in his position. Another part of me knows that that is a foolish decision. It is so hard to decide.

Why did you have to do this to me, Erestor?

Now that I know this, everything starts to make more sense. I often urged Erestor to find a mate. I told him how happy he would be. He only smiled at me when I told him that, and he replied that he found happiness in other ways. Only now do I truly understand what he meant. I wish I didn't.

I find his actions repulsive. I understand that most elves are open about such things. I am not.

Valar, why do you see fit to do this to me? What have I done to upset you? First, these thoughts of Glorfindel are driving me mad. And now I find that my Chief Advisor is a homosexual. What next? What more tests can you devise for me? Have I not proven myself to you? What else must I do before you can view me as your loyal servant?

Imladris

Erestor took a deep breath and knocked. "Come in," he heard Elrond say. Composing himself, he opened the door and walked in. He forced himself to look Elrond in the eye as he sat down.

"Hello, Elrond," he said in a pleasant tone, as if the two were sitting down to chat.

"Why did you never tell me?"

"I did not feel it pertinent that you knew." Please, please, Valar, if you care for me at all, do not let Elrond banish me.

"You realize that you have put me in a very awkward position, Erestor. And I don't appreciate that at all. You are one of the most intelligent elves I know. How could you do this?"

"'Tis not a matter of intelligence, Elrond. I just am not attracted to she-elves. I have always been this way."

"I cannot understand it. You know my feelings on this issue…"

"So you would rather me be unhappy than keep your conscience clear? There is nothing wrong with my actions. All of my partners have been dear to me, as dear to me as your wife is to you…"

"Do not compare my love with my wife to your perverted lusts!"

Erestor's eyes flew open at that statement. "You terrible, bigoted elf," he said softly. "I care not if you choose to dismiss me. I resign my position. I can work no longer under you, Elrond." Barely managing to control his rage, he walked out of the room. Taking a few calming breaths, he went to Haldir's rooms.

Haldir knew something was wrong. "What is it?" he asked, taking Erestor into his arms and leading him to the couch. Erestor leaned on Haldir as if drawing strength from him. Then Erestor began to cry softly. Haldir held him until it subsided, then repeated his question.

"We should pack our things, Haldir. I resigned my position. I would like to go to Lorien for a time, if that is acceptable to you."

Haldir brushed the tears from his lover's face. "Of course, darling. I love you. We can do whatever you wish." A long pause. "I am truly sorry that I brought this upon you. I should have thought before I did what I did."

"No, Haldir. This confrontation had been brewing a long time. I am glad that it is now just over and done with." He sat up and closed his eyes. "This was the right thing to do."

Author's Note: I was planning on making the confrontation scene longer, but I just couldn't write Elrond's dialogue. It actually hurt me to write what little there was there. Damn all those bigots to hell!! Next chapter, we'll see how Glorfindel reacts to these changes of events!!