Chapter 8

Author's Note: Nevvy, I shamelessly stole the idea from your review for a couple chapters ago. You rock!

Elrond's Journal

Still I am not sure that I did the right thing. Only I didn't actually kick Erestor out; he went willingly. After he left, the impact of the words I had thrown at him hit me. What I said was unforgivable. He was right to have left. I am not usually that cruel, I just lost control. It was so hard for me to believe that Erestor is what he is.

I think that I will miss him. Erestor was so needed here. This place will suffer for our fight.

I wonder if I should ride to Lorien and apologize. I don't know that he would come back. Would I let him bring Haldir back with him? I don't know if I could deal with it.

Now that I know the truth, if I look back, I can clearly see that he has been for a long time. I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

One good thing about this whole incident, though. I have been able to put Glorfindel from my mind. I haven't fell that tug of…of something pull at me. I think that I should call him back. With Erestor gone, I could use all the help I can get.

Celebr�an is going on a trip to Lorien. I hear her crying sometimes and a part of me knows that it is because of me that she is crying. That hurts, but there is nothing I can do about it now. My life has become too complicated. I am not the same elf that I was only a short while ago. I do not know what started this, perhaps I shall never know.

All that I know is that my life is set irrevocably on a different course now. As much as I love Celebr�an (for I know that I still do), it is not anything like the love I felt for her when we were bonded. The kind of love that I feel for her is the love that I feel for Erestor…no, looking back at the sentence, it makes me out to be like Erestor, and I am nothing of the sort. I feel a brotherly affection for her, but I know that that is not enough.

I asked her to leave the children with me. I have to try harder now. I am their father. I am supposed to be the wise leader of Imladris that everyone has always seen me as. I have to push aside all of my personal problems and deal with them later.

I do wish that Glorfindel was here, though.

Imladris

Glorfindel was happy to be home. He wondered if Erestor was finished at Lorien yet. Glorfindel needed someone to tell about all his escapades in Mirkwood and Erestor was the only one that he felt comfortable doing that with. First, though, he had to see Elrond. He had to apologize for whatever Elrond banished him for and hope that Elrond didn't hate him too much for the contents of the letter.

Elrond appeared pleased to see him. "I was just thinking of calling you back, Glorfindel. I see that, as always, you know what I want even before I think it."

Glorfindel smiled. "Mirkwood has its own beauty but my heart will always lie in Imladris." The smile disappeared a little. "So…did you read the letter I sent you?"

"Yes," Elrond lied easily. Though he was not typically a liar, it seemed like the best answer. Though now more than ever he wished that he had read it. The look in Glorfindel's eyes seemed to say that it had been of monumental importance.

Some part of Glorfindel had been hoping that Elrond would have done something ridiculous, like burning it without reading it. He bit his lip. Now came the time to see exactly how far Elrond's hatred went. "And?"

Elrond knew that he had backed himself into a corner. Glorfindel wasn't even giving him a way out. He cursed his previous answer. Now he would have to try and make his way through this confrontation without admitting that he had lied. "Well, it was definitely something that I'm going to have to think about." That was a fairly neutral statement and would hopefully get Glorfindel to give him a clue as to what he had wanted to tell Elrond.

Glorfindel was puzzled by Elrond's noncommittal answers. So he asked a much more prying question. "So do you feel the same way?"

By Glorfindel's tone, Elrond could tell that this was something that Glorfindel had been dwelling on for a long time. Perhaps this had even been the issue that had sunk Glorfindel into depression for so long. Therefore, Elrond was hesitant to agree to something that could affect his friendship with Glorfindel profoundly. "I don't know. Sometimes…I think that I do, but…it's a lot to consider." Elrond was proud of this answer. It sounded like it meant something, but truly it didn't.

"Do you understand why I had to come back, then? I couldn't…I tried to forget it for a long time. A lot of elves in Mirkwood, like Prince Legolas, helped me. But in the end, none of them were like you."

So Glorfindel's problem had something to do with him. Elrond wasn't sure how much longer he could continue this without revealing the truth. "Well, maybe now that you have returned, we can do something about it." He smiled more broadly. "I have plenty of free time now, especially because Celebr�an is journeying to Lorien."

Glorfindel could hardly believe what he was hearing. Could Elrond secretly have wanted this as much as he did? Almost, so very almost, he walked over to kiss Elrond. The only reason that he didn't was that Elrohir and Elladan raced into the room and clamped themselves onto Glorfindel's legs.

Elrond walked over and bent down to pry the children off. "Leave Glorfindel alone. I am sure he is tired." Elrond looked up to see Glorfindel nod. "I am sure that he will have time to play with you later. Now be gone." He shoved them lightly, affectionately, towards the door and they disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. Elrond rose back to his feet, realized exactly how close he was to Glorfindel, and took a couple of steps back. "So, unless there's some other matter you wish to discuss with me, I'm sure you need to rest."

"Yes. I shall see you later, Elrond." Glorfindel disappeared out of the room, feeling like he was floating.

Elrond returned to his desk and wondered exactly what it was that he had agreed to.

Haldir's Mind

I wish there was something I could do for you. You seem so lost now. I suppose that you are. Imladris had been your home for millennia. I see you try to smile, try to be pleasant, but you fail miserably. I can tell that you are pining for what you have lost. And I know that it is my fault that you have lost all you had. If I hadn't decided to come, then Elrond would never have caught you.

"What are you thinking about?" you ask.

I force a smile. "Nothing."

You take my hand and kiss me lightly. "Stop blaming yourself for this. It's not your fault. I resigned. I don't think that Elrond would ever have fired me. I brought this on myself."

"Then you stop taking all the blame for yourself. We have to accept that this is at least partially both of our faults."

You close your eyes and nod. "I just hope that Celeborn won't kick me out."

"He won't. I promise you that, Erestor."

"Promises have ceased to have meaning for me." You pull your hand back and look away.

"I love you."

You look up. I see an unfamiliar expression in your eyes. I cannot name it, but it certainly is not love. "I know," you say.

You ride ahead. I feel tears in my eyes. All I want is for the two of us to be happy.

Legolas's Journal

I arrived at Imladris today. Elrond seemed quite surprised to see me. I was smart enough not to tell him my real reason for coming here. I wouldn't want to hurt Glorfindel like that. So I told him that my father sent me on an urgent mission to convey some news to Glorfindel. Elrond didn't really seem to buy my story, but he took me to see Glorfindel anyway.

Glorfindel seemed surprised to see me as well. When we were alone, he demanded what I was doing here. I told him that I was here because I loved him. He laughed in my face. I almost cried. But I am stronger than that. I asked him if he truly wanted me to leave and he said that yes, that was what he wanted.

So I walked out of his room without saying another word to him.

I don't understand. He told me that he loved me. Then he left without even telling me that he was going. I'm so confused. Why has he changed so much? I want him so badly…and now I don't think that I'm ever going to get him. What changed his mind so much between the time he left and now?

I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave Imladris. I won't leave Imladris until I get a decent explanation out of him. He'll have to listen to me soon or Elrond will demand to know the real reason that I'm here, and I know that Glorfindel will not want to give away the real reason.

I will find out why he doesn't want me anymore. Not to be vain, but who wouldn't want me? Who else could have captured Glorfindel's heart? I suspect that my father would try, but I don't think that he managed to succeed.

There are few here that could challenge me for Glorfindel's heart. In fact, as I have not yet seen Erestor, there is only one I believe that could. And he is not interested in males. The only one is Elrond.

I will break through Glorfindel's shield. Perhaps he doesn't think that my father will approve and so he is trying to pretend that he doesn't love me. I will find out the real reason.

I will win you, my beautiful Glorfindel.

Imladris

Elrond was pacing his study. He wanted to know the contents of Glorfindel's letter. He was cursing himself for burning it. Obviously it had been of so much importance to Glorfindel that he was willing to risk Elrond's wrath to come back to Imladris to seek out Elrond's opinion on it. Now that he had begun this whole set of lies about how he had read the letter, he couldn't confess the truth to Glorfindel. So he was trying to think of what Glorfindel's problem could be. There were only a few scraps of truth that he could depend on. The first was Erestor and Glorfindel's late-night conversation, which had conveyed little information to him. He knew that Erestor knew what Glorfindel's problem was, but he couldn't write to Erestor or contact Erestor. He didn't think that Erestor would want to talk to him right now. Not that Elrond blamed him. Erestor had every right to be angry with him. The second and last piece of information was that it seemed to be of life-ending importance to Glorfindel. That was even more useless than the first piece of information.

Someone knocked on the door. "Come in," he called. He forced a smile onto his face when he saw that it was Glorfindel. Some part of him was terribly glad to see Glorfindel again, but more of him was terrified that he would give something away that would detail how little he truly knew.

Glorfindel appeared confused about something. "Has Erestor not returned from Lorien yet?"

Elrond sighed. Well, Glorfindel has to find out about it sooner or later. "Yes, he returned a couple of days ago."

"So where is he now? I have been looking for him…I need to talk to him."

"He…resigned his position. I believe that he is returning to Lothlórien with Haldir." Elrond paused. "Did you know about Erestor…that he…?"

"That he's gay? Of course I knew. I've known him as long as you, Elrond. I just thought that he'd show more discretion. So…why did he resign?"

"I said unforgivable things to him." Elrond shook his head, then looked up at Glorfindel. "But I couldn't have kept him on as my Chief Advisor even had he not resigned the position."

"Why not?" Glorfindel was beginning to have a sneaking suspicion that Elrond had, for whatever reason, not read the letter.

"I couldn't have someone…like that…being second-in-command of Imladris. It wouldn't be right." Elrond was sure that Glorfindel agreed with him.

A smile came involuntarily onto Glorfindel's face. He had caught Elrond. For a while, he had really believed that Elrond had read the letter and that Elrond felt some measure of love or even affection towards him exceeding mere friendship. Now he knew the truth. This is going to be fun. "Right. I suppose that makes sense. But…I really need an answer to the question I posed in my letter."

Elrond wanted very much to hit Glorfindel. "Which one?"

"The first one will suffice, I think. I think that I can draw the appropriate conclusions for the rest of them if you answer the first."

"Like I said yesterday, I don't know yet."

"You know what I know?"

Elrond was confused. "What do you mean?"

"You didn't read my letter."

"Of course I did," Elrond lied. He was surprised by how convincing he made his voice. In fact, he sounded mildly angry that Glorfindel would so much as think that he hadn't read it.

"Then let me say seven words to you that will prove one way or the other. Okay?"

Elrond frowned. He wasn't sure what to expect, but he nodded cautiously. "Okay."

"I am in love with you, Elrond."

Author's Note: How will Elrond react? Will he kick Glorfindel out, too? Or will Glorfindel manage to win over Elrond's heart?