Chapter 9

Elrond's Journal

I cornered him today. It took a lot of planning, for I have found out that he possesses a depth of cunning perhaps unmatched even by Erestor. Finally though, I knocked on his study door only moments after he had entered. Trying to keep my expression neutral, I waited for him to open the door.

He nearly closed it in my face once he saw who it was. Then he must have realized that, whatever else I am, I AM Lord of Imladris, and he couldn't really slam a door in my face. However, his tone was barely cordial, lacking any hint of affection or emotion. "What can I do for you?" he asked.

Stupidly, I said that we needed to talk.

He shook his head and told me that he had the work of two elves to do, and that he didn't have time to discuss an issue that was closed. Then he asked me to leave if that was all I had come to discuss. If I had not been upset, I would have been angry at his arrogant presumption. But I got up to leave nonetheless. There is no need to make the issue even worse than it already is. Before I left, I asked him if he wanted to have dinner with me, in private.

He laughed in my face. He told me that he had already made plans for the night. I know what that means, what it has to mean. He has found a bedmate. I shouldn't care who he sleeps with. I really shouldn't.

But I do, so much. I can't define why that is, though. I still feel no love, nor lust, for Glorfindel. I still view him as a friend, I know that.

But the thought of him in someone's arms sends this surge of jealousy through my body. And it scares me.

Valar protect me. Save me from these urges that I don't know how much longer I will be able to control. I don't know what would have happened if he had agreed to eat with me tonight, but I do know that it would have been something I regretted.

I am bonded. I have to remember that. No matter what, that is what I must remember. It will keep me strong. It will keep me faithful.

Or at least that is what I hope for.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

Lorien

It was clear to everyone that Erestor was failing miserably to adapt to life in Lorien. He was withdrawn and could barely manage to function on a daily basis. That made Haldir unhappy, and he made his unhappiness known in far more visible ways than Erestor did. Like when he came in to see Celeborn and demanded that something be done about the situation.

Celeborn was made distressed by Erestor's melancholy, and suspected he knew what Haldir was talking about. "What do you mean, Haldir?"

"I mean that you know as well as I do how upset Erestor is. There has to be something that we can do about it…"

"What do you expect me to do about it, Haldir? He is your lover."

"Can't you send a message to Elrond…"

Celeborn laughed. "It is because of Elrond that Erestor is here. Not that Erestor wouldn't go back, but there is a distinct chance that Elrond does not want Erestor in Imladris. As bigoted as it is, he won't tolerate Erestor in a position of Chief Advisor. And to go back to Imladris, disgraced…that would make it worse, not better, for Erestor. You know that. I feel his pain, as do you, but there is nothing we can do about it. It is something that he must get through himself."

It was at that moment that Erestor walked into the room. There were dark shadows under his eyes and his eyes were red, as though he had been crying. Haldir immediately went to him and put an arm around him.

"What is it?" asked Celeborn, noticing a piece of parchment in Erestor's hand. So, a messenger must have come.

Erestor seemed to be struggling to find the words. "You are aware that the Lady Celebrian left yesterday?"

"Of course I am." Part of Celeborn couldn't help but wonder if that was only rubbing salt in the wound. "Is that a message from her? Or has she arrived safely in Imladris? No…it has not been enough time for that."

"Her party was attacked, my lord."

Celeborn's eyes widened and he rose to his feet. "Attacked, Erestor? Is the Lady Celebrian…?"

Erestor looked at the ground. "She was…killed, my lord."

Celeborn slumped back down. His daughter…dead? That was almost too much for him to take. "Are you sure?" he asked weakly.

"Completely."

Celeborn forced his mind to be practical, as much as it did not wish to cooperate. "Has Imladris been notified?"

"No, my lord."

Celeborn wiped eyes that were rapidly filling with tears. Struggling with all his might to stay composed, he said, "Erestor…it is your duty to ride to Imladris and pass on the news. You are the only I trust with this task. Take Haldir with you, and return when you see fit."

"My lord?"

"It was not a choice, Erestor."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Glorfindel's Journal

I wanted to say yes. By the gods, I wanted to say yes. When he asked me for dinner, it was all I could do to stop myself from jumping up and kissing him then and there. But I exercised restraint. I told him I had other plans. Which, by the way, is complete bullshit. There's no one. Only him. I wanted to find someone else, but no one comes even close to him.

I don't know what he wants. I wish that I knew what his intentions were. Does he want me as a lover? A friend? Does he want to make amends? Or does he want my advice on something? There's no way I can know because he is utterly unreadable. It is by far his worst characteristic.

Its now about time for the evening meal, and I am tempted to seek Elrond out and tell him that that's what I want; that I'd love to eat with him. But I don't trust myself to behave during a private meal with him.

And I'm not sure I trust HIM to behave either.

That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? That I think he's starting to lust after me. Because I know he's not. I know he feels the same way that he has always felt. I'm not even entirely certain that we are still friends at this point. He seems so nervous around me, as though I would pounce on him at any moment.

Admittedly, I would like nothing better.

Now if only Elrond were the sum total of my problems. Then I might be able to ignore it and actually get some work done.

Only it's not.

There's a remarkably persistent Mirkwood elf who shows absolutely no signs of leaving anytime soon.

Why won't Legolas go?

It must be clear by now that I am not interested. I have made it so clear; I have told him those exact words to his face. He smiles, leaves, and the next day, nothing has changed.

Why won't he leave?


Does he not realize that he is only making everything worse for me? Perhaps not. But I can't deal with both him and Elrond much longer.

Soon I will just collapse.

And I don't even have Erestor around to console me. Damn Elrond for that.

While we're at it, damn Elrond for a lot of things.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Thranduil's Mind

I get up on my horse. I can see how confused everyone looks at my sudden riding off, with pretty much no notice. I did mention something like this a few days ago, but I don't think anyone took me seriously, then. Now they know that I was dead serious.

"Sire, you shouldn't be…"

I shake my head. "No," I say, in a tone that means I am not in the mood to argue. "I must visit Imladris. It will not be a long visit. But there is something I need to do while I am there." Namely, win Glorfindel over.

"Rescue your son?"

I smile and nod. What a wonderfully plausible excuse my son has given me to travel to Imladris. Disappearing in the middle of the night and turning up in Imladris. It is only natural for a father to go after his child. "That is what I have to do. As I said, I should not be there too long. I must simply convince him to return with me." Little do they know, the 'him' of which I speak, is Glorfindel, not Legolas.

I ride off, my heart now lifted with the prospect of maybe having a lover upon my return. I do want Glorfindel, and as more than just a casual thing. I feel a connection with him that I have never felt with another elf before. I just hope that I can convince him to give up his foolish obsession with Elrond. It will be the death of him.

Because I can make him happy.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

Imladris

Elrond was sitting in the library, more or less doing nothing, when a servant came in and told him to come immediately. The look of agitation on the servant's face made Elrond get up quickly and follow the elf. He was led to his study, where there were already 3 elves present. Glorfindel, looked terribly worried; Haldir, sitting down, his eyes closed; and Erestor.

Erestor looked so different. He looked practically dead. It hurt Elrond just to look at him like that. And he knew that he was part of the cause. He had to be. The servant left, and Elrond closed the door. Sitting down behind his desk, he asked calmly, "What brings you to Imladris, Erestor, Haldir?"

Erestor looked at Elrond critically. Elrond could not fail to notice the reddened eyes and shadows underneath. It took him a few moments to see that Haldir's hand was resting on Erestor's shoulder, and Erestor's hand was clasped with Glorfindel's. For some reason, this bothered him not at all. It seemed almost natural. "We bring news…from the Lady Celebrian."

"Yes, I am expecting her return shortly." Part of Elrond was looking forward to that so much. It mean that perhaps he could start to put these ridiculous feelings and impulses regarding Glorfindel to rest. That would make his life so much easier.

Erestor shook his head. "No, my lord. I am afraid not."

Elrond frowned, a little puzzled. "Has she changed her mind? Is she remaining in Lorien longer? If so, may I ask the cause?"

Erestor seemed to struggle to remain calm. He looked so close to tears that Elrond felt the urge to take him in his arms and hug him. But he maintained his distance. Glorfindel was soothingly rubbing Erestor's hand. Erestor's head was resting on Haldir's shoulder. Finally, Erestor managed to say, "She…won't be coming home…my lord."

Elrond was hurt. Upset. Shocked. Angry. "What do you mean she won't be coming home?" he demanded loudly.

Glorfindel glowered at Elrond.

Elrond raised an eyebrow at him.

Erestor pulled his hand free of Glorfindel's, and sat up straight. In a scarily clear voice, he said, "The Lady Celebrian will not be returning home because she was killed upon her return journey."

Elrond, in an instant, saw his whole world collapse around him.