PrincessSparkel15, I too enjoy Tim's darkness. Thanks for reviewing!
Mony19, I agree Nate should have been a better friend. Indeed 'tis too late.
And melodie568, it is always a pleasure to hear from you and read your reviews.
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I Could Never Forget You TimV
Someone as special as me
Ok so it's been 4 days, but we had an out of town game two nights in a row. I went along for encouragement. They lost both times. By a lot. I claim that they're loosing because I'm not playing. Whitey got angry and yelled at me. He said that I'm being an (enter vulgar word here) towards the other guys and he said that if I keep on acting like that, he won't allow me to come along on the out of town games.
The… 26 I fell asleep before supper and woke up at about midnight then fell back asleep until the next morning. School has been no better or worse than usual. I've been slacking off though. I have no point in putting effort into my schoolwork. I'll be gone tomorrow anyway.
In a way, I don't wanna go. Here, I've got it planned out. If someone does something to change my mind before practice tomorrow I won't do it. If not then I'll have to say goodbye to everyone. Well, at least all the important people. I think everyone will just be better off without me around. I know Greg and Mr. G will be.
I wonder who'll miss me. Probably Nate and Jessie. My mom definitely won't. I wish she cared about me, maybe I'd stay around. Maybe. I'm already gone anyway. I feel like nothing right now. Nobody cares, nobody ever will. I've spent so long planning this. I've gone through so many different ways to go about doing it and finally figured out the best way.
I got my hands on Greg's gun that he likely wants to shoot me with. He'll get his wish. I'd explain my plan but I don't feel like it. It's all in my head. That's kind of like a… a foreshadowing. Mr. G talks about that all the time when we read stories in class. You know in the way that the plan is all in my head and the bullet will be in my head. Maybe I did learn something from him.
I have to write a letter to Nate and Jessie. I'm gonna put Jessie's letter under her pillow. And I'll put Nate's in his gym bag.
I wonder what that kid was talking about the other day. Wishing me a happy fatherhood. Oh no. Fatherhood, that means I'm gonna be a father. But who? I don't remember doing it with anyone. Oh my God, it must be that Marie-Theresa girl. She's hot. But that's not the point.
Well… She'll probably do better without me. I hope.
I stopped suddenly and burst into tears again. I just wished that someone had found this before he succeeded in killing himself.
"That poor kid." Haley said, her voice shaking. "His child will grow up with a father who killed himself before she, or he, was born." Haley remarked laying her arm over my shoulders. Even though she's so much smaller than I, I felt like a child in her arms. I felt so protected and safe; like she would fight of all of the dangers and nightmares that came after me.
I thought about the letter. I remembered seeing a letter in my bag and thinking it was just from a teacher or something. I went and grabbed it from my bag then sat back down beside Haley. I was still sobbing.
Once I had gathered myself, I looked down and saw there was still more. I turned to the next page. It was blank. I felt terrible that no one had done something to make him want to not go through with his plan. I looked back at the page, breathed in and started reading again.
I know I just said I wasn't going to write down my plan but I've got nothing better to do. So during the day I'll say goodbye to everyone. I'll tell Brooke how much I'll miss her and tell her how I've loved her for so many years. Then I'll give her my class ring, and tell her to keep it safe. I'll tell her to never ever, ever forget me, then I'll kiss her cheek and watch a confused tear fall down her cheek.
At the end of the day, I'll stop by home and slip Jessie's letter under her pillow. I'll leave a little sticky note to tell my mom and Greg that I'm leaving for a long time and that I'm going to a better place where they can't hurt me and where people will love me
Then I'll go back to school.
By that time, the guys will be in the gym practicing. I'll go to the change room and put Nathan's letter in his gym bag. I'll likely cry a bit. Or a lot, we'll see. I have the gun in my bedside table. I'll grab it when I come home for Jessie.
I'll hide the gun in my coat pocket. Once I've put the letter in Nate's bag, I'll stand in front of my locker and lean against it so that I'm sitting against it when I'm dead. I'll put the gun on my right temple. That's significant because, for me, this is the right thing to do. I'll grip the gun tightly and pull the trigger.
The guys in the gym will hear the shot. They'll be a little scared. A few or all of them will come to the change room and find me lying limp in front of my locker, with the gun clenched in my hand. I hope they'll miss me.
Tim Smith.
I looked down at the envelope in my hand, then up to Haley. She silently encouraged me to open it. I gathered the last of my strength and ripped the envelope open. There was his letter and another envelope addressed to Marie-Theresa.
Dear Nate,
Hey bud. I hope you're doing alright without me. I gotta apologize, I'm sure you miss me, but well dude I miss you too. Just understand Nate that I feel better not being there.
Life is just too hard. I'm living a life that has been destroying me for a long time. I can't stand to live on with my mother and all the jerks she brings home.
People don't see me for who I am. All they see is the happy go lucky, stupid Tim. They don't understand or realize that behind that there's a suffering Timothy James Smith. That sounds kind of stupid but you know what I'm saying.
I know that you're thinking of a hundred and one reasons of how you could have "saved" me. But dude this would have happened no matter what. And I know that you guys would have helped me and supported me if I had come through with all of it. It's just too hard. I've become such a good liar and deceiver I've begun to hate myself.
Just remember that you're my best friend and that none of this is your fault. I love you man and promise me you'll never meet someone as special as me. Except Haley of course.
Thanks for being my friend and just well being my best bud. Now before closing off I just want you to do three things for me. Stay with Haley and never let her go, she loves you man and I know you love her more than anything. Stay friends with Lucas. You guys are both so cool and you've got the most screwed up dad EVER, so just stick together and endure through him TOGETHER! Last of all, save me a place at your real wedding, (I know that you're already married. I'm not stupid. But have like a real wedding for your families and all that jazz.) I know I won't actually be there in… body (?) but, I'll be there in spirit.
Oh make this four things, give the other letter to Marie-Theresa. Read it and tell me if it sounds stupid. Whether or not just give it to her.
Thanks man. I love you and… don't forget me,
Tim Smith
I looked up and I could see Tim smiling down on me. "I won't forget you. I could never forget you Tim."
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The EndO
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What did you think?
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Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
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