The triumphant return…the triumphant revised return…woo-hoo!

It was a fairly beautiful day in the Land of Smash. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and it was very tranquil. Except for that screaming rat flying through the sky. Ooh, it hit a tree...and it's on fire, too...

...Moving on!

Yes, Luigi became an inventor again! If he wasn't one before, he did have the potential. He blew up Pikachu by accident, making something in his secret laboratory. Wait. Mario, Peach, Ness, Link, Pichu, Yoshi, and DK are watching him. I guess it's not that secret...

"Well, I'd like to thank you all for coming to my secret lab," said Luigi.

"Stop calling it secret!" said Mario.

"I can't. It's a habit. Like cheese," Luigi brilliantly responded.

"...What?" Ness asked.

"Anyway, I brought you down here to show you something. It's a potion."

Everybody yawned.

"A love potion."

Everybody yawned again. Luigi sighed wearily.

"I'm using it on Link."

Everybody cheered.

"Wait! You can't make me go through with this!" said Link.

"I can't, but my little friend can."

Link turns around, then looks down to see a baby Chain Chomp, gnawing on his boots.

"This?"

"No, no. That little friend."

Link began to get chased around by an adult Chain Chomp. It chased him into a closet, with the baby still attached to his foot. The group could hear faint screaming coming from inside, then from above. Link landed face-up on a wooden table. He was restrained by rope.

"How'd you do that?" asked Pichu.

"Teleporter."

The group could hear a faint barking coming from above. The baby Chain Chomp landed on Link's stomach, but continued gnawing on his boots.

The group said nothing.

"...Yeah. Anyway, these are the mixtures we need." Luigi held up 3 beakers of colored liquid. "Heh, the fumes put him to sleep."

Link was snoring.

"Awwww…" they all said.

"First up is 'The Horny Mixture'. This controls the part of his brain that controls his sexual desires." Luigi held up the green liquid.

"Aren't those hormones?" asked Pichu.

"...Hell, I don't know." He poured the green mixture into an empty beaker. "Next is 'The Blue Mixture'. Disables what normally attracts him: Peach."

Everybody nodded. "...Right...what?"

Luigi poured the blue mixture in with the green mixture. "Last is 'The I-Love-You-You-Love-Me Mixture'. He'll become all giddy, so watch out."

Luigi poured the red mixture in with the other two. All 3 mixtures became…pink.

"Ooh..." said Yoshi.

"Okay Linky, drinky!" Luigi chugged the potion down Link's throat.

"Will this really work?" asked DK.

"...Hell, I don't know."

Link started getting convulsions, and eventually broke free of the rope. The Smashers...and the Chain Chomps...moved back. Soon, Link was face-up on the floor, drooling and smiling. This scared and amused the group.

"He's still breathing," Luigi said, relieved. "Let's see if it worked…"

Link slowly opened his eyes. His left eye was fixated on the wooden table he fell off of. Holy crap.

"Such beauty...so slender...you're the one. MARRY ME, TABLE!" Link said in a creepily sweet tone.

Everyone stared. "Ooh…Zelda's gonna be pissed…"

Both Chain Chomps were shaking their heads.

Retarded: Yes. Comedic: Up to you. Let me know. 5 or more reviews will lead to an update within a day…unless I get stuck.