Surprise!

When we left the Smashers, they had run out on the payment of a McDonald's meal Link was forced to order by Ganondorf. Luckily, that guy behind the counter was unstable, and when he was fired, he blew up the restaurant. Now Link was awaiting the second assignment…and some fries. The latter was denied. Yep. How much torture would Link have to go through next? Let's find out together…seriously, I'm making this up as I go…

"Pleeeease? If I can't have my true love, can I have some fries?"

The group stared at Link, pleading to Ganondorf with that girly bunny outfit with all those hearts and flowers. Everyone agreed. He looked irrefutably cute.

And Ganondorf hated cute.

"…No," he said, throwing an ice cube at him. "Guys, I'm almost done."

"Good, because this is boring," said Samus.

The group was in a park, sitting on a double-sided bench.

"How the hell do I reverse this thing?" wondered Luigi as he stole some fries without Ganondorf noticing.

"Wait a minute…am I the only one who just realized that Luigi's here?" said Zelda.

Chirping birds were her reply.

"GET YOUR ASS BACK TO THE MANSION!" she shouted, almost making Ganondorf choke…and causing a bird to fall on Yoshi's nose, motionless.

"But it's peaceful out here…and I need an idea for the antidote before I start making it," Luigi retorted.

"I thought you were just observing his behavioral patterns and gathering data in your mind to create the antidote," said Mario.

"…Oh yeah! That too!" Luigi said with a slight nervous snigger. "Yeah."

Mario looked at his brother, shaking his head.

3 minutes passed.

"Okay, lackey…" Ganondorf began, putting all of his garbage under the bench. "Your next assignment is as follows." He started whispering in Link's ear. Link's bunny ear.

"Wrong ear," Link said.

"Oh. Right. Shut up!" Ganondorf yelled, trying to regain pre-eminence. He whispered in Link's ear as Link made many different facial expressions; disgust, surprise, amusement…well, that's pretty much it.

"Wonder where we have to go now?" whispered Roy to Marth.

"I bet it's gonna be someplace exciting," whispered Yoshi to Marth, throwing the bird into a small nearby lake.

"I hope this doesn't end anytime soon," whispered DK to Yoshi.

"What are we whispering for?" whispered Pichu to the four.

30 minutes later…

"Well, we made it," said Ganondorf triumphantly. Link sighed, Pichu gazed in awe, and the rest just stared without a hint of enthusiasm.

They were at a filming of Barney and Friends.

"You can't be serious," said Peach.

"That's right. My little slave here is going to ki-"

"This is SO COOL!" Pichu cheered, jumping around with joy and ranting about how cool Barney was. Please.

"…So, how is Link gonna kill someone that doesn't exist?" asked Marth, somewhat curious.

"Oh no…Barney's real…" Link said, sitting on his true love. Everybody except for Ganondorf and Pichu (who already knew) focused their attention on Link.

"How do you know? You're in love with a (beep)ing table, for crying out loud," said Roy.

"Not just any table, my red-headed clueless friend! The table that has opened my eyes to-"

"Magic exists, retards. Love and friendship combined creates a very powerful, icky magic that even I can't overcome. I can't believe I just said that…" Ganondorf informed.

"Yeah! Duh!" said Pichu.

"Which is why he needs to die a horrible, physical death," added Ganondorf.

Suddenly, everyone except for Ganondorf, Link, and Pichu raised their hands.

"We'll do it!" they all said with spirit.

"No. It'll be a much more satisfying death if a bunny rabbit kills him," Ganondorf said.

"Aww…" the eager killers said, spirit dying.

"Excuse me, guys? Who let you in?" a man carrying a clipboard asked.

The Smashers said nothing.

"Look, if you guys don't have permission to be here, I'm gonna have to throw you out."

The Smashers said nothing.

"…Alright." The man walked over to DK and tried to pick him up. But of course it was no use.

Then he tried to pick up Zelda. But he got slapped.

Then he tried to pick up Luigi. But he got his hand burned.

Then he tried to pick up Pichu. But he got electrocuted.

"Oh, (beep) it."

The man stomped off, grumbling.

"Okay, places everybody!" a voice said.

"That means you, Link," said Ganondorf. Link brandished his Master Sword and got ready. 6 child actors walked onto the set, 3 boys and 3 girls.

"The kids know about this magic?" asked Peach.

Ganondorf nodded.

"Do they possess it?" asked Peach.

Ganondorf shook his head.

"They're just very, very good," he said.

8 minutes into the taping…

"What the hell's taking them so long?" wondered an impatient Ganondorf.

Link couldn't take it anymore.

"It's time for your death, plush monster!" He rushed onto the set (inside the school). The kids gasped, then said "Aww…".

"Look at the cute bunny!" one of the girls said. Another girl approached the angry, love-driven bunny warrior.

"Maybe Barney knows who it is! It's so cute…" she said, about to pet it.

Only for you…my love…

Link screamed, dropped his weapon like he was holding it by accident, and cracked the girl's neck.

"Why is this rabbit so angry?" wondered a boy.

"Barney…we need answers!" another boy said.

Barney was brought to life without that song I forgot the lyrics to.

"Hi, everybody!" Barney said joyously.

"Barney!" all the remaining kids and Pichu said.

"Well kids, who is this?" Barney asked, pointing to Link, who was approaching him slowly.

"We don't know! We were hoping you could tell us, Barney!" one of the girls said.

"He looks kinda upset. He hugged Libby too hard. So hard she fell asleep!" one of the boys said.

The Smashers groaned.

"These kids are so damn dumb…" said DK.

"Well kids, gather around, and-"

Crack!

"Barney, he did it again!" a girl said.

"I'm scared…" a boy said.

"Wimp!" the remaining boy said.

"I am not!"

"Am too!"

"Am not!"

"Prove it, bitch!"

"Bring it on, punk mother(beep)!"

The two boys started fighting.

"Oh, my! Such exciting words!" Barney said.

"You…" Link said to Barney.

"Well, what do you want with me?"

"You must DIE!"

Link leaped at Barney, punched him in the stomach, and began choking him from behind. The remaining children (and Pichu) gasped.

"Barney…what is 'die'?" one of the girls asked, starting to cry.

"CUT!"

"Wow, they're just cutting?" said Marth.

The two boys stopped fighting, and all 4 of them left.

"Wait, kids- ack!" Barney tried to speak, but he was still getting choked. A man in a suit walked onto the set. He observed the dead kids, and then observed the bunny choking Barney.

"…Sir, if you want to audition to be the next animal, you have to be prehistoric. Get it? A dinosaur?"

Link said nothing and continued choking Barney.

"Sir?"

Link said nothing and continued choking Barney.

"Whatever. Just make sure you have a proper costume next time. Okay?"

A tearing sound was heard.

"Good. Okay, places people!" The man walked away, and Barney's head was ripped off. Pichu gasped in horror, while Link screamed and the Smashers cheered.

"Mission complete, slave! Your next mission awaits…" Ganondorf said.

Link screamed, standing on top of Barney, holding his head up. The Smashers ran away.

My love…we will be reunited…

Link ran away, leaving Barney's head behind.

That was good…Minimum amount of reviews required for update: 7. Yeah, weird number for a weird guy…