Of the many reviews I got there was one that I remember a lot. Someone told me she (I'm assuming she's a she, if I'm wrong I apologize) was hating Mika on this fic. WasMika mean to Shuichi? Yes. Did she overreact? Yes.
So, what was it that made me remember that review a lot? Well, I have a little brother. He'll be nineteen on Saturday, but I still think of him as my little brother. And he might be a selfish, stuborn prat, but I love him more than I anyone else I know andif anything happened to him I'm sure I'll get crazy and snap at anyone and everyone.
Thus I wrote this. Because I'm likeMika, and all big sisters out there can confirm this: Only the love from a big sister can be compared to the love of a mother. Because in the end, it's almost the same.
To: All those pestering little brothers and sisters out there. We love you, no matter what we say.
And all the big brothers and sisters out there. Because you know what I mean.
What she remembered that day
"Mika... Mika don't cry. You have to be strong from now on. You have to take care of them... you know how useless they can be when I'm not around".
A faint smile appeared on her lips, but she couldn't stop crying.
"Come here. It's not like I'm leaving you, ok?"
How could she say that? She was dying! And it was only a matter of days maybe hours!
"Listen to me, Mika. I love you. I love your brothers and I love your father. And as long as you think of me I'll be here".
She shook her head as she placed her hands on her ears. This wasn't happening, this was only a dream, a bad dream... she'll wake up any minute now and realize everything was all right...
A pair of soft, warm hands was placed on top of their own, making her look up.
"I need you to do something for me, dear. Tatsuha is only a little child, and Eiri isn't much older. You are the eldest. You are the woman of the family now. I want you to promise me something".
The look in her eyes... Mika had always admire her beauty, her calm behavior, but specially her eyes. They transmitted security, peace, and confidence. They were full of love.
She nodded slowly, believing she knew well what her motherwanted to ask.
"I don't want you to raise them as your child because they are not. I want you to take care of yourself. I want you all to seek for your own happiness".
Surprised, Mika stared at her mother.
"Do you understand what I'm saying Mika? I want you all to be happy, no matter what".
--
She had died two days later. The sorrow in the Uesugi's house had kept everything in a halt for weeks, until one day she decided it.
One morning, Mika got up and understood in was her turn to take care of her little siblings. That it was her duty to watch over them as her mother would have if she hadn't died.
--
The day Eiri was taken to the hospital for an emergency surgery, she screamed at his brother's lover. She screamed at her husband, at her brother, at her father, at the world. Deep inside, she blamed herself.
She had failed. In her effort to protect him she had broken her promised to her mother. She hadn't looked after his happiness. But what was happiness without well being?
Physical injuries were so much easier to take care of, so much easier to detect and cure.
She was scared also. She loved her father of course but, even before his wife had died, he wasn't a very paternal figure. She loved her husband but, even though his goal was the same as hers, his methods to get Eiri's happiness were always a one-man mission. She loved her youngest brother, but he was still a kid to her, much younger and definitely much more in need of support.
She needed her mother in a way she hadn't when she had started dating boys and had gotten her heart broken for the first time. In a way she hadn't after Eiri had moved away and returned with scars deeper that what was on her reach to heal.
Deep down, she knew it wasn't her fault. She knew it was no one's fault. She knew that at most she could blame luck, but she had never been a big believer of it.
And then she cried. It was in the Uesugi's family a reason of pride the fact that none of them cried easily. She hadn't cried real painful tears since the day her mother had died. Her heart almost stopped as the possibility of loosing one of her little brothers appeared in front of her so suddenly.
Of all the people she needed and loved, they were the first ones on her mind. She could survive the lost of practically everyone else in this world, but to loose one of them?
She wasn't strong enought to confront the death of someone she loved. Not now, not after her mother. Not again.
And as fear and worry consumed her, a though came to her. That maybe, just maybe, the reason she had tried so hard to help Eiri, to take him to Kyoto and make sure his wounds, at least the physical, were healed was that, of all the Uesugi children, he was the only one that had their mother's eyes.