Ah, thank you very much for the reviews! Nice to know you like it.
Gotta have to say that it went quite slow with this chapter because I was mentally somewhere else (seen Rob Thomas' new video – pictures of swaying hips in tight, tight jeans flashing in my brain – hopeless).
Gladly I found this little book – a big THANK YOU to Nicki who gave me the book to my 21st b-day! It's called "Rendezvous for dumb" and it's very helpful with this story!
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How To Find A Girlfriend In Seven Days?
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Chapter Three
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"Day Two"
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7:55 pm, the Kaiba residence, a very rich and handsome CEO opened the door for his 'flirting teacher'.
"You're early!" Kaiba said with fake friendliness.
Serenity smirked. "Smart ass, let me in." She pushed her way free to enter the Kaiba mansion. Steering herself up the stairs she already knew where to find his office.
Kaiba followed quietly.
Slumping down on the sofa the young woman sighed. "I've been thinking about ways to teach you, you know?"
"Uhu… and? Found anything?" He sat opposite her, stiff as ever, the cold piercing stare of his eyes in place as well as the thin line of his lips. The only thing different was the color of his shirt today, which was light blue instead of white. Apart from that he wore the usual black trousers, the usual black shoes, the usual slightly loosened tie, the usual hairdo… well, that didn't really count, did it?
"I've thought about asking Joey for some help but – save the comment Kaiba – he just had luck with Mai. Then I thought about asking Mai. I mean she has quite some experience. A lot of men tried their luck with her but, due to the fact that she's Joey's girlfriend, I doubt she'd be able to keep it a secret from my brother. Then I thought about Duke, you know? He's something like 'the king of flirting' like Michael Jackson is the 'king of pop' or Elvis is the 'king of Rock'n'Roll' or Yugi is the 'king of games'…"
The sudden glare of two blue orbs made her hold her breath.
"Sorry Kaiba, I know, the old wound… however. The thing is I'm not convinced about Duke's tactics in flirting. Girls like him anyway, just because of his good looks and the way he is and all but his rhymes don't really get to me, you know what I mean?"
"Not exactly." Kaiba replied doubtful. She could talk quite a lot, that's what he's gotten from out of her speech.
"I mean, Duke's kind of straight forward when it comes to asking someone out, he knows what to say to make a girl blush, he says romantic things…" She sighed dreamily before her eyes narrowed. "But, he can scare someone off as well. So I doubt I should teach you to be like him."
Kaiba just yawned. "Are we getting somewhere with this?"
"Yes. Because I filtered the good points of everyone I know and I'm going to teach you just that." A reassuring nod followed her sentence and two determined hazel eyes gazed at the lazily looking CEO in the chair.
"I'm ready for everything." In this very second his stomach made an awful harassing noise but he simply smirked coolly. "Well, maybe not really. I'm going to order something to eat first." He picked up the receiver of his house phone and dialed an unfamiliar (to Serenity) number. "Kaiba. Bring something to eat and tea… yes… the usual… in the office… HURRY!" Then he turned back to Serenity and focused his eyes on her waiting figure.
The woman had stared at him wonderment. The manners of that guy! Couldn't he at least ask if she wanted something as well, even though she would have refused; definitely. She didn't even seem worth something to drink like a glass of lemonade, a glass of simple water or the question at all. That guy had some nerve here!
"We can start now if you're ready." Kaiba simply said with no off showing emotion.
"Hmmm… yes. Sure." Taking a deep, calming, breath Serenity thought of something to begin with and as she was gazing at the half frozen appearing face with no off showing emotion in any way, which was sadly upon the neck of a very attractive young CEO, she immediately knew what she needed to change on Seto Kaiba. "First thing, could you try to smile?"
Kaiba stared at the girl opposite him and scowled. "Why?"
Yes, Seto really had no idea why. Why smile? He was here to learn, not to smile. No joke.
"Because you'd certainly look nicer." The auburn-haired lifted both of her hands as if she wanted to carry the air and shrugged. "A woman will only find interest in you when you look friendly, nice and charming."
"I am friendly, nice and charming. I really do not need to smile to prove that." Stubbornly Kaiba insisted but when it came to criticize himself he had really some hallucinations and needed a psychiatrist to tell him that he wasn't quite objective in this case.
"But you do." Serenity simply said in a dull tone. "I tell you Kaiba, you need to prove that you're friendly, nice and charming. Just smile, otherwise I don't see a chance for you to become recognized as even something similar to friendly, nice or charming!"
"Hmph." The information had to sink in, worked out and finally understood. "Fine. Then I smile."
Serenity waited. One, no smile, two, no smile, three, no smile, four, no smile, five, no smile… "What are you waiting for?"
"What do you want?" Kaiba hissed, the two amazingly blue eyes formed to slits again, two deep wrinkles of anger between his right and left eyebrows. Gladly they were hidden behind those chestnut colored strands of hair falling into his face.
"Smile!" She exclaimed like an Indian praying for rain, just that she wasn't dancing around the room singing 'hei-a-hey' or something like that.
What then happened isn't to describe easily. Kaiba indeed forced a smile. But you know how it is with forced smiles. They never seem to be rich and bright, let alone reach the eyes as people say. With the corners of his mouth rising slightly Kaiba's upper lip rose as well, showing a toothy smile, which was in the end more creepy than charming.
Effect failed.
Serenity swallowed and smiled nervously herself. Seto's creepy smile stayed in place, not faltering, looking scarier than the worst horror movie you've ever seen. Would Michael Myers be able to smile, you might compare him to Seto Kaiba right now. Though there was potential because of his actual attractive features, high cheekbones and bright white teeth, it still was the most forced smile you've ever seen. The usual smirk was having a calming effect comparing to that smile.
"Uh… okay… hm… well…" The stammering didn't bring the hazel-eyed girl any further. "Good for now. Maybe we should go one with phrases, yes phrases, phrases you might combine with a smile… or maybe not and just go with the phrases."
"Gladly." Seto muttered when he relaxed the muscles of his cheeks and went back to use the muscles of his jaw, pressing his teeth against themselves in order to keep the normal thin line of his lips. This somehow was much more relaxing to him than smiling!
"Duke once said to me something like 'hey sweetie, you're the content of my dreams and restless nights, tell me, I'm not dreaming right now'. Like I said, something similar he said to me and really, it scared me. I don't want to be the content of his restless nights… ahem." She coughed. "Never go with hey sweetie."
"So no 'hey sweetie' and no telltales about dreams and restless nights. I think I got that." Once again Kaiba had his notepad ready and scribbled down the advices Serenity was giving him.
"I think, you should just try to be casual and say something like 'I've noticed you a while ago'; then compliment her."
"And what should I compliment her about?"
"Whatever you like about her. Maybe her hair, or her smile, perfume might be okay and well, eyes are always good…" Serenity shrugged at a rather helpless looking Seto Kaiba. "Do you need an example?"
"Guess." He replied almost bashfully.
"Well, tell her that you noticed her because of her nice smile and her pretty blue eyes."
"And if I don't like blue eyes?" One of his eyebrows rose skeptically.
"Then tell her about her warm brown eyes if you like brown ones!" She shot at him slightly annoyed.
"And if she's got no nice eyes at all?"
"Kaiba! Grrr… That doesn't matter! Whatever you like about her, tell her!" Near screaming Serenity really found his questions annoying.
"Can I say that she's got a really nice dress'?" He tried, he really, really tried, the poor guy…
"If you want to sound like a professional fashion designer, or worse." She smirked. "Gay."
Well, somehow, she liked it to make fun of him. Even if it was true, that he might be mistaken for gay when he just said the above mentioned. Imagine how hilarious Kaiba would be as gay! Ha-ha.
'Oh daaarlin', let me look at you! I'd die to wear the same dress as you!'
Ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha. Wouldn't he look funny in a dress?
"I'm not gay!" He snarled at her in a voice, so that the gayest gay in the world would switch again back to straight!
Blink! Blink! Serenity snapped out of her dream about Kaiba wearing a black tight dress with feathers in his brown strands of hair… however, back in reality he surely wasn't gay at all. That sex bomb of an ice cube.
"Well, don't go with the dress."
Don't wear any; don't mention any; just don't.
"Ah… so I simply might go with, 'you've got really beautiful black hair'?" Kaiba slowly got the hint what to tell a woman. Slowly.
"Yes!" Serenity happily exclaimed. It was a first step in the right direction. Then her smile faded. "Do you prefer black hair?"
The CEO gazed at her as if she was dumb. But naively he asked, "Is this important for the lesson?"
The auburn-haired had meanwhile used the time to curse herself to hell mentally. Holy Jesus Christ, why had she asked him that? That! As if she would care! She couldn't care less! He of all people should be asking her that question! She had options. Kaiba had none. Right?
"Yes, it is." She answered, hoping she could come up with something as a reason as to why it was, or should be, important for the lesson.
"Is this a trap?" He suspiciously asked and boy, he actually thought the question might be a trap of her. No idea about the true reason what would be her stupidity, and this was good, at least for Serenity.
"No." The girl had actually lost track of why he might ask. She was mentally excusing her own stupid question already.
"Good, because it doesn't really matter to me." He replied. "Now, why is this important for the lesson?"
She knew it! Knew it! Knew it! Knew it! He had to ask, that intelligence beast! Grrr!
"Because… well it is because…"
"Because?"
Ah, there were little devilish flames in his eyes! Arg!
"Because two of three woman have dyed hair." True. But stupid, stupid excuse. "You know, you should not compliment the color itself if it looks too fake."
"How do I know?" The hell he was annoyed already! It seemed just too complicated for him.
"Just don't say anything about the color! Tell her, you like the hairdo or something."
And our flirting student scribbled down notes.
"Can we try?"
STOP! (You hear screeching tires.) What was that again? HE wanted to try?
"Okay." The doubt played its games within her voice but she couldn't help it. She stood up, walking a few steps, facing the window, looking bored - extremely bored I might add - and waited for his 'chat-up-attempt'.
Seto stood up as well. Behind her he coughed and said, "Hi".
Serenity turned and her eyes met his. "Hi."
So, no smile but he did look nice somehow; his eyes somehow gave the impression of one degree above zero instead of the usual fifty degrees beyond! That was something, wasn't it?
"I was thinking that it might be nice talking to you because you've got such a beautiful smile. I hope you don't mind me saying that."
A smile had spread itself across the girl's face during him speaking. It was broad, bright and huge actually because, simply, she was proud of him! He did that fantastic so far! And he did look indeed appealing when he talked like that. So if our handsome, good-looking, stunningly blue-eyed, tall and well-built CEO found the right words, he would have all the chances in the world!
If even Serenity thought so…
But then…
That thought…
Oh no.
Pink color! Red color! Purple color! Damn him! Serenity blushed and… ducked.
"Was I any good?"
Oh boy, he was.
Thankful prayers to God he didn't see her face! She coughed. Problem! Alert! Help! She couldn't face Kaiba the way she was looking right now. She felt like a red-hot chili pepper! Hot, hot, hot! Cool down girl, she told herself. She was a complete idiot!
"Mr. Kaiba? Tea and dinner's ready."
Praise the servant! He is our savior! Kiss his feet!
The tell brunette turned and gave a thankful nod to the servant with the tray(s). Well, there was a main servant with two tea sets; two steps behind were two supporting servants with food. About the sets and the kinds of food Serenity couldn't tell at the moment; neither can I because I'm with the poor chili husk(1) right now.
"Gladly, I'm starving." Seto muttered and let the servants place the tea and food on the sofa table. "Wheeler, get your butt over here. We're dining." He rolled the last bit off his tongue, mocking good manners as if playing his role still.
After three mental slaps across her face Serenity had finally turned back to her normal peachy color in the face. It helped of course seeing Kaiba being back the old grumpy, moody, insensitive, cold, mean and truly non-appealing self. A sigh of relief escaped the girl and she strolled to where the table was set with all kinds of yummy food.
Salad, sausages, potatoes, chicken wings, rice, vegetable, desserts… Jesus, this was heaven! (Bells are ringing in the background to 'Ode to Joy'.)
And the table was set for two… how sweet!
"Sit and stop staring." Kaiba said and sighed at her big eyes, growing wider and wider as they were scanning the table. "Sit kitty!"
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?"
"Nothing. I haven't said anything." Kaiba smirked and began towering his plate with huge amounts of different salads.
"I've heard it." The woman muttered and slowly sat down on the seat. Happily she grabbed for a wing of chicken and took a bite. HEAVENLY!
"Don't east too much, Wheeler. With your size I bet you must see after your weight quite a lot." Annoying Wheelers was sooo much fun, hey! Fun, fun, fun!
"Are you picking on my height, Kaiba?" The female demon hissed at the great demon lord. "Well, at least I'm not somewhere in the clouds, so that my head gets big like yours!"
"Touchy." Kaiba laughed the famous cold, creepy laugh. Shudder. Room temperature: beyond zero.
Serenity just smirked and picked up one of the sausages with her fork, before shoving it purposefully slow into her mouth. No, no, don't think; let me tell. She wanted to make sure that she could eat whatever she wanted and didn't give a damn about what Kaiba thought of her in any possible way.
Of course it had quite a different effect on him. Because he thought: WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS SHE DOING? The girl stuffed slowly and purposefully the end of one sausage in her mouth and look, how these pouty lips closed around that poor sausage. He swallowed and cursed any man's fantasies and late night movies!
Ow. And she bit down on it.
Kaiba coughed. He had no clue about his wide-eyed stare and his slightly gaping jaw. Then he rose one of his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side.
"Mmh. Yummy! You know, Kaiba," she spoke with her mouth full, "I can eat and eat and east and I won't become fat. Because it's in the genes… Hm, why are you staring at me?"
Ever wanted to be a sausage, baby?
"The genes, huh?" A smirk grew on his face. He found it quite amusing. His thoughts might have been dirty but he was the master of acting cold after all and he was for a reason! He just had no idea how to put that girl's little show.
"Yeah," She shrugged. "Joey can eat as much as he wants to as well and won't go fat either."
"Uh…" He-he. This was fun. "And does he eat like you do, yeah?"
"Worse."
Kaiba snickered and picked his fork into the salad, then shoving it in his mouth and shaking his head slightly. That one was really something else! He had never met someone like the little Wheeler and met he had a lot of women. They just had refused him but that was off topic right now at this very moment. Serenity, the redheaded witch, amused him! HIM! Great.
"Oh by the way, Kaiba, there are even some sorts of food you should avoid, especially when you go on a date or beforehand, if you want to chat someone up as well." Back to teacher mode Serenity wasn't as funny – how sad.
"And what might that be?"
"First of all garlic."
"Clear." He nodded.
"Then corncobs. They're smelly things as well." The teacher said.
"Though, I like them. Anyway, go on." He dully remarked cocking his head to the side.
"Very important, poppy seeds!" She scolded now with a threatening index finger.
"Because they might stick in between the teeth."
Kaiba was a good student, wasn't he?
"Right. And popcorn as well."
"Same reason obviously."
"French onion soup." She added to the list.
"Why French? Onion soup should be rated illegal anyway. And what about onion at all? Onion's allowed but no 'French onion soup'?" Now, he had a point.
"Well, yes. No onion at all. Agreed?"
"Agreed." Seto nodded his head. "More?"
"Well, spareribs. Absolutely not allowed, especially on dates. Also grilled chicken and food you get dirty, smelly and fatty fingers from!"
"Alright."
"And finally, watermelon." Serenity said with a smile.
"Why not watermelon?" He definitely needed enlightening on that one.
But his teacher shrugged. "No idea actually. I've read the last one in some magazine."
"What magazine?"
There are a lot: cooking magazines, the daily newspaper, or the worst: women magazines.
'DON'T EAT WATERMELON ON A DATE! Read now why watermelon is the reason for 98 percent of all rendezvous to go wrong.'
"I think I read it in some girl's magazine." Serenity scratched her head thoughtfully. "Does it really matter if you're allowed eating watermelon? Eat strawberries, cherries, apples, pineapple or whatever you actually like; it doesn't have to be watermelon anyway, does it?"
"Guess not." He reached for the pen the write down the list of non-allowed food.
Garlic.
Corncobs.
Poppy seeds.
Popcorn.
Onion.
Spareribs.
Grilled chicken.
Watermelon.
Gazing at his list he read it once again out loud, making sure he hadn't forgotten anything.
"Now, are you two setting up the wedding banquet?"
Serenity gasped and blushed. Seto glared, and how he glared. How dare his younger sibling eavesdrop and sneak inside the room to ask a question as ridiculous as this? Bad Mokie, bad boy, very bad.
"Nice to know you're still alive. I already asked my secretary to write down any demands for taking you hostage!" Kaiba was a smart one, after all. Switching the topic and being funny in one sentence was a masterpiece and deserved a doctor's title.
Serenity snickered silently.
"Very funny, Seto." Mokuba said and smirked at his smart ass of a brother. "I've been on a date. Sorry if I interrupt yours."
"THIS IS NO DATE!" Teacher and student said.
Grrr, how dare he? Anubis' wrath won't fail to get you, boy.
"Then, it's not." Mokuba shook his head. "I'm in my room if you need me." Shrugging the younger Kaiba left his brother and his 'girlfriend'.
What else should Mokuba think after all? Serenity Wheeler was in their house for the second time in row; both times in the evening; quite late; they were dining together; she was a Wheeler and Wheelers usually weren't allowed anywhere near Seto Kaiba; what was the reason for her privileges other than if she wasn't Seto's girlfriend?
In the office Serenity felt slightly at unease. She didn't want to be pronounced as Seto Kaiba's girlfriend and she didn't want to be the reason for the Kaiba brothers to argue. Plus she was tired and stuffed. This wasn't good. She needed to shower and get ready for going out with some friends.
So she stood up. "I think I better get going now. It's late and I promised Tristan to go to cinema with him."
Seto gazed at her from his sitting position with a somehow pouting look. "Did you eat the Barbecue sauce?"
"Yeah, why?"
"There's onion and garlic in it." Kaiba smirked.
Our blue-eyed CEO wasn't jealous, certainly not. The point was that he was envious. The girl had a date and he had nothing, and that on a Friday evening! Perfect! Not that he would like to switch with Serenity; going out on a date with the cyber monkey wasn't on top of his to-do-list; neither was it mentioned at all. It was just that she had a social life and he not!
"You can always come with us, Kaiba. Then we both smell of garlic and onion." Serenity smiled. Something told her that the brunette with that pout didn't want to be left alone.
But Kaiba switched back to, well, Kaiba-mode, and snorted. "Me? Come with you? Not in your most secret fantasies!" A bit of a cold laugh was added to his arrogant expression. "No, no, go on your date with Tristan and have fun with the spike head."
"IT'S NOT A DATE!"
Wow. Was that really she that screamed at him one second ago?
Kaiba just smirked. "Yeah, right." As if.
Crossing her arms Serenity glared at him. "Oh well, think what you want. It's not as if I care what you think. Nice evening, Kaiba."
Seto grinned when the small-framed girl stormed out of his house; then he yelled, "See you tomorrow Wheeler!"
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End of chapter three.
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(1) – I found four translations for 'Schote' – husk, boll, pod and the last one I forgot. However, I just picked one by guess. Hope it makes sense. If not, sorry.
Please review!