Chapter Title: Bluebird
Author: cherryXbomb
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or the character Alex. I don't own the song Bluebird nor the CD How Much for Happy. I only own the series that I'm writing and since I'm using other people's things… I'm not sure I own that.
Author's Note: The song is Bluebird from Cassie Steele's CD How Much for Happy. This whole series is just POV pieces from different Degrassi characters and different ships using the entire How Much for Happy CD. I'd suggest that you check out the CD or at least the song because it's beautiful!
Summary: His apartment complex had a door that could go to the roof of the building. Whenever my home life would get too bad I'd go hide up there. And that is where I got introduced to Amy and Jay.
As I swim mermaids dance with meAnd I drown they romance with me
They sing sweet little harmonies
Louder and louder until I can't breathe
I've always wanted an escape from my home life. When I was a child, I used swimming. I would go under the water and not have to worry about my mom's boyfriend of the week giving me a bruise that later my mom would have to conceal with foundation. I didn't have to worry about her boyfriend of the week touching me in places that no child should be touched in. Being submerged in the water would allow me an escape long enough to sort out my thoughts and be away. I didn't have to hear the fighting or watch the violence. I even loved the feeling that you get when you stay underwater for too long and your chest feels like its about to explode. I loved that feeling. I loved the buzzing in my ears after I got out of the water. I just loved it. I just loved the escape that water provided.
Hey bluebird on my shoulder
Can you carry me over?
Then I got older and swimming didn't work anymore. For one thing we moved out of the apartment complex with the heated indoor pool into my mom's boyfriend's house. This one seemed to be lasting. He had stuck around for six months, which was a record. I don't think my dad even lasted that long and she got pregnant with him. Only thing is that he's the worst of them all. He sneaked into my bedroom every night at the old place until I started to run away. He left bruises on me and my mother. I felt so uncomfortable moving in with him that I searched for a new escape and found it. His apartment complex had a door that could go to the roof of the building. Whenever my home life would get too bad I'd go hide up there. And that is where I got introduced to Amy and Jay.
I talked to Bluebird, she said why walk when you can fly
She told me baby, life tastes better when you're high
I said hey Bluebird, can you take me for a ride?
Leave me on a cloud, I'll live with bluebirds in the sky
They were up there drinking one night. I came up and they started to freak out. They thought I was a cop. When I told them I was a tenet, they started to talk to me. We shared life stories and discovered that we all had so much in common. We all came from abusive families in the same building. We sort of formed a little support group up on that roof. We became three of the toughest kids in Toronto and we were only in grade 7. Then right before we entered grade 9, Jay introduced us to this guy Towerz. Towerz had just moved into 9B and seemed to be the final element of our group. By then, me and Jay were dating. I was getting high every day with Jay and Amy. Towerz just seemed to be convenient… or maybe we seemed convenient for him. Either way, he got us cheap drugs and we got him friends. By the time we started high school, we were already some of the most feared kids around.
As I walk I can feel the heat
As it burns I can smell the sweet
Piece by piece I am yours to feast
All this pain is seducing me
But I got tired of all the shit. I got tired of the drugs and the hanging out on the rooftop. It didn't suit me. I got tired of being viewed as only Jay's girlfriend. I didn't have an identity beyond that. I was just Jay's girlfriend. No one knew me. Then Jay brought another member to our group. It was Sean Cameron. Sean introduced Towerz to Liberty Van Zandt, this extremely geeky girl that Towerz had been interested in for a long time. That was when our group started to disintegrate. I started to search for a new spot to hang out that wasn't 10 floors up. I hit the pavement.
I would walk barefoot through the streets in Toronto or on the beach. I liked the heat on my skin. It made me feel connected. I walked the entire summer between Grades 10 and 11. By the time I reached Grade 11 I was less apt to punch people for looking at me and I was more apt to be open to different ideas. But I didn't want to lose my reputation over night.
Hey bluebird on my shoulder
Can you carry me over?
Then I ran for student council president and almost outed this gay student Marco Del Rossi. I didn't do it but Jay did. And Marco recovered beautifully from it. I ended up voting for him because he seemed as though he genuinely wanted the position as more than just an image makeover. He wanted to do real things for the school… he wanted to unite us in freakish harmony. Then he named me vice president though I had threatened to tell the whole world that he was gay. He seemed to carry me over the real issues. I even got involved in an anti-violence campaign with Emma Nelson. I became friends with Paige Michalchuk when she came to work with me at the movie theater. I started to befriend people who the year before I despised.
I talked to Bluebird, she said why walk when you can fly
She told me baby, life tastes better when you're high
I said hey Bluebird, can you take me for a ride?
Leave me on a cloud, I'll live with bluebirds in the sky.
I had found the best escape. It wasn't drugs. It was friends that I didn't have to worry about dumping me if I wasn't tough enough. I didn't have to worry about any of them stealing my boyfriend either. Amy ended up helping Jay serial cheat on me. I'm through with them. They aren't as cool as the rest of my new friends. They aren't smart like Marco. They aren't talented like Craig. They don't know how to deflate egos with a mere glance like Paige. They aren't super talented, kindhearted euchre players like Ellie. They just weren't anything compared to my new friends… my real friends.