Title: How Much For Happy

Chapter Title: Jaded

Author: cherryXbomb

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or the characters Ashley Kerwin or Craig Manning. I don't own the song Jaded nor the CD How Much for Happy. I only own the series that I'm writing and since I'm using other people's things… I'm not sure I own that.

Author's Note: The song is Jaded from Cassie Steele's CD How Much for Happy. This whole series is just POV pieces from different Degrassi characters and different ships using the entire How Much for Happy CD. I'd suggest that you check out the CD or at least the song because it's beautiful!

POV: The first verse of the song is Craig's POV. The second verse is Ashley's POV. I had to put a special note on this one because I'm pretty sure this is the only time I'm doing it.

Summary: I wanted to have the ability to be in love with life, despite the bad things that had happened, to add beauty to the world just by living. But I couldn't, my soul seemed dead.

Isn't it cold outside

When it feels like no one's loving you

But I'm watching you

And I'll never hold you down

When I met Ashley Kerwin, she was in a state of constant confusion. She didn't know who she was. She only knew who she wasn't. She wasn't the perfect little girl that everyone said she was in grade 8. She wasn't Jimmy Brooks' girlfriend, though they put on that façade after Sean wrecked Jimmy's party. She wasn't even the Gothic Barbie doll that she tried so hard to be. She was a girl stuck somewhere in the middle, lost in self-doubt and confusion.

She was alienated from most of her friends. She seemed to look as though no one loved her. Everyone had loved the old Ashley Kerwin, but they didn't even remotely like the new one. I can't really blame them. The new Ashley wasn't her. She looked as though she wore a mask every day.

And they say

That souls can never fade

But along the way

It seems your shadow was erased

She had faded from who she was and was lost in the process of becoming who she wanted to be. Then I got partnered with her in Kwan's class. I learned that she was so intelligent. She knew the true meaning of the Taming of the Shrew. She didn't just know it; she was living it. She said it was about breaking a person and making them into a lesser version of themselves. She didn't realize yet that that's what Jimmy was doing with her. He only loved the old Ashley. He didn't see the beauty that Ashley possessed, despite what look she had.

Life is jaded, love has faded

Let me take you away from here oh

Let me kiss you, they won't miss you

Let me lift you away from here

I wanted to save her. I waited and stood aside as she broke up with Jimmy again. I became her friend and just prayed that one day, I could be more. That day soon came. When my father died, Ash was there to comfort me. She saved me and I saved her. Together, we started on a voyage to help each other find our real selves.

Aren't you paranoid

When it feels like someone's watching you?

But I'm protecting you

And you need not be afraid

Craig Manning came into my life when I most needed him. I was so lost in trying to become myself. And he was lost in trying to find a family. He found Joey Jeremiah but he still longed to be his father's son. You could tell it in your eyes. He was a lost soul. I made it my habit to observe him, even though that seemed creepy.

Finally, I got to meet him and spend time with him. But I was with Jimmy, even though I wasn't happy. Then I learned the true meaning of the Taming of the Shrew. The Taming of the Shrew was a metaphor for the relationship I had with Jimmy. And I knew as we performed that my relationship with Jimmy was dead, but my relationship with Craig was just beginning. I never meant to fall in love with him. I only meant to be his friend.

And they said

To follow voices in your head

And that's where I fed

My soul when I was dead

Craig was an artistic soul. He was a brilliant photographer and musician. He seemed to be in touch with his inner self. He was what I had wanted to be. I wanted to be that self-actualized. I wanted to have the ability to be in love with life, despite the bad things that had happened, to add beauty to the world just by living. But I couldn't, my soul seemed dead.

Life is jaded, love has faded

Let me take you away from here oh

Let me kiss you, they won't miss you

Let me lift you away from here

Then Craig's dad came back into his life. Craig gave him a second chance to no avail and his dad ended up dead. Craig was distraught and I wanted nothing more than to save him. I wanted him to see that though his dad was dead, his future wasn't. And then we became a couple at the Luau dance. And I've never been happier.