Chris: You know the drill. Don't own Fire Emblem, like I'm sure you all know.
K-Gforever: Hehehe, well, congrats on getting your story out! And it's good you know who that brown-haired girl is. And…Roland's head sprite does make him look like a kid…He's got…Gray-blue hair. That's about all I know. Oh, and in my story, he's dressed as a jester. Sucks for him, huh?
The Winged Wolf: You know…The first time I read that, I actually thought you sent me a postcard…Yes, I'm very gullible. But still, I love the postcard and the stamp too. The Fire Emblem characters are cool, aren't they?
ice born warrior: Yeah…They must be doing something when they are traveling through Elibe. Taking anti-depressants is just one idea.
Eris of Thane: Yes! New person! Ahem, anyway, glad you like it. And Erk actually isn't going as Serra…He's going as Harry Potter. Of course, if I messed up that part, could you show me where it is? I'll need to change it.
GRRR: Well, you see…If you actually read the story well enough, and the story that was supposed to lead up to this one (Farina's Diary, but someone deleted it. Bastard.), you would know that the party occurs before Lord Uther's death. And also, if I didn't play Hector's Mode, do you think I would know about Farina? You know. Blue-haired pegasus knight? Asks for 20,000 gold? Likes money? Fiora and Florina are her sisters? That ring a bell? Also, in Hector's mode, you fight a guardian called Kaim? Has a tomahawk? Maybe that refreshes a couple of brain cells.
If you actually didn't type almost everything in caps, maybe I'd feel a little more respect for you…But I don't. Try better next time. I'm sure you can come up with something nicer than that.
Chris: Yeah…While my earlier plan involved the Pope…I kinda can't do it now since…You know, the Pope's dead. So…Uh…Different person I'll be mocking. I'm sure you'll still like it though. Unless you're Republican.
Chapter 9: I am Scary! Whooooo!
"Hah! I win!" Farina slammed down her cards, grinning wickedly. "Let's see there, Roland…Playing by your rules, a Royal Flush is twenty points, plus the fact that they are all spades…Adds another ten points. Well, looks like I am beating you, one-hundred to twenty. Remember, another ten points and I win! And you'll owe me a huge chunk of change."
"All luck!" Roland pouted, and then began dealing the cards out again. Wil and Lowen had already been out of the game a long time ago, and now were busy getting scolded by Rebecca. So now, the game was just one-on-one with Farina and Roland was getting the worst of it.
"Luck nothing! It's all about skill, and you don't have any!" Farina crowed as she showed Roland her cards again. "Look! Four of a kind! Eat that, Roland!"
"WHAT!" Roland threw his cards down in a rage, while Farina pranced around him, singing merrily. "That is not fair!"
"Listen Roland." Farina stopped dancing and kneeled at the hero. "I don't know how you played poker back then, but I don't think jokers were used in poker then, and they definitely aren't used now." She winked. "Better get used to the rules if you're gonna play!" Farina started dancing again, but then stopped. "You have played poker before, right?"
The ghost shrugged. "It's actually my first time. I heard about it from Barigan and thought I'd give it a try."
Farina slapped her head and sighed. "Whatever. We've beaten you. So go…Uh…Disappear or something."
"Gawd, you guys suck." Roland muttered sullenly to himself, before vanishing.
"Well, that's that!" Farina clapped her hands and turned to face the others. Once again, the pegasus knight sighed when she saw what everyone else was doing. Apparently, Sain and his new girlfriend were still making out. Actually, no one really paid attention to her while she was busy kicking Roland's ass at cards. "Nevermind….Let's just go back and drink until we pass out. Then we can say this was all just a bad dream and laugh about it later."
"Booze! I'm there!" Wil leaped up, and soon everyone was rushing towards the castle so they wouldn't get left behind.
"Just great…" Farina sighed again and followed the others, shaking her head. "At least I got this money from Roland…" She tosses her coin pouch, and found that it was strangely light. She opened it, and bit back a heavy curse. "DAMN GHOSTS! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"
Inside the tower, Eliwood's Band was busy fighting against the dragon. Geitz swung his axe against the dragon's leg, and his axe lodged inside. "Yes! I'm so good! Go Geitz, go Geitz!" Then he noticed that the dragon wasn't bleeding. Geitz pulled his axe out. "HEY! This thing is made out of wood!"
Everyone stopped fighting, and stared at the dragon. "Wait…You mean we've been fighting against a wooden statue?" Marcus walked up and tapped it with his lance. The paladin was disheartened to see that it really was just a wooden dragon that could breathe fire. "This sucks."
Suddenly, the dragon disappeared in a puff of smoke, and Barigan was back, laughing at Eliwood's Band. "I can't believe you guys were losing to a wooden statue! You guys must really suck!"
"No we don't! You just…Uh…Got lucky!"
"Yeah right! HAHAHAHAHA! And I thought Roland was stupid!" Barigan's ghost was clutching his stomach. "This is too funny! Fine, fine! I've been found! This whole thing has been worth it!" The ghost disappeared, and the people in the tower could hear his wheezing laughter in the air.
"Damn ghosts..." Marcus scuffed his boots on the floor. "Come on! Next thing you know, Eliwood will want us to play a victory song. At least we can gouge more expenses out of them to pay for our new instruments."
With that, Eliwood's Band shuffled disconsolately down from the tower, only heartened by the fact that they found and defeated the ghost.
"HAH! Defeated! They probably couldn't defeat a soldier! Weaklings. Why, in my day…"
That's enough commentary, Barigan. Anyway, Eliwood's Band returned back to the main part of the castle, where they saw everyone drinking and generally doing what people do in a party. So they threw their instrument cases to the side and began drinking as well. So, everyone was happy.
Not Hector, however. No….He had to get stuck in a dungeon that was underneath the castle, and was currently searching for a ghost. He could have been drinking, or dancing with Farina. But noooo…He had to be searching for a stupid ghost. And it was bad enough that Matthew had thrown a canteen full of Elixir on his stomach.
'Noooo…Life just has to get better.' Hector grimaced as he walked through the passageways in the dungeon. At the last count, they had triggered five pit traps, two spike pits, three alligator moats, and another three of those "Spikes from the wall! Oh shit!" traps. Strangely enough, however, just when it looked like they would die, some sort of rescue device would pop in out of nowhere. So far, not one of them had died yet. Although Merlinus did get a haircut and there were some close calls (which involved people trying to push others in the alligator moats), everyone was relatively unscathed.
"I bet you're thinking about Farina, aren't you?" Matthew leaned it, grinning impishly.
"Holy damn!" Hector jumped, and then spun angrily at the thief. "Dammit, Matthew! How many times have I told you not to do that when I was thinking!"
"Why, just a couple of times, milord."
"Grrr…"
"I'm just sure you were thinking of fooling around with her…You know, in the-" Right when Matthew was going to finish his completely inappropriate comment, a red-haired person fell on his head, crushing him.
"RAVEN! What are you doing here?" Hector and the others looked astounded as they saw the red-haired swordsman wipe the dust off of his body. He calmly walked off of Matthew.
"Does it look like I want to be here? I fell down a stupid trap door." Raven glared at Hector, who glared back.
"Ow….F-" Once again, right before Matthew was about to finish his second inappropriate comment, another person fell on him, this time, a red-haired girl. Matthew just gave up trying to stay conscious, and collapsed.
"Oh my god! Matthew, are you okay?" Priscilla leapt off the thief quickly, and began shaking him.
"Great…More things to bother us." Hector sighed, and then got creamed in the head by another falling person.
"Crap!" Nils leapt off Hector's head. "Stupid floor! Did you put trap panels on the dance floor, or something?"
"Yeah, our architect said it would be a good idea." Lord Uther scratched his chin. "Apparently, he was wrong."
"Damn straight!" Nils grumbled angrily. "Whatever. What are you guys doing right now?"
"Trying to find that stupid ghost that haunts the basement." Hector sighed. "Legault, give me a status report."
"Yes, sir!" Legault mock saluted. "Let's see…At the moment, Matthew is currently unconscious, and being shaken by Priscilla. Raven has his infamous death glare on you, and Merlinus is whimpering like a little baby….Wimpy merchant. Anyway, you're listening to my status report, Lord Uther is looking for any more booby traps, Dart is gouging his initials into the wall, Oswin is…asleep, I think. And Nils is playing a very annoying song at the moment, and Heath is trying to stop me from hitting on him."
"WHAT?" Hector looked at Legault, who grinned.
"Just kidding! He's over there, sharpening his lance." Legault pointed at Heath, who was polishing the iron tip.
"What?" Heath looked up.
"Nothing…" Hector sighed again. He had been doing a lot of sighing lately. He wondered why. "Anyway, where's this damn ghost we have to find?"
"I'm right here!" The ghost suddenly popped in front of Hector, causing him to stumble backwards into Legault, who jumped out of the way and landed on Raven. Raven proceeded to punch Legault in the stomach and launch him towards Oswin, who rumbled and woke up. Legault bounced off Oswin's armor, and collided with Lord Uther, who backed into Dart while he was carving his name. Dart "arrred" for a while, before gouging a deep mark in the wall. The stone chips that flew from the gouge hit a cowering Merlinus on the face, and he fell, and his head landed on Nils' foot. Nils hopped backwards, clutching his foot in agony, and coincidentally, landing on Heath's foot. Heath leaped up, his spear poking Matthew on the back. Matthew sat up, screaming in pain, and kissed Priscilla when his face collided with hers. And then Raven punched Matthew.
All in all, a perfect entrance.
"MWAHAHAHAHA! You see me now!" The ghost rumbled. "I am Durban, and I have dressed up as the scariest person on the Earth!"
"W-Who's that?" Merlinus looked up, still blubbering.
"GEORGE W. BUSH!"
The whole party let out a terrified scream.
"He's going to swamp us in tax reform!" Hector cried out in fear.
"He's going to nuke us!"
"He's going to invoke the Patriot Act on us!"
"He's not going to leave me behind!" Nils screamed, moaning.
"Not only that! Furthermore, all yaoi and yuri pairings are forbidden!" Durban pulled out a sheet of paper, which had the proclamation written on it. From every corner in the world, various fangirls and fanboys screamed out in terror and despair.
"SUFFER IN MY LEADERSHIP!" Durban let out a deep, booming laugh. "I SHALL NEVER LEAVE YOU PEOPLE BEHIND!"
"NOOOOOOOO!"
"Wait! I've got a plan!" Merlinus stood up, looking marginally brave. He suddenly pulled out a bunch of books from behind him. "Take this!" He threw one at Durban's head.
"NOOOO! Intelligence! The only thing I don't have control of!" Durban let out a terrified yell, way too absorbed in his acting of George W. Bush.
"Good work, Merlinus!" Hector smiled, and grabbed another book. "Take this, super fiend!" The blue-haired lord threw it at the ghost's head.
"Ow! MATH EQUATIONS!"
"My turn!" Raven grabbed another book at and threw it at Durban.
"THE LAWS OF PHYSICS! THE PAIN!"
"This seems fun!" Legault grinned and took another thick book. He chucked it at the ghost's head, along with Matthew, who had sufficiently recovered.
"GREAT WORKS OF LITERATURE! QUOTES FROM VARIOUS POETS THAT I DON'T KNOW!" Durban screamed in agony.
"Take this!" Nils grabbed another one, and threw it.
"WORDS I CAN'T EVEN PRONOUNCE!"
"Hey, let me see that." Priscilla walked over and picked up the book Nils threw. "Dr. Seuss's Cat in the Hat….I am very ashamed."
"ARGH! TOO MUCH INTELLIGENCE!" Durban clutched his head painfully. "NOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo!" Durban quickly faded away. "I'll get you back for this! Remember...I will never leave you behind!"
"We did it!" Hector cheered, and they all walked back towards the main party hall, overjoyed at the fact that they had defeated the dastardly George W. Bush. Or at least someone who wanted to act like him. And succeeded all too well. But then, Nils felt something prickly on his neck. He scratched at it, but it wouldn't go away. He turned, and spotted Durban hovering behind him, with a smile on his face.
"I told you I wouldn't leave you behind. MwahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Umm? Guys? Can you help?" Canas looked outside of the jail cell that he was trapped in. "Anyone? Please?" But of course, no one heard him. So Canas was lonely, and stuck in his little cell with only his monocle to keep him company.
"Oh man! I am totally bombed, dude!" Eliwood let out a loud giggle and promptly fell off the chair he was sitting on. The author would have added properly slurred speech, but the author had never been totally bombed before, so he wouldn't know. Athos looked down at the lord.
"How many drinks did you have?"
"Just ten!" Eliwood held up three fingers, let out a drunken giggle, and started hiccupping. "Not more than twenty!"
"I think you should go to the bathroom Eliwood."
"Good idea, Santa Claus!" Eliwood tried to stand up, failed, tried again, and failed again. "It looks like the ground doesn't want me to leave! Stupid ground!" Eliwood struggled to stand up, and this time he succeeded, and wobbled towards the bathroom. Along the way, he met a very sullen looking man with a turban, two brothers, and a couple of other people he didn't recognize. "HEY NERGAL! STILL MISSING YOUR CEREAL?" (A.N.: You'll only get this if you read Fire Emblem: The Mole, which was another one of my script stories that got deleted.)
"Grr…Damn Lord Elbert." Nergal clenched his fist angrily.
"Um…Nergal? That's Eliwood." Lloyd tapped the Dark Druid on the shoulder.
"Ah! So it is!" Nergal brightened, and then pulled out a brown canvas sack. "Hey Eliwood! Would you like the see what's inside the Amazing Sack of Wonderment? That's what this is!"
"WOW! It's so amazing!" Eliwood obligingly climbed inside, because, you know, he's drunk. Drunk people do stupid things. Don't drink and drive, kiddies. "It's so colorful in the Sack of Wonderment!"
Nergal quickly tied the sack. "Sonia? Did you color the sack when I told you not to?"
"Not me."
"Limstella?"
"No."
"Lloyd?"
"Yeah right. Like I'd waste time doing that."
"Jerme?"
"Coloring does not include slicing to bits."
"Kenneth?"
"Wha?"
"Nevermind. Linus?"
"I was dead for a couple of weeks, moron."
"Right. He really must be drunk." Nergal gave the sack a little shake, and heard Eliwood giggling inside. "Come on, let's go." They all filed out of the castle, careful to avoid the guard, who was busy playing with Sonia's stuffed raccoon.
Of course, they failed to notice that one of their number was missing. That person was Lloyd, and he was the first victim of…the fangirl.
"GAH! GET OFFA ME, YOU FREAK!"
"But you're so cute! And handsome!"
"I DON'T CARE! DAMN IT ALL! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! Except for my good looks! BUT EVERYTHING ELSE CAN JUST DIE!"
Chris: Well, after three long, hard months, I finally updated! Praise me! And review too.