Chris: Double digits for my chapter count! YES!
Rebecca: That took you long enough.
Farina: Yeah. Around ten months.
Chris: At least I did it. That's all that matters.
Lord of swords and waffles: Yep! The Amazing Sack of Wonderment amazes and…wonderments you! And glad you like it.
K-Gforever: Glad you like your kidnapping. And thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot.
Snowyiji: Eh…He's a century old dragon. I'm sure he's learned some cuss words that even Hector doesn't know. And I'm sure Canas will get out. Someday.
The Karlminion: Thanks for the praises and the reviewses. And as for the hold up…I was lazy. It's the truth.
AppleBerry: Wow…A lot of people are anti-Bush. It's a good thing I am too, or else I might get offended at what I'm writing. Glad you liked it.
Kiyoko-chan: Stupid hackers. Hackers are eeeevil. And I'm glad to see that you're anti-Bush. Everyone should be. There should be a religion called Antibushism. Yeah. And don't worry, I'm sure Bush wouldn't do that. I mean, all of those yaoi and yuri fans will flood his e-mail with hate mail.
I DARE NOT PRAISE AT ALL: Thank you for…whatever that is.
Farina: You're thanking a guy who apparently…is flaming you, I believe.
But he went through the trouble of writing a song for me! Even though it's not a really good one…But still! He could have just said, "YOU SUCK!" but he actually put effort into it. I'm touched.
Farina: You're crazy.
Lack Thereof: I appreciate your compliments and I'm glad you like my stuff. Makes a person feel on Cloud Nine. Kinda.
The Winged Wolf: Hehe, hope you don't die or anything. Thanks for the compliments, and I'm glad you like the part where you were making out with Sain. Yep, lucky ol' Sain.
Chapter 10: It Tastes Like Burning!
"Karla, are you sure there's a ghost here? I want to fight something!" Vaida grasped her spear. "Walking in the dark is not my idea of fun."
"Be quiet, Vaida." Karla pointed a torch near the corners of the boiler room. "Just a question. Why does a castle have a boiler room? Pent? Pent? What the hell are you doing?"
The sage in question was using fireballs to incinerate the arrows that Louise was shooting at him. "Just practicing my accuracy!"
"Doesn't it concern you that those arrows are sharp? And the fact that if you miss, chances are that we'll get blown up?" Karla looked skeptically at the sage, who was grinning cheerfully.
"Don't worry! I won't get hit!" Pent turned to face Karla and was promptly hit in the arm with an arrow. "OW!"
"Oops! Sorry, darling!" Louise shouldered her bow and ran up to her husband. "Let me make it all better." The two of them promptly starting kissing, completely ignoring the fact that there was an arrow lodged in Pent's shoulder.
"Let's just leave them alone…" Queen Eleanora looked at the two of them. "I'm just glad my darling Eliwood isn't here to see this."
'If only you knew that your darling Eliwood has done even more than that.' Karla shook her head and continued searching in the dark boiler room.
"You know what? I'm tired of hiding. Did you know how hard it is to keep silent when people are acting like idiots? And it's even worse when the idiots are standing right in front of you!" A ghost dressed in dark colors popped out in front of Karla. "I don't know why I went with this plan anyway."
"Uh…Who are you?" Karla pointed at the ghost, who hmped.
"I'm Hartmut, moron!"
"Hartmut was a goth, impatient, disagreeable warrior?" Karla turned to Vaida, who shrugged.
"I never paid attention in class. I don't know. It sure is an eye-opener." Vaida blinked.
"Hey, I'm just trying to be a non-conformist! Do you know how many heroes are portrayed as knights in shining armor? I just wanted to be different!" Hartmut protested, opening his arms wide.
"Being different is so common that it's not different anymore." Karla frowned at Hartmut, who scratched his head.
"So…If I get what you're saying…If you're trying to be a non-conformist, you're conforming to the non-conformist way of life?"
"Yeah."
"…MY HEAD HURTS!" Hartmut yelled angrily and disappeared.
"I don't think that was supposed to happen." Vaida turned to Karla, who shrugged and turned to Eleanora.
"Ooooh…I hope my dear Eliwood doesn't end up like that. He's such a sweet child."
"Which explains why you grounded him." Karla cocked an eye at Eleanora, who wasn't paying attention to her.
"My darling Eliwood…He's so naïve…So gentle." Eleanora continued…talking about Eliwood's traits.
"My lady! Your knight-in-shining-armor Hartmut is here to save the day!" Hartmut burst into vision again, riding a ghost horse and wearing shining armor that nearly blinded everyone there. Except for Pent and Louise. Because…Well…You know what they were doing. No need to go into further detail.
Karla and Vaida took one look at the new Hartmut before collapsing on the floor, laughing loudly. Eleanora could only stare at the ghost, stuck between laughing and beating the ectoplasm out of the warrior. Hartmut looked slightly put off by this reaction. Hm…Better make that, extremely put off.
"Hmph. You people are jerks. To think that I helped save the continent so people like you could live on it. I am ashamed." Hartmut shook his head. "I call a curse on all of your heads! You will all be allergic to pie for hereafter!"
"Nooooo-Wait! You can't curse people! You're a hero. Under the strict implications of being a hero, Section 11-C, which says that heroes are not allowed to curse people, whether the hero is dead or not." Pent pulled out a small handbook from his robes and read from the passage.
"Curse you!"
Pent waggled at finger at Hartmut." Nuh uh. Can't curse us."
"Fine!" Hartmut disappeared with a puff of smoke. Everyone blinked their eyes and looked around.
Vaida shrugged. "I guess that's it then."
"Boy, this was really boring." Karla said and everyone nodded in agreement. That is, until a large figure crashed through the ceiling and landed on the floor next to the boiler room. "Bartre?" Her eyes widened.
"Ooog…Bartre's head hurts." The thick-headed warrior slowly staggered upwards, shaking his head dazedly. He blinked his eyes once, twice, three times, four times, five times, six-Eleanora whacked him on the head.
"You must be a bad influence on my son, blinking like that! Really!" Eleanora hmphed. Bartre just stared at her blankly.
"What am I doing here?" The warrior looked around.
"You fell through the floor." Karla pointed out, and Bartre's eyes widened.
"Really?" He looked up at the gaping hole and quickly got pelted in the eye with a piece of falling debris. "I'm blind! I have been struck blind!"
"You have not." Karla grimaced and waved the others away. "You guys can go back to the party. I'll stay and take care of this idiot." The others shrugged and walked up the stairs that led back to the main hall of Castle Ostia.
After a couple of seconds, Karla finished restoring Bartre's sight. The warrior let out a big gasp of joy.
"I can see! I can see clearly now, the rain has gone!" Bartre broke into song.
"Stop singing before I put that stuff back." Karla glared at the warrior, since Bartre's singing was very bad. Very bad.
"Hah! You expect to stop the great Bartre!" Bartre put his hands on his hips, roaring out with booming laughter.
"Yes." Karla said simply as she drove her fist into Bartre's stomach. The warrior collapsed onto the floor with a groan and came face to face with a sizzling electric wire.
"I wonder what electricity tastes like." Bartre said, and licked the sparking wire. What happened next is too flashy (Hahahah! Bad pun!) to explain, but let's just say that Bartre had quite the interesting experience. Afterwards, he was lying on the floor, groaning and showing off the newest style of spiked hair. Karla stared at the warrior.
"Hey…What did electricity taste like?"
"It tastes like burning!" Bartre roared and pushed himself off of the stone floor.
"I…uh…see…" Karla shrugged and helped Bartre stand. "Come on, let's get back. No doubt there's a nice fire you want to eat."
"I wonder what fire tastes like…" Bartre said.
Karla gave a sigh and shook her head sadly. "Come on, you big lummox." She slowly helped the warrior get back to the main hall of Ostia Castle.
---
Raven was burning too, but with the fires of righteous indignation! Bwahahahaha! Okay, I'll stop. Anyway, the red-haired mercenary was stalking towards the cabin that housed the last ghost. Why, you may ask? Well, because Raven had the single-minded intention of strangling the ghost with his bare hands. Nevermind that it's a ghost and you can't harm ghosts. Or the fact that Raven would probably fall down a trap door. Oh no, Raven wouldn't do that. He had enlisted…special help.
When he reached the cabin, Raven kicked down the door. "Ghost! Come out, come out! Raven's got a nice can of whoop ass just for you!"
"Hee hee! Can you get past my sneaky, sneaky traps?" A woman's voice echoed through the empty cabin.
"I don't have to! Come on, Luigi!" Raven called to a person behind him.
Luigi, all equipped with his super vacuum and flashlight, began trying to suck the ghost inside. However, since this was Fire Emblem and not Luigi's Mansion, Luigi failed.
"Mamma mia. Wait…My brother says that…Oowooooh…." Luigi slumped to the ground, moping.
"Dammit!" Raven cursed and turned behind again. "Okay! Ghostbusters!"
And the Ghostbusters came out. Except their theme song got on Raven's nerves and they kept doing weird dance moves. So he fired them. (A/N: If you like the Ghostbusters, oops. I don't remember anything about them.)
"Looks like you failed!" The woman ghost cackled madly.
"Oh yeah? I brought the best weapon of all! No girl can resist the power of Sephiroth's bishounen powers!" Raven crowed in triumph and summoned Sephiroth. The ghost, who had to be Hanon, gave a squeal of joy and began ogling Sephiroth.
"What am I doing here?"
"Nothing. Now just stand stuff." Raven muttered and began trying to stab the ghost. Once again, since it was a ghost and all, he failed miserably. Finally, Raven gave up and sprinkled fresh spring water on the ghost.
"What the hell are you doing?" Hanon shrieked. "Now my hair's all wet! Hmph! I'm going, you jackass! I hope you're happy!"
"Uh…Yes, yes I am." Raven nodded.
"Can I go now?" Sephiroth asked.
"Yes. Leave. Before I try to kill you also. I'm a better bishounen than you are." Raven smirked. "I'm so deep."
"Hmph." Sephiroth folded his arms and disappeared.
---
"Are you sure this is Eliwood?" Linus asked Nergal as they carried the Amazing Sack of Wonderment to their wagon.
"Yes, I am positive!" Nergal grumbled angrily. "Just because he's acting weird doesn't mean anything!"
"But he's singing '100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' and it's driving me insane!" Linus complained. "Isn't that right, Lloyd?" There was no answer. "Lloyd?"
"Where's Lloyd? He was so handsome and brave and…and…cute!" Ursula wailed.
"What about me?" Linus said, insulted.
"Oh, you're normal. I don't care about you." Ursula yawned.
"Well! That certainly was rude!" Linus huffed and continued lugging the Amazing Sack of Wonderment.
"76 bottles of beer on the wall! 76 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 75 bottles of beer on the wall!" Eliwood sang from inside the sack.
"Shut up!" Linus smacked Eliwood, but the lord only gave a drunken giggle and continued to sing. Because of this, nobody noticed the second victim. Of course, they wouldn't have missed him anyway. I mean, the guy never talked much anyway.
"YAY! I GOT JAFFAR!" The brown-haired girl hugged the silent assassin. "I'M SO HAPPY!"
"Hey! What about me?" Lloyd yelled from his corner of the secret lair of the fangirl. He was tied up and he struggled against his bonds.
"You're cute, but you're not even close to my darling Jaffar. He's just so….Jaffar-like!" The girl squealed again, hugging her prize.
"…" Jaffar didn't say anything, but you could tell he wanted to escape. I mean, seriously. You could just tell. Yeah. Seriously. You could tell. Yeah. Really. I mean, he wanted to escape. Wouldn't you? Hah! Can't beat that argument!
Chris: I am truly sorry is this chapter sucks complete ass as well as it being late by a couple of months. I've…just lost motivation for really updating this, actually. I'll try to finish it (luckily I only have like…3 more chapters), but at the moment, I'm more caught up with my other fics. And I still have to finish War of Immortals. Ohhhh well.
Review please, if you still remember this thing!