Disclaimer: PIERS ANTHONY OWNS XANTH. I DO NOT OWN XANTH. But I have my eye on a quaint little cottage cheese near castle Roogna. Arnold Centaur also belongs to Mr. Anthony. I still own Marsha, Kassie, and D. Meanor, and I have added Marsha's family: Anna of the Black Wave– her mother, Russell of the Black Wave – her father, and Travis her annoying little brother with a talent to match.

Chapter Eight

The Black Wave Village

Marsha led the way down the magic path to a small community that would have reminded Kassie every bit of a quaint suburban neighborhood if many of the cottages had not been made of cheese. The house they were headed for seemed to be constructed entirely of large books. She was about to ask about the building when she saw the spines of some of the tomes. 'The Voyage of Surly Swin' said one, 'Sailing the Southern Sea' announced another, and 'the explorations of the southern oceans: by Arnold Centaur' declared a third. It was a 'log' cabin; or more specifically, a 'captain's log' cabin. They walked through the open door way, pushing the pies before them. Kassie thought she saw Marsha's face become a little uglier as they entered.

"What the!" exclaimed a middle aged black woman when she saw the floating pies. She had been placing some dishes on a small table and had almost broken some in her fright.

"Hi, mom!" said Marsha as she maneuvered the pies over an empty counter "I brought a guest for dinner. Meet Kassie Mundane," Kassie glared at her when she said 'Mundane' "she's in Xanth on a temporary pass. She can make things float."

"I can see this." said Marsha's mother while Kassie gently lowered the pies to the counter "Welcome to our home, Kassie." she at least left the 'Mundane' off "You've got filling in your hair dear."

"Oh yeah," Marsha picked the sticky stuff out of her hair "Kassie dropped a pie."

"She did?"

"From a mile up."

"Oh."

From the far corner a tall black man stood up from his overstuffed chair, where he had been reading what appeared to be a newspaper. "Russell Mundane," he introduced him self as he extended his large hand to her "Great to meet another Mundane," he had a jolly sounding voice, and a scar running diagonally across his face which took nothing away from his cheerful smile.

"Mundane?" asked Kassie as they shook hands "Why does everyone keep calling me that?"

"Ho, ho, ho!" his voice rumbled across the room "Don't you worry about it. 'Mundane' is a term the locals use for us people who weren't born in Xanth."

"Oh," said Kassie "it sounds like an insult."

"It is," he laughed "but you learn to roll with it and laugh right back. Everyone in this village over the age of twenty one is a Mundane, and proud of it too."

"I still don't like the libel." admitted Kassie.

"Give it time," he smiled. "Now then I can smell a hot minced-meat pie that's been calling me since you and 'Sha walked through the door."

"Then get washed up before it gets cold!" said his wife who was busy scrubbing the face of a dirty little boy, she stopped just long enough to toss them each a damp wash cloth.

"Alright Anna," he said as he caught the washcloths and handed one to Kassie "Washing up."

The cloth did most of the work by itself. It was more of a 'washing' cloth than a 'wash' cloth. When they were all clean enough for dinner they tossed the soiled cloths into a 'washing' basin which went right to work.

Once they had all been seated Russell dove right into the minced-meat pie Anna had placed on his plate. And Kassie was about to cut into her sweet-potato when the little boy who was sitting next to her asked "Do you want to see my talent." He had managed to get more chocolate pie on his face than in his mouth.

"Say 'no'" advised Marsha.

"Why?" asked Kassie "What's his talent?"

"It's this!" said the child before anyone could stop him. Slowly his skin began to disappear."

"That's gross!" cried Kassie

"There's more!" he said and his muscles began to disappear. Kassie decided she no longer wanted her pie.

"Travis!" shouted Anna as the little boy who had now reduced himself to a skeleton began eating his pie so the others could see it being chewed and swallowed "I told you a hundred times never to use your talent at the table" the boy jumped and everything was back where it belonged.

"I'm going to be a gourd actor, when I'm growed up!" announced Travis, who was the only one still eating.

"'When you've grown up,'" corrected his mother "and no you're not."

"Uh-hu!" he nodded his head so fast his hair bounced "'Cause I'll be all growed, I mean grown up, and I can do anything I want, Just like 'Sha!"

"Being a grown up doesn't always mean you can do whatever you want." said Russell, who had only stopped eating because his pie was gone.

"It doesn't?" asked Travis.

"For example," said Marsha "you have to join," she emphasized the words that followed "The Dreaded Adult Conspiracy!"

Marsha and her parents laughed conspiringly; causing poor Travis' hair to stand on end.

"Uh-uh!" he protested shaking his head violently.

"Uh-hu." the adults of the family all nodded in slow unison.

Travis just sat there, shaking in terror.

"So, Kassie," asked Anna, who had begun gathering the dishes for the washing basin "How do you like Xanth, so far?"

Kassie laughed "I thought it was an amusement park at first."

"An amusement park," laughed Russell "I haven't been to one of those since." Here he paused and thought for a moment.

"Neither of us has been to an amusement park since before we left Mundania," his wife informed him "and the children have never been."

"Oh that's right," he mused "at the time I was dating..." his wife smacked him on the back of his head with a wet washing cloth.

"Don't you talk about your old girlfriends in front of me!" she snapped as he rubbed the sore spot.

"But Kassie" asked Marsha "Do you still want to go back to dreary Mundania. Or are you going to give Xanth a chance?"

"Yes," said her mother "You can stay with us until your pass runs out. I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself while you're here.

"Oh," said Kassie "I would be enjoying it here if it weren't for..." she hesitated for a moment

"Why?" asked Russell "Don't you like it here? What's wrong with Xanth?"

"Oh," said Kassie, afraid she might have offended her new friends "There's nothing wrong with Xanth that I can tell. Its just that...well...I..." She was trying very hard not to think about Meanor.

"What's wrong, Kassie?" asked Anna, with a concerned motherly air, as she stopped her housework to sit down next to her "What's the matter?"

"Mom, Dad," explained Marsha "Kassie's got a problem."

"What sort of problem?" asked Anna as she wiped another dish.

"It's nothing," Kassie began "it's just that..."

"Are you calling me 'nothing', nymph?" D. Meanor appeared sprawled across the table, with his head in his hands, staring dreamily at Kassie.

Russell jumped to his feet, knocking his chair over with a noisy clatter as he did so. Angrily, he shouted at the demon as he pointed violently to the front door "Get out of my house! Get out of my house, right now, this instant!"

"No," said Meanor, still staring at Kassie who had nearly fallen out of her own chair in her attempt to get away from him "I think I'll stay here and enjoy the view."

Russell's face went from beet red to the color of spouting lava. The women all ducked for cover as he blew his top. "No one!" he spewed "And I repeat, No one has invited you into this house!"

"Sorry Slash Face," laughed Meanor "that's an old-Mundanes-tale" he disappeared with a flash, leaving a puff of smoke above the table. Snap! He reappeared on the other side of the room next to Kassie "Let's talk, nymph." he said

She glared at him as she sprayed him with the d.R., causing him to sputter a little before he faded out again.

"You poor child!" exclaimed Anna "No wonder you want to go back to Mundania. I don't know that I would want a demon stalking me"

"Yeah but Mom," protested Marsha "Mundania?"

"You've got a point Marsha."

"Too bad there isn't some way to get rid of him entirely, other than leaving Xanth." said Russell.

"There is." said his wife.

"There is?" asked Kassie.

"Yes," explained Anna "But I don't know what it is. You would have to ask the Good Magician. He charges a year of service though, and you have to pass three challenges just to be able to ask your question.

"Maybe I'll just leave," said Kassie.

"Ah come on Kass," said Marsha "Haven't you ever wanted to go on an adventure?"

"In the past few hours, I have met a real Centaur, picked up a demon stalker, met a boy who can turn invisible in stages, and barely escaped being chopped into stew." said Kassie "I've had about all the adventure I can handle."

"That's not adventure," said Marsha "That's normal every day life in Xanth. Well, except for the part about the demon stalker and the stew. But hey! You've got a magic talent haven't you?"

"Yeah, so?" asked Kassie

"It's a really cool magic talent, and you'll loose it when you leave Xanth." explained Marsha.

"Oh," said Kassie "I hadn't thought of that."

"So," continued Marsha "Come see the good Magician. I know you'll like Xanth once you get rid of you know who."

"And if I don't?" asked Kassie "What about the year of service?"

"If you don't, I'll do your year. It'll just mean two years for me instead of one."

"Marsha," said Anna "Why would you think Humphrey would make you serve two years?"

"Because I have a question for him too, Mother"

"Travis," said Anna "I need some thyme. Go get me some"

"But there's plenty of time left," protested the boy "I looked this morning."

Anna pulled a basket of herbs out of a cupboard and threw its contents in the fire. "Now we're out of thyme," she said as she shoved the basket into her sons arms "go get me some more!"

"Yes ma'am," Travis shuffled to the door but stopped at the threshold "you and 'Sha are gonna fight again, aren't you?"

"Go!"

"I'm going, I'm going." Travis shuffled down the garden path and out the gate.

"Mother, please." said Marsha when her brother had gone.

"No!" snapped Anna "I forbid it!"

"Mom!" protested Marsha "I'm old enough to make my own decisions!"

"I don't care!" fumed her mother "I am not going to let my daughter go out where she can get toasted by dragons, stepped on by giants, Eaten by goblins, and, and…"

"And stalked by demons?" snapped Marsha "Mom, you've never let me go beyond the village boundaries in my entire life. Well I've been eighteen for an entire week now and I want an adventure!"

"Don't you talk to me like that, young lady!" Anna slammed her fist on the counter.

"Oh, and you can talk to me any way you want?" shouted Marsha "I'm an adult now!"

"Then behave like one!"

"I am. I'm behaving like you!" Marsha stomped out of the room and Kassie followed her. She caught the end of the conversation as they ran up the stairs.

"Russell!" yelled Anna "Aren't you going to do any thing!"

"Sure thing An,"

"Russell! I thought you were going to help me."

"I am," he said "I'm helping clean up."

"I meant with 'Sha!"

"Why?"

"What do you mean - why? She's your daughter!"

"She's yours too, and she's a grown woman."

"But Russell I don't want to lose her."

"Then let her go."

"What?"

"You heard me."

They heard Anna crying and then a door slamming.

"Oh boy," said Russell.

Authors Notes:

Maybe this chapter should have been called "Meeting the average dysfunctional Xanthian Family".

When in Xanth, if you do not C sharp you will B flat.