a/n: Call this the deliberately out of character, blatant fanservice (okay, to one specific fan), utter drivel written whilst in the throws of writer's block. My sincerest apologies. The next chapter will be back to theme.

Part 18. The Sound and the Fury

"hhssslck." Ordinarily during a game, Touya Akira was oblivious to all sounds. "hhssslck." The rustlings and stone shuffling and sneezes and sighs of his fellow players never reached his ears. "hhssslck." He had on occasion even played matches at the nursing home where he taught twice a month. The murmurs and wheezes and mechanical creaking of the elderly drifted unnoticed past his conscience. "hhssslck." But if Shindou Hikaru didn't stop with that incessant, hissing slurp, Touya was going to kill him – unfinished Ooteai game notwithstanding. "hhssslck."

He meant to confront him at lunch break, but Shindou seemed to have disappeared. It was another hour of playing and listening to the maddening sound of Shindou slurping before at last he crushed his terrified opponent and was able to leave the room. The sensible part of his mind suggested that he should go home now and not have to listen to even one more iteration of that god-awful noise. The rest of him, however, wanted the satisfaction of pounding Shindou's jaw into a shape that could never make the sound again, so he waited another half an hour.

When at last his rival emerged from the playing room, and began to don his shoes, Touya was waiting. He watched while Hikaru sat on the step - "hhssslck" - and pulled on his sneakers - "hhssslck" - and tied the left and then the right - "hhsss"

"Close your mouth and SWALLOW!" Enough was enough, really. Touya wanted to yell more thoroughly at his rival, but this was not the place. Ignoring Shindou's confused look, he grabbed the man by his elbow and all but dragged him into the elevator. The moment the door closed, he let him have it. "Just what the HELL do you THINK you're DOING? That noise is driving me CRAZY!"

Shindou winced at the outburst and closed his mouth for the first time all afternoon. But he didn't shout anything back. Brought up short by this lack of response, Touya peered more closely at his rival. Shindou glared, but remained silent. For two floors, neither made a sound. Then Touya brought his hand up to softly brush Shindou's cheek, and the blond man yelled and pulled his face away.

"Dammit, Shindou, go to the dentist if you have a toothache!" His cheek had been unnaturally warm, and although it wasn't immediately obvious, there was some swelling. The elevator door opened depositing the two in the lobby. Shindou made his way to the lobby vending machines and bought a cold can of peach tea. Rather than drink it, he held it ever so carefully against his jaw.

"I can'." The can muffled the words somewhat, but not enough to make them unintelligible. "A' si'ce whe' d'you swear so much? hhssslck."

Touya ignored the bait. "Give me one good reason why you haven't already arranged an appointment." It was not open to debate.

"No hea'th i'sura'ce." They had reached the front door and Hikaru's reply was quiet enough that his friend wondered if the sound of the hinges might have obscured some portion that might make sense.

"WHAT!" Hikaru tried to turn to head for the train station, but Akira stopped him with an unyielding hand on his arm. "How can you not have health insurance? Your daughter alone is a walking disaster-"

"We, hhssslck, always used Aka'i's policy, but the' we were se'arated so 'ong..." Even through the slurping, the man's voice took it's familiar dip towards the maudlin at the mention of Akari. Akira sighed, but was not about to be swayed by the latest – and by far dumbest – evidence of his friend's sentimentality.

"Fine. Then you'll just have to pay out of your pocket." He took his friend's hand and started heading toward his car, while with his other hand, he punched up Ishikawa's number on the cell phone. The go salon attendant had supplied him with his dentist's number before they reached the car and he began dialing.

"Bu' I don' have a den'is'," Hikaru objected.

"I'm calling mine."

"Bu' I don' have a' appoin'men'!"

"I'm sure he'll squeeze you in." It had already rung twice.

"I's no' even tha' serious – hhssslck-"

"Will you just shut up and get in the car!" For a moment, it looked as though he might have some further objection, but his tooth must have twinged, because the man winced, adjusted the can against his cheek, and then opened the car door to climb in. Akira opened his door as well, but remained standing outside the car as the cheerful receptionist picked up. He explained the situation to her, then waited while she consulted with the dentist and the schedule. There was a cancellation, and they could see Hikaru in twenty minutes, if he could make it in that soon. Akira agreed (he'd make it if he had to speed through every last red light), and put his phone away, dropping into the driver's seat with a feeling somewhere between irrational irritation and protectiveness. He decided not to think too carefully about the latter.

Eighteen minutes later, Akira presented his rival to the receptionist at the office of the dentist his family had been using for fifteen years. His manner was that of a customer returning faulty merchandise to the manufacturer for repair. Hikaru didn't comment on it, but then, his wide eyes and failure to say anything beyond the simplest answer to the usual health questions spoke volumes regarding his fear of dentists. The hygienist arrived to usher him back to the exam room, and Akira handed his card to the receptionist.

"Please call me when he's finished," he requested. He had a feeling that tooth was going to have to come out and didn't want to think about Hikaru trying to find his way home while dosed with sedatives. The idiot would probably fall asleep on the subway and ride around for days... He shoved his anger aside and made his way across the street to a small cafe. Finding a place to sit with a steaming cup and the latest draft of his book of tsumego, he settled in to wait.

One hour later, his cell phone rang. By then he had established that Akari was not home and Kinume, out of the country again. It made a strange sort of sense that the girl's father fell apart every time she went to Russia, but his rival wished he would get over it. After all, he lived alone and had never had any difficulty managing his daily life.

Then again, he hadn't had anyone else to help him with it since he'd left home at eighteen. He paid his bill, replaced his papers in his brief-case and made his way to the dentist's office building. Hikaru was sitting in the lobby looking slightly drunk, but otherwise well. Seeing Akira, he smiled with an utter happiness that was almost as heartwarming as it was disturbing.

"I think I need a ride home," he said, as though needing a ride were the most fantastic thing a person could experience. Whatever drugs the staff had administered, they were clearly a long way from wearing off. Hikaru's smile remained, and Akira decided that really the disturbing aspect was simply that half of his rival's mouth was too numb to participate.

"Well, at least we agree on that," the un-drugged rival commented, and helped his friend out to the car. Once he had him safely ensconced in the passenger seat, the patient fell asleep almost immediately. Akira decided he was less irritating that way, despite the drool, and let him doze all the way back to his apartment. Arriving there, he realized that he didn't have an access card for the building's garage, and instead had to make due with the nearest public one. It was still relatively close, but the soft snores coming from the left side of the car suggested that transferring his friend from the car to his home would take some doing.

"Shindou, wake up; we're here." Dark eyelashes stayed firmly affixed to their owner's cheeks, beneath a sheaf of blond bangs. Touya sighed, finished parking, and reached over to give his rival a shove. "Wake UP!" But rather than wake up or even open an eye, his rival merely fell slowly sideways, until his head rested against the window. "Fine," announced the expedient Samaritan. "But you'd better wake up when I open that door, because I am not searching your pockets for the keys. And don't think I wouldn't leave you passed out in the hallway." He continued to grumble as he unbuckled his rival's seatbelt, left the car and made his way to the opposite side.

Touya had managed to convince himself that Shindou was the most inconsiderate, unintelligent, and generally trying individual he had ever met by the time he reached the passenger door. He yanked it open with unnecessary vehemence, and found himself suddenly burdened with the dead weight of his friend's torso. Leaping back in instinctive surprise, he failed to catch the other man's head as it fell limply to the ground. Guilt, embarrassment and fear that he'd now have to somehow carry an unconscious and concussed idiot all the way across the street and up to his third-floor apartment swirled in Touya's mind, and he bent to push the man back upright in the seat.

"Shindou! Are you okay? What the hell did they give you anyway?" He brushed the bangs from his friend's eyes, then shook his face slightly. "Hikaru?" He leaned in just a little closer – suddenly wondering ridiculously if the man might somehow be dead – only to be startled a second time as green eyes opened dazedly.

"Touya?" Hikaru was marvelously calm for one waking up to the angrily concerned face of his rival – less than an inch from his nose. He even smiled. Touya jerked away.

"Good. Now that you're awake, you can walk yourself back to your apartment." He stood, and offered a hand to help his idiot rival from the car.

"Okay." The smile was too sweet to be anything but drug induced, but he managed to make it to his feet. Touya scrutinized his stance on the pavement warily before letting go. "Seriouthly: I'm fine." Touya doubted that, but did not comment, instead choosing to escort his rival the rest of the way to his front door. Reaching it, Shindou seemed to have some difficulty identifying his keys. Touya yanked them from his hand and made use of the correct one. He then gave Shindou what he thought was a reasonably gentle push across the threshold, and watched in horrified satisfaction as the man landed on the ground for the second time that afternoon.

The smile remained, even staring up from it's resting place four inches above the carpet. Akira tried to glare at him, but in the end simply sighed. He closed the door, then sat beside his rival on the floor. Shindou turned, resting his head against his friend's hip, and once again closed his eyes.

"You always take such good care o' me, 'Kari..."

Touya stared at him, but didn't bother moving or protesting. As like as not, Shindou wouldn't even remember this tomorrow. He let his fingers brush once through the silken drift of his rival's hair, and told himself that really, he'd just been getting rid of that disgusting noise. He'd accomplished his goal, and any sentiments Shindou Hikaru might attach to it were simply

"hhssslck...zzz"

OMAKE! (because you've earned it for sitting through that)

Typos

"Shindou! It's been almost a year since you told me that you'd explain about Sai. Today I'm going to – wait a minute." Akira Touya pauses at the threshold of his rival's apartment. Not three feet away, Shindou is standing nervously, his face an odd combination of embarrassment and shellshock, with brightly painted daisies. "What the hell are you wearing?"

Not that he can't see for himself. His rival's long bangs have been pulled into a pair of baby-doll ponytails, while shimmering pink lip gloss adorns his baffled lips. The black-and-white striped halter top clings bizarrely to the sixteen-year-old boy's torso. Touya nearly chokes as he realizes that his friend's hips are encased in a white leather micro-mini skirt, but none of that can compare to the oddity of the knee high, six-inch platform boots in gleaming white vinyl. "She's GOT to start proof-reading," Touya gasped.

His rival gave a rueful smile and the tiniest of shrugs. "Hikaru no GoGo at your service."