Chapter Seven: Falling Away

A/N: ilovedc: Yeah, Emma didn't ever tell Sean, I just had it made that way. However, I changed it because I put something different in this chapter. I changed both parts (the one where it says that Emma told Sean, and the one where Sean tells her she shouldn't do that in her condition). Also, Matt is my own made up character…you will find out about him next chapter. (I'm not referring to Matt Oleander either).

I woke up the next morning to Marco's heavy and rhythmic breathing. I smiled at the thought that although we are apart, we can still fall asleep together. I only wish that Marco could actually fall asleep in my bed with me. I was shaken from my thoughts by a knock on my door.

"Just a minute!" I yelled. My yelling woke Marco up of course.

"It's too early for yelling El," he said, laughing.

"Sorry. Someone's knocking on my door. I gotta go. I love you Marco," I said.

"I love you too babe. I'll see you at school. Bye," he said and hung up. He didn't even do the kiss thing that we usually do, which made me a little upset. I shook my head and pulled on a tank top from my dresser, and finally opened the door. Sean was leaning against the wall by his bedroom door. He held up a bag in one hand.

"I got breakfast," he said. I followed him to the tiny kitchen table that barely fit both of us. The breakfast he got was chocolate doughnut holes and coffee. He must have been talking to Marco, because it was my favorite breakfast. I took a sip of my coffee. Two creams and one sugar. Perfect.

"Someone's been asking my best friend for advice," I joked. No one ever knew that Marco was my boyfriend before. We always kept it secret. No one would ever know that we slept together or that this baby was his. Well, we still weren't sure how we could keep it a secret after it was born, but for now, everything would stay the same.

"I just asked him what you like to eat so that you wouldn't starve over here. But, don't get too happy, that's your last coffee," he said to me, all serious.

"Why?" I asked, confused.

"It's not good for the baby. You should know that," he said, pointing to my stomach. My mouth hung open and I stared at him.

"Who told you?" I asked harshly, looking away.

"Marco did. He said that he thought I should know, since you were going to be living here."

I'm going to kill Marco!

"What the hell? He's supposed to be my best friend!" I yelled a little too loudly.

"Chill out Ellie. I'm not going to tell anyone. Besides, he wouldn't tell me who the father was, so you don't have to worry about that. He said that you didn't want anyone to know, and I respect that," Sean explained.

"Sorry for flipping out. It's just that I don't want people to know all about this before I'm ready to tell them," I said, apologizing. It wasn't his fault that Marco told him anyway.

"That's okay. But you do realize that once you start showing, people are going to think the baby is mine right?"

"Why would people think that?" I eyed him suspiciously as I asked.

"Well, you are living here…" he didn't have to say anything else. I understood the point he was making.

Maybe this could work to my advantage. I could pretend the baby was his so that no one would suspect Marco. I smiled. But if Sean found out, he might not want me living here anymore, and then I'd be homeless. My smiled fell away. This was so frustrating.

"I'm gonna go shower and get dressed," I announced, taking the last sip of my coffee and throwing it into the trash. "Thanks for breakfast."

The entire time I was in the shower, I was nervous. I always hated taking showers over other people's houses, including Marco's. Even though there was a lock on the door, I was still paranoid that Sean would come flying in and see me naked through the shower curtain. I'm such a loser.

After twenty minutes of refreshing myself, I went to my room to get dressed. When I walked the short distance from the bathroom to my bedroom, I noticed Sean sitting on his bed, looking at a magazine. I closed my door behind me and picked out what I was going to wear. It was nothing special, just a black and red plaid skirt, a bright red, long-sleeved shirt, and a black fishnet shirt over that. I looked at myself in the mirror, and decided that I needed to add my fishnet tights and black boots. I added my bracelets and a few rings and was satisfied.

I'm not going to be able to wear this stuff for much longer. When I start getting fatter, I'll have to wear Sean's clothes or Marco's, or worse, maternity clothes. I'd rather die before I wore big stretchy pants and huge shirts. Ugh. This was really going to suck. I sat down at my little vanity and sighed. My mom had bought it for me when I was ten. It used to be pink, but I spray painted it black when I turned thirteen. I put on tons of eyeliner and gave my eyelids asmoky look. I finished with some lip gloss because I hated lipstick. It made my lips feel weird.

Sean surprised me when I opened my door. He was standing there like he was about to knock on it.

"You want to walk to school together?" he asked. My heart sank. I used to walk to school with Marco every day. Now he probably wouldn't want to walk out of his way to Sean's house to walk with us.

"Sure," I replied, shrugging my shoulders. I grabbed my black messenger bag that was decorated with various pins. We walked out of the apartment and Sean locked it behind him.

"Oh, that reminds me," he said, turning to me. "Here's the extra key, it's yours now." He dropped the key into my palm and I stuck it into my bag.

"Thanks," I said. We headed towards DCS, walking in a somewhat comfortable, but uncomfortable at the same time, silence.

When I got back to Sean's…um our apartment, the door was locked. I was grateful for the key he had given me. I rummaged through my bag for a minute before finding it and unlocking the door. I pushed it open and immediately closed it, standing there in the hallway.

This is great, I can't even go in. Sean and Alex were on the couch, Alex in just her bra and Sean completely naked. They didn't even have the decency to cover up with a blanket or something. They were too busy having sex that they didn't even notice that I opened the door and closed it again.

Screw that. I live here too now. I opened the door and walked right in. Neither of them looked up, they just continued with what they were doing. I fought back the sudden urge to puke all over them. I walked behind the couch, heading to my room.

"That's okay!" I yelled, startling them. "I do live here too!" I stomped to my room and turned around. They had stopped having sex and were just staring at me. I gave them a fake smile and walked into my room, slamming the door behind me.

My cell phone rang and I checked the caller ID. It was my dad. No way. I couldn't believe it.

"Dad?" I answered the phone.

"Oh Ellie sweetie," he said. He sounded really upset.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I said frantically.

"Yeah, everything's fine with me. I just spoke with the medical examiner that saw your mom," he said. I could tell he was crying.

"Just tell me dad."

"She…she killed herself. I'm so sorry. There was no smoke in her lungs, which means she was already dead when the fire reached her. She shot herself," he explained. I immediately burst into tears. I knew my mom was probably drunk, but I never thought that she would purposely kill herself.

"Where?" I asked him.

"What? What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

"Where did she shoot herself."

"In her head." I couldn't say anything.

"I gotta go dad." I slammed the phone shut, rolled up into a ball, and cried. My own mother committed suicide. Was her life so horrible? Was I so horrible? After Matt and then my dad leaving, I could see that she was depressed. Then she turned to alcohol and fell even more apart. Why didn't I see it? How could I have let this happen?

After ten minutes of crying and thinking, there was a knock on my door. Great. Now Sean feels bad that he didn't stop screwing Alex long enough to say hello. Or he doesn't feel bad and he just wants to yell at me for making a big scene. Whatever. I ignored him and he knocked again.

"Ellie, can we talk?" I didn't answer him. "I'm sorry!" he yelled through the door.

I rolled over so that I was facing the other wall, my back to the door.

"Fine! Come in if you have to!" I yelled. I heard the door open. I was still crying, and I couldn't stop.

"I'm really sorry," he said again. "To tell you the truth, I forgot that you lived here. I wasn't expecting you to pop in…" I felt the bed sag behind me as he sat down.

"It's fine, really. I just want to be left alone right now, okay?" I said.

I felt Sean stand up and I was relieved, thinking that he was going to leave. Instead, he walked around the side of my bed. I tried to roll the other way, but he saw my face before I did. My makeup was streaked all over my face and I was bright red.

"Ellie, I didn't realize that I upset you this much. I feel really guilty about all of this and I…"

"Sean, just stop. You're not the reason I'm crying. I wasn't that upset, just a little disgusted. I barely know you and I just saw you naked and fucking your best friend's ex-girlfriend," I complained, toughening up.

"Okay, my so-called best friend is the one that was screwing my ex-girlfriend," he said.

"Emma and Jay are in love. And you're just getting revenge."

"That's true, but revenge is sweet," he laughed as he said it.

"You're sick, you know that?" I said to him, disgusted.

"Yeah, well, maybe I like Alex and you people just don't see that," he snapped.

"Who is 'you people?' I asked. Now I was getting angry.

"Look, never mind. I just came to apologize. You looked horrible, and now I feel really bad. If I'm not the reason that you're crying, then what is it? I only want to help you, not fight with you," Sean said and got quiet.

"You mean Mr. Tough Guy actually cares?" I said sarcastically, wiping my tears.

"Yeah, he does." The room fell silent and neither one of us spoke. It was in this single moment that I realized I was becoming more comfortable just being around Sean. I felt like we understood each other. Maybe it was because of our parents pretty much abandoning us, or maybe I'm just delusional.

"My mom…she didn't die because of an accident," I started. I didn't quite know how to word it. "She killed herself okay? Now you know why I'm so upset. So drop it."

"Ellie I'm…"

"So sorry right? I've heard enough of that to last me a lifetime," I snapped at him.

"Well, what else did you want me to say? I wish that your mom was alive, and I wish that you weren't miserable. I want you to be happy because I can't stand seeing you upset like this. And if you being happy meant that you had to go live somewhere else, then I'd be up for it."

"That was perfect."

"What was?" Sean asked me, raising his eyebrow.

"What you just said. It was definitely better than sorry," I told him. "But how can you feel that if we just met yesterday?"

"I have no idea."